( ☾ ) she’s honestly not sure where she stands with smokethroat. he’s been by her side for moons, ever since the very beginning of the clan, and she has relied on him like another limb. he is steadfast, reliable, and although he is gruff on the outside, she feels she has seen his soft heart. still, over the past few moons, tensions have risen and suddenly she doesn’t know how he feels about her. there’s an awkward sense of betrayal between the both of them, pushed primarily by herself, she knows. stepping down from her position as lead warrior has hurt the tomcat, hurt all those counting on her within cicadastar’s council. it is easier to justify her actions to herself than to explain to her friends. she hasn’t spoken to smokethroat properly since stepping down. something in her is scared to.
deep down, willowroot seeks the dark tom’s approval like a younger sister seeks her elder brother’s. the deputy is everything she wishes to be, from his high position within the clan to his dependability and strict moral code. he trained a strong warrior, made iciclefang vicious and hardened. meanwhile, willow has only let her apprentices down. steep is a warrior, yes, but only after much trial. ashpaw’s disappearance is partially willow’s own fault for not training the girl to be stronger. it seems the former lead’s weakness is the same as her strength. her love for her close peers drives her but it also clings to her, makes her irrational and weak. she has no idea how smoke has managed to harden himself against attachment. stars how she wishes she could be like him.
smokethroat is pregnant now, happily in love with his king. willowroot remembers her own unfortunately timed pregnancy, her stubbornness, and tried not to despair. it seems that whatever she does, the white spotted tomcat does it better, more responsibly. he has his kids in green-leaf, rests and retires to the nursery when he is told to. how he balances his work ethic with his personal life is something willowroot will never figure out. she wonders if there is anything he gains from their friendship anymore. her own emotions weigh her down like a stone stuck to the riverbed. depression, self doubt, anxiety, pain, they all cling to her fur, swirl in her eyes as she goes about her business.
when the femme spots her deputy seated beside the river, there is a hesitation in her pawsteps that she would’ve never recognized three moons ago. she resents her fear, hates that she can look at smokethroat and be unable to recognize his emotions. once, she would’ve been stuck to his side, sharing tongues as equals. now, as she approaches with a hesitancy. pawsteps light, the warrior slips to smoke’s side. “good morning,” she’ll greet, emerald eyes flicking anxiously from the water to her companion. “i never said a proper congratulations.”
her vocals are quiet, with a ripple of emotion behind them. “you’ve made a fantastic deputy so far. cicadastar chose wisely, my friend.” jaws snap shut, and she sits, wrapping her long tail around her limbs. “i also never said i’m sorry. i think i made it difficult for you to speak about your relationship with him. i get so caught up in my excitement that it’s like words just come out of my mouth unchecked. but you two are great together. your kits are going to be the strongest the clans have seen.”
she finally turns her face up to make eye contact, and smiles with a bit of hesitance. “i’m sorry for avoiding you, i’m sorry for stepping down. i left you and the team without any warning. i just… you all deserve someone who can focus on helping with leadership wholeheartedly. i couldn’t, not then.” not when ashpaw had been missing for so long, not when buckgait had been despairing in the nursery. she knows he understands, but there’s a part of her that still seeks his approval. clearing her throat, she’ll wait for a moment to see if he replies. dusky green eyes fix on her paws, heart pattering harder than she can justify.
@Smokethroat <33
deep down, willowroot seeks the dark tom’s approval like a younger sister seeks her elder brother’s. the deputy is everything she wishes to be, from his high position within the clan to his dependability and strict moral code. he trained a strong warrior, made iciclefang vicious and hardened. meanwhile, willow has only let her apprentices down. steep is a warrior, yes, but only after much trial. ashpaw’s disappearance is partially willow’s own fault for not training the girl to be stronger. it seems the former lead’s weakness is the same as her strength. her love for her close peers drives her but it also clings to her, makes her irrational and weak. she has no idea how smoke has managed to harden himself against attachment. stars how she wishes she could be like him.
smokethroat is pregnant now, happily in love with his king. willowroot remembers her own unfortunately timed pregnancy, her stubbornness, and tried not to despair. it seems that whatever she does, the white spotted tomcat does it better, more responsibly. he has his kids in green-leaf, rests and retires to the nursery when he is told to. how he balances his work ethic with his personal life is something willowroot will never figure out. she wonders if there is anything he gains from their friendship anymore. her own emotions weigh her down like a stone stuck to the riverbed. depression, self doubt, anxiety, pain, they all cling to her fur, swirl in her eyes as she goes about her business.
when the femme spots her deputy seated beside the river, there is a hesitation in her pawsteps that she would’ve never recognized three moons ago. she resents her fear, hates that she can look at smokethroat and be unable to recognize his emotions. once, she would’ve been stuck to his side, sharing tongues as equals. now, as she approaches with a hesitancy. pawsteps light, the warrior slips to smoke’s side. “good morning,” she’ll greet, emerald eyes flicking anxiously from the water to her companion. “i never said a proper congratulations.”
her vocals are quiet, with a ripple of emotion behind them. “you’ve made a fantastic deputy so far. cicadastar chose wisely, my friend.” jaws snap shut, and she sits, wrapping her long tail around her limbs. “i also never said i’m sorry. i think i made it difficult for you to speak about your relationship with him. i get so caught up in my excitement that it’s like words just come out of my mouth unchecked. but you two are great together. your kits are going to be the strongest the clans have seen.”
she finally turns her face up to make eye contact, and smiles with a bit of hesitance. “i’m sorry for avoiding you, i’m sorry for stepping down. i left you and the team without any warning. i just… you all deserve someone who can focus on helping with leadership wholeheartedly. i couldn’t, not then.” not when ashpaw had been missing for so long, not when buckgait had been despairing in the nursery. she knows he understands, but there’s a part of her that still seeks his approval. clearing her throat, she’ll wait for a moment to see if he replies. dusky green eyes fix on her paws, heart pattering harder than she can justify.
@Smokethroat <33
( THE LIGHT YOU GAVE ME )
