IT'S ALL THAT I CAN GIVE TO YOU - dandelionpaw

[KESTRELTALON ^]

I KNOW THAT YOU MEAN SO WELL

The longer she had stayed in Windclan, the more pitiful of a creature Kestreltalon had become. At first, she had been solitary and spiteful, sure, but she had been proudly independent. Then the snakeheart stole her eye. She had grown all the more bitter at that, lashing out at everyone and anyone without provocation. Spitting bile at the leader's underlings from the shadows, but never daring to confront the cat that had scarred her again. She had learned her lesson.

Now that the hawks had scarred her, she didn't even manage that much anymore. She just lay about camp, glaring silently through her one good eye at the whole world, until someone forced her to go on a patrol or something. Her hate turned inward, at what she had become. That she was now staying not to stay in her home or even the desperate hope for revenge, but merely because she now feared she would not make it on her own in leafbare. Not with her new injuries.

She hated too how she had gotten her newest scars. Over and over in her mind she recalled running as Dandelion paw screamed. It was disgusting, seeing the same cowardice she had screamed at her clanmates for in herself. She had never thought she was brave. She had always known herself a coward, but it hurt to be proved right.

Dandelionpaw was the last one to deserve that.

So she pulled herself toward the medicine den, along with the last shreds of her dignity. "Dandelion?" she called out. "You in here?"​

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[Dandelionwish]

His back bore twin scars on either side of his shoulder blades; a series of lines striking downard into one singular stretch of torn flesh that had all healed up rather well despite the chaos of the situation. Even now, his fur had grown back up and around the blemishes enough they were only noticable at certain angles and they did not hamper his movement. He had been lucky, he could have very well have shared Rosepaw's fate instead but the stars had decided instead he had more work to do. Especially so given his mentor was now gone. A single cat, left to his own devices and barely trained now acted as the only thing between WindClan and a fatal winter. This was decidedly less lucky for him.
It was why he didn't often have time to sit and talk to his clanmates, trying to gather and stock and mentally prepare for what was assuredly going to be a test of his own skill and wits against the very force of nature itself. StarClan did like their tests, after all.
A brown dipped head lifted upward at the sound of his name, mouth full of the moss he was moving to another location and gold and green eyes wide in curiousity to the voice; for he recognized it. What business did Kestreltalon have with him? She had seemed fine last he checked.
Pausing with a muffled 'one second', he turned to drop his supplies in their new location where hopefully they would remain dry and free of insects before turning to trot forward with a light smile.
"Howdy Kestreltalon! Sure am, what ye need'n? Eye alright? Hawk wounds actin' up?" A few of his clanmates were still recovering slightly more aggressive wounds than the ones he had ended up with.


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[KESTRELTALON ^]

I KNOW THAT YOU MEAN SO WELL

Kestreltalon blinked at how chipper he greeted her. It caught her off guard. He hardly even seemed to have how she tried to abandon him for dead on his mind. Then again, he was clearly very busy. There were probably more pressing things for him to think about.

"Uh, no, that's all fine." Her words were blunt. She squirmed awkwardly. It wasn't like her to have trouble saying something, but she really wasn't sure how to go about this. For some reason 'sorry I'm such an embarrassing fuck up' didn't sound genuine enough.

She also knew that she shouldn't waste his time though.

"I just wanted to say," she began, forcing herself to just start talking before she really even had any idea what she was going to say. She just sort of had to let her tongue do what it wanted and hope it didn't lead her astray for once. Her gaze wandered away from him. "That I'm sorry for leaving you when the hawks attacked." There, perfect. "That was really fucking shitty of me." Almost perfect.​

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[Dandelionwish]

Ah. Of course, the only reason Kestreltalon would have come here if nothing ailed here and he debated for a moment on how to respond. He held no ill-will, he hadn't even thought about the attack for some time because thinking about it hurt. Thinking about it reminded him of losing Rosepaw, of Honeytwist stepping down and then promptly being exiled, reminded him of how alone he really was now...

"It was." He said, almost dismissively, but his smile did not waver once and he shrugged as if she was simply apologizing for stepping on his tail once rather than leaving him to be shredded by vicious hawks. "But I forgive you. Ain't going to expect another cat to risk themselves fer me, mighta ran myself if I could've. Who knows, no one really knows how they'll act when they get put in a corner like that."
If the molly was apologizing out of actual guilt then that was fine, he hadn't intended on holding a grudge and he certainly wasn't going to even if this was just a selfish plea on her part either. He was a medicine cat, not a judge nor jury and he was not about to decide what was okay and what wasn't when it came to it. Kestreltalon hadn't left him to spite him, she'd left him because she was afraid; they all had been. Simple as that.
The chocolate tom gave a sudden wink with his gold eye, green one locked on the warrior and he gestured with a paw to the spare nest nearby, "Since ah got yer attention for a second-lemme make sure none of them scratches got infected."

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[KESTRELTALON ^]

I KNOW THAT YOU MEAN SO WELL

Within a moment of her apology, she was forgiven. Kestreltalon stood uselessly at the entrance as Dandelionpaw continued to talk, staring at him blankly. She had expected him to be angry or disappointing or hurt or anything really, other than this. Duskfire had cried for her and Ivoryflight to save him, he had to have heard that. While the other warrior had jumped into action, she had ran to save her own hide, abandoned the only cat in the clan who'd every done anything for her.

It couldn't be more cut and dry, Dandelionpaw should hate her.

Kestreltalon knew she deserved worse than that.

"You're a bit of a hare-brain, huh?" Kestreltalon stated bluntly, before she realized what she was saying. There was no malice in them, just bewilderment. She had to rush to cushion the blow of her careless tongue. She had come here to apologize dammit, not make everything worse. "A kind-hearted hare-brain," she added quickly. "Brave too."

When he gestured to the spare nest, she nodded silently, padding over to it to set herself down. She'd left him to die and he was patching her up again. The whole world was upside down. She thought about what he had said, the reason he had given for forgiving her. It was a stupid one. "I knew how I'd act when put in a corner," she told him matter-of-factually, "You coulda asked me before the hawks attacked and I woulda told you the I'd run. I wish I could say otherwise now, but I know if it happened again I'd still run. It's the one thing I'm good at." She laughed sharply, bitterly at her own joke, if it could be called that. "Don't count on me for anything, alright? It's shitty but it's the only way you won't be disappointed."

It was rude, but she was just telling him how it was. Dandelionpaw deserved that much, at least. She wasn't going to pretend she was a hero in front of him.

For a moment more, she was quiet. Just considering all he'd done for her. For everyone, really. "This dung-heap doesn't deserve you." Kestreltalon told him with grim certainty. "The snakeheart doesn't, the cowards under her don't, and I sure don't. You're too good for the lot of us."​

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[Dandelionwish]

Hare-brained huh? Well, his dad was Harefur, guess it was hereditary. Dandelionpaw listened in silence for a moment, busying himself staring at the still visible hawk talon marks on the molly that were gradually losing the sharp redness that signified infection and newness; she'd be fine, most the cats came out with pretty artificial wounds with the exception of Rosepaw who had died and Melonpaw who lost the use of her leg. Kind? Maybe. But he wasn't brave, he was just as scared as he'd been when his father brought them out here to WindClan from the barn so many moons ago and it felt like his place here was even more uncertain now.

At her remark she would run if put in a tough spot he couldn't help but laugh, the honesty was admirable at least, "Good to know! Honestys a nice thing to have...reckon ye might wanna keep that to yerself though." Could you imagine the look on Sootstar's face if Kestreltalon told her outright she'd bail the second things got hectic?

"...cats do a lot of things when they're afraid. " He said carefully, tone strained and his eyes briefly glanced to the mouth of the den as if expecting someone there before he continued in earnest, "Some of'em do what they expect'll keep them safest-even if it ain't pretty, even if it's a lie...or against what they really want." His paws continued their aimless poking and prodding, but he didn't think Kestreltalon had anything to worry about injury wise, "Ain't as nice as ye think I am-I'll do what I gotta to keep the clan safe and healthy..." He settled both mismatched eyes on the older she-cat with a smile, "Even if ye won't like it."


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[KESTRELTALON ^]

I KNOW THAT YOU MEAN SO WELL

Another sharp laugh burst from her at his warning that she should keep her cowardice to herself. "I don't exactly go around bragging about it!" Kestreltalon shot back with humorous snark. She had a loose tongue, sure, but she wasn't exactly keen to go screaming all her insecurities into her enemies faces.

Her humor faded as he said he'd do what was best for the clan. No matter what. Even if she wouldn't like it. Kestreltalon frowned back at him. "I can't imagine why." She huffed. "This place hasn't done much more for you than it has for me. Left you with one more eye, I suppose, but things are more fucked than I thought if that counts." Honestly, she half wondered why he was here. Why any of them were anymore. She knew for herself, but the rest of them didn't make much sense. Aside from the scarce few who seemed to revel in heeling to the snakeheart's command. "Not that you should give much of a damn about what I think." She added, rolling her eyes.

Here she was trying to tell him how to live when she was the reason he had almost lost his life.​

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[Dandelionwish]

Could you blame him for worrying over her saying things that would get her into trouble when her missing eye was the result of it-not that he felt it justified in anyway. Dandelionpaw was never going to get the image of the leader's claws raking across Kestreltalon's face out of his head for a long time.
"There's cats with nowhere else to go, stickin' 'round fer one reason or another. Ain't my job to rationalize it, can't read hearts..." Was it family, the territory, a sense of being, a sense of worth, pure manipulation, fear of the unknown...he had no idea why WindClan had so many cats but they did.
He gave a wry smile, pulled back his paws now that his poking about was done. The wounds inflicted on her by the hawks were healing fine and he didn't need to go messing with them; time itself would finish the job.
"What do ye suppose happens if I leave?" The mud-dipped tom asked, expression light but tone serious, "...leaf-bare right around the corner. Sootstar's paws-on approach to discipline....what happens to the cats here if I just turn tail and leave. Ye think StarClan's gonna drop a fresh new medicine cat down fully trained to help?" Cats would die. Countless cats would die. More cats than WindClan even held most likely. Sickness would ravage the camp, wounds would go untreated and become infected, crippling the clans few able bodied hunters and defenders, prey would be scarce, starvation would gnaw at every belly. Dandelionpaw glanced wistfully to the side, "I can't save every cat, but I can sure as hell try."
The young tom waved a paw, dismissively, "Yer all good to go, Kestreltalon-let me know if anything else ails ye."


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