backwritten LITTLE DID I KNOW ✦ LICHENSTAR

[EVENINGPAW]

She is not entirely sure what the goal is here. Eveningpaw paces outside the medicine cat's den, no doubt alerting anyone with a conscious mind to her presence, but her pawsteps are not assured enough to usher her inside... for once, she is at a loss of what to do.

The fight against the raccoons had gone... fine, more or less. She loathes to see Shellpaw with all her limbs tucked and screeching in terror, but the injury she had sustained is nothing too big. It would not hinder her ability. The others, too, had some of their blood spilled here and there, but none of that came close to what a fierce battlefield might look like. Hazecloud had made the call — and with luck, nobody lost their lives.

...at least, Eveningpaw is sure of those with just one life.

Adrenaline had rushed within Eveningpaw's veins; blurred her vision as her head got thrown this way and that way. It had taken her a bit to realize how Lichenstar had simply vanished from the scene... and the trail of blood they had left behind was enough to jump-start Eveningpaw's heart into a frenzy.

It does much the same now.

Logically, she understands the implications of leaders. Their multiple lives make them look invincible; but that very thing serves as their downfall, too, because they are forced to undergo the pain of death over and over. Average cats only have to experience it once... and they never get to wake up after that. Not unless she wants to count StarClan. She does not.

She excuses herself when Moonbeam peeks at her curiously, letting her know that Eveningpaw is fine. Fine, she is always fine, while others continue to crumble around her. She does not want to think about it.

She just wants to think about Lichenstar.

"Mom," she says, for the first time in what feels like forever. Eveningpaw knows she is at least partially responsible for the wedge that opened between the two of them... the easy-going days where she sought them out without hesitation are long gone. "Why, um... how did you do it?" An uncertain pause. "I mean, you managed to come all the way home. Without us. Why didn't you ask us for help? I would've let you lean on me, or something..."

@lichenstar

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[lichenstar]

✦˚.✦˚✦˚✦˚ ✧ ˚✦˚✦˚✦.˚✧

CLAIM THE BURIAL I SEEK IN DREAMS FLOWING RIVER CEMETARY ✧

• Keep it close to the chest.... try not to show it... There are bandages that cannot be avoided, there are concerned stares to contend with but they needn't know more than that. She looked bad... and that was a truth she could admit to but giving them such personal worries.... seemed foolish, or maybe just selfish.
  
  It shouldn't surprise her to hear the meek call, one that identifies her as something other than just a leader. Her daughter stands before her... a spitting vision of her mother maybe.... the most stark contrast in the stares of gold and blue eyes. "Why..." It is a child's favorite word... but Eveningpaw moves away from that line of thought to ask for the how instead.
  
  She knows... in the baited breath where she contemplates continuing further, Lichenstar can tell that she knows. She's a smart girl. "Asking for help.... meant risking... your lives," she answers carefully, treading the line between honesty and reserved truths. "I'm not.... willing... to put you... in harm's way." That shouldn't be a surprise... or maybe to Eveningpaw, who had no kits of her own, that seemed silly. She was her own cat, nearly full-grown... she didn't need her mother to look after her anymore, right?
  
  "I'm fine.... it was... the right choice."
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[EVENINGPAW]

It is impossible to hide the frown; it rushes to the front row, knocks over anything else that might be more fitting when addressing RiverClan's leader, and commends full attention of Lichenstar as Eveningpaw's brows furrow. This is nothing new. Even before Eveningpaw understood what it is that Lichenstar stands for — and way before her mind comprehended that being a leader is not all sunshine and rainbows —, she knew, without doubt, that Lichenstar would lie their life down for her. Apprenticehood and the inevitable aspect of growing up that comes with it means Eveningpaw has thought about this.

She, too, would do that in exchange.

But that does not mean this is any easier to handle.

"Sometimes I wish you'd risk it..." she mutters, and when realization hits, Eveningpaw straightens up as if someone has just knocked into her. "I mean. I'm not as reckless as I used to be, I swear... I am improving." Does Lichenstar believe it? Has Hazecloud reported anything of the sort? "So... I don't mean it like that. But all this goes both ways. I want you safe, too."

It is not as comforting of a confession as Eveningpaw might have hoped. Even if the two had not always seen eye to eye, Lichenstar knows this... they must. Acknowledgement will never override the natural instinct of protecting another, though.

She decides to smooth it all out by something much more easier to swallow. "I don't doubt it was. Moonbeam's good." A reserved little smile punctuates her opinion. "Do you... need anything? More moss, maybe? You're starting to be more skin than fur."
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[lichenstar]

✦˚.✦˚✦˚✦˚ ✧ ˚✦˚✦˚✦.˚✧

CLAIM THE BURIAL I SEEK IN DREAMS FLOWING RIVER CEMETARY ✧

• She's unhappy with the answer she's given, which her mother could've predicted long before she ever opened her mouth to answer. Eveningpaw is ever the stubborn child... persistent and keening to be seen as something more than the tiny tuft of dandelion fuzz that her parents remembered her as. She's coming into her own... but it's not enough. Lichenstar doesn't think it'll ever be enough. It isn't a lack of skill, a lack of trust... it's a lack of lives to spend and if it meant dying nine times over protecting her kin, she'd do it. For every time she'd failed to leap in front of Smokestar to defend him, she'd do it for who was still left alive to be saved.
  
  Her thought is murmured and it sours the air, the lynx point can't help the way her lips pull back in frustrated rejection- Absolutely not, but she doesn't get the chance to say it outright before the pointed girl rushes headlong into an explanation. An appeal to emotions. "You have... one," she reaches out a paw to gently tap Eveningpaw's freckled nose, "Life to risk.... I have many more."
  
  "I know you do...." It wasn't really a concern that her children might be praying for her downfall but it meant something to her daughter to have it said out loud. So the very least she could do was hear her.
  
  Moonbeam's mention is a little uncomfortable, because while it's true the medicine cat is exceptional despite her hinderances in training..... Blue eyes glance towards the entrance of the den, a hazy memory of red-stained fur and a strained smile. "She did... everything right," she agrees, flicking an ear at the transition towards offering her moss and the sorry state of her pelt. "Very funny..." she mews, "It's just the... one side, really.... Your momma can... still pretend I'm pretty... if I sit the other.... way." Hazecloud is a vain woman, though she doesn't suspect she'll be abandoning her mate for something as petty as scars. "No, my nest is... sufficiently... plump.... Lilacbird... has been very... insistent. But... if you're feeling... inclined later... you're welcome to come... sleep with your... mother and I... get some cuddles in... with your poor, old.... moms before you're... too big to need us... hmm?"
• about
  
  speech hex code ✧ #6368A5
  
  ooc notes ✦
  tagging ✶
  penned by tieirlys
• ˚　　★⋆. ࿐࿔　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 .
  
  　　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　 　　　　 ੈ✧˳·˖✶ ✦　　˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚ ★⋆. ࿐࿔
  
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