just like you ;; blazestar

[Fireflyglow]

WE'VE BEEN DOIN' ALL THIS LATE NIGHT TALKIN' ✧​

@BLAZESTAR

Fireflypaw's worst enemy was solitude, it seemed. Being alone always made him super uncomfortable, and sleeping alone was always so boring. Especially now that Mushroomkit can't sleep in the apprentice den with him. All the snoring apprentices had their own sleeping buddies, and Fireflypaw usually just curled up alongside his siblings when they were in camp with him. It didn't help that they were finding their own friends, distancing themselves in ways that was damn near invisible to see to others.

But Fireflypaw noticed it. He always noticed it.

"Dad? Wake up. I'm bored." Fireflypaw calls out from the mouth of his father's den, loneliness eating at him. He wouldn't openly admit it, but he missed his dad. Even being in the same camp wasn't enough for him. "Mom gets to mentor Howlpaw, it's not fair. That just means Howlpaw gets to hog all of her attention." He babbles on, pouting to himself. Being the oldest of his siblings meant he had to keep an eye out on them, but now that they were apprentices, their mentors did that job. All Fireflypaw could do was watch as they got doting mentors.

And all he got was a stinking old man for a mentor. Rowanbelly hadn't even shown him ThunderClan's territory yet!

"Is it 'cause I can't see well?" He asks softly, shuffling his paws and looking down. Was that why Emberstar gave him Rowanbelly as a mentor? Because the senior warrior was close to being an Elder himself? Was it some kind of sick joke?​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮​

"Dad? Wake up. I'm bored."

Blazestar is an admittedly light sleeper these days, thoughts of Centipedepaw weighing heavy on his troubled mind. He fears any second he could be roused from slumber by someone screaming about blood, another dead kit, his dead kit. About trouble on the borders again, with WindClan, with rogues.

He sits up in the dark, blinking drowsily at the figure standing at the mouth of his den. Elderberry shadows drape over a moonlit pelt. His son, staring back at him with wide blue eyes so like his own.

"Sure. Come in, Fireflypaw." He yawns, showing an impressive display of rarely-used fangs, before he tucks his paws beneath him in the weathered moss of his nest.

Fireflypaw looks troubled. He tells Blazestar that Howlpaw was being mentored by Little Wolf, which causes the Ragdoll to beam. He couldn't have asked for a better match. His youngest daughter is a little headstrong, and Little Wolf is disciplined and calm. She could be the cool water to her fire, he thinks.

His eldest kit isn't happy, though. "It is cause I can't see well?" Blazestar's gaze softens. "Come here, son," he says, aiming to draw his tongue over Fireflypaw's jet-black ear. "Sit with me a minute. My nest is just barely big enough for both of us." His purr rumbles throughout his body. "Someday you'll be too big, though. Someday soon. I can see what a fine warrior you're shaping up to be already."

He knows Fireflypaw had been born with something off, something with his eyes that no one can really explain. It has to do with how well they can handle brightness, Blazestar knows -- ever since he could talk, his son had complained of harsh lights hurting his eyes.

He nuzzles Fireflypaw's cheek, concern drawing his features down. "You know Emberstar isn't like that," he murmurs. "She thinks carefully about who should mentor who. I don't know this Rowanbelly well, but I'm sure Emberstar had a good reason for pairing you up." He smiles. "I know Little Wolf wishes she could mentor all of you, but you and I both know she couldn't handle all five as apprentices! You'd drive her crazy."

He hopes to give his son some comfort, however small. He hates to see that downcast look on his face, the stormy blue in his beautiful eyes. Fireflypaw deserves to be like his namesake -- lit up from within. The joy that Haku could never possess in life, that's what Blazestar thinks Fireflypaw embodies.

- ,,​

​

 

[Fireflyglow]

WE'VE BEEN DOIN' ALL THIS LATE NIGHT TALKIN' ✧​

He's invited into the dark, damp den; peacefully quiet, unlike the loud snoring-filled dens the apprentices all slept in together. Fireflypaw nods, midnight-licked paws carrying him into his father's little room. Into the safety of his father's arms, a place he wished he could never leave. Such troubling thoughts for such a young mind, haunted with every little what-if, every confrontation with reality. Death was inevitable, he knew that- Centipedepaw's demise was something that weighed heavily on his father's mind. He knew his father feared him or his siblings meeting the same fate. He cozies up almost immediately, though his bulky body hangs off the side of the nest built only for his dad. He was so big; would he become big, too? Strong, like his father? Able to protect those he loved? Shining blue eyes stare up at the blurry figure of his father, eyes of starry blue barely visible in the dark. But he knows it; his father is paying attention to him in this moment.

Fireflypaw presses his nose into his father's neck fur, inhaling the scent of his dad- memorizing his smell so that he never forgets it. So even when he was gone, Fireflypaw knew that the scent would never leave his memory. Someday you'll be too big, though. Someday soon. I can see what a fine warrior you're shaping up to be already. It's supposed to be praise, to soothe his anxieties. But it only makes Fireflypaw frown in response. He was lying, Fireflypaw wasn't even able to be trained in fighting yet. How would he be a good Warrior if he couldn't even fight? If he couldn't protect those he loved? "Yeah.." He mumbles softly, not knowing what else to say to his father. Conflicting emotions.

His face lifts up as his father nuzzles him, instinct causing him to begin a low rumbling purr in his chest. He liked it when his dad showed he cared, gave him fatherly attention- affection. Fireflypaw was always one to crave physical touch, desperate to feel better by the company of others. Gentle, gentle boy. You know Emberstar isn't like that, Was she not? His eyebrows scrunch as he resists the urge to disagree. Had she just tossed him onto Rowanbelly because he was nearing his retirement? He was old, after all. One would expect him to be experienced and willing to train, if he was so old. But Rowanbelly showed more interest in playing with the kits and telling stories. I don't know this Rowanbelly well, but I'm sure Emberstar had a good reason for pairing you up. "I know I'm supposed to respect those older than me. He's old, he's experienced- they all tell me that. But it's nearly been a moon and he hasn't even taken me on a tour of the territory yet. I've had to follow other mentors around!" He pouts aloud, tucking his paws under his chest to get comfortable. He lays his head on his father's paws, flame-kissed and soft to the touch.

He tries his best to cheer Fireflypaw up, and yet Firefly doesn't understand why he still feels so stormy. So blue. Was it always going to be like this? "At least Crimsonbite treats me like I'm something.." He mumbles aloud, sniffling softly to himself. "He hurt Butterflypaw, though. When I found out, I was so upset- she couldn't even fight back, could she?" He's conflicted; Crimsonbite hurt her, but why did he feel so unsure about his intentions? Crimsonbite never hurt him. Sure, he was a big of a grump, and mean sometimes- but Crimsonbite was struggling with something he didn't quite understand. Something invisible, but haunting him. He's seen his struggling in his sleep, the restlessness, the agony. "But.. But he's doing his best. He's not very good at expressing himself, is all." He tries to justify the tom's decisions, his irrational emotions. "But he was too rough with Butterflypaw. That's.. That's the truth. I just wish.. Wish I could do something. But I'm just a kid." Just a kid. He didn't even understand Crimsonbite's situation well. What happened, to make such a tom so cold and distant? ​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮​

Fireflypaw responds to the nuzzle, clearly wanting to be close. Blazestar's enormous purr is matched by a smaller version, and he drapes his fluffy cream tail over his son with an affectionate blink. He can tell his words are not having the right effect on Fireflypaw -- not the desired effect. He doesn't seem cheered up in the least by anything his father tells him.

"I've had to follow other mentors around!" Blazestar frowns. He hasn't realized Fireflypaw has been so neglected. "Do you want me to talk to Emberstar myself? I will. The Gathering is soon. I'll pull her aside. I'm sure we can..." He trails off, aware Fireflypaw is distracted by something else.

Soon enough, the topic weighing heavy on his son's mind comes to light. "At least Crimsonbite treats me like I'm something." Blazestar watches him, listening carefully. After a heavy, pregnant pause, Blazestar mews, "Crimsonbite isn't a bad cat. But he went through a lot, during and after the Great Battle." He shakes his head, as if to clear his mind of something. He won't delve into it with his child, not yet. Fireflypaw is a boy of four moons. Training, yes, but...

"There's nothing you can do for him except to be kind. To be patient. Don't let him be too rough with you," he warns, eyes flashing briefly before he settles back into the nest. "You're just a child, yes, but you have a big heart, Fireflypaw. You're... you're special."

Tears gleam in Blazestar's eyes. "You know, I held you, when you were first born. I held you and I licked you clean and I named you." He rests his chin on Fireflypaw's head. "I want you to know you can always come to me if you're feeling upset. I love you, son. You're so precious to me."

- ,,​

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