private LOST & FORGOTTEN // palefire

Skyclaw can still smell them - the wolves. It seems that every inch of their camp was their pissing grounds, though the foolhardy beasts only lingered for hours. Gentlestorm could unleash his entire stock of herbs and petals and the warrior's den would still grip a foul, unrelenting stench. It's an unfortunate side effect, he supposes, of having those wolves around at all. It was something none of them could have predicted nor prevented. Yet all the same - those warriors that stood vigil have each earned ire of their Clanmates. Palefire, his distrust and disdain.

He leaves his tattered nest behind, the moon hung high in the sky. Despite the glittering stars, he decides to go searching for fresher moss - although he wouldn't call it insomnia, his nights after his brother's death have been rather sleepless. And if he does sleep, its restless, dreamless. Regardless, the time he's awake can be used for hunting, patrolling, or in this case fixing a nest that he should've sorted out days ago.

Skyclaw doesn't intend to find Palefire out in the undergrowth. It seems she cannot sleep, like he. Either that or she pushes her work into the night, as if bringing home one more squirrel will save her from some sort of damnation. He cannot help his glare, his disappointment, his frustration. They're alone, and though he could just as easily stalk away, he trudges closer to her.

"Palefire," he says, only once he's certain she's lost whatever she's been hunting, "You're out late. Your light fur - the moonlight makes it shine. Any prey that's awake will see you from fox-lengths away." Although a compliment has fallen from his tongue, he looks unamused and bored. "You should be guarding the camp for the next several seasons, not out here... frolicking, if anything." He's sour and he knows it. She and her lackeys caused the death of Sunfreckle, the dismantlement of their home. He feels he should be allowed a sharper tone.​
 
She doesn't sleep much anymore. She sees them in her dreams now - the faces of the clanmates they'd lost to the wolves. Gnashing teeth, claws glinting in the darkness, cries for help as brave souls are torn apart without mercy. She cannot get a moment's rest without being haunted by the lives that were lost on her account, and she knows that she deserves it. This is her punishment; not just the harsh glares and whispered insults of her clanmates, but the knowledge that she'll never be able to make up for what she's done. They were all wrong about her intentions; she hadn't left her post with the rest of them simply for a lovely walk in the woods. She'd tried to talk her friends into staying, but they hadn't listened. They went anyway, and she was terrified of losing them to the wolves, if they went out there by themselves. She had left to get them back, thinking that the danger was greater for them out there in the forest than it would be in camp.

She had been wrong, obviously. She hadn't told anyone the truth of that night, because she knew it didn't matter. There was no excuse for what she had done. She had made a choice, and it had turned out to be the wrong one.

She spent most of her restless nights doing solo patrols or hunting, whichever she felt the clan needed most at the time. With the new kits around and so many queens in the nursery, they were almost always running low on prey. So tonight she had chosen to hunt, though she was admittedly far too distracted and exhausted to be of much use right now. She watched as the squirrel she'd just been chasing scurried up a tree, leaving her behind in the dust with barely an acknowledgement of her failure. She didn't feel much of anything these days, except heartbroken. Not for herself, but for those who were grieving the loss of the ones they loved.

One such voice startled her from the undergrowth nearby, disturbing the otherwise silent atmosphere surrounding them. Her ears twitched at the familiarity in that voice, pausing a moment before finally turning to face him. Duskbird's death hadn't been a direct result of what she'd done, and for all they knew, it would've happened either way if they needed to get rid of the wolves. But she still felt his loss like a hot knife to her conscience. And with the way Skyclaw had been looking at her since that day, the way he was looking at her now, she knew he blamed her too. Her shoulders fell, and she lowered her gaze to the forest floor as she sat down tiredly. "Skyclaw," she murmured in kind, not mistaking his words for anything but the sharp dig she knew they were meant to be. "You're probably right. I haven't caught anything yet tonight."

His next comment made her physically flinch, and she finally raised her dull blue gaze to meet his own. "Would you really want me guarding camp, after everything?" She wasn't stupid. She knew she had lost the trust of everyone she knew, of the whole clan, really. And she knew that his anger at her was warranted, but truthfully, a small part of her thought that he might be the one cat who could understand how she was feeling. The only one who wouldn't cast her aside for her mistake. She realized now, with painful clarity, that she was wrong. "I guess that means you hate me now too, right?" She tried to keep her tone light, but her smile wavered with the hurt and tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she stared back at him in the moonlight.

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  • PALEFIRE she / her, warrior of thunderclan, 13 moons
    lh lilac lynx point w/ low white and blue eyes. tall and slender. built for speed and agility.
    currently emotionally volatile, all opinions are strictly ic and likely spur-of-the-moment
    single, open to relationships / / mentor to no one // mentored by nightbird
    peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking.
    penned by limerence@limericks. on discord, feel free to dm for plots.