private MAY IT BE | BERRYHEART

[DUSKBIRD]

"Berryheart?" In the days that fade past, the battle at Sunningrocks has become more a grim reminder than anything else. A moment of darkness that they could not shake off of their heads, but also a moment of triumph. She had not been allowed to fight, that day, but newly named an apprentice as she was, Duskpaw did all they could to care for the clanmates that needed it. Not as good as her uncle did, or with the authority that her grandma did, but it must have been something. Time wore on and those confined to the medicine den began to trickle out. They survived. They healed. All of them did.

Except now it feels like there's something else hanging over Duskpaw's head. Life as an apprentice was...different, and she felt different too. Not like Skykit, or Stormpaw, or anyone else. They weren't supposed to, she knows, but it doesn't– it doesn't fix it to know that.

So one day, after her training is done and the sun begins to set, Duskpaw makes a beeline straight for the medicine den, rather than her own nest. She flops down in one of the untouched patients' nests, rolls to her back, and calls out for her uncle in a timid, miserable voice, like a child calling for their mother when their stomach aches too terribly. But it's not a stomachache that had sent them to the medicine den. When the medicine cat appears in her vision, upside down as if walking on the ceiling, she sighs deeply and swallows a tacky tongue to whisper out, uncertain, "Why are you a boy?"

˗ˏˋ〚  OOC NOTES INFORMATION 〛´ˎ˗

• ooc: —
• ──── duskpaw. apprentice of thunderclan. she - her.
  ──── blazestar x little wolf, older littermate of skykit.
  ──── does not know of her father / skyclan heritage.
  
  ──── an undefined kitten with long, dark brown fur that fades just slightly near the chest, throat, and ears, while the tip of her tail burns with the bright orange tabby flame. eyes are a deep, rich amber-brown, seeming red.
• "speech"

​

 

[BERRYHEART]

A voice called his name- one that took him a moment to recognise as Kindles'. It was hard to reconcile the fact that she was an apprentice, now... time's hands worked quickly. Even quicker when he was not paying attention to them, apparently. The apprenticeship of Shady's second litter boded well for Berryheart's dream of wisdom, though... as an ex-warrior, he hoped they would flock to him to ask for advice. Perhaps this wish wove into fruition before him, now... why else would Kindles have sought him out so readily, her deep fiery vision set upon him, strangely aswim. He greeted her with a nod, his expression subtle but pleasant. Rocky waters thrashed her mind about, perhaps...

Why are you a boy? It was a direct question despite the uncertainty with which it was uttered, pushed through a thick voice. Opposite her, he took a seat on another empty nest, his eyes narrowing slightly in thought. "I just am." Given after a moment, it was the best answer he could offer. Though... he knew she would not be asking out of any anger. It was the sort of thing he might have said...

Humour lit vaguely in his voice as he continued. "Though... when I was your age, cats used to think I was a girl." It sounded silly, now... so faraway and untrue that it coaxed a rare laugh from the dappled tom. Assertive and confident, his gaze stayed steady upon Kindles' expression. "So many, in fact, that I believed them for a while."

"But they were wrong," he hummed, "So I corrected them." Berryheart's tone was as matter-of-fact as ever- as plain and tranquil as always. He spoke of days long past... mistakes long remedied. Thus, his answer was given- the why of it. He had been himself as long as he could remember, and himself very much included being a tom.​

PENNED BY PIN ☾​

 

[DUSKBIRD]

It doesn't make sense. I just am. "But how do you know?" She's afraid to look at him, as if doing so might reveal something she's not ready for, so instead the apprentice squeezes her eyes shut tightly. She buries herself into the nest, into her paws, into anything but this moment here. It's a vulnerability that she hasn't known before. As ridiculous as it was, a child cannot help but fear rejection. Maybe that's why she had come to him, to the medicine den. Because something was wrong with her and she needed to be fixed. It didn't feel wrong. It felt different. Was that really such a bad thing to be? To her, at this age of desperation and growth, of course it was. Duskpaw doesn't know why Berry's story makes her relax.

"And that was...okay?" In an even smaller voice, "Nobody got mad at you? For being a boy?" How silly it sounds as soon as it came out of her mouth. It is like being upset that Howlingstar was a girl, or that a tree was a tree. Berryheart was Berryheart, and she was....

The apprentice's heart drops to their stomach, where it flips and rolls. Their toes flex nervously in the air, squeezing out the anxiety that fills up the cavity his heart had left. Though dark eyes open a little bit, they still fixate only on the world up above. Still, Duskpaw sounds calmer: "Where do you feel it? Being a boy? What says so?" One paw tucks low, pressed to a pale chest. "Is it here?" Slowly, it moves upward, to touch between tufted ears. "Or here?"

˗ˏˋ〚  OOC NOTES INFORMATION 〛´ˎ˗

• ooc: PRETEND I'M NOT THIS LATE I DIDN'T REALIZE SO MUCH TIME HAD PASSED
• ──── duskpaw. apprentice of thunderclan. she - her.
  ──── blazestar x little wolf, older littermate of skykit.
  ──── does not know of her father / skyclan heritage.
  
  ──── an undefined kitten with long, dark brown fur that fades just slightly near the chest, throat, and ears, while the tip of her tail burns with the bright orange tabby flame. eyes are a deep, rich amber-brown, seeming red.
• "speech"

​

 

[BERRYHEART]

Though kindly-delivered, his story seemed not to aid Kindles in reaching a definitive conclusion. Questions continued to flow, and Berryheart met them with angled ears. An inkling sprawled within him that his paws were beginning to tread on tender ground- his words would be as carefully-picked as ever. Slowly, he shook his head. "No-one was upset with me," he confirmed, tone soft. "They were happy that I told them, because it meant I could be happy too." Moons past that time now, Berryheart could not imagine what would have happened if he had been met with rejection. Having to spend his entire life pretending he was someone else... it would have been miserable.

Kindles did not meet his gaze, though Berryheart's attention did not stray. Where he felt it... an interesting query, one that the two options the apprentice had given seemed not to cover. He would do his best to work on Kindles' terms, however. "Both." His own white-toed paw moved to his snow-splashed chest. "Here feels comfortable and content." Then, he moved to motion to his head. "Here knows that the reason I'm comfortable is because I'm a boy. Does that make sense?"

Of course, he wanted to make sure the feelings he was articulating were tangible to Kindles, for they had not been easy to work through in his own kithood. There was surely a place from which these questions had come, after all.

\ NO WORRIES AT ALL MY MAN B)​

PENNED BY PIN ☾​