ME WITHOUT ME | flycatcher

[Cloudyfur]

It felt strange that no one else knew what she had done.

Cloudypaw tried to blink the sleeplessness out of her eyes as she stepped out of the apprentice den, glancing about furtively. No one was looking at her though. It felt like her guilt should be a beacon to all of them, letting them all know that she had attempted to defy Howling Wind's orders and abandon Thunderclan forever. The thought that none of them might ever know was strange to her.

Everything had changed, and not a one of them knew. She wasn't sure whether that made her feel relieved or not.

Shaking her head, she tried to put her mind off it. She had resolved to stay and keep trying to fit in here. Which meant she had to attend to her apprentice duties. It took her a moment to realize she wasn't sure what her duties were for today. She hadn't put much effort into remembering them, why would she when she had thought she would be gone before sunrise?​

 

[Flycatcher]

Flycatcher was still in the camp that morning, spared from the dawn patrols for now, and left to more menial duties around camp. There isn't much on the prey pile at the moment, and though hungry, Flycatcher opts to pass for now. There are other cats in the clan who need the food more than he does. As he's standing around, his clanmates milling around him, he spots a familiar form out of the corner of his eye. Cloudypaw. It's been a while since he's spoken to his niece. Of all of Moth's children, she seemed to be the one having the hardest time assimilating to clan life in his opinion. "Cloudypaw!" He would call out, hoping to catch her attention before she darted away. "Are you alright? You look a bit...lost."​

 

[Cloudyfur]

Cloudypaw blinked as a familiar voice addressed her.

"Ah, um, yeah." Was all she could manage to stutter out in reply. She didn't meet her uncle's gaze. It should have been easier to talk to him, given he was family. It wasn't that she thought he didn't care for her, she knew he did. It was hard for her to feel like they were really family though. They barely even knew each other, meanwhile she'd known her siblings and her mother her whole life. She didn't know what to make of him

That and he was a lead warrior serving the leader whose direct order she had almost disobeyed last night. With a nervous humor, she wondered if Flycatcher was the type of cat to put his family or his clan first.

"Didn't get much sleep last night." Cloudypaw muttered in half explanation. It was the truth, at least, if not the whole one.​

 

[Flycatcher]

He didn't think much about her response at first, only giving a little smile in return. "It's okay if you're still feeling a bit lost here and can't find your way," Flycatcher assured her. "The forest isn't like the twolegplace, after all. If you ever wanted any help remembering where things were you need only ask. I am happy to help if you need me." And he meant that, truly. Whilst he couldn't claim to know what it was like coming here after living one kind of life, he was at least sympathetic to her plight and struggles to adjust.

When Cloudypaw mentioned not getting much sleep, he tilts his head with a curious expression on his face. "Bad dream?" He asks.​

 

[Cloudyfur]

Even though Cloudypaw was messing everything up, the whole clan kept being so kind to her. That was something she had truly come to appriciate about Thunderclan, even if it was hard to feel like she deserved it. She made an effort to meet his eyes. "Thanks." She offered, genuinely, giving him a awkward half-smile. Though she knew she should leave it there, she couldn't help but add. "I don't wanna trouble you too much though, you probably have, um, important things to be doing." He was a lead warrior after all. Though, she did feel more comfortable doing so now that he had offered, at least.

Then he asked if she had a bad dream last night.

"Uh." Cloudypaw's eyes darted away from her uncle once more. "Something like that."​

 

[Flycatcher]

"It wouldn't be any trouble at all!" Flycatcher tells her earnestly. He wanted to be there for his family, he really did. Flycatcher was all too aware of how sometimes his duties got in the way of things, but if any member of his family were in trouble or needed his help, he wanted to do all that he could to ensure he could help them. "Please just...ask for me if you need me," He tells her again. "I'll try my best to find the time. I want to be there for you and your siblings."

He doesn't miss the glance away from him. He studies her carefully for a moment, debating whether to push her for more information or not. "Did you want to speak about it at all?" He asked softly.​

 

[Cloudyfur]

Cloudypaw nodded along half-heartedly with Flycatcher as he reassured her that it wouldn't be any trouble for him to help her, even if she didn't really believe him. He was a lead warrior of the clan, and a father besides that. There were so many responsibilities on his shoulders. She knew he had to have far more important things to be doing than helping her.

The moment he asked her if she wanted to tell him about it. Something in his gaze told her he knew that there was more than she was telling. She didn't want to keep secrets from her uncle to his face, but she also didn't know if she should tell a lead warrior how she'd almost broke the rules.

In idle anxiety, Cloudypaw shifted her weight from paw to paw for a moment, glancing about.

Then she took a breath. Flycatcher was family, and she told herself to trust him like family. Besides, how much trouble could she really get in for almost breaking the rules?

"I didn't have a bad dream." Cloudypaw admitted, her words slow and soft as she tried to build her courage. "I just. I couldn't stop thinking about everything, and I got scared. Really scared. So," Another breath. "I tried to go back to twolegplace." With the benefit of hindsight, she could see how terrible an idea that had been. Anything could have happened to her, with the dogs on the loose. She hadn't been thinking straight. "Covecatcher talked me out of it before I made it out of camp."

She couldn't just leave it at that though, Cloudypaw realized. It made her feel terrible to think that Flycatcher might think she still wanted to leave. "I'm not like you or Stormy. I'm not brave or good at most of this stuff. I'm more like Pebble or Mom." It was amazing, everything that her uncle had achieved. It was even more impressive how quickly Stormy had taken to their new life. Every day, the two of them amazed her. She looked up at him again. "I wanna try to be, though."​

 

[Flycatcher]

And then the truth comes out. Flycatcher feels his brows raise when Cloudypaw confesses she tried to leave. At first, he isn't sure what to think. Hurt, sad, angry, understanding. He knew Cloudypaw had been having difficulties settling in, but he didn't realise they were so bad she had considered leaving. "It was a difficult time," Flycatcher spoke up after a moment had passed, giving himself time for Cloudypaw's words to settle in. "Your life changed so much in just a short amount of time. From losing your brother, to your mother sending you here, and then everything that happened since. I can understand why it became so overwhelming for you."

A softer expression takes hold when he reflects on Cludypaw's following words, thinking back to how Pebblepaw had said something similar. "Every warrior has their strengths and weaknesses Cloudypaw. We just haven't found your strength yet, but we will...I am sure of it," He pauses to give his niece a smile.​