private maybe i'm the problem &. willowroot

[POPPYSPLASH.]

the molly sat down at the bank of the river, ignoring the coldness from the air, and the splashes of water that had yet to freeze. it was only a matter of time before it did, but for now it was still running. she looked at her own reflection, wincing at the sight of her face... she hadn't had her flower in. she looked too much like who she used to be and it is making her feel sick. paw steps behind her only make her nose twitch, and the sweet scent of sea foam is unmistakable. guilt has consumed her, and she doesn't wanna face willowroot. she's sorry. she's sorry. she's sorry.

"i'm sorry. i... i didn't mean to get so angry i just... you lied and then you said you were scared. of me. of how i would react and i can't... i... did i ever give you a reason to believe i'd hurt you? i don't... understand."

her voice cracks, and she spins to face willowroot, body trembling almost as if she is shivering, but she's not cold at all. she's almost scared herself... how could her anger have been so dammed much that her own mate was scared to be honest with her? a whine leaves her as her ears push back against her skull. this is a weird and vulnerable feeling. she doesn't like it, not at all, but willowroot sees right through her and she doesn't want to be angry at them.

"i'm sorry okay? i never meant to make you feel like i'd ever hurt you... i-i know my anger is a lot sometimes and how you even... love me with it is... i don't know. a gift. a miracle. and i promise to be better about yelling so much... j-just... please don't leave me? i love you. i love our kits already. i don't care what beesong has to say i... i will take care of you all."

her abandonment issues twisted in her stomach. this was why she was so brash in the first place. willowroot was gonna leave her and there would have been no recovering from that.

//WOAH SADNESS ALERT @willowroot
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[ I'LL GIVE YOU THE WORLD ]​

 

[willowroot]

( ☾ ) there's a wrenching guilt that has sunk to the bottom of their chest as they hurry after their mate. the gathering near the warriors den had seemed suffocating once the woman had left, and as they trail behind the furious femme, the fear they felt has evaporated, leaving only worry and that dark guilt. pushing through the reeds, they find their mate sitting on the bank, her form silhouetted by the late day sun. before they can beg for forgiveness, the silver femme speaks, stopping the lead warrior in their tracks. "did i ever give you a reason to believe i'd hurt you? i don't... understand."

oh starclan, no. they know they're not the best at speaking their mind, they know today has gone to shit and it's probably their fault, but this? poppy believes they don't trust her. it hits the heavy guilt all the way into their stomach, where it begins to weigh them down. "poppy," emerald eyes blink back a haze of tears, breath hitching as they try to piece together what they could say to quell the anxiety in their mate's tone. "no, my love, i didn't mean it like that. i just... i never knew if you wanted kits and i was afraid you might not want anything to do with me after..." they pad closer as the woman spins to face them, and all of a sudden they're staring into a reflection of their very own emotions. lips quivering, they almost close the gap but pause as more words pour from poppysplash.

"i know you'd never hurt me. stars, poppy, you're gentle and kind and so loving to me and i don't deserve you. i love you not despite any of your flaws, but for them, and for all of you." and then the silver woman speaks the real fear, the one bubbling at the surfice of every thought they've had since the reveal. "just please don't leave me." willowroot breaks. stepping forward with lightning speed, they bridge the divide, stopping when their mate's breath is warm on their face. "i've never been scared of you. i will never be scared of you. i love you. i'm sorry for not telling you right away. i wanted it to be a perfect reveal," they laugh wetly. "i suppose mudpelt ruined that. i don't know how he knew." ​

( THE LIGHT YOU GAVE ME )

 

[POPPYSPLASH.]

the simple sound of her name on their tongue is almost enough to calm any anxieties but she can't just let this go. she doesn't blame willowroot at all, she understands their words and somewhat why they did whatever it was they did when it came to the lack of revealing a pregnancy, but she can't help but feel it. the distrust. not towards willowroot, but from them. was it wrong? yes. willowroot had trusted her with their life long ago... so why had poppysplash felt this way? they said they weren't sure that poppysplash wanted kits at all, and that she would leave them had they brought it up. oh... dear. they once again had a slight miscommunication. it wasn't enough to cause such a fuss, but poppysplash's stomach is still one big knot.

willowroot admits that she knows poppysplash would never hurt her, and of all the things she loves about her, and it makes her heartbeat pick up. she is like a young apprentice in love all over again, and as willowroot tries to close the gap between them, their breath tickles against her whiskers. it takes a moment, only a quick break in the line, and poppysplash is pressing against her mate, all of the anxiety melting away. their scent washes away the worries, and poppysplash makes a vow... to herself and to her newly ( or not so newly? ) pregnant mate.

"i'll do better. i... this... this is why i love you. i know you like my flaws, but i want to be better. i dont want others worrying about how you are around me because let's face it... they care about you way more than they'd ever care about me."

she isn't bitter. she's done this to herself. it was on purpose. ah, she has to admit that too.

"it's on purpose. ever since my dad went missing... my family they... they made it very clear how much i meant to them. to cope i became mean... rude. closed off. cold. snappy. angry. oh, i had so much anger. i still do. but you... make me want to be better. i will be better. for you. for our precious babies... i know i don't need that wall anymore. i'm gonna tear it down... but i need some help."

she admits, with a gentle lick to willowroot's face.

"only if you want... i'm never gonna force you to help with something that isn't your responsibility. but i wanna be nicer. i think... its time to stop being so angry."
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[ I'LL GIVE YOU THE WORLD ]​