- May 26, 2024
- 38
- 4
- 8
YOU ALWAYS SAID HOW YOU LIKE DOGS
// cw for parental abuse, subtle/slight transphobic/sexist comment! read with caution!
the transphobia/sexist comes with squirreltuft saying that she wished stagpaw would have remained a tom cat bc then she would "have a backbone."
they hated feeling nervous. a constant gnawing and at their stomach that they just couldn't get rid of. it made it a hell of a lot easier to lash out because of the way that their frayed nerves overstimulated them. it was a lot more simple to be angry than it was to face what was inside. they don't think there will be a time where they're not angry at something. whether it be the clan and their silly squabbles— the current topic of discussion was former kittypets and some cats deciding that they're somehow less than clanborn or even loner born cats, which didn't make sense to stagpaw if they're being honest— or their parents, or even houndpaw ( though honestly, are they ever really mad at her? ), there is always something to be mad at. sometimes their anger is exhausting, but what else do they have? what else can they control but the simmering pot within them?
she can't control anything. nothing. she's trying so hard to and everytime something goes wrong, she adds more fuel to the fire. gives her more of a reason to snap, to want to bite. for now, however, she bites her tongue as she approaches her parents. they wanted to see her for some reason. they never wanted to see her. maybe that's why she jumped at the chance to go. maybe... maybe for once they're going to tell her something good. something nice. make her feel wanted. that's why they wanted to see her... right? she closes her eyes and makes a point to lower herself when she speaks to them. they're both your parents and respected warriors. dip your head and listen to what they have to say. she reminds herself. she always feels so small when she talks to them.
"oh, you've made it. finally."
they swallow thickly as they furrow their brows, nodding swiftly.
"...was there something you needed?"
her mom, squirreltuft, raised a brow as she turns to face her daughter.
"something we needed? is that how you speak to us, now?"
there is a jolt from them as they blink with a wince away, making a very clear effort to not look up at her or their father, bonegaze. they pin their ears down and gently shake their head as they speak. respect first.
"no, mo– i mean, squirreltuft. i didn't mean it in that way i just wanted to know what I could do to help. if you needed it, of course. not that you would. I just..."
bonegaze waves his paw with a roll of his eyes.
"no, we want to know how your hunting training is going. according to lynxjaw, you've hardly improved at all."
she audibly winces at that, trying her hardest to not feel as if her stomach is being dug out by the claws of her parents. she knows she's not a good hunter but she really is trying her best. she's just never been good at that. brute force is her thing. not stealth and hunting. and don't even get her started on how turned around she gets when tracking.
"i'm trying to be better. i have gotten somewhat better."
squirreltuft huffs in disbelief.
"really? then show us. now. let's go, we are going hunting."
stagpaw sighs quietly, nodding their head. they don't wanna go anywhere but they know arguing will cause them more stress than it's worth. they almost instinctively look for houndpaw, hoping that maybe she could get them out of this but they don't see her. what a time for her to be away. the sound of the wind makes their ears flick as the thick black clouds roll in, the scent of rain heavy. of course it will rain. nothing is ever easy, is it? they don't know how long they are walking for. they decide to zone out for the little family hunting trip, if they could be even called a family at all.
"alright. your mother and I wish to see it. hunt for us. we want a squirrel. big enough for us to share. we will wait here."
she nods her head quietly. stagpaw doesn't know what she's even going. she's not good at this. she's not good at hunting. but, she will try for them. if there is even a small chance of them praising her, she will do it. so, she disappears into the brush. she tries her hardest to find something but she can't. she can't smell anything over the scent of the upcoming rain and it only gets worse when it starts to pour, making her become drenched by the wetness. she can't hunt like this. she makes her way back to her parents, ears pinned as she speaks.
"i'm sorry but I can't find anything. it's too.. the rain washes away all the scents and I just can't smell a thing out here but the rain."
they watch as squirreltuft frowns in frustration, standing up and an unsheathed paw comes and hits them right in the muzzle. they aren't expecting it as they stumble back, holding a paw to their face, looking at their mother with wide eyes.
"tch... whining is very unbecoming of you. surely if you were the stagkit i gave birth to, you'd have enough of a backbone to do what we asked of you."
stagpaw just stares at her. did she really just...?
"... you... hit me? why would..."
"you are not a kit any longer. perhaps if we disciplined you earlier, you'd have been a better apprentice. you are supposed to be a great warrior but who knows if howlingstar and lynxjaw will even allow that for you with how pathetic you are. our own apprentices are half your age and do better than you ever have. now go get the damned squirrel. do not come back to camp without it. i do not care how long it takes."
stagpaw shakes her head, claws digging into the wet ground.
"you're not listening to me! you never listen to me, I can't hunt okay?! I'm sorry I'm not the "son" you wanted to have but I'm not a hunter! I fight! it's what I do! i can't–"
they yelp as squirreltuft slaps them again. they shut down completely, taking a few good steps back and ignoring the way that blood drips from their nose.
"do not talk back to me or your father. go. now."
she sneers as stagpaw just stares, lashing her tail before she just darts off into the darkness of the woods. she will get the stupid fucking squirrel then. whatever. she didn't need them to tell her to... she... wished she could just go back to her nest.
the transphobia/sexist comes with squirreltuft saying that she wished stagpaw would have remained a tom cat bc then she would "have a backbone."
they hated feeling nervous. a constant gnawing and at their stomach that they just couldn't get rid of. it made it a hell of a lot easier to lash out because of the way that their frayed nerves overstimulated them. it was a lot more simple to be angry than it was to face what was inside. they don't think there will be a time where they're not angry at something. whether it be the clan and their silly squabbles— the current topic of discussion was former kittypets and some cats deciding that they're somehow less than clanborn or even loner born cats, which didn't make sense to stagpaw if they're being honest— or their parents, or even houndpaw ( though honestly, are they ever really mad at her? ), there is always something to be mad at. sometimes their anger is exhausting, but what else do they have? what else can they control but the simmering pot within them?
she can't control anything. nothing. she's trying so hard to and everytime something goes wrong, she adds more fuel to the fire. gives her more of a reason to snap, to want to bite. for now, however, she bites her tongue as she approaches her parents. they wanted to see her for some reason. they never wanted to see her. maybe that's why she jumped at the chance to go. maybe... maybe for once they're going to tell her something good. something nice. make her feel wanted. that's why they wanted to see her... right? she closes her eyes and makes a point to lower herself when she speaks to them. they're both your parents and respected warriors. dip your head and listen to what they have to say. she reminds herself. she always feels so small when she talks to them.
"oh, you've made it. finally."
they swallow thickly as they furrow their brows, nodding swiftly.
"...was there something you needed?"
her mom, squirreltuft, raised a brow as she turns to face her daughter.
"something we needed? is that how you speak to us, now?"
there is a jolt from them as they blink with a wince away, making a very clear effort to not look up at her or their father, bonegaze. they pin their ears down and gently shake their head as they speak. respect first.
"no, mo– i mean, squirreltuft. i didn't mean it in that way i just wanted to know what I could do to help. if you needed it, of course. not that you would. I just..."
bonegaze waves his paw with a roll of his eyes.
"no, we want to know how your hunting training is going. according to lynxjaw, you've hardly improved at all."
she audibly winces at that, trying her hardest to not feel as if her stomach is being dug out by the claws of her parents. she knows she's not a good hunter but she really is trying her best. she's just never been good at that. brute force is her thing. not stealth and hunting. and don't even get her started on how turned around she gets when tracking.
"i'm trying to be better. i have gotten somewhat better."
squirreltuft huffs in disbelief.
"really? then show us. now. let's go, we are going hunting."
stagpaw sighs quietly, nodding their head. they don't wanna go anywhere but they know arguing will cause them more stress than it's worth. they almost instinctively look for houndpaw, hoping that maybe she could get them out of this but they don't see her. what a time for her to be away. the sound of the wind makes their ears flick as the thick black clouds roll in, the scent of rain heavy. of course it will rain. nothing is ever easy, is it? they don't know how long they are walking for. they decide to zone out for the little family hunting trip, if they could be even called a family at all.
"alright. your mother and I wish to see it. hunt for us. we want a squirrel. big enough for us to share. we will wait here."
she nods her head quietly. stagpaw doesn't know what she's even going. she's not good at this. she's not good at hunting. but, she will try for them. if there is even a small chance of them praising her, she will do it. so, she disappears into the brush. she tries her hardest to find something but she can't. she can't smell anything over the scent of the upcoming rain and it only gets worse when it starts to pour, making her become drenched by the wetness. she can't hunt like this. she makes her way back to her parents, ears pinned as she speaks.
"i'm sorry but I can't find anything. it's too.. the rain washes away all the scents and I just can't smell a thing out here but the rain."
they watch as squirreltuft frowns in frustration, standing up and an unsheathed paw comes and hits them right in the muzzle. they aren't expecting it as they stumble back, holding a paw to their face, looking at their mother with wide eyes.
"tch... whining is very unbecoming of you. surely if you were the stagkit i gave birth to, you'd have enough of a backbone to do what we asked of you."
stagpaw just stares at her. did she really just...?
"... you... hit me? why would..."
"you are not a kit any longer. perhaps if we disciplined you earlier, you'd have been a better apprentice. you are supposed to be a great warrior but who knows if howlingstar and lynxjaw will even allow that for you with how pathetic you are. our own apprentices are half your age and do better than you ever have. now go get the damned squirrel. do not come back to camp without it. i do not care how long it takes."
stagpaw shakes her head, claws digging into the wet ground.
"you're not listening to me! you never listen to me, I can't hunt okay?! I'm sorry I'm not the "son" you wanted to have but I'm not a hunter! I fight! it's what I do! i can't–"
they yelp as squirreltuft slaps them again. they shut down completely, taking a few good steps back and ignoring the way that blood drips from their nose.
"do not talk back to me or your father. go. now."
she sneers as stagpaw just stares, lashing her tail before she just darts off into the darkness of the woods. she will get the stupid fucking squirrel then. whatever. she didn't need them to tell her to... she... wished she could just go back to her nest.
