development Lost in Thought || o. Questioning

[Snowlark.]

tw: mentions of gender & body dysmorphia

[ ༻❄༺ ] "Thanks for letting me join you and your mentor today Birdpaw" Snowpaw stated, walking side by side the other molly, their fur slightly brushing against each other as they walked towards camp, her mentor having taken the lead mumbling something, probably prepping for Birdpaw's and their next training session.

"No problem Snowpaw! I'm happy to train with you but... say, I noticed some warriors complimenting on how you look like your pa, n you seemed to have lightened up a bit...and uh whenever someone calls you pretty I keep seein' you wince a bit...uhm, not to pry or anything but do you prefer to be considered a tom?" Birdpaw's question had made Snowpaw pause and chuckle a bit in confusion, especially since it had been out of nowhere for starters and then the fact that Birdpaw would even notice small things as such that she had stated made Snowpaw even more confused. "But that's... normal, isn't it? Don't you get uncomfortable when someone calls you pretty?" Snowpaw questioned, noticing her companion shake her head.

"Naw, I enjoy it really. Especially from ma fellow peers, but ya seem to hate it, are you sure? Maybe ya should think 'bout it, talk to yer mentor or even I don't know talk ta someone ya feel comfortable askin' such questions bout, I just wanted to know n well I support ya either way" Birdpaw explained while stood there trying to go through their own thoughts on the whole situation, and they wanted to ask Birdpaw more questions on why they thought that but the molly was quick to leave Snowpaws side once they reached camp, leaving the other in their own thought.

A frown peering on the apprentice's lips she made her way to the fresh-kill pile, seeming a bit zoned out while anxiety and confusion began to claw its way into Snowpaw's stomach, they continued going though their thoughts, and actions over the past moon. Of the times she had winced hearing Basilpaw call her pretty or use the term 'molly' and then... "...Shit" she whispered dropping whatever she had picked up. Yellow gaze scanned the clearing, searching for someone. By the stars...maybe what Birdpaw had stated was perhaps true, Snowpaw just never really took much thought into it. Thinking it was normal, but Snowpaw always had felt...uncomfortable in their own fur, or their own thoughts of being a molly yet... Maybe Birdpaw was trying to get underneath their own fur and Snowpaw shook her head a bit, a soft nervous chuckle slipping from her maw as she once again picked up the prey she had dropped, zoning out once more, Birdpaw's words playing in a loop in her head.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── You ve wasted your life , but thanks for applying ──┐‎

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  "speak""Thoughts"
  
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  Snowpaw ❄ She/Her, apprentice of Shadowclan, 6 moons.
  ⭃ Lithe long hair blue lynx sepia with high white, and yellow eyes. Stubby tail, permanent resting bitch face
  ⭃ Hailfreckle x Mudsplash
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted (ask first) / / underline and tag when attacking
  ↛ see battle info here
  ⭃ penned by Ryn ↛ @/Rynnaro on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

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TLDR: Basically NPC (Birdpaw) started pointing things out on some of Snowpaw's behavior, and Snowpaw is relatively zoned out at the moment/not paying attention while looking hella anxious! ))

 

[Bonepaw.]

*+:｡.｡ What did it mean to be a tom-cat? Although the clan was quite diverse with it's array of different genders and orientations, identities didn't just fall into a cat's lap. It doesn't make it any easier when every cat's journey is different, even if they come out with similar identities. Bonepaw was lucky in the sense that he knew he was a boy simply because he didn't feel uncomfortable with his assigned pronouns. They/them and She/Her just...wasn't him. So he didn't have to struggle with his masculine learning growth nor had to jump the hurdle of explaining who he is to the people he loves.

Snowpaw did not seem to have that luxury.

Oni watched from a distance as the typically cool-headed apprentice dropped her catch, staring off into space before cursing to herself and picking it back up, still with a vacant look in her yellow eyes. Much like Birdpaw, he had watched Snowpaw for a long time and had noticed the little things she did that prompted him to wonder - in the way one temporarily does while people-watching - if she was who she thought she was. Though there were plenty of she-cats who identified as she-cats but didn't innately appreciate 'you're so pretty' compliments, the fact that Snowpaw was so wounded about it would make most cats concerned.

Oni was a kid though, and one who didn't put his nose into other people's business if he could help it. Still, the way the girl - ? - looked around had Oni pensive about remaining a bystander. Stretching out his front legs, he weighs the pros and cons of interacting with a cat he barely knows, before deciding with a mental shrug that he had nothing better to do.

So, padding over to the girl(?) he mewed, "Hey" before staring quietly at the other for a - to other cats, anyway - an uncomfortably long moment. Finally, cutting straight to the chase he says, "Do you need to talk?" Of course, he had it already planned to push her(?) towards Shadepaw instead of himself as his siblings would know more about vibing with different sets of pronouns than one was born with, but if she(?) ended up pouring her heart out to him instead, he may not have the heart to stop her.

*+:｡.｡ Updated 12/15/23

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  GENERAL:
  ☠ Shadowclan — apprentice
  ☠ DMAB— He/Him — Unsure
  ☠ 4 moons — Ages 1 moon every month real-time
  ☠ Son to Ferndance x Needledrift
  ☠ Brother to Bloodpaw, Shadepaw, Snowypaw
  ☠ Apprenticed to Nightwhisper
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ☠Physically easy | mentally hard
  ☠ Attack in bold #738171
  injuries: None currently

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[BASILPAW]

Oh look Snowpaw was back!!. That made him shine up like a sun. It was a bit weird to not see Scorchedmoon with them though!. Had something happend?. Was it because of Swallowpaw?. If Snowpaw was sad over anything she could tell him about it!. Basilpaw could help, he could put thorns and dead rotten bugs in Swallowpaw's nest until they not wanted to be Scorchedmoon's apprentice anymore.

" Hey Snowpaw!! how was your - " he cheerfully started as he approched them but once he got a closer look realized Snowpaw did not in fact look special good, which got confirmed by Bonepaw too!. Why was he even here?. Basilpaw blinked, just staring to observe for a minute because he had never seen Snowpaw so out of it before!. " Yeah, are you okay?. You look a bit sick." he commented as he approched closer, closer then what Bonepaw stood to his white pelted friend. Maybe he should get Starlingheart?. She always knew what to do to make things better!...or wait...she was not doing well right now. Uh. He guess he would have to get Magpiepaw then!.





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[Laurelgrin]

it hits my head and I feel numb✧—————————————————————————————
Identity. What a troublesome thing. Feeling disconnected from one’s own body or mind. The two of those things had to line up in some way, have to feel like yours and yours alone. Or else you are left a slave to your own discomfort. And worse yet might be feeling alright in your body but having others perceive it as it’s not, because then who are you to say if you are wrong or right?

Smogmaw’s clone was already tired of talking today. So when he saw a pile of apprentices huddled around Snowpaw he didn’t want to go meet up with them. He hadn’t taken note of the white cat’s downtrodden state and assumed the three cats were just gabbing. But, as he continued his way around camp his ears caught wind of Snowpaw feeling sick, and begrudgingly he felt a need to check up on the cat, knowing she would have done the same if he wasn’t feeling good. He slowly approached ears pricked so that as soon as Snowpaw’s current state was established he could assist quickly and go back to being alone and quiet.
my body's looking wrong✧——————————————————————✧penned by WriteAboutRadish
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