sensitive topics Maybe it's my destiny ... || angst reveal

[Lilacbird]

do you wanna know how it feels ​

it was different with her kits no longer by her side. her sleep was restless, trying to curl around forms that were not there. They were apprentices now, sleeping in their own den. So eager to start training, her lilac and cream form would watch as they excitedly met with their mentors every morning. She missed them dearly, but she knew it was better for them. She would not hold them away from being warriors, she would not do that to Riverclan. But she desperately wished the six moons they were by her side did not fly so quickly.

This morning, she woke much earlier, an unsettled feeling gnawing at her stomach and paws. To get up, and she would. Cerulean gaze blinking open and maw frowning at the dark that still covered the entrance. Not even a smidge of sunrise on the horizon. But she trusted her gut. Her gaze drifted across the sleeping queens nest, headcounting kits. There had to be a reason the anxiety was so bad .. right? But her stomach dropped, as she looked at the bundles of one queen... Eyes widening. "Where's ... C-cranekit?" She said it a little louder then she intended. But there was alarm in her voice to the queen.

Her paws quickly turned, sniffing around the den. Fortunately, there was a trail. Her nose to the ground, the lilac queen would open her maw as she exited the den, lifting her small head up and letting her eyes further adjust from sleep to the dimness of the day. She heard shuffling inside the nursery, the queen frantically searching for her child. And how bad Lilacbird felt. She knew the twisting and churning anxieties... And she could only hope the kitten didn't venture far.

But when was Lilacbird ever lucky? His scent trailed out of camp, and her own breaths became quicker. She heard faintly the queen loudly alerting Cranekits presence missing, and she pushed forward faster. The trail was recent, at least. And she'd follow it as quickly as her steps would take her. Please be okay, starclan, please let him be okay, she begged unsure if her heart could take another child death. Unsure if she could take another death at all. Riverclan was not doing well lately, having lost several warriors to the rivers and to death.

Relief flooded her, only for a split second before blue eyes noticed fox lengths away, Russet fur moving close. It's tongue running over sharp teeth as Cranekit idly leaned over something, his interest elsewhere. Her jaws snapped shut from about to call for the kitten. A breath, before she darted forward, claws and teeth colliding with the beast. Tossed off, and sliding back, she turned quickly towards the kit. "Run, RUN," She demanded, her head turning back to the form of the fox, it's mouth peeling back in a sickening looking snarl. Its the harshest she over spoke to a child, but time was of the essence. And she hoped a warrior would find Cranekit quickly ...

Her small form and the foxes collided as they leaped towards each other. Claws met it's shoulder, and teeth met her ears, feeling the tender skin rip in a click of teeth. Her form twisted, wrapping around the red form, to dig teeth and claws wherever she could. In the nook of its neck, she bit, and it chortled, and yipped. The fox yanked free, ripping canine claws into her side, and kicking her off.


Never before had she been so desperate to fight. Never before had she not cowered as beady eyes met her blue. She felt the warmth of blood, and her breaths heaved, but she had a child behind her... And she would stop at nothing when it came to the children of the clan. She made a promise to Lichenstar. She made a promise to herself. If she can help it... She would never see another child dead.

Her fur fluffed out, her tail turning into a bottlebrush as she gave the most gutteral snarl she could before leaping forward again, slamming her front paws down hard on its head only to be thrown off again. She slid on her side, against the fresh wound with a yowl of pain, eyes watering. Then it was on her again, tearing flesh from her shoulder, a much louder scream escaping her.

This time, back legs kicked into it, weakly but enough to dislodge the russet form. Her gaze drifted to the river behind the fox. She was a better fighter there .. and she was a strong swimmer.. she'd have a better chance. Wincing as Lilacbird pulled herself back, she would leap forward, forcefully shoving the fox and her into the river. It's tides were strong. But she knew how to operate it, unlike the fox that twisted and turned to flail free as the gripped teeth into its leg and held it under.

She'd bite harder into its hind leg as it thrashed and turned. As they tumbled and turned with the current. As time passed, she wondered- would her kits grow to be warriors? What would their names be? Would they understand her sacrifice? She could only hope it didn't have to come to that.

But she wondered further, would Lichenstar, her friend, look to the twilight and take a moment to rest? To think about the few minutes they had, so many moons ago, and remember her? To look to the stars, and see hers, and know she'd be smiling down at the leader. She'd imagine herself, a starry figure, beside the leaders as they just- took their moment.

Would silverbreath look to the clouds, and remember their times imagining what they could be? Laughing beneath the blue skies, and remember that he brought her out of her shell? And without him, she probably would not have spoke to so many?

Would her clan miss her, and continue her ritual she had set amongst them to just breathe? Especially knowing the fox that was so near camp, and sighted several times, was finally conquered?

Lilacbird in this moment had decided. This was worth it. Then no more, would her clan have to worry about this rabid animal, after their very own. No more, would they be on thin ice, hoping not to encounter at least one more beast that threatened the lives of their clan.

for you Riverclan, I would do anything.

Further down the stream, Lilacbird would pull herself free, gasping for the breath she needed as she pulled onto the shore. Her shoulder hurt. Her side hurt, and her lungs hurt. But she had made it. She was safe. Her breaths ragged, and her form on the sand, she would let the darkness overtake her. She'd be okay...

thank you .. stars.

The beginnings of light would peek across the horizon as the sun began glinting its own fiery eyes. The colours of pinks and yellows would stretch across the sky, casting a beautiful glow as the birds sang, and the stars began to fade from the sky. And finally, Lilacbirds eyes would close. Safe.


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do you wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me
she/her ⋆ 30 moons old ⋆ lilac tortie with blue eyes ⋆ information