pafp Last to admit I need a hand to hold // apology

[owlpaw.]

He'd speak with Pebblepaw for quite a bit, weave the flowers with the most focus and care he ever had in something. For the first time ever, he took something serious. Anxiety revealed it's evil face over him, it's teeth lunging for his stomach and keeping it's grip tight on him, it's claws ripping into his heart at the memory of the orange eyes glaring at him.

He fucked up. He knew this.

And he was going to fix it. He was going to do everything in his power to fix it. The chocolate tom missed her presence, and felt guilty for the words that spilled from his mouth. But why? Why did he say what he did?

Carefully, he picked up the braid of flowers, the oranges, yellows, and reds hung from his jaws as his steps led him to sunpaw, paws careful and hesitant. And he's carefully set his gift before her, his mismatched gaze gently lifting to hers, searching them. "Sunpaw, I'm... So so sorry."

He did not care who seen him. Mostly, while he spoke, he did not let his attention move from hers. He would watch her features, watch her motions- and whether her lips curled in disgust or anger, or whether they would smile, he would say what he had to say and he would make this right.

"You do not deserve what I said. I expected you to come over and swat me over the ears, or shove me, but the hurt in your eyes- that hurt me. Because.. I care about you. A lot. And I've never been so sorry for something I did. It was a serious question that I should have respected and responded seriously with. I understand if you don't forgive me right now. Or ever-" he said, voice catching and his maw turning to a grimace at the thought. His heart was sinking as he spoke, his blue and green gaze finally dropping from hers to the flowers.

"I.. made you this. Pebblepaw helped me. It compliments your eyes, and I remember you said you really liked the yellow flowers... But it would look pretty on you-" he sighed. She didn't deserve him as a friend, she deserved someone better who wasn't an idiot. His voice was shaky, unsteady like the thudding of his heart. His ears and cheeks burned. "You're right, I'm really not smart. And.. I guess, I'm afraid of... Being friends with you. That, you deserve someone better, smarter than me. Who'll treat you better, than me. But I do care about you. And it hurts me to know I hurt you."

Owlpaws gaze returned to hers, the sadness exposed easily. "You don't have to forgive me right now, but I'll always be here for you. Friends for life... Right?" He asked, his paws for the first time ever shifting uncomfortably.

Please wait for @SUNPAW. ///

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[SUNPAW.]

tl;dr: Sunpaw being Sunpaw, eventually forgiving(?) Owlpaw

For once, it wasn't like she was... mad mad at someone. She was mad, but it was in that sort of way where maybe she was also a little sad? Or maybe confused? She's not sure where the emotion pins, only that it's swirled around in her head as a series of contradictions over the last few sunrises and sunsets. As a consequence, she's also been fairly ignoring Owlpaw, despite their supposed closeness having been enough for even their clanmates to assume they were padding after eachother.

So much for what Owlpaw had originally said about them being friends when he could so easily turn around and say to all of their clanmates that she must hate him. And it's not like she's unaware of her own attitude problems or what people think of her - vaguely tolerable at best, maybe, because most of RiverClan is too good-hearted for some reason.

So when it's Owlpaw who approaches with a maw full of flowers, can anyone really blame her for being a little... uncertain? Her eyes squint just a little, sizing up Owlpaw as he apologizes. And apologizes. And keeps talking, and it's actually a lot. She's expecting something simple, short and sweet and to the point but the longer he talks the more she's having to shift her focus into actually listening.

He does seem... sorry. But she still has a lot of unanswered hurt feelings and questions too.

"If you knew it was a serious question, even if you were uncomfortable, why would you say that I hated you?" she interjects, because that's really what she doesn't understand in all of this. How can he tell her one thing and then tell everyone else another? But he's not done, so she sits, flicking her tail over her paws, her gaze lifting up and over his shoulder as he starts... complimenting her of all things. She hasn't even looked at the flowers yet - because she's not ready to move on from the feelings burning in her paws but it's... weird. She doesn't like hearing Owlpaw like this either.

Friends for life, right?

"You're an idiot, Owlpaw." It's the first thing out of her maw but she's not actually sure what to say. She heaves a sigh, shifting on her paws as she finally skirts her gaze down to Owlpaw in front of her. Her paw raises, but she doesn't actually feel the burning heat behind it any more, even as she reaches out to box him lightly over the ears. "Being afraid to be friends with me and thinking I hate you is two different things. You know that, right?" she grumbles. But she can't bring herself to yell, even though it would feel good right now. That would be even more embarrassing.

"And actually," Okay, maybe she does actually have stronger feelings about this. "Why do you get to say that someone else will treat me better, huh? You do realize you're like my only friend, right?" she huffs. "And you did embarrass me, actually. Even if it wasn't like... your fault for the question, I guess. You still said something really stupid! Like so stupid, Owlpaw!"

She reaches out again, this time to shove Owlpaw in the shoulder. But even as she does it, she reaches out and swipes the flowers closer to her body, exhaling sharply through her nose. "You're an idiot, Owlpaw," she repeats firmly. "...But I do like yellow." And... apparently it would be pretty on her? It would, wouldn't it. And well... Pebblepaw also helped with it so that makes it less weird, right? "...Thanks for remembering."
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