sensitive topics KILL OUR WAY TO HEAVEN ⚔︎ brink of starvation

[Petalnose]

// TW: For starvation

Loyalty was taken to heart. A real solider would die for their community. They would defend it through each beat of heart without a flicker of regret in tired eyes. Challenges were a common occurrence, some would be bent by them and some would build them up. In some cases they would do both. For the fiercely loyal heart, it had done her both. Maybe the season had bent her mind too much. Maybe she had taken it too far. A dark secret had always lied in the shadows of character.

Petalnose did not care for herself. Fiery and no nonsense she was to everyone but really she had loved everyone genuinely. Some had seen first thing, they had seen the cotton soft layer that lied deep beneath. However, the only true nemesis was herself. Without a second thought and through temptations, she put her clan before her own needs. Withering she was underneath the silk coat that masked her condition for so long. But soon it was becoming prevalent, whenever a break was offered she was working. In secret or in group. It was for the better of her clan she thought. She was strong, she could hold on just a little while longer she thought. Here and there she'll nourish herself, but only enough to have energy to persist in catches. It wasn't enough. She was wrong. She couldn't hold on any longer. The claws clinging within herself was slipping and soon to show to others her mistake.

Petalnose had been amongst a patrol. Her performance had lacked, nothing was caught. Experience and skill; she at least would have brought something home. Weakness and chill made her shake uncontrollably. Heavy heaves of breath showed her struggles traveling the terrain. Eventually her body began to sway and vision began to weaken in blurs of withering colors. Ringing in her ears drowned out her environment, pausing in place in attempts to gain herself back. A blur of color and warmth settled beside her but she only heard distance mumbles. Her exhausted gaze shifted in the direction of the source, the fire in her eyes had seemed to wither in energy. Dark and weary. "Lichentail…?" A murmur, quiet and uncharacteristic. Legs shook and forward she collapsed. The feeling was all too familiar but the pain was lasting too long. She knew what she was close to. Should she ask? Was it unloyal to ask? But how far gone was she? Was it too late? Guilt had seemed to finally shake her, "I.. I need help." So tired. So cold. Overworked. She had to fight. Just like she always had. For her clan. For now she had to live. For the clan.

Hold on. Just breath. Just trust for once.

// Please wait to post! @lichentail has permissions to help her out first.

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[lichenstar]

⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ​

cw; *descriptions of blood*

Carefully scrutiny had warned her of this. A hard stare in a quiet, wilting willow tree had said it would happen.

*She's drifted through the frost-encrusted reeds that day like a ghost... normally purpose-heavy paws seemed lighter, uncertain... Floating idly with half-glazed, far-off glances. She knew that feeling, the wispy, airy feeling that mimicked the emptiness of a hungry belly. It had been her turn, in a manner of speaking, to take on that silent mission to distribute food to everyone else first and herself last, when the rogues had been running rampant. She remembered how it had felt to sink her teeth into their necks, to feel the warm rush of blood in her mouth... she shuddered to remember the way her mouth had salivated at its familiarity... how close it had felt to biting into a vole, fresh... warm...*

Pale eyes observe a hesitation... a moment's pause as if the reality of her quivering body has caught up to her. "Petalnose," she murmurs cautiously, approaching with delicate paws along the frozen ground to reach her. "Are you-" She doesn't even get to finish before warm chocolate eyes find her- she says her name with such a breathless confusion.

It is frighteningly out of character.

The few lengths between them are closed rapidly, foot-falls more urgent and less tactful not to make noise- prey in the area be damned, she looked like she was about to-

Tucking herself carefully under the lead warrior as she slumped forward, a small breath of effort to have to carry her weight so abruptly. She's hardly supporting herself... and Lichentail already feels a hot sweat of guilt down her back. Is this my fault?

"I need help." Her brows furrow a pained expression- when had the white and brown molly ever been so willing to ask for this? And from a painted blue that often butt-heads with her in the name of friendly competition? It was tantamount to telling your worst enemy that they'd defeated you.. at least, it probably felt like that for the frozen-limbed tabby she supported.

"I've got you," she reassures in a hushed voice. A promise uttered time and again to Hazecloud in fitful nights of mournful tears. One that demanded she swallow every burning tear to be sturdy.. to be untouchable... all so someone else might find comfort in that strength, even if it wasn't authentic. Even if that stability was a practiced facade.

"We're going home, alright? No more patrols today..."

Ears prick forward to listen for the lingering members of her patrol that might be close enough to hear her... "Hey! Someone get me Aspenhaze!" It was the least she could do.. to keep whatever embarassment to a minimum. She was so stubborn she'd dragged her own sorry ass all the way home when she'd been attacked at the WindClan border- she could only imagine how flustered Petalnose would be to feel this weak and be surrounded by less-than-friends who weren't meant to see the weaker side of their lead warrior.

"Can you walk? You can lean on me, I can take it."

@Aspenhaze // for visibility ;)

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WELL IF YOU WANT MY BLOOD I'LL MAKE SO MUCH BLOOD

THAT YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING DROWN​

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[Lilacbird]

She had days where anxiety became so much, that others need the prey more than herself- or days where she felt she hadn't contributed enough and felt the rumbling of a stomach that kept herself up late into the night. She wouldn't come to the extent as such though, so hungry that the ability to move was limited.

She heard the fateful words of the lead warrior, words she never thought she would hear come from the patchwork molly, dancing off her tongue that caused a pang of regret from Lilacbird. No one should be this determined to make sure others didn't eat, they didn't have to suffer this badly.

The lead warrior could barely stand, Lichentail holding her up and the lilac torties gave a small gulp. "Ill- I'll," the chattering of her teeth and her already abnormal speech impediments only made it harder for the molly. Instead, she gave an expression of sympathy and a dip of her fluffy head before running off the grab Aspenhaze.

"P-petalnose- follow," she trembled out in deep breaths. Her paws never stopped on the way here. There was not enough time to stutter out full sentences right now. No, definitely not.

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[FERNGILL]

Ferngill hadn't thought this patrol would be anything remarkable. He'd put on his best face, not that it was ever difficult to bear a grin, when he'd found out that he would be patrolling alongside Petalnose and Lichentail. Friends, he'd like to call them... but superiors also. Now wasn't the time for conversation, he knew that much. Ferngill's lack of natural talent meant his focus was tunnelled and unshakeable on hunts.

Petalnose had always been strong, one of the strongest of them, in Ferngills admiration-flooded eyes. She was a warrior he respected to an illimitable degree, one he believed in ultimately- the sight of her legs faltering was not one with which Ferngill had ever expected to be faced. Woozy, hushed murmurings caught his attention, tore his eye away from his hunt- as did Lichentail's swiftly heeded order, get me Aspenhaze. That inconceivable sight was there, plastered before him. Worry flooded a solitary vision of green.

"What can I do?" Ferngill asked Lichentail breathlessly, unable to stop himself from looking at Petalnose once, twice, three times. His sight flickered between them hurriedly- because there had to be something. He had to do something without overcrowding her, without making anything worse, without hurting her more, somehow. However she got hurt the first time. ​

✦ penned by pin ✦​

 

[Petalnose]

Weight hadn't met the icy ground. Instead, she stumbled upon the deputy's body and her waning consciousness told her to be ashamed. The pain would've been more comforting to her. It would be more comfortable to her than asking for help. But she asked. The ever rarity of it; she had asked. It was received. A bittersweet feel for the ever-independent individual. Never did she think it would be the blue pointed feline, never had she believed.

As dazed as she was, she understood the words of reassurance. Tired eyes blinked slowly, drawing a shaky claw out to grasp the ground. An attempt to regain a sense of independence. "Sorry." a murmur to Lichenhaze and a hiss towards herself, she knew the word wouldn't do anything. She normally avoided the single word, knowing it didn't fix a thing. Certainly not in this situation. But she felt helpless. A murmur of regret, "I thought... I could make it."

A command for her mate. It had brought her a sense of comfort, but more guilt sunk within. Trust she had possibly broken. She told them she could make it. Aspenhaze hadn't pressed her forward, they believed her and she proved them wrong to. A heave of breath collapsed tightly into her ribs as the claws of regret sunk deeper. She was hurting her loved ones too, wasn't she? And it only took death breathing down her neck to realize. Cruel, she was being cruel. As Lilacbird left as fast as she came, she held her tongue to stop her. She didn't want Aspenhaze to see her like this. But she deserved it.

It was hard to realize the additional company as she fought for her consciousness. Careful not to drown into the unknown. But the familiar voice pulled a slow glance towards orange fur. Ferngill wanted purpose, he wanted a way to help. Give him something to do. I don't want him to stare at me like this. So, she let her authority speak through hoarsened voice, "Ravensong.. Moonpaw." Let them know.

"Can you walk?"

Claws upon ground pulled herself more forward as if it were a command. A grunt of effort met with unstable balance upon thin legs. She tried her best to spark the slowing fire within, that strength she hadn't ever failed to display. The weakness was prevalent to see through now. A few steps forward but she still asked for guidance with a wordless glance in Lichentail's direction.

I need help.

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[Moonbeam]

Although Moonpaw tried to pay attention to everyone within the clan the best she could, there were times where she missed things that could be ailing those around her, unsure if a symptom was actually a symptom of an illness or simply just the weather. She'd never been through a leafbare before and didn't know what to expect, she knew that weight would be lost and food would be missed - especially with the code that was introduced last season - but she didn't know how much to expect, didn't know how much was too much, and so she hadn't noticed the way Petalnose hadn't been eating, hadn't noticed that she worked herself until the very last second and she didn't know how detrimental that could be to one's health.

Breath sucked in through teeth as Moonpaw heard Lilacbird gathering Aspenhaze, quickly stumbling out that it was Petalnose and that she needed her mate. Rocks fell to her stomach as the warrior ran out once more out into the territory and though she hadn't been asked for then she still followed behind, knowing that she'd rather be on the safe side and put her nose where it wasn't needed than ignore the sinking feeling within her stomach and something bad actually happen. It was as she neared the patrol that she heard her mentor's and her own name spoken out through hoarse voice, eyes landing upon the scene that had unfold while she was rushing over.

She watched as Petalnose stumbled as she moved forward and Moonpaw found white ears flicking back in alarm before looking at the warriors around her. "Ferngill can you help her on her other side?" The apprentice would quickly ask before eyes flickered over Petalnose once more, assessing for anything she knew she could help with, but upon being met with nothing her tail flicked behind her and quickly the white moggie found herself looking to the others there once more. "Head for camp, I'm going to get Ravensong." They'd meet them halfway, surely, and then Petalnose would be okay. With that she turned and sprinting back to camp to grab her mentor.

I WISH PLANT LIFE ꕥ WOULD GROW ALL AROUND ME

• ran off to get @RAVENSONG
• 
  MEDICINE CAT IN TRAINING;
  — ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ FLESH WOUNDS
  — ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ INFECTIONS
  — ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ ACHES & PAINS
  — ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ ILLNESS
  — ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ BREATHING ISSUES
  — ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ TRAVELING HERBS
  — ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ BROKEN BONES
  — ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ KITTING
  — ꕥꕥꕥꕥꕥ POISONS
• 
  ꕥ SH white masking cinnamon torbie w/orange eyes & small ears
  ꕥ speaks softly & often found humming
  ꕥ 9 moons old; ages the 17th every month
  ꕥ homosexual homoromantic ; interested in beepaw & redacted
  ꕥ currently being mentored by ravensong
  ꕥ easy to befriend/interact with ; hard to anger/upset
  ꕥ "speech", thoughts, attacking
  ꕥ easy in combat unless in water, focuses on defensive tactics
  ꕥ peaceful powerplay allowed

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[Aspenhaze]

When Lilacbird comes to fetch Aspenhaze, a deep seated feeling of dread set in their stomach boils up. It doesn’t take a genius to guess what has the warrior so worried, and why she came to grab them specifically. It has to be Petalnose. Did the lack of eating finally get to her? They thought she would have taken care of herself better after their conversation, but apparently not. Now’s not the time to be upset, however. As Moonpaw joins the two of them, they dash to where Petalnose fell.

Aspenhaze almost wants to shove the other two still on the scene away from her, and take care of their mate themself. That’s not realistic however, and they go by her side, helping to prop her up along with Lichentail. “I’m here,” they say lightly, trying their best not to show just how anxious they actually are. Is this how she felt when Yellowcough found its way to them, making them ill? They never thought they’d be on the other side, wondering how much this will affect her. “We are all here for you.”​

 

[lichenstar]

⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ​

She lurches in such a disjointed manner that you'd guess her knees had been glued on backwards... Lichentail lunges to keep step, to adjust her weight where she can to keep her upright at the very least. Walking was out of the question... at least not right now, not like this and not alone. Eyes scour the slowly gathering group and she can feel her skin chill under a cold sweat- they didn't need to watch. Petalnose had her pride.. she was an increasingly stubborn molly and if their little friendly bouts of competition told her anything, it was that the word 'help' was like pulling teeth.

They are suffocating in their care and concern, like a swarm of ants overtaking a single bee to overheat it, to drown it in their sheer numbers. Ferngill prompts her for any kind of direction but the dizzied brown and white warrior drags out hardly formed words in suggestion before she can. The medicine cats... even with their presence, the blue deputy is uncertain much can be done in the way of herbs. What herb cured days of an empty belly?

"Did you catch anything," she asks, voice tightly wound as her muscles struggling to keep them both standing. "Is there any prey left in camp?" How long had she been putting this off? She couldn't have even spared a couple bites? Her throat tightens as if rope has been strung around it and pulled, a wave of nauseous guilt to think of every meal shared in the quiet warmth of the nursery.

Already it feels like a thousand-yard glare is dug into her back like a fine-pointed blade.

It was a calculated risk... right? If only the math hadn't looked so deceitful... if only the winter hadn't seemed so promisingly calm thus far. Last year had been hellacious, a tsunami of overflow to drown them. This had been quiet... soft as the muted noise of footsteps in crunching snow. A poison under their skin, unrealized until it had already run through deep veins.

Aspenhaze mercifully finds them and for a second, she is certain that lingering glance is fixated on her in fury- it would be a justified one, she thinks as pale eyes look away in guilty admission. They can probably shuffle back now.. with proper support. Her tongue is dry as if she were equally humiliated to be in this circumstance.

"Make sure the rest of the patrol makes it home," she orders flatly, a single ear pinched back in display of all her dismay. "If anyone else is feeling unwell, head back to camp immediately. Don't take risks..." A gently placed touch of tail at Petalnose's back as a silent prompt- let's try to get you home... Between the supports plastered to her side, she shouldn't be at risk of falling so easily anymore. At the very least... camp wasn't that far off.

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WELL IF YOU WANT MY BLOOD I'LL MAKE SO MUCH BLOOD

THAT YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING DROWN​

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[SMOKESTAR]

—————————————————————⊰★⊱————————————————————
There was chaos erupting around a pale white and brown figure and he sees Moonpaw dart away from the group of cats clustered and meowing out in alarm; the sight of it fills him with dread for what he is about to find. The dark tom pushes his way forward, shouldering against Ferngill as he comes to a stop and see the gaunt figure of his lead warrior alongside Aspenhaze and Lilacbird - she is already supported well so he remains at a distance similar to the young ginger warrior; he didn't want to crowd her.

His previous talk with Lichentail settles like a dark pit in his stomach, his fears expedited at the warning he had given his newly appointed deputy that the blood of any cat who starved would drench her paws come green leaf. He lurches forward with a staggering step, lone orange eye blown out wide in frenzied concern, "...there's nothing on the pile. We just..." Fed the kits, fed Hazecloud, the look he sent the blue points way would have been venomous if he had any energy for rage but he felt only an empty hollow where his heart and stomach were inside; two gaping holes that had been emptied for so long - one from lack of prey, the other where cicada once screamed. His head snaps up and he turns, "Ferngill, grab anyone you can and head to the river. Catch anything, anything at all..." A minnow, a tadpole, he didn't care - something of substance. They all had visible ribs this leafbare, it was not the worst they had suffered and they managed well enough but he knew how many went hungry and he was broiling inside that Petalnose had slipped so far.
It was not entirely the fault of anyone, she'd always been such a stubborn molly, but with no one to blame his worry and anger festered inside him like bruise.
"Petalnose, stay strong, you'll be fine. When you're recovered I'm going to chew your ear off and change your name to One-ear." His attempted lightheartedness is strained, frantic even - its hard to tell if hes genuinely threatening her or making a joke as his paws knead the ground in ambient anxiety.

✘ I've got a reputation and a name to uphold. ✘ Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves.

• OOC can go here.
• 
  
  
  Smokestar
  —⊰⋅ Leader of RiverClan
  —⊰⋅ He/Him
  "SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  —⊰⋅ Black tom w/vitiligo & one orange eye.
  

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[RAVENSONG]

RiverClan she-cats are known to work themselves to death. Typically Ravensong is more astute in upkeeping their Clanmates, but it has been clear the disappearance of Dovethroat had been taking quite the toll on him. He blames himself, naturally, every time he is rushed for some emergency.

"What is it?" He asks, wide-eyed when Moonpaw comes to fetch him. Ravensong staggers to his feet and backtracks his apprentice trail. He is quick enough that he arrives at the small congregation of warrior around Petalnose. His heart sinks. Of course it is Petalnose. His nostrils flare. No clear signs of illness or injury, but it is evident she is exhausted to the bone. His ear flicks. Eating too soon now would cause her stomach to throw.

"You will need to rest and be on a strict diet for a few days." He observed. "Come on, let's make you a temporary nest in the medicine den." He casts an apologetic glance at her mate.

☾₊ ⊹ темная ночь — dark is the night

•  
• 
  RAVENSONG of RIVERCLAN — LH BLACK POLYDACTYL MALE (CARRYING CINNAMON, DILUTE) a tall, slender creature with pitch-black feathery fur, large ears, and a sharply angled skull held up in an aloof manner. smells of dried herb, speaks with a low and rumbly accent and walks with an elegant slinking gait.
  
  — born in twolegplace and orphaned at a young age, he joined riverclan at its inception and began training as a drypaw warrior known for a bitter temperment until beesong made him his medicine cat apprentice. after his mentor's untimely death, he had been named ravensong at the moonstone, young heart revitalized with anger and guilt. he is a somber and thorough medicine cat that guards every word spoken in the confines of his den.
  
  — secretly loves "the stars but not so much what inhabits them" — openly suffers from chronic migraines — single, but "it's complicated"

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[Petalnose]

Moonpaw had seemed to be summoned through her request. Once being the kitten she talked support of a childhood fear. Once being the youth she tried her best to be emotional support to during the rouges. Now she was supporting her in her own mistake. Something that possibly didn't even require herbs. Guilty, guilty, she should be. She hoped she didn't make her feel helpless. Maybe she shouldn't have spoken her name.

Aspenhaze was quick to meet her side, refusing to meet their gaze as it drifted into the distance. She did them wrong. It didn't feel right to accept the forgiving and familiar warmth beside her. She didn't want to accept it, she wanted to push against it. She didn't deserve it. However, it was hard not to accept it. Especially now. The reassuring words made her gently press against them, but how it tore her up inside. It felt like claws were sinking into her weakened frame of fur and bone. A sigh sunk through her. I'm so stupid.

More were drawn to the scene, which had collected correction in her clanmates. It made her tense. It was as if she were to fight off through swatting paws and sharpened tongue of stubborn will. She hadn't. Weakness didn't allow it. Eyes slowly scanned each of them in swallowed defeat. I don't want them to see me.

Lichentail's touch of support caused a small flinch in alarm. A snap out of buried hostility. Defusal within her was sent along with a thankful glance in the deputy's direction.

The familiar grey and white flecked pelt was of no question to her. Smokestar would know of this sooner rather than later. It was an expected presence despite the tension it caused her. She was to be reprimanded for this. Failure in attempts in stealthy action, all in the name of assisting the health of her clan. Petalnose knew it was inhumane, the day she had first begun to shove her chances away. It wasn't right. She knew better despite how far she fell.

The anxiety she sensed caused her to blink away as if she were scolded already. Commands drew from him and then came the directed words. Petalnose expected more from him, she expected the ringing within her ears to be joined with firm yells. To her, this was kindness. Brows weakly press forward in confusion. Was he joking? Should she ask for more? "Okay. Fair." The heaved words were of seriousness, pressing back the possibility of humor. It was already difficult to smile. If her ear was shredded and her name was changed, all was fairer than withering to the nearing fate of death. Maybe that was too kind in her eyes. The real consequence to her was the emotions she was causing.

Ravensong had come to investigate, instructions swift to fall from his maw. Her antsy paws were known to ache for work within the confinement of healing. Now, it didn't sound so bad. Physically or metaphorically, she'd groan at it and assure she was okay. She knew she far from that. Listening was crucial for her survival.

A slow nod expressed her obedience with a shaky step forward.

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[FERNGILL]

It was all at once. Worry clouded his perception of time, and then cats were filtering in, worried expressions plastered across faces. Petalnose wobbled out a request for the medicine cats, and he turned- but they were there, cottoned on by Lilacbird no doubt. Aspenhaze beat him to Petalnose's side, and he swayed in place, feeling profoundly useless for a few long moments. That was until Smokestar himself brushed against his side- concern and frustration pulled his tone taut, and a horryfying admission bypassed his lips. There's nothing on the pile.

A clatter of stones- Ferngill felt his heart hit the floor. Nothing, at all... the fault of Leafbare, no doubt. A twisting grimace of concern found place on his face- he could go, he could go now, but- but he would be alone in the cold, and- and Lichenhaze said to make sure the rest of the patrol got home safe. Ferngill scrabbled for a solution, desperate to help his friend- and it was Smokestar who answered his silent prayer.

grab anyone you can and head to the river. Catch anything, anything at all. Smokestar's tone left no room for argument- if Ferngill would ever have dared argue with his leader, anyway. And it was there, his chance to help- he took it eagerly, determination bright in his sighted eye. "Yes, Smokestar." A short nod, and then- then he was turning, ready to bolt off. An emerald eye sought out Petalnose's fading gaze. "You're going to be fine, Petalnose."

It took great effort to keep the fear out of his voice, but- he had a duty, didn't he? A streak of fire- he would gather his patrol as quickly as he could manage. They'd bring home anything they could, and they would run it home.

\ out B)​

✦ penned by pin ✦​