private Mamma hates you ♫ Falconheart

[Bugpaw !]

*+:｡.｡ Bugpaw had done what she always did around her brother - unabashedly wearing her heart on her sleeve. Soaked his shoulder in her tears, held him close, blubbers about not being strong enough...But the next day, upon exiting the medicine den after visiting Squirrelpaw and stumbling upon Falconheart inviting her on patrol...something felt...off. Maybe she was sick from crying so much, or from worrying too much, or the guilt that plagues her own heart but, suddenly and inexplicably, Bugpaw found herself locked behind a thorny bush that had sprouted between herself and her older brother. Bugpaw didn't greet him with a jovial purr and an embrace. She didn't chatter his ears off with puns and whatever fanciful dream she had. She didn't point out pretty leaves or the way the frost twinkled on branches. Instead, the two padded down their clan's trails in silence, pale yellow eyes invested in the dying grass and stiffened earth beneath her paws.

In truth, she couldn't stop thinking about the look in her brother's eyes.
It felt foolish - petty, even, but her heart ached with...disgust at her own sibling. It hadn't been his call to launch an attack against Shadowclan - hell, there was no argument that Shadowclan had started it...and yet, Bugpaw couldn't stop thinking about her reluctant opponent. About the screams that broke out when one of their clanmates died, soon followed by a life from Thunderclan's side. Basilpaw's grief-stricken face will forever stain her soul.

And as she thinks about the endless tragedy, steps trialing slower and slower until she's wandering behind her brother and mentor...a part of her grows angrier by the second. She stares with unhidden disappointment at the back of her brother's head, and imagines those blood-thirsty eyes she'd seen on him those precious moments before Mirestar's attack. He could've stopped it she thinks, illogically, emotionally, Why didn't he try?

*+:｡.｡ Updated 3/22/24

• 
  GENERAL:
  ♫ Bugpaw
  ♫ DFAB— She/Her
  ♫ Daughter to Flamewhisker and Flycatcher
  ♫ Sibling to Falconheart, Stormfeather, Lilykit, Butterflykit, Scorchedpaw, Squirrelpaw, Sunpaw
  ♫ Thunderclan — apprentice
  ♫ Apprenticed to Falconheart
  
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ♫Physically easy | mentally easy
  ♫ Attack in bold pink
  injuries: None currently

 

[FALCONHEART]

𓍊𓋼 Seeing Squirrelpaw so injured had struck something in the cream tabby's chest, a shard of pain burying itself close to his heart. Seeing Bugpaw crying, sobbing over her sister's injuries had shattered whatever hope he'd been clinging to. ThunderClan had lost two battles, but they had also nearly lost Squirrelpaw. And in the midst of it all, he'd found himself struck silent, unable to find the words to say as he waited to see whether his sister would survive. He'd done his best to comfort Bugpaw, but in the end, was it enough?

He greets her with a smile when he goes to collect her for a patrol, but rather than a bright greeting he receives silence. Indifference. She'd just left Gentlestorm's den, so maybe seeing Squirrelpaw in her current state had simply been too much for her to bear. She remains quiet through their patrolling, and he tries his best to keep walking along until it becomes unbearable. "You're awfully quiet today," he finally comments, turning to look at his apprentice. Dual-colored eyes shift, and then widen as he takes in the expression that covers her face.

He's seen Bugpaw sad. He's seen Bugpaw upset. He's seen Bugpaw angry. But the look on her face now? He's never seen it before. He isn't sure how to react to it. "What's wrong? Are you okay, Bugpaw?" The thought that she might be upset with him hardly even crosses his mind. There's no reason for her to be mad at him, is there? He'd failed to protect Squirrelpaw, yes, but he hadn't even been there. He couldn't have helped even if he wanted to—as self-flagellating as he is, even Falconheart understands that there was nothing he could have done to help Squirrelpaw in that instance. At least his younger sister survived the battle, and is on her way to recovery. Does Bugpaw blame herself for it, now?

heaven knows 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 how hard i’ve tried

• ooc: —
• 
• FALCONHEART ❯❯ he/him, thunderclan warrior
  ⭃ shorter than average cream tabby with white spotting. seems gloomy and has few friends, but is a hard worker and never neglects his duties.
  ⭃ son of flamestar and flycatcher ; brother to stormfeather, ravenpaw, bugpaw, sunpaw, squirrelpaw, sparrowpaw
  ⭃ mentoring bugpaw & littlepaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted
  ⭃ penned by foxlore

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