sensitive topics metamorphosis - born in fire, then I fly away || labor & birth

[salamander]

An abandoned badger den had been sculpted into a makeshift nursery. The larger her belly swelled, the more time the already reclusive she-cat spent hidden beneath the earth. Bloodied, cracked paw pads worked tirelessly to enlarge her nesting area. There was no stopping her, though. Digging granted a needed distraction. And it made her feel slightly more prepared - slightly less mouse-brained. Giving birth in the coldest season..

Weary eyes stared at the blood trickling down her paws. Her forepaws were too numb, too damaged, to feel the pain. Honey would throw a fit the next time she poked her head in to check on her. Which, the blue molly was thankful for. As of late, she'd been possessive of her little space yet Honey always returned. It meant a lot even though agitated hormones drove the concerned she-cat off time and time again.

A sudden, excruciating sharp pain shot through her entire being. Her stomach cramped and a wave of nausea nearly drowned her. Her first (and probably last) pregnancy had been a terrible experience. She'd never felt herself glow like many queens did. Instead, she was overwhelmed with sickness, agony, and heartburn.

It was different this time, though: even more intense. The molly had always been strong but she'd never felt anything like this before. She was scared, her cold and fierce warrior persona torn away. Something was happening. Immediately, she assumed the worst: her kits were endangered by her reckless, foolish actions. She was going to lose them.

Tears welled in her eyes as she whimpered, "Honey." She'd just been awful toward the sweet-hearted cat. Yelled at her for something trivial. Had she chased away the only help and company she possessed? Silently, she begged for the former WindClan medicine cat to forgive her. Her kits.. her kits-

Were coming.

@honey​

​

 

[honey]

Honey forgives and forgets, especially when it comes to Cinder. The last connection she had to the clans, the last bit of stupid medicine cat connection she had. Bitter, Honey was, but she could never bring it upon herself to take it out on Cinder. Shes idling nearby, shes always nearby, perhaps her behavior has worsened, perhaps shes become obsessive of protection (stay close, can’t lose another, paws are red, not you).

Honey. It’s enough for her to rise to her paws, calm as ever, padding towards where her voice had been called from. It’s Cinder, always Cinder, theres a small huff that leaves her mouth as she spots the blood around her legs and paws. “I thought I told you to rest, cherie.” she snips with a little smile, her tail swishing behind her. “I’m here.” she’d reassure the molly with a nod, withdrawing for a second just to grab a couple stalks of her marigold flowers and a wad of cobwebs. With Cinder, she always had to keep them around, the woman was self destructive, but she was learning, and Honey had no problem in helping her reintegrate. It was her duty, after all, atone for her sins.

She returns, always does, and Cinder is bunched in on herself, she looks like shes gonna pop and the cogs slowly start to move in her brain. Thats why she had called, theres a chill that brings her from her thoughts. “Cinder…” its a breath, would her kits be okay this upcoming leafbare? I’ll make sure of it. She scrambles, searches for moss, searches for a stick, returns once more and drops them near the molly. “Bite down on that, for the pain.” she recalls her own birthing experience, how scared she had been to do so by herself and she leans to give Cinders head a lick, eyes gentle to mask the fear she feels. The bunches of cobwebs and marigold are near forgotten as she disappears with some moss, returning once more with it water logged. “Drink, you need to keep your strength up for this, okay?” it lands near the mink with a squelching thud, making even her cringe as it slaps against the ground. “I’m here, don’t worry.” she offers a paw, draws close, places her own tail on the womans back. Things would be fine, Honey would make sure of it, even if it were the last thing she did.

 

[salamander]

tw// kitten death, grief, panic attack​

"Something's wrong. Are they okay? What's happening-?" Panicked questions momentarily paused when a stick was produced - "for pain", she said. Wait, shit. Salamander knew when and why she'd offer sticks. "They- They're coming? Right, right now?" No, Stars, no. She needed more time to prepare. She wasn't ready to be a queen.

Rapid, shallow breaths caused her vision to blur. "I'm not ready. Please, Honey, stop them. They can't- Not like this. And it's so cold out..!" Words became a jumbled mess as her voice trembled from the pain. Dammit! Fangs snapped the twig in a show of frustration, anxiety, fear, and pain.

She wanted to throw up. Or pass out. Probably both.

---

Reluctant acceptance forcibly replaced denial when a razor-sharp contraction signaled the first. Through the overwhelming haze of pain and fear, she struggled to follow what Honey said. Push. But if she did that then the dam would officially break. There'd be no turning back.

As if she could turn back now.

So, she obediently listened and did as instructed. Thirty agonizing minutes later, a large ball of fluff lay nuzzled to her stomach thanks to Honey. Without her, the she-kit would still be covered in filth while she stared blankly at the newborn life.

"It's.. mine?" she numbly asked as if she hadn't just ejected the kitten from her own body. Though she remained frozen, time continued to tick-tock away.

"Fuck. There's more." Honey had told her there'd be more than one. She'd personally felt more than one persistent kick at a time. However, she remained hopeful that only one would be born from her foolish mistake.

Unfortunately, she'd been a fool to think about it in the first place.

---

Impatience fueled the next kit to come out fighting within ten minutes of the first. Amusement flashed in her usually icy eyes as the she-kit flailed around. What a feisty little one.

I have to fight harder, too.

---

Although still a bundle of tensed nerves, the blue molly slowly became more confident with each birth. This time, it was her tongue rather than Honey's that gently licked the newborn tom. She stared at the newest addition. "Croakkit." she murmured a familiar name. He looked so much like her father. Eyes softened as she prodded the motionless tom kit toward her stomach.

Motionless and cold.

No, that- He'd been breathing when she cleaned him. No, no- "He's not waking up!" she shrieked. Trembling paws shook the tabby and pressed on his sides.

Breathe, breathe. "He.." It wasn't working. Instead, her frantic movements caused the next spasms to occur even quicker. "No, there can't be more..! I'm done. Please, Honey, I don't want anymore. Croakkit isn't- Croakkit.."

She refused to address the pressure in her stomach. She'd killed an innocent soul. This was her fault. The rest - were they also dead? She wasn't strong enough to find out. Instead, she stared distraught at Honey as if the she-cat could halt the birthing process. "I can't do this. Make it, make it stop! I can't do this!" Everything she touched fell victim to her blood-stainrd paws.

"I killed him." she wailed. "StarClan, please. I know I've done wrong. Bring him back. Take me. Don't punish him- Don't.. bring him back! Give him back! Please! Take me- Take me. Not him! Not any of them.. Please." Prayers went unanswered, little Croakkit growing stiff with each passing second. A tail brought him closer to her. "You.. you stupid fucking prophetic stars. You can give leaders lives so why can't you give him mine?! He didn't do anything..! Just because I've fucked up doesn't mean- You bastards, bring him back!" she fruitlessly ranted to the still air. ​

 

[honey]

Sal panics, just like Honey expected, but she doesn't expect to be told to stop it, and Honey slightly hesitates. "It's gonna be okay, it'll be fine, okay? They'll have both of us to help them, I promise." she whispers, sweet nothings because thats all it is, a void promise shes not sure she can uphold. "You've got this, you're strong. They'll be strong, like you." she places a paw on hers, wincing as the branch snaps in half. She wonders if she should get another, but the contractions start and Honey has no time.

Theres a she-kit that lays against Salamander and she is full of warmth, a bit of jealousy (her kits, she misses them so). One, and then two, and here comes the third. Honey turns away just for a second, to collect the moss in a bundle - He's not waking up! It's her wail that stops her and theres a heavy feeling in her heart. Death, death of a kitten, not waking up - It's either death or it's the kitten choking, so she whips around and pads forth. The kitten is already motionless, she places a paw on it, its cold. She's reminded of Pigeon, almost throws up as her own paw shakes.

Salamander wails on her, tells her to stop it and Honey only looks down. "It's not your fault-" shes sure her words of comfort only fall upon deaf ears because she continues and her heart is tugged, a heavy breath through her nose. She wails about Starclan and perhaps thats what causes Honey to snap.

"SAL!" she cries, attempts to place her paws on the womans face, forcing her to stare in top her own. "Get it together, cherie! They need you, they need you." her voice softens from her previous tone, trying to place her forehead on the others. "Breathe. The Stars won't listen to us anymore, but they will take care of him, I promise. I saw it, they take care of them." she remembers her time with Marigold, the little apprentice-aged tom that had died in battle. He had looked happy, looked healthy.

"Theres still a couple more. Please, drink. Please." she shoves the moss forth, releasing Salamander's head and drawing back. She moves to Salamanders side instead, opting to place a paw on her stomach. "And they're just as lively as them. They need names too, mon ami." she gestures to the two she-kits at her side.
​

"speech"​

 

[salamander]

Trembling, watersoaked eyes searched Honey's stern yet soft facial features. "They need to listen. My baby - they took my baby. He did nothing wrong. I'm the one.. the Stars should punish. He did nothing.." He hadn't even been allowed to take more than a few shallow breaths; all he experienced was the cold, cold world that filled his lungs with ice. She desperately wanted to believe that StarClan watched every cat, regardless of their clan affiliation. Unfortunately, she'd never been an optimistic idealist. For now, though, she allowed herself to believe.

"Daddy.. Are you still watching? Please, guide him to StarClan and demand they accept him if they refuse. You fucking better after you - after you left me. After you promised we'd meet again." Croakkit. Even through the tears, he looked so much like his grandfather. The possibility that she offended her father, that she spoke her baby's death into existence, became an increasingly intrusive thought. He wouldn't - He was the one who returned her name. Salamander. He accepted her. But... she'd been wrong before. Stars, she was wrong more than she was right.

Her tail remained protectively curled around the lifeless body and she refused to let him go. She couldn't fully part with him. Not yet. "Okay." For their sake, she'd fight. She'd wage war and they would win. Because if she lost another... No, she couldn't even bear the thought of such an outcome.

---

An hour, possibly more, of agonizing pain passed. The aversion she struggled to overcome certainly didn't help. It wasn't until exhaustion sapped her energy that she'd been able to proceed, her body no longer fighting against the natural process. Her paw pads were drenched with sweat and her body radiated heat. By the time her third daughter was born, she looked as if she'd truly been through another Great Battle. The tiny blue smoke resembled her. A mother should be ecstatic to see similarities but Salamander felt the exact opposite. She knew how to deal with judgemental looks. But a kit? She needed to be protective from such distrustful gazes.

"Finally-" Her voice broke into a small whimper. "Are you.. fucking serious?" she questioned her stomach.

---

The next birth went unhindered and a black kitten was gently added to her side. At first, she feared another had been taken. Thankfully, the shadow-coated kit was simply long and lanky. Starvation hadn't claimed them. At least, not yet. How was she going to feed them all? Though thoroughly drained of energy, the concern remained at the forefront of her brain. Especially when her belly twisted into another knot. The world really wanted to fuck with her, didn't it?

---

Her final child needed Honey's assistance: the first-time queen barely able to even lift her head. When she finally managed to lift her heavy head, her heart sank. "Toad..?" she gasped. The brown tabby tom kit looked exactly as her nephew did when he'd been born alongside Ribbit. Blood trickled down her lips, fangs unknowingly sinking into her bottom lip. Guilt and grief tainted what was meant to be a joyful occasion. A hazy memory of an actual leaping toad steadying her claws that day further clouded her froggy brain. Despite being disconnected from the stars, could Leaping Toad be watching? If so, what was he trying to say? That she'll fail this one, too. That she won't be able to protect his mirror image just like she'd been unable to protect him.

Her eyelids drooped but her gaze remained on the tom. She couldn't let him out of her sight, especially after what happened to her other baby that resembled a now-deceased family member. "Is it over?" she slurred barely coherent words.

Please, please let it be over.​

 

[Prowlingpaw]

Warmth seemed to seep from their bones suddenly and this wind carried across their body, making them mewl loudly in annoyance. Squirming around to try to get to some place warm, some place comfortable, but alas tiny stubs couldn't even scrape against the ground. The little black kitten gave more loud mewls, rolling over in their spot on the ground and seeming to grow more frustrated by the moment.​

 

[TOADHOP]

It's as if he's a gift from the stars.

The pelt created specifically for him swirls in a familiar fashion - in memory-filled shades of brown. White dusts his fur in a slightly less familiar fashion, but his similarity to fallen family is recognizable. Perhaps it's a 'hello' of sorts. A game, a trick. Or maybe, a mere coincidence.

The warmth around him is brief as he's brought into the world. The chill in the air hits him, shocks the kit to life.

A wail. Cold, cold. He's so cold.

The brown kit squirms in an aimless attempt to get back to warmth, snow-footed limbs flailing clumsily. A failed effort, for a kit so small - so new to life.
​

 

[RAGWORTPAW]

Firstborn, released into a world filled with tragedy. For now, it all meant nothing to the loud and mighty child, the moment her lungs were free from fluid she demanded her mother's warmth and the taste of milk. Whether she was ushered to Salamander's belly by Honey or she found her own way there with determination.

While it seems for now her siblings are more dependent, young Ragwortkit on the other paw takes to latching immediately. She feeds, blissfully unaware of her mother's grief, and of Croakkit whom she had grew in the womb with, now dead.
​

---

Spoiler: RAGWORTKIT | TAGS

( primary character / "speech" / ic opinions )​

╰ ★ ჻ 001 GENERAL INFORMATION ,
· RAGWORTKIT, female — she / her
╰ ‣ named for her health & strength at birth .
╰ ‣ 2 moons . ages on the ??
╰ ‣ thunderclan kit . loner born . believes in starclan

╰ ★ ჻ 002 VISUALS & AESTHETICS ,
· DOMESTIC FELINE, oak and maple trees , status — 100%
╰ ‣ blue furred . long-hared . a very furry head, chest, and tail

╰ ★ ჻ 003 MENTALITY & MANNERISMS ,
· ESTJ-A ❝ EXECTUTIVE ❞ , Hufflepuff, Lawful Good
╰ ‣ Kind-hearted . Honest . Loud .Justice-seeking . People-pleaser . Gullible . Empty-headed . Humorous
╰ ‣ Though she is all brawn and no brain, Ragwort tries her best and carries a bleeding heart to all whom surround her. She takes the role of "big sister" with her siblings and friends, never failing to have their backs, take care of them, and defend them when needed (sometimes even jumping the gun). While she doesn't offer the best emotional support (not due to a lack of trying) she gives the best hugs and is great at giving cats distractions with her shenanigans.
╰ ‣ finds minimal difficulty relating to others . wears a bleeding heart

╰ ★ ჻ 004 INTERACTIONS & RELATIONSHIPS ,
· GRIME x CINDERFROST, sister to toadkit, prowlingkit, hollykit
╰ ‣ unknown sexuality.
╰ ‣ poor fighter . poor hunter .
╰ ‣ will start fights . unlikely to flee .
╰ ‣ attack in underline . penned by user @ava.