I'VE DONE THE BEST I CAN [ drowsypaw ]

[falcongaze]

❝ STATUES AND EMPIRES✧°.☀ ————————————
Blood still coats his fur from where it had shed from Bobbie. He can still smell it in the air as he stares out into the forest, unsure of what to do with himself now. Perhaps the moon was rising, and it’s soft light ghosted over the points fur, but it was enough to illuminate upon the blood of the forest. His ears gently flattened as thoughts churned in his mind, namely of well, what happens now?

Blazestar was dead. That was a fact. Orangeblossom was not, another fact, and she would likely take the mantle of leader, for if they didn’t, Skyclan may fall into ruin. Would the council of lead warriors still stand, or would they change? Would his mentor remain upon the council, still weary with grief like the rest of the clan? Falconpaw supposed that much wouldn’t have changed for himself, specifically. He’d still train, he’d get his warrior name, he’d defend Skyclan. Could he even really defend Skyclan, if this kind of thing happened when he wasn’t around?

The look on Drowsypaw’s face. His ears had flattened then, at the thought of that, his vision still vague and far-off. Despair. Grief, pain, anger, overwhelmingly so. His thoughts shifted to that of Lupinepaw- and his heart clenched for the siblings both. Crowpaw, even, deserved a level of respect in this matter. He couldn’t imagine Vermillionsun showing up on their doorstep half dead.

His head hung, a soft sigh leaving his mouth. He didn’t even hear Drowsypaw approach, unless the apprentice made himself known.

@DROWSYPAW


"SPEECH"

[penned by dallas - ☀]

———————————— ☀.°✧ ALL AT YOUR PAWS ❞ ​

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[DROWSYNOSE]

STILL DON'T KNOW MY NAME​

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emotions are fickle things. more fragile than glass, and more unpredictable than the weather. it's no different for drowsypaw who spends a lot of his time trying to escape his. he sleeps a lot for many reasons, and escapism is certainly one of them. but he can't escape this. he can't sleep when he's so angry. he's never felt this before. it's new. it's unsettling. it's unwelcome. and yet, he does all the same. feels so much and so little all at once. so much so that he needs an outlet. he needs to be able to burst and its unfortunate that falconpaw had decided today was the day he wanted to help drowsypaw. he told everyone he didn't need help and falconpaw insisted he did. why? did he think he was weak, too? that hurts more than his own thoughts did. who else thought the same?

"i told you not to help me."

his voice is almsot unrecognizable. its so grumbly and low that its terrifying himself. he doesnt recognize it and he doesnt like it.

"i didn't need you or anyone else to help me! you must think I'm weak, huh? I couldn't save her so how could I possible help her stay alive? can't even carry her back to safety? you just had to butt in! why, huh!? why couldn't you leave well enough alone!? I'm not weak! I could have saved her myself! I could have!"

tears are shedding again. surely the reserves will run dry, but not yet. hes so angry. hes so so angry. falconpaw didnt deserve to be the target of such words and emotion but he was. hed be sorry later. right now, though, he needed to prove that he wasnt weak! he was just as strong as any tom in this clan!

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[falcongaze]

❝ STATUES AND EMPIRES✧°.☀ ————————————
Falconpaw knew well wild emotions were oft hard to control- and the actions following even more so. He knew what it was like to be caught in the crossfire. It had reared it's ugly head when he tried to tear that rogue off of Slate, when rough words were spoken to him or his siblings growing up in the clans. He jumped quietly, head turning towards Drowsypaw at those initial words. He didn't flinch, quietly turning to look down at the other with lowering ears.

The voice was low, sharper then he knew Drowsypaw's. Lupinepaw always held her siblings in high regard, so for her, he kept his mouth quiet. For the pain he knew the other was feeling, he kept himself quiet. Scathing words, directed at both of them flung from Drowsypaw's mouth. He responded the same way he had responded to Cherrypaw all those moons ago. He was wiser now, not so much older but wiser, for sure.

"You are not weak." He agreed softly. He slowly sank into a sitting position, letting Drowsypaw's words wash over him. A relentless tide, almost. Still soaked in Drowsypaw's mother's blood, eroding while staring at the sky. They didn't deserve to suffer seeing this. "I'm sorry. I-" He inhaled sharply, words choked, but he evened them out- forced them smooth. "I should have waited, but she needed to see Dawnglare as soon as possible. Call me what you wish."

Falconpaw's head dipped forward, leaving himself exposed on all fronts. I shall bear it, if it's what makes him feel better. "You can still help her." He remarked, head lifting to look at Drowsypaw once more.

"SPEECH"

[penned by dallas - ☀]

———————————— ☀.°✧ ALL AT YOUR PAWS ❞ ​

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[DROWSYNOSE]

STILL DON'T KNOW MY NAME​

---

//tw: emeto and powerplay perms given !!

"don't lie to me! i know you think I'm weak!"

he snaps and suddenly the scent if his mother's stale blood hits him. oh, stars. he's covered in it. falconpaw is covered in her blood... blood that should be inside. not out. he can't do this. he's not strong. he's not. his head shakes and he trembles as he stumbles backwards, the wave of nausea hitting stronger than it did before. he can't– its too much! it's all too much! he finds himself ducking behind a bush, throwing up whatever he hadn't thrown up before. it hurts so bad, and he didn't even think he had anything left.

he stumbles away from the acidic scent, body weakily collapsing on the ground and he does the one thing he's been trying not to do. he wails. his heart is breaking and there's nothing anyone can do about it. it hurts. everything hurts.

"i can't– i can't do this! i can't lose her! i-i am not strong enough to save her, and I'm n-not strong enough to survive losing her either! i- it hurts– it– d-dont touch me!"

falconpaw has taken it upon himself to try and comfort him by touching him and it burns. he doesn't want the comfort, he doesn't want to be touched... right? so why does he take a moment before collapsing fully into falconpaw, soaking his copper scented fur with salted pain? he's never been a good liar.

"i'm sc-scared... i want my mama!"

he weeps, clinging onto falconpaw for dear life. how pathetic was he that he had to cry in the pelt of another apprentice? this wasn't his problem to deal with. and yet... drowsgpaw couldn't stop crying.

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[falcongaze]

❝ STATUES AND EMPIRES✧°.☀ ————————————
His expression wilted at Drowsypaw finally caught scent of what he was covered in. Falconpaw hated it himself- but his energy was burnt to a crisp. He couldn't have motivated himself to the nearest full water source to rid himself of it all. He didn't want to delegate the taste of blood in anyone else's mouth but his own, if it had to be done. It seemed it had the opposite results- something just as sour would coat the tongue of Drowsypaw, and he winced for it.

His wail was just as heartbreaking. Falconpaw made a small noise of distress as he stepped closer. "Don't say that, please-" He tried to plead softly with the younger, his paw reaching out- touch hesitated when Drowsypaw snapped at him, ears flattening. Falconpaw waited a few moments. The apprentice would either walk away, continue to cry, or find solace, so he waited. Patience wasn't really his strong suit, but being a good shoulder to cry on... he supposed he could do that.

The other finally collapsed into him, and Falconpaw made another small noise that he couldn't contain, full of mirrored grief and empathetic pain. His head came down to curl around Drowsypaw's, muffling his words but cradling the other apprentice close. "She'll be okay. Dawnglare and Fireflypaw will do everything they can." He soothed, blue eyes squeezing shut. His ears flattened as he continued to speak. "You.. you can help her by being there for her." He whispered softly, his tail coming to wrap around them both, his fur warm in the cold night.

Was it Falconpaw's problem? Kind of. This was Lupinepaw's sibling, and Bobbie's child, someone he had looked up to. She was sat in the medicine den- she had at least been coherent enough to kind of walk, and that was a good sign. "Your mother is so, so strong, Drowsypaw. Have faith in her." Slowly, he'd slide down to the frozen floor, trying to keep himself curled around the other near-protectively. "Have faith in those healing her. And when she wakes up, be there for her. Keep her strong, because she needs you just as much." Falconpaw murmured, his eyes squeezed shut.

"I truly, and honestly believe you're strong enough to help her. I do. If I must be there to ensure it, then I will be." Falconpaw said quietly, his shoulders curling forward. His words were genuine- Falconpaw would be there if Drowsypaw or Lupinepaw asked him to be. He made silent vows to ensure both siblings (and, begrudgingly Crowpaw as well,) were sane and happy on the other end of this, even if Falconpaw wasn't sure that he would be okay himself.

"SPEECH"

[penned by dallas - ☀]

———————————— ☀.°✧ ALL AT YOUR PAWS ❞ ​

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