private like a river flows, surely to the sea | old lovers, new crushes

Patchpaw [in.]

Patchpaw [in.]

i pray we meet again soon
Sunningrocks [TC '23]
Oct 4, 2022
87
4
8
THERE'S A WORLD THAT WAS MEANT FOR OUR EYES TO SEE​
Taking the path from the medicine cat's den to the leader's den was surely an easy path. Smooth, sandy terrain below her paws with a soft covering of snow, one straight pathway from one den to the other. Nothing wrong with that.

Or, at least, it should've been. Without her fourth paw, Patchpaw ends up tripping from an unseen divet underneath the snow, leaving imprints of her face. She struggles for a second to balance herself on three paws, groaning as she quickly kicks the embarrassing imprint before hurrying along. Hopefully I don't have to deal with this much longer, she grumbles internally. Her leg was seething in pain and it took everything to bite down on her lip and not shout in pain--the last thing she wanted was for Howlingstar or Berryheart, or really anyone for that matter, to usher her back into the den like a lost newborn kit. If Sunfreckle can be a full-grown warrior able to hunt and fight without an arm at all, then Patchpaw was quite surely able to handle herself! She awkwardly hops towards the leader's den with her injured--and still complaining--foreleg held in the air, head held high in confidence.

Finally, Patchpaw reaches the High Rock towering over her head, and she pauses for a moment to marvel in the sights. A spire of stone and covered in moss dangling from the bottom, hiding away the leader's den, stands guard with its peak facing outwards and towards the middle of camp. She dips her head and steps into its grand shadow, eventually pushing her head through the dangling wall of moss and vine where she finds Howlingstar herself.
"Howling Wind? I--I mean, Howlingstar." Patchpaw laughs nervously at her slip-up. That was a name she was not going to get used to for a while. "I... ah, wanted to know if I could talk to you. A-about a few things, that is, only if you're not busy at the moment. I meant to ask you about this earlier, but, heh, we were all too preoccupied with dogs."

//@HOWLINGSTAR
​
 
Howlingstar lays within her nest, welcoming any shut-eye she can get with open arms. Sleep is hard to come by, especially with an herbal poultice plastered onto the back of her neck. She shifts uncomfortably before settling once more, nose tucked within her white forepaws before she hears pawsteps shuffling at the entrance to her den. Peeling open an eye, she lifts her head and trills, "Come in." She expects to see Flycatcher there with a report of the day's patrols, or Berryheart to give her an update on the status of his patients. She is surprised to see none other than Patchpaw standing there, her multicolored form appearing nervous as she enters, wanting to speak with her. It isn't often an apprentice approaches her to address something. With a bit of confusion and worry crossing her features, the leader sits herself up and steps out of her nest, giving the young girl a comforting nod. "Of course, what can I do for you, Patchpaw? Is everything alright?"​
 
THERE'S A WORLD THAT WAS MEANT FOR OUR EYES TO SEE​
"Oh--everything's fine, I promise!" Patchpaw laughs sheepishly as she limps further into the den, before finally managing to stop in front of Howlingstar so she could sit down, huffing softly from the effort of having to keep her paw off the ground. "It's--actually... I was talking to my dad, and he suggested I could ask you, too, about-about this sort of thing. Heh. I've seen you interact with a couple of the other warriors, and I couldn't help but wonder--what is it like to love someone? Is it like your heart’s gonna swoon every time they walk into your vicinity?”

Although her father had suggested it, Patchpaw had already been planning on asking Howlingstar this for a while, but she's only had the chance to do it now--the dogs and the Gathering had, temporarily, stunted her plans, and Spotflare's suggestion quickly reminded her of it. She had seen Howlingstar interact with many of the other warriors, but it felt like she was related to half the clan by now, and Patchpaw could barely wrap her head around the idea of such a big family! It took time to figure out who was related to who, but Patchpaw learned quickly with growing bewilderment. "How did you get such a big family? I don't even know if my parents had siblings, either!" She laughs softly at this, an attempt to ease her awkwardness. Oh, how she could be so silly over something so profound...

"I was only wondering because, well, it's... for a friend, you see, and I wanted to ask around and see what other people think. And I knew you had a big family, so I figured, well, I could ask you! You'd know better than most, right?"​
 
Howlingstar blinks in surprise, ears twitching to ensure she heard right. She looks at the girl who is little more than a kitten, an amused smile playing on her lips. "Oh Patchpaw, you're too young to be concerned over such things. When you're older, you'll know what love is," She trills lightly, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she smiles at the young apprentice. She guesses the girl has an infatuation with one of her denmates. No surprise; crushes are oh so abundant in the youth. So much time together in training, on patrols, doing chores...it's bound to lead to butterflies at some point!

"I was much older than you are now when I knew I loved my mate. Gray Wolf was his name. We were well into our, oh, third cycle of the seasons? It was so long ago. Our family grew little by little in the colony in the marshes. First with Hollow Tree and Little Wolf. Later, with Lily Pad and Cobwebtail. And in my last litter, Raccoonstripe, Graystorm, and Jackdawflight. That's also when Berryheart came into my life, just as a tiny little kit." She thinks back on the time happily, eyes lifting to the ceiling of the den for a moment. When she returns her gaze to Patchpaw, she reaches out and places a white paw gently upon her own. "Don't fret over this yet, little one. You have so much time ahead of you to worry about adult things like love. Enjoy your apprenticeship; this time is so fleeting."​
 
THERE'S A WORLD THAT WAS MEANT FOR OUR EYES TO SEE​
"Ah..." As Howlingstar places her paw upon her good paw, Patchpaw can't help the light warm blush that crosses her cheeks. "Your family is wonderful, I know that much and I hope I can have as good of a relationship as you did with Gray Wolf! I... do want to ask, though, I haven't seen your mate around. Where is he now?" Patchpaw curiously glances back over her shoulder and towards the rest of the camp, before she hesitates and looks back at Howlingstar.

"Oh." The realization gradually dawns on her face, and her orange eyes soften with a strange new feeling of recognition and familiarity. "You... lost him, didn't you? I'm--I'm sorry to hear that." She wasn't sure why it struck such a cord with her. She had almost no connection with her own mom, but seeing how much her dad grieved over her and the vague memories she had left...
"I lost my mom when I was a kit. I've asked Dad about her a couple of times and he explained that she was really sweet, but I don't really remember her much. Was Gray Wolf like that, too?"​
 
Howlingstar tilts her head, brow raising in surprise that Patchpaw hadn't realized sooner. Her mate had never been in the clan, died long before the clans ever existed in the forest. She smiles gently and shakes her head, "He passed many seasons ago. He is with StarClan now, and I know I will be with him again someday, so there's no need to be sorry." She stopped mourning long ago; she's healed.

She recalls Spotflare opening up to her about his late mate, and sympathy washes over her for Patchpaw and her brother. It must be so hard to grow up without a mother. Her third litter had to do so without their father. It's never fair, but the world can be cruel. She nods and blinks warmly down at the girl. "He was a very kind tom. Very wise, too. Many looked up to him. You would have liked him, Patchpaw." He would have been a wonderful warrior, She can't help but think longingly. Honorable, dutiful, benevolent...ThunderClan could've really used a cat like him in its ranks.​
 
THERE'S A WORLD THAT WAS MEANT FOR OUR EYES TO SEE​
It was something Patchpaw couldn’t pick up on easily, for while she was alert, she was not always that observant of the other cats around her. Often she could be found in her own little world, as evidenced by a vacant, unfocused look that would become her expression every time she drifted off if there wasn’t something for her to direct her attention to in reality. She sheepishly smiles back at the confusion on Howlingstar’s face.
"He sounds incredibly sweet… I hope one day I have a mate just like yours!" Patchpaw squeaks with enthusiasm, her sheepishness melting away as fast as the snow on a spring morning. "I’d love him with all my heart!"

In fact, she already did—and she, despite her internal worries of being rejected, planned on telling Wildpaw quite soon how she felt.

"But I do want to ask… When you lost Gray Wolf, how did you handle it? I—I was only wondering about this though because of my dad. I always see him depressed and alone, but he refuses to let me see it, like he’s pretending to be all happy just so I don’t worry. He’s—he’s changed, and I don’t… really know how to feel about it, y’know?"
And just like that, her previous unmatched enthusiasm softens into a gentle worry as Patchpaw glances over her shoulder, where she can see her dad talking to another warrior, notably quite calm and friendly—a striking sight to the grim guilt that dashed across his face every time she or anyone mentioned her mother.

"I’d like to help him—I don’t know how, but I want to help." She steels herself back to face Howlingstar, her eyes furrowed in determination. "How would I be able to go about that?"​
 
Ah, grief is so easy thing. Howlingstar follows the apprentice's gaze outside to her father, who chats with a clanmate casually. "He's still in mourning," She explains gently, returning her attention to Patchpaw. "It's a hard thing to go through, losing your mate. I'm sure he's doing the best he can. All you have to do is be there for him and keep showing him that smile of yours." Her lips turn up in a smile of her own as she cocks her head to the side. "There isn't much else one can do. But time heals all wounds, so just give him time, okay?" It took her seasons to get over Gray Wolf, but her kits helped her through it. She hopes he's proud of the family they created together.​
 
THERE'S A WORLD THAT WAS MEANT FOR OUR EYES TO SEE​
Patchpaw's eyes rest on her father for a moment longer before she returns to Howlingstar, eyebrows furrowed in concentration to try and wrap her mind around it. It made some sense at least--she couldn't imagine what it'd feel like if she lost Wildpaw, and the image left in her mind made her stomach squirm, when sudden realization and understanding dawns on her face.
"Oh... That makes sense. W-well--well, then, I'll give him my best smile!" She attempts to give the widest, warmest smile she could muster up, hope brimming in her orange eyes. "I'll give him the best support I can! Thank you for this, Howlingstar!"

Patchpaw jumps up on her paws, bumps her head against Howlingstar's shoulder as a thank-you and hurries off out of the den. From there, her tiny calico figure can be seen running up to Spotflare the best she can with a heavy limp, calling out for him. Just as he turns with a puzzled and mildly concerned look on his face, Patchpaw loses her balance skids into him, almost bowling both of them to the ground.
It takes a second of her apologizing profusely as he helps his daughter back up to her feet, before the both of them start laughing at the unfortunate situation. It seemed like the two of them were alright, if not hilariously amused, and when Spotflare attempts to bat at her head playfully to knock her off, she ducks and runs back away from him with a gleeful laugh. Almost immediately, he shouts after her and gives chase, trying to get her to stop moving so much with an injured leg.
It was like Howlingstar said. It would still take many more moons for Spotflare to finally come around, but time heals all wounds, and eventually, they will be alright.​
 
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