pafp it's just a habit || failed hunt

[betonyfrost]

POST CODE

• There is a freedom that comes with action, Betonyfrost realizes. She runs hard and relishes in the harsh feeling in her shoulders as she lands from every stride, the quickly forming ache in her knees. Ahead of her, a quickly closing gap away, is a plump rabbit. This is how to live, when either her body becomes movement, or movement becomes her body. Betonyfrost's chest burns up into her throat, and the feeling is welcomed.
  
  But then the rabbit makes a sudden turn as if dodging an obstacle ahead of it, and Betonyfrost tries to follow. Her forepaws slide over the slick ground instead, and then the whole of her slides, and Betonyfrost realizes she's caught herself in waist deep mud at the same time that she realizes the rabbit-- damn that rabbit!-- has stopped, spine a straight tree bough-line and forepaws tucked to its chest, and stares at her with its black animal eyes.
  
  It thumps a hindleg against the ground four times in a row and then vanishes from sight before Betonyfrost has managed to pull herself fully from the mire.
  
  A growl rises from what feels like the very center of her as she pulls herself free and unceremoniously shakes clumped mud from her pelt. That's part of her problem, part of the problem with all of ShadowClan: no one can ever be fully clean.
  
  @LlLACPAW (please wait for both of us to post twice before replying)​

• "[color=#ddafeb][b]speech[/b][/color]"

shadowclan warrior | blue mackerel tabby | 15 moons | tags​

 

[LlLACPAW]

Today, as most days had been recently, was not plentiful in prey. Betonyfrost's would be catch was only the second thing they'd seen today and the other was pure luck, a hibernating toad.

"Oh gosh are you okay?!" Lilac only speaks after the rabbit is gone, chest heaving with the effort it took to catch up to the older molly. Her voice, her body language, its completely filled with concern. For once, her thoughts match her actions, and she sniffs around her paws before jolting back from the warrior growling as she gets to her feet.

"Do any of your feet hurt?" 'If we end up down a warrior then it'll be that much harder to provide as food gets harder to find than it even is now.' Its a hypocritical thought, coming from the apprentice who even after moons of being named hasn't caught a single piece of prey. "I can probably help you get back to Starling if you need to so the rest of the patrol can go on-"​

 

[betonyfrost]

POST CODE

• Lilacpaw is here, talking and talking as if Betonyfrost cares about any of it. She ignores the bulk of it and instead attempts to dislodge a particularly stubborn clump of mud from a forepaw. When Betonyfrost looks up, her ears folding, Lilacpaw is still there, still talking, and that ever-growing frustration suddenly has a face to hate. Betonyfrost wishes in this moment, above everything else in the world, that Lilacpaw would just shut up.
  
  Lilacpaw does shut up.
  
  There is a short moment where Betonyfrost doesn't completely understand what she has done. Her body has twisted around, it must have, and that paw raised to shake loose mud had become clawed without her bidding it to. Betonyfrost doesn't even remember feeling the impact of her paw against Lilacpaw's face, but there is a cut there that hadn't been before. The urge to do it again, so this time Betonyfrost can do it right, is overwhelming.
  
  Carefully, Betonyfrost returns her paw to the ground.
  
  "Maybe you should be the one to go see Starling," Betonyfrost bites out, her words pitching in a mocking imitation of Lilacpaw's voice. Stupid, stupid apprentices. All of them.​

• "[color=#ddafeb][b]speech[/b][/color]"

shadowclan warrior | blue mackerel tabby | 15 moons | tags​

 

[LlLACPAW]

Smack!

She stops talking, she stops talking and stumbles back from the shock, paw reaching up to press against her stinging face. "Wh-" 'Why? I....I did everything right. I was nice, I made sure she wasn't injured. Why is she mad at me? Why is she hurting me?'

Her paw feels wet and distantly she thinks she should wipe the mud off her cheek, only to bring her paw down and see red overwhelming the mismatched brown on her fur. 'Oh. I'm bleeding.' Lilac looks back up at Betony with wide eyes, confusion overwhelming the fear in them by miles. She doesn't understand, doesn't see why what she believed was the overall right action for this situation, was not right for the warrior. Doesn't understand that the variable she hadn't taken into account was that cats could never truly be predicted the way she wanted. All she sees is that somehow, she was wrong, somehow, she garnered a negative reaction.

And to Lilac, the fault is her own, rather than that of the warrior's poor self control. ​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

this was getting worse and worse. everyone was hungry and irritable. with every failed hunt, or every time a hunting patrol returned with nothing in their paws because there was nothing out there to begin with, everyone's mood shifted. it was getting worse, day by day and chilledgaze could do nothing about it but reassure them that they'd find something eventually. that's what they tried to do now, at least, but how much more could they lie and say these words? how much longer could they take before their shape began to reflect their territory? with a grunt, the deputy walked forward, nose twitching to try and find any scent of prey. there just had to be something.

as they searched, they began to feel a bit disheartened by the lack of anything. it isn't until the faint scent of blood wafted in the air that they managed to stand up, claws flexing slightly before they marched right up to the scent. it didn't take eyes on the back of ones head to tell what happened. whether or not it was an accident- who knew. chilledgaze coulrn't see a bit of 'sorry' from betonyfrost, and lilacpaw looked traumatized. a growl rumbled in their chest before they stalked forward, aiming to push lilac away from betony, before facing the warrior.

"what the hell is the matter with you!? damn it i understand we are all frustated but we don't attack our clanmates! espeically apprentices who have done nothing to you!"

they hissed. they're mad. they're so mad but they aren't even sure if this anger is directed to betonyfrost. this had been the second time this happened, a warrior attack apprentices. the first time, smogmaw had hit poppypaw but poppypaw had hit first. that was a little more understandable... but it couldn't hapoen again. but this... stars be fucking damned.

"you've crossed a line. you will punished accordingly for this later– had it not been leaf bare the punishment would be far worse. do you hear me? do you understand?"

they cannot push for a harsher punishment than a few days of apprentice duty, and time away from any patrols beside hunting. no leaving camp without a warrior accompanying her. stars knew chilledgaze wanted to lash out and hurt back but they were deputy now. and everyone was suffering and they could not afford less warriors hunting right now. fuck. they hated this. spinning to lilacpaw, they turned to try and gently cup her cheek, gaze unreadable.

"she was right about one thing. we gotta get you to starlingpaw... are you alright? can you stand?"
​

[ NOBODY ELSE MATTERS, GIRL ]​

 

[brookpaw.]

Accompanying Betonyfrost on her hunt, though a fair distance away and left to his own methods, Brookpaw failed to even see where his mentor vanished off to. One moment he nosed around in the mud in the hopes of discovering a buried toad with her several tail-lengths away, the next? She darted off without any warning, sprinting through the foliage. The apprentice squinted at the reeds he assumed she dived into, nearsightedness transforming the wavering plants into nothing but a fuzzy blob of dull green rather than individual stalks. He shook his head, allowing a faint sense of bitterness to fill his chest now that she was gone. Claws continued to scrape at the earth, with all the more force behind his digging.

His frog excavation attempts were unsuccessful, much to his dismay. Head lowered until his whiskers might brush against the marsh ground, he set about finding his mentor. Trekking through the ferns, Brookpaw abruptly raised his head as the scent of blood carried to him on the cold wind. His eyes may not have worked, but his nose did twice as well in compensation. It wasn't prey blood ― a distinct feline quality to the coppery tang quickened his pace. Before long, he too was running blindly through the pines, despite the harsh wheeze sure to follow.

Brookpaw almost literally stumbled upon the scene, blinking at the familiar shapes of mud-wallowing Betonyfrost being chewed out by Chilledgaze, with a Lilacpaw off to the side. Dark red streaked her featureless face, the source of the metallic scent that flooded his senses. Slinking past his mentor, he approached the other apprentice with concern and fear twisting his face. "What happened?" Brookpaw huffed out, a rattling cough hidden in his chest. Betonyfrost hadn't... hit her, had she? A wary glance was cast to his mentor, dark pupils shrinking at the prospect. What if that had been him? Would it be him? Uneased, he forced his attention back onto the actively-bleeding Lilacpaw. He was close enough now to see her face, able to study the bewilderment overtaking her expression. As Chilledgaze went to cup her cheek, Brookpaw licked one paw clean of dirt and moved to press it to the wound, intent on scrubbing away the blood that freely fell. Let Betonyfrost get herself out of the mud; though if demanded, he might reluctantly help her.​

 

[betonyfrost]

POST CODE

• There should be shame, Betonyfrost knows, coming to douse the worst of her anger. It should be swift enough to stay her to place and deep enough for Betonyfrost to drown in. Her shame has always been a barrier to keep the world safe from Betonyfrost's temper. This, striking someone in anger, is a first.
  
  Chilledgaze is quick to berate her, and Betonyfrost can hardly listen to them at the moment. She turns away, petulant, and waits for that ever loyal shame to come and save what is left of her reputation. She could let herself be cowed, she could fall to the ground and beg for forgiveness. She imagines herself tripping over her own fumbled words, desperately explaining that she hadn't meant to do it, that it was a strange impulse, that she hadn't realized what she had done until the moments after.
  
  That thought alone is enough to let the flames in her gut raise higher.
  
  "I've heard enough from you," Betonyfrost snaps back to Chilledgaze, "Haven't you punished me enough?"
  
  Even her own apprentice rushes to Lilacpaw and soothes the blood from her face. Betonyfrost cannot stand the sight of either of them. How is Betonyfrost to believe that the best training is done with claws out, and then be scolded for-- for training an apprentice away from being an annoying pest. A part of Betonyfrost wants to shout but what about me! She suffers the pain of being herself daily and is offered nothing but empty platitudes and commands to do better, despite so often doing the very best she is capable of. Where is the sympathy for her?
  
  "Precious baby has a little cut and needs help walking back home, is that it? Remind me to be infirm next time I catch a splinter in my pad,"​

• "[color=#ddafeb][b]speech[/b][/color]"

shadowclan warrior | blue mackerel tabby | 15 moons | tags​

 

[Halfshade]

She had followed along behind the hunting patrol, lagging behind to admire the way the sky swirls like a gray and white bisque-the clouds ringing into a spiraling shape toward the center. The air is cold but she is colder, stalking forward with eyes like brittle jewels narrowed and piercing forward in the direction of the sound of voices, approaching to the scent of blood and the sound of Chilledgaze raising their voice and the reply of bitter remorselessness that comes from the she-cat they spoke to. She stops next to Brookpaw to take it all in, slowly realizing what had happened based on the discussion, the looks of ire and the wound across Lilacpaw's face.

Halfshade does not give any indication of what she's about to do, her interest and focus honing in on Lilacpaw first and foremost althought it seems their deputy is already tending her properly, before she turns sharply and there is a distinct shift to her posture; shoulders hunched and one arm raising upward as she pivots and slings it horizontally across Betonyfrost's face; she considers for a moment delivering a mercy in sheathed claws, but she does not make any attempt to do so nor does she withold the force of her blow.
Her voice is sweet saccharine, honey dripped and coddling like she was speaking to a kitten; gentle and crooning but with an edge of malice to it despite her soft tone. There is venom in this flower.
"Precious baby-" She starts, voice high and head held even higher, "Do you want to swing your little paws at a proper opponent because I will gladly fill the role. Or are you only willing to play with the other children?"
She's aware of Chilledgaze's sharp stare, but its more than happy taking the fall for the act if it meant the molly was given her proper dues. What was she going to be made to do that wasn't already something important or required for the clan, clean dens? Stars forbid she had to do something as borish as change out nests or clean the camp; its not like it would bother her and it was well worth the retribution.
More for Chilledgaze and Lilacpaw's sake than anything similar to actual remorse or regret, she turned and offered the deputy a little nod, "My apologies-I acted poorly. Let's get her to Starlingheart and we'll chat, I'll make it up to you." Betonyfrost was paid no more mind, let her make a little attempt to swing back; the next blood she spilled would be more purposeful.
​

 

[PITCHSTAR]

every day passes by in a monotonous blur. it's the same damn story, from sunrise to sunset. patrols scour the entirety of the territory, yet none come back with enough prey. a skin-and-bones frog here, a half-decayed carcass there. never enough to sustain a clan. pitchstar is forced to watch as his clanmates wither away, helpless to stop it. always helpless, like a mouse caught beneath the claws of starclan.

another hunting patrol that yields nothing, so far. pitchstar trails behind betonyfrost and lilacpaw, paws as empty as his stomach. he's certain that he knows how this will end; another night spent with the pangs of hunger ripping at his clan's abdomens.

a rabbit captures the attention of the patrol. they're a rarity here in the swamps, but when the clan has the fortune of catching one, they could easily feed a few cats. pitchstar's head snaps towards the rabbit, muscles tensing as betonyfrost takes off after it. shadowclan needs this. if betonyfrost doesn't succeed... his stomach twists at the thought

his mind jinxes it. the rabbit turns a corner, and in the pursuit of it, betonyfrost slips on mud. pitchstar hisses, slamming one paw against the ground, as he watches the rabbit disappear from sight. "shit, betonyfrost!" of course she missed. of course she did. such a feat would be too fortunate for shadowclan! the stars would rather watch them starve!

lilacpaw, gentle soul she is, goes to help. pitchstar intends to turn and skulk off; what use is there in exhausting all of his energy only to come up with nothing to show for it? but a smack reverberates through the air, and when he looks back, lilacpaw is bleeding. there's blood trickling down her face. there's blood trickling down her face, and betonyfrost is the one with unsheathed claws. his precious baby sister, injured, because she had the naive kindness to try and help. rage engulfs the leader like an inferno. it is all-encompassing, setting his entire body ablaze.

betonyfrost had better count her blessings that halfshade strikes her before pitchstar could finish closing the distance between them. he doesn't think that he would be able to stop himself after the first blow.

he storms over, fur bristling and tail whipping. "you bastard," pitchstar snarls through a curled lip and gnashing teeth. "you bastard! you're lucky that i don't flay you alive here and now, and line my nest with your pelt!" there's satisfaction that washes over him when he sees the mark that halfshade left, in the same breath that there's frustration that burns deep in his stomach at not being the one responsible. his claws curl into the frostbitten earth, and he imagines it is betonyfrost's face. it isn't enough to quench the flame.​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

they were quick to move their paw from lilacpaw's face, placing it back on the ground. they moved their gaze from the apprentice, staring off into nothingness, claws gripping the cold marsh beneath them. their lip twitched in anger, and they spun to face the shitshow, looking at halfshade watching with a hardened expression. their gaze falls to betonyfrost who's whining and whimpering like a sniveling child, crying about how she felt she'd been punished more than enough by chilledgaze. they hadn't even wanted to address that. it's the comment about lilacpaw being a baby that irritates them. it reminds them of someone from their past, someone they'd thought they forgot. someone they'd once called a friend, and their rage is almost unable to be contained. and then it happens. another clanmate has hit their fellow cat, and chilledgaze can't even help the snarl that leaves their throat. they were so fucking sick of this shit.

"are you fucking kidding me right now!?"

they aren't even mad that betonyfrost got hit. they're mad that their fucking word was ignored! it was like these cats deliberately ignored their fucking orders!

"am i fucking talking to myself, right now!? can no one fucking hear me!? have you all lost your fucking minds!? i swear before every fucking star i-"

they stop abruptly. their paw pressed to their head, a headache ringing in their head. their gaze glossed over and suddenly they heard thst familiar voice. you are just like him. you are just like your father. what's next... hitting them? pathetic. a growl leaves them and they are baring their teeth, visibly shaking with so much rage that it almost is painful. they take in one solid deep breath, eyes closing as they straightened themselves.

"go back to camp, right now. get fixed up, and then get some rest."

directed towards lilacpaw is the last part, but they don't move. they only force themselves to be neutral. emotionless. detached. they could boil over later.

"i'm not an idiot, halfshade. go with lilacpaw. brookpaw, follow. betonyfrost, i am only going to say this once."

they stepped forward, pressing their muzzle closer to the she cat's ear, with a grumble in their throat. it was so deep it could have almost been a purr– had it not been so rage filled.

"i catch your claws where they shouldnt be again, and i will rip them out. got it? save your rage for our real enemies. not your clanmates. you are incredibly lucky it is leafbare. extremely."

their words carry no emotions but they were as serious as chilledgaze's expression.

"come on, pitchstar. hissing isn't getting lilacpaw to starlingheart, is it?"

they had to leave before they did something they wouldn't be able to take back.

​

[ NOBODY ELSE MATTERS, GIRL ]​

 

[LlLACPAW]

TW THIS POST CONTAINS DESCRIPTIONS OF PANIC ATTACKS, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED

The uproar starts with Chilledgaze, seething and disappointed, it makes her flinch away from the deputy, right into Brookpaw's attempt at comfort before she pulls away from that as well. She's not quite hearing their words, just the anger, just the fighting, the conflict. She can hear the mockingly sweet thorns in Betony's tone of voice, vaguely registering the words being directed at her. There's a ringing in her ears and though cats are speaking to her, speaking about her, she can't hear them.

'Its my fault. They're fighting and its my fault, they're fighting because of me, Betonyfrost got hurt and its because of me-"

Then there's her brother, and at first she wants to get up and push herself into his fur like the child Betony takes her for, take comfort in her big brother making everything okay.

But he doesn't.

No her brother opens his mouth and yells, he pulls his words from the depths of a wildfire, snaps at Betony for something that isn't the warrior's fault. However the ferocity of it all scares her. Its all too much, its all too loud, and suddenly Lilac is the rabbit Betony failed to catch. Eyes dialated black in fear, heart thumping against her ribcage like its going to break it as she slowly, defensively gets to her paws. Her muscles wind tighter and tighter until the spring in them feels like its going to snap.

And she lets it, she pushes out of the gathered group through the snow with blood roaring in her ears. 'What did I do wrong? Why did this happen?'

//out​

 

[betonyfrost]

POST CODE

• Betonyfrost's own words spat in anger are thrown back at her as Halfshade makes herself known, and Betonyfrost has hardly the time to flinch before her face is struck with force enough to stagger her. She wants to show Halfshade just what she is capable of-- Betonyfrost doesn't know if she has ever been this upset before. It's a compounding, endlessly growing thing, and all Betonyfrost wants to do is cut Halfshade in the same way Halfshade had done to her.
  
  But Betonyfrost isn't fast enough, or isn't brave enough.
  
  She's always been a coward at her core. Betonyfrost looks away from Pitchstar as he snarls his threats at her, and the first thoughts of consequence finally reach her. Betonyfrost had hit an apprentice. She'd hit an apprentice, and others had seen, and Betonyfrost cannot take that back. This is why she can't let herself get angry. This is why she so often swallows the worst of it. No one appreciates how exhausting and how terrible it is to be stuck living as her.
  
  There is always Chilledgaze-- it's always them. They'd been furious before, at her, at Halfshade, and now back to Betonyfrost. They whisper their rage to Betonyfrost, quiet and close, far more contained than Betonyfrost could ever hope to be. And all of it is directed at Betonyfrost. She only realizes that the cut on her face is bleeding when she licks her own mouth to stop herself from saying something foolish. Someday Betonyfrost will have the honor of being Chilledgaze's.
  
  Someday.
  
  Betonyfrost swallows hard enough that her throat clicks, before she speaks, "I understand."
  
  She does feel incredibly lucky all of the sudden, like all of this was meant to happen, if only for this moment. Her luck certainly isn't for the reason Chilledgaze thinks it, but Betonyfrost is lucky. She almost doesn't notice Lilacpaw running off, too intent on the simplicity of Chilledgaze. She thinks in a distant sort of way that someone should go make sure Lilacpaw is alright, but knows deep down that it could never be her. Instead, eyes still on Chilledgaze, Betonyfrost stands and gestures with her tail for Brookpaw to follow, and then pads in the way to camp.
  
  Betonyfrost has a lot to think about.​

• "[color=#ddafeb][b]speech[/b][/color]"

shadowclan warrior | blue mackerel tabby | 15 moons | tags​