private LOVE IS THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND \ hyacinthbreath

[POLLENFUR]

She has traveled further in the past moon and a half than she had since returning to the moor one year ago to be with her kin. To SkyClan’s border to see her nephew, to the Twolegplace to meet with other former Clan cats, to WindClan’s to see Brightshine, to RiverClan’s in search of her mate… but her most recent escapade to the reed-strewn wetlands had been fruitless. Pollenfur had crouched in soggy earth, dewdrops clinging to her pelt as she waited with breath held tight, but no cat had come close to her, and her joints had begun to ache with humidity and tension.

Pollenfur is troubled now, far beyond Clan borders and draped in solitude. Hyacinthbreath never failed to appear at their meeting times, when the moon hung as a crescent in the starry sky. Her absence is worrisome. The chocolate tortoiseshell’s immediate concern is that she’d been caught and punished somehow. Clan cats were fiercely territorial and could sometimes be brutal to the cats straying from their code.

She parts her jaws to taste the midnight air. Though this field is deprived of heather nectar and grasses swept with wind, the sky brings her to memories of long walks through gorse-strewn fields. She reaches through those memories, sticky like cobweb, to find eyes like wilting violets.

Pollenfur finds them again now, set in a scarred gray tabby face, and the calico stops in her tracks. “Hyacinthbreath?” She exhales, breath stuttered. “What are you doing all the way out here?” She pads closer, seeing the new wounds inflicted across her spotted pelt. “Stars, what have they done to you?” Grief for her mate colors her voice, and she reaches to press her muzzle to Hyacinthbreath’s. She knows what being a Clan warrior had meant to her—and it seems those dreams are over now.

// @hyacinthbreath

✧ INFO.

•  
• 
  — pollen . pollenfur
  — she/her ; loner ; windclan warrior
  — pansexual ; taken by Hyacinthbreath
  — long-haired chocolate calico with amber eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — pixel by Birdman

​

 

[hyacinthbreath]

Walking through the past always seemed to sadden the silvery molly, eyes void of warmth as she pushes through bushes and shrubbery. Every noise keeps her on edge, but she finds no sanctuary in the idea of death any longer- no, she craved the affection of the one she cherished most in these moments. She wasn't permitted the gift of meeting her mate where they normally do amongst the reeds and riverbeds. Tonight she finds herself wandering through the vast unclaimed lands of twolegplace, through the forests as she looks for her nomadic mate.

She doesn't have to search long, for the soft voice of Pollenfur graces her ears soon enough. She coos towards Hyacinthbreath, worries over her like she always did. Hyacinthbreath worries in this moment that she's not worthy of such unconditional love, of such faithfulness. Would Pollenfur find another, if she were to disappear? She blinks sadly for a moment, flinching at the touch against her cut-raw muzzle. "What else? I was exiled, again. For.. Letting Silverthorn live. I was tired of the endless killing." She croaks, her voice hoarse from misuse. Her throat raw from crying to the King of Rivers. From crying to her beloved friends, whom left her behind so easily. Embarrassment heats her skin. "It's my fault." She whispers softly, shoulders shaking as she musters up the strength to stay together for once. She couldn't lose herself, not now. Not when her beloved was so worried for her.

"I.. Suppose I will be with you, from now on. If you'll have me, my love." She presses her face further into Pollenfur's chest, staying there momentarily to just breathe in the scent of her mate. Like flowers, beautiful flowers. She hoped Pollenfur would never leave her side.​

LONER ✦ WARTORN SOLDIER ✦ 54 MOONS ✦ TAGS​

 

[POLLENFUR]

Exiled again. Pollenfur could have guessed from the fresh scratches lining her lover’s pelt, to the exhaustion and grief lingering behind pale blue eyes. “For permitting someone to live,” she murmurs. “What has loyalty to a Clan ever done for us, but drive us to the brink of madness? They are all the same, I fear.” She thinks about Mallowlark in the pine forest, the uneasiness in his smile. Was it only a matter of time before her nephew is exiled as well?

She presses her muzzle to Hyacinthbreath’s scarred one. “I’m so sad to see you in this state, but of course, I’m happy to have you with me.” Pollenfur draws a white paw forward to lightly brush the wounds along her mate’s body. “I’ve selfishly wanted you all to myself for moons.” She goes to twine the chocolate-rippling of her tail around Hyacinthbreath’s.

Clarity shines in honey-colored eyes. “I’ve missed you… and now we may walk beneath the stars together, as we did in WindClan.” She studies her paws, wondering—does she tell her mate the news she’s come to term with? Now that she’s here, there is no reason not to. “I… I came looking for you,” she murmurs. “I’ve not felt well the past half-moon. Sick in the morning… what little prey I’ve been able to hunt, I’m losing half of it by sunhigh.” She sighs. “It’s the strangest thing—but before I saw you again, I thought I might be dying…” She thinks of Wisteriapaw, ill and suffering before a bleak death. She shudders.

“But when I saw you…” The nauseous snakes sliming about in her belly had stiffened, then wavered, scattering like butterflies. And she had known—she had felt the change in her body, had realized she is not dying, but bursting with life. “I’m expecting your kits, Hyacinthbreath,” she says, searching her companion’s light blue eyes. She has never been a mother before, and Hyacinthbreath had been forced to abandon her estranged sons and daughter in WindClan—is she bitter now, is she upset?

Pollenfur waits with bated breath, her tail flicking anxiously behind her. She’d never wanted to be a mother before—but this moment means more to her than any other. She wants Hyacinthbreath in her life full time. She wants them to be mothers together.

✧ INFO.

•  
• 
  — pollen . pollenfur
  — she/her ; loner ; windclan warrior
  — pansexual ; taken by Hyacinthbreath
  — long-haired chocolate calico with amber eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — pixel by Birdman

​

 

[hyacinthbreath]

Pollenfur's voice is soothing to her ears, as she waited with baited breaths for a response. Acceptance, like cool water, flows over her and settles on her back light a calming weight. Scarred muzzle brushes against white-kissed snout, the sensitive skin there tingling with the gentle sensation. "Maybe we're destined, this way. To travel amongst the stars together as one." She hums softly, accented tune shifting into one of admiration for her mate. For staying so strong all these moons, for keeping her trust in Hyacinth when nobody else would. The silver tabby slid in beside her mate then, white-tipped tail curling around fluffy chocolate before she settles, eyes cast amongst the stars above them.

As she waits in the silence, Pollenfur announces that she hasn't been feeling good lately- a panicked look is made towards her mate for a second, before she swallows saliva thick down her throat. Was she sick with the same thing Wisteriapaw was? Or perhaps was it just a stomach bug, not allowing her to eat? Her vision tunnels as she listens, trembling paws and shoulders- until Pollenfur speaks again.

...I'm expecting your kits, Hyacinthbreath.

"Hah?" She exhales a shaky breath. Expecting.. Expecting.. "My.. Kits?" She echoes the words her mate says, crystalline blues widened in shock at the news. But then like a overfilling cup, tears begin to leak from her eyes and pour down her cheeks in fat drops. A soft laugh, deep and choked back, ricochets from her throat. "I'm.. We're.. Going to be mothers." She purrs finally, leaning her head down just a bit to press her muzzle to the side of Pollenfur's stomach, trying to hear something- anything. But it was too soon, was it not? "I can't wait.. Oh, Pollenfur.. I'm so happy." She sobs, shoving the guilt down just for this one moment. Her children in WindClan would be alright, they would be safe as long as they listened to what they were told to do. She would rescue them someday, if it wasn't too late. She would.

"I'll keep you safe. I'll protect them, too. We'll build a strong future for them, together. May the stars bless us with that ability." She murmurs softly, rising to press her face into her mate's cheek again. "Have you.. Thought of names?"​

 

[POLLENFUR]

Pollenfur can see the concern deepen the cerulean of Hyacinthbreath’s eyes, but the tears that glimmer there bring her a flood of reassurance. “Yes, your kits,” she breathes, her chest aching. They were getting a second chance at love—Hyacinthbreath had lost Moonshadow after Lavenderstorm’s departure, and Pollenfur had lost Honeytwist, but they’ve gone through it all to emerge stronger at the end. “Our kits will be safe from the Clans. They will grow to know freedom, the wide open skies… there will be no borders or boundaries for them…”

She presses her muzzle to Hyacinthbreath’s, listening to her muffled sobs. So many dead lie behind them. “I believe in you.” She believes in the stars, too—they will look after their kits, even far away from Clan borders.

“Have you thought of names?” Pollenfur guides her mate with her flank so that they may rest together in the grass. “I’m not sure…” She smiles. “To be honest, I never imagined I’d become a mother. I was so sure that was my sister’s destiny, and not mine.” She lays her head against her mate’s shoulder, thinking dreamily of the reality that will soon be theirs. Kits, tiny as Mallowlark and Echolight had been, bouncing between their legs. “What about you, my love?”

✧ INFO.

•  
• 
  — pollen . pollenfur
  — she/her ; loner ; windclan warrior
  — pansexual ; taken by Hyacinthbreath
  — long-haired chocolate calico with amber eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — pixel by Birdman

​