middle of the night — flowercloud

[DUSKPOOL]

anger makes you stupid . stupid gets you killed .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Unable to sleep, Duskpool stood outside, drawing in a deep, shuttering breath, lungs expanding with the smell of camp and pine, calming his turbulent haze of emotions. Liquid pools of molten stared up at the dark sky, illuminated by flickering stars, no longer burdened by the burn behind his eyes from lack of rest. And yet, the smokey male still felt exhausted.

Breathing deeply, he set off toward the far reaches of camp hoping to build something decent enough to block out some of the chill that shot through his veins. His limbs felt awkward, like that of a newborn kit walking for the first time, muscles spasming, bringing about a whole new sort of soreness. Foxdung. Nothin’ like gettin’ older. He huffed, amusement dancing within molten hues. It was inevitable, but even younger, Duskpool still faced similar feats during the heart of leafbare.

He spied Flowercloud some lengths away, drawing his attention away and toward the scarred molly with a clear frown plastered across dark lips. With slow movements, Duskpool sat beside the other, shoulder brushing against the others in a quiet greeting. “Seems like ya can’t sleep either.” He commented, glancing at the stars. “What’s goin’ on in that head of yers, kid?” He questioned, glancing at the other through his peripheral.

/ @flowercloud.​

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thought speech​

 

[flowercloud.]

she wasn't even staring at the cloudy skies, down at golden paws. she felt... betrayed. she was beyond hurt. starclan always had a plan, but what plan did they have for this? to... look-

those laced in scars, those frames burdened by the same fate in some way shape or form didn't look ugly- but she looked at herself, remembered her reflection.... she refused to want to look again.

she wanted to know a reason. her thoughts were interrupted by duskpool. her head lifted, and a smile that didn't meet her green gaze greeted him. she wanted to lie, but it was as if he could read her like an open book.

"just-" her words caught, frowning a little. "wondering why.. what reason this happened to us. it- doesn't make sense." she finally responded, shifting uncomfortably.

duskpool was spiderwebbed with scars. he had worse luck than her it seemed, but what was the reason? why did he deserve it?

"I encountered death during the sickness. I seen spiderpaw," she gave a small gulp, inhaling and exhaling before continuing. " she said it was not my time. so why did the threat of death loom over again? what are they trying to teach? life is short? i know this. what is the lesson?"



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[DUSKPOOL]

anger makes you stupid . stupid gets you killed .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

“Not everythin’ has to make sense, kiddo.” He rumbled at first, slow, guttural sounding, comforting. He breathed, fog clouding his scarred muzzle, molten hues gazing out at the enormous expanse of star-covered night, wooly tail sweeping to curl tighter around enormous paws. “StarClan ain’t always holdin’ the reigns with our lives.” He glanced at the other, molten hues tired, mental exhaustion weighing heavily over the older tom’s shoulders. Sometimes.

The smokey warrior had stared death in the eyes since he was young, barely old enough to call himself an apprentice if he’d joined SkyClan sooner. If he had the choice, maybe. Duskpool would have been an entirely different tom, but he didn’t regret it, the sufferin’ and death he faced since youth. If he hadn’t, he sure as hell would have never had his litter, nor his adoptive kits, tucked beneath broad wings, shieldin’ them from the world if he could. He wouldn’t have been a father, or anythin’ of the sort if he hadn’t gone through everythin’ that made him who he was, troubled and all.

He nearly winced at the mention, molten copper softening, if only a fraction against his gruff, marred features. “I can’t say for sure what they have in mind for us.” He hummed, settling down to tuck his forepaws against his chest. “But I don’t think everythin’ has a lesson that needs to be learned. Not always.” His tail flickered, glancing at the other. “Somethings just happen, no lesson needin’ to be learned, but that ain’t always the case if yer real big on StarClan, but then ya might know the reason for things happenin’ until later in yer life.” ​

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thought speech​

 

[flowercloud.]

Starclan was a mystery. Often, they held prophecies for the leaders and medicine cats... but it was always confusing. She didn't know much of it, didn't always understand it. But what sense did any of them make? To talk to them was hard, but it wasnt riddled responses. "Why shouldn't things make sense? I would've never thought a dog would run out here, just to run back? It- it almost had both of us, duskpool. Then ran away. I don't..." she sighed, dropping her head a bit. "Sorry. I just want it to make sense."

She'd let his words sink in though for a moment, flattening her ear and looking away. Was she too big on starclan? Was trusting them- but she had to have something to look towards for guidance, even if they didn't help her in specific- did she?

"how did you cope? how did you deal with it..? I can't hear- I feel less useful, duskpool..." she felt agony as she said it out loud. as she admitted her feelings. "others make it work, you always make it work, I just- I don't..."

she grimaced now, clenching her jaws. "I'm scared to leave camp."


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[DUSKPOOL]

anger makes you stupid . stupid gets you killed .
︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

His gaze turned bittersweet, overshadowed and harrowing from past grievances, haunted by those he had sworn to protect, now corpses left to rot, circling like hungry vultures, waiting to pluck them clean. “Sometimes bad things happen, kiddo and we’d only be walkin’ in circles trying to explain them.” He rumbled, low and guttural as scarred lips curled into a bitter grimace. “But it’s important to ya, isn’t it? Then ya got nothin’ to apologize for. It ain’t bad to want somethin’ to make sense.”

He’d done the same thing, nothin’ more than a naïve youth, still apologizing for every death, guilt-ridden and grappling feverishly at the fraying ends of a life that fell into disarray. It wasn’t long afterward when he fell helplessly into a pit of black ooze that wrapped around his aching heart in a vice-like grip because this was karma, punishing him for every death and decision that went south.

Molten copper narrowed, letting that realization encompass him with a breathless rumble, chest rattling. He would have hopped, foolish to think fate had let up, wondering why it had to punish those around him when it should have been him, not his kin, never his kin. He’d been long unable to wipe his paws clean of innocent blood spilled, and this was his punishment, wiping clean of all the sins that still haunted him during his dreams, and maybe they’d never be wiped clean.

How do you cope? Duskpool blinked, helm tilted in consideration, knowing well enough that his way of handlin’ things wasn’t healthy. “Ya just have to learn, and that … that takes time, kiddo.” He turned fully to face her. He worked until his mind was too exhausted to think, no less remember, pushing his body until he collapsed, even then, he still pushed his tired body, pliable and numb. “I had to relearn a lot of things after losin’ my eyesight. It ain’t easy, and I sure as hell felt useless when I failed time and time again, but I got better, learned to adapt, strengthened my other senses, it just took a good deal of time.” He rumbled, watching the other with narrowed hues.

With a rumbling breath, Duskpool bumped his helm against her shoulder, something grounding. He’d never been one to admit his weaknesses so openly—vulnerability wasn’t his strong suit. He’d always been something akin to a rock, deadpan and gruff, unmoveable. “When Smokefang and Shadowfire died—” He began stiffly. “I couldn’t see a huntin’ trap without losin’ my mind, nearly sent Johnnyflame flyin’ back.” He grinned bitterly, letting out a deep breath. “Couldn’t quite get it out of my head, seein’ their bodies like that.” He huffed, mangled ear flickering.

“It’s scary, facin’ something that ya still can’t wrap yer head around, but I’ll be there to help ya, stubborn as we are, I ain’t gonna let ya do this alone.” He grunted. “I know how it feels, feelin’ useless, but yer a capable warrior, ya hear? You did good, kid. I only chased ‘em off, but ya stood yer ground and fought and ya gotta take two steps backward to take a step forward, just gonna take time and that stubbornness of yers.” ​

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thought speech​