IT'S MY STRESS, THAT'S FOR SURE | lichenpaw

[Cloudyfur]

The more days passed since the dog attack, the less real it felt to Cloudypaw.

Her memories of that day were more like those of a nightmare than of anything real. The moment to moment was fuzzy and confused but all the most terrifying details were vivid in her mind. No matter how hard she tried, she could not remember the moment she managed to get back to her paws after the dog flung her away. No matter how hard she tried, she could not forget the sight of its sharp-toothed, slobbering jaws.

Cloudypaw shot upright in her nest, that memory tearing through her mind. Her breath came quick and shallow. In her chest, she could feel her heart racing. For a few brief moments, in between sleep and waking, she had been convinced she was going to die. She wanted to throw up. Instead, she tried to take deep breaths.

It made it all the harder to distinguish memory from nightmare, now that the two had begun to blend together.​

 

[LICHENPAW ❁]

( ☘ ) Lichenpaw has never slept well. Back in the twolegplace, he always had to stay on his guard, temporary shelters always tentative, with dogs and fellow strays never taking kindly to the young tom's presence. A wanderer by nature, he never knew whether he had stumbled onto the territory of someone stronger and crueler than him, never knew where was safe.

It was supposed to be different, here.

He'd only just began to settle into ThunderClan, only just began to see this place as a home, more permanent than any he's had before. He had only just began to see the camp as the safehaven it was meant to be, when the dogs shattered any illusion of it. It reminded him of his kithood in the twolegplace, in a way that Clan life rarely did. The Clan cats were supposed to have each others' backs, at least, that much was different. And yet he had failed at that, cowardly and selfish survivalist that he is. He won't fail next time.

Lichenpaw's sleeplessness has only been worsened since the dog attack, insomnia leaving a dragging weight to the cat's normally energetic steps. This is why he is awake, eyes shut yet unsleeping, when Cloudypaw shoots up from her nest. His eyes blink open, pupils dilating as he finds the molly in the dark.

Lichenpaw pulls himself to his paws, concern clear in his eyes, and moves towards her with as much night-quietness as his clumsy paws can manage. "Cloudypaw? What's -- what's wrong, what's happening?" She's clearly panicked, that much is obvious. Not much for comfort, he instead tries to locate the source of her fear. Maybe then he can do something about it.​

 

[Cloudyfur]

It took two blinks before Cloudypaw recognized Lichenpaw padding up beside her. The remnants of her nightmare still floated in her mind, clouding her thoughts. She tried to compose herself quicker as she spotted the concern in his eyes.

"I-I'm fine." Cloudypaw managed to quietly squeak out, her breathing still haggard. She didn't quite believe herself. It had felt so real. The feeling of the dog's panting breaths on her face still clung to her mind. "Just a nightmare. About the dog." She whispered to him, wrapping her tail around herself for comfort. Each word was spoken slowly, as though they were something taboo. It felt uncomfortable to talk about it.

For how terrible that day had been for her, it had been worse for so many of her clanmates. Thanks to them she had escaped with only bruises and scrapes. Not everyone had been so lucky.

As her senses returned to her, she felt a twinge of guilt. "Sorry if I woke you."​

 

[LICHENPAW ❁]

( ☘ ) Clearly Cloudypaw is not fine, despite her assurance otherwise. Lichenpaw waits to speak until she elaborates, standing awkwardly by her side as he lets the other apprentice catch her breath. A nightmare about the dog, she says, whispered with a careful fear, as though merely mentioning it would draw the beast back. He deflates a bit at the words, letting out a breath. Not a danger he can fight, then, but one already long-gone.

Lichenpaw settles, finally, next to Cloudypaw's nest. "Oh," he breathes softly, word almost punched from him. There's a moment of silence as they find themself at an unusual loss for words; he, too, finds the topic uncomfortable to talk about, especially so directly. The quiet draws long enough that Cloudypaw speaks again, and this is enough to start him talking as well.

"No, you -- you didn't -- I was already up, I couldn't sleep. Because of, well, because of the dog too, actually." Their words quiet as they approach mention of it, spoken with an awkward hesitance. "Guess I'm not the only one still thinking about it, huh?" He gives a shaky yet genuine smile, his usual grin having been absent from his face all night. It's good to know they're not alone in this.​

 

[Cloudyfur]

"Oh."

That was all Lichenpaw said in response to her admisssion as he settled down next to her. There was nothing else to say. Cloudypaw didn't need to tell him anymore about what had woke her, he knew it all now. From just those few words anyone who had been there in camp that day would be able to envision her nightmares as vividly as she had seen them.

Silence sat comfortably between them, disturbed only by Cloudypaw's shaky breaths.

Then they spoke again, drawing Cloudypaw's gaze up to meet their own. It made sense, she realized idly, that she was not the only one who had been so affected by the dog. For some reason it just hadn't occurred to her. She had thought that the others were more hardened warriors than her, she supposed. Though she had trouble imagining anyone, however great a warrior, that would not be shaken by that day. Cloudypaw shuffled closer to him, attemping to offer what meager comfort she could through her presence.

"Yeah." Cloudypaw agreed quietly.​