private just routine【 dandelionwish 】

[coalfoot]

———————————————【 coalfoot | windclan | male 】——————————————

【◈】Coalfoot didn't know it was possible to be tired in so many more ways than one, but he was. He was tired. He was tired of being tired, and he was even tired of that. He was tired of his embarrassment, tired of wanting to understand why he was so different, tired of getting no answers. He was tired of burdening his clanmates over and over, and he was tired of worrying when they would finally give up on him. Dandelionwish hadn't, and somehow, that made him feel the worst of all.

The marbled warrior had been in the middle of conversing with a clanmate when it happened, carrying prey to a spot where they could share. Exhaustion wasn't something he was unfamiliar with anymore. It was a near constant haze at the back of his mind. Coalfoot rarely got reprieve of it, but he liked to believe that he was... okay at ignoring it, if he really tried, but it was never enough. That wave of exhaustion had swept over him before he could even blink, and the tom had slumped to the ground without a moment's warning.

What he didn't expect, however, was to wake up in the medicine cat's den. He stirred, gently, bearings returning and green hues blinking. Dandelionwish's den. This wasn't where he had been before. "No," he moaned softly, planting a paw over his face and scrunching his eyes shut. Coalfoot hadn't yet seen the younger cat, but he knew he was there. "Dandelionwish, I'm sorry." It happened again.

Dragging his paws beneath himself, Coalfoot sat himself up, shoulders hunched and head turning to locate the sepia tom, expression scrunched with a mixture of frustration and apology. There were already too many things for him to worry about, and the last thing he wanted was to add himself to the top of it all.

[penned by its_oliverr].

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[Dandelionwish]

He had some odd cases he needed to learn more about. Perwinklepaw often struggled to sleep and when he did it was practically passing out when he hit his limits. Coalfoot was somewhat different but the end result was the same, he just didn't know how he was going to help either of them. It may very well be an issue they just had to live with but he wondered if there weren't more he could do to make it easier. At the very least, the clan was aware and observant and so when the monochrome tom was brought into his den he only sighed once at the reminder of his own ineptitude before setting up the nest for him.
The quietly muttered 'no' upon the other awaking drew his attention after a moment though he did not move to go over just yet.

"No? My company that bad?" He joked, a light laugh escaping him as he kneaded his paws into the moss underneath him, shredding it up into a nice soft bedding for the hollow he was preparing as an emergency warm nest for leaf-bare. With the help of the tunnelers he had a nice little mini-den inside his own den that a cat of any size could fit in should he need to keep a patient cozy during the long chilling moons approaching them.
"Naw, don't apologize. I should be apologizin'! Wish I could help ye more but honestly I ain't got a clue how to go about it if I'm honest." There was so much he didn't know, so much he had never had the time to learn, the teacher to help him in gaining this knowledge. He doubted Honeytwist would've known how to fix this either-she hadn't even known what to do about Melonpaw's broken leg. His teacher was not allknowing and neither was he. StarClan could certainly pick them.

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[coalfoot]

———————————————【 coalfoot | windclan | male 】——————————————

【◈】Even in jest, the response was enough to send a pang of guilt through his heart, head lifting sharply and shaking equally so. "I- no, I didn't--" the tom sputtered, silencing himself when the medicine cat swept on anyway. It was answered with a long sigh, head dipping toward the ground and shoulders sagging. For a few heartbeats he stayed there, then wearily looked back up at Dandelionwish.

"You shouldn't be apologizing either," he answered in a near mumble, unusually defeated. "It's not your fault. I'm sorry I make it your problem to begin with." A paw lifting, Coalfoot rubbed at his nose; an odd habit. The warrior seemed to contemplate his next words, gaze flickering down to the moss upon which he sat.

"I don't know if it's almost worse or not that I feel better when I wake up, usually," he began. It was nothing the sepia tom hadn't heard before, either by prompt or simply thinking aloud. "It's like... I just get so tired. I mean, I'm tired a lot, but... more tired. It's kind of like a haze, or... or like, I blink and I realize I'd fallen asleep or passed out or whatever it is. Other times it's just really hard to stay awake." Coalfoot let out a noise bordering a hum and a growl, a small release of frustration before he continued.

"And yet despite all that, I can never stay asleep at night. I mean, sometimes I have really good nights, but I almost always wake up at least once." Brows furrowed, he nibbled on one of his claws, staring blankly at the ground in thought. "Sometimes I just can't get back to sleep even if I really try." He let out a dry laugh at that, finally looking back up at Dandelionwish. "Funny how that happens, when I'm literally fighting to stay awake all the other times." Another grumble, followed by a wistful sigh. "I just wish I didn't have to... to bother everybody with it all the time. I just want to be normal."

Although his jaws parted as if to continue, Coalfoot seemed unable to find his words, instead looking away. "I'm sorry," he finally said. "I don't mean to annoy you with all that. This."

[penned by its_oliverr].

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[Dandelionwish]

"Yer not annoyin' me, naw. Don't fret. If anything it's....a learnin' experience fer the both of us. I got a kit with sorta similar, sorta not issues that I ain't got the slightest idea how to help either and it's real upsettin'." Coalfoot and Perwinklekit both seemed to have some kind of issue relating to remaining concious or not being able to sleep and he was starting to get the feeling it wasn't a problem he could fix but a habit he would need to adapt to.
Really, it seemed like they'd need to worry less on fixing and more on accomodating. Coalfoot shouldn't be out alone and he should probably consider being careful on border patrols. Lost prey was one thing, hunting was fine but if a border patrol came to blows and this happened; who was to say what kind of cat might take advantage of that and he worried that the others would be too distracted to realize the monochrome tom was down and out. It would be a discussion for later, he was sure Coalfoot was already alarmingly aware of his own problems and how to work with them. It was just hard though, he imagined.
"Ain't got any poppy left but ye could consider chewin' dandelions to help sleep? They sorta numb pain, some cats say it makes them drowsy. Might help at night but I reckon it's hard to say if it'd actually work or not."
Really it was all he could do was suggest things and hope something stuck eventually. Sometimes he wished StarClan had been less flighty with a fun little hopeful name for him and a little more adamant on teaching him what the hell he was supposed to be doing half the time. Seeing Rosepaw had been nice though....
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[coalfoot]

———————————————【 coalfoot | windclan | male 】——————————————

【◈】A kit with similar issues... he was talking about Periwinklekit, right? Coalfoot frowned. "It's... not your fault," he replied weakly, unsure of what he was trying to say. Don't be upset? He supposed he would be too. Unable to find any words to follow up his statement, the marbled tom sat in silence, gaze drifting down to his paws until Dandelionwish broke it.

Dandelion? Green eyes flickered upward, thinking it over for a moment before answering. "Well, I can keep it in mind, but it's either Leaf-bare or almost Leaf-bare. I couldn't possibly justify using any of your herbs on the off chance that it'll make me sleep. Save it." Come to think of it, they really should go and collect as much as they could before it was well and truly too late, shouldn't they?

"Uh, speaking of," he continued, "I could help you gather herbs, if you... if you want. Two can carry more and cover more ground." It was the least he could do, he wanted to say. "Or help with anything, really."

[penned by its_oliverr].

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[Dandelionwish]

"Fair, perhaps come newleaf we can experiment a little more with what might help-plenty of flowers then!" He longed for the days of green grass and colorful blooms, of rabbits spilling from burrows and the wind carrying a warm breeze through his pelt. You never realized how much you missed the fairer weather until it was gone and even the dried marigold he kept tucked in his fur was withering further and further into shriveled debris as the cold crept further and further in. Dandelionwish missed the flowers, he missed rolling in patches of his namesake and sending the snowflake like seeds scattering to the winds. His focus slowly came back to Coalfoot's offer, a warming notion and he smiled in response because there were quite a few kind cats who had asked similar and he found himself being a little more hopeful for WindClan's future with their help.
"I won't say no to that, always happy to have a help'n paw! Could teach ye what the more common ones I use look like...marigold, goldenrod..." His clan was known for fighting, he no longer batted an eye at the sight of blood.

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[coalfoot]

———————————————【 coalfoot | windclan | male 】——————————————

【◈】Experimenting... Coalfoot let out a weak laugh at that. It was worth a try, but he would be lying if he said he was willing to chew on bitter plants with the hope that they would work. "Hopefully," he answered, "but don't feel obligated. It's still better to save them for when they're needed."

The small smile grew a little more genuine when Dandelionwish accepted his offer of help. Teaching him herbs? It wasn't something he had considered before, and he nibbled on one of his claws in thought. "I can't say I would make a very good medicine cat," he admitted. "But sure, I wouldn't mind learning some of the basics. It could never hurt to have another set of paws with at least a little bit of knowledge to use." Marigold and goldenrod... those were... oh, did he even know?

"Those are... flowers, right? I've never really paid attention to what flowers are called what." Presumably golden in color. They both had gold in the name.

[penned by its_oliverr].

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