twolegplace my blood, my blood, my bloodstream // breakdown

[✧ Siltcloud.]

COVER UP MY EYES
I DREAM OF YOU ALMOST EVERY NIGHT ​

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siltcloud & 19 moons & female & she/her & shadowclan exile ​

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When siltcloud returns in the dawns light, it is with comfreypaw's blood staining her fur and her conscience. She'd been an easy target, out all alone without her mentor - hadn't rosemire ever taught her not to wander off, not to go out alone? The world was not kind - and neither was she. It'd been nothing out of the ordinary, just another pawstep carrying her closer to her revenge.

And yet - the memory lingers, heavy as a stone in her belly. The sinking feeling of wrongness that had interrupted their battle doesn't leave, stomaching rolling angrily - she thinks she might be sick. The streets are strangely quiet, the world hushed as she treads through the thick blanket of snow. She's returning... not home not really, but the closest thing she has to one now.For a moment green eyes can only stare blurrily at the sight before her, a sudden feeling of dread leaving her breathless - and then she turns, heaving. It bothers her - the sight of bile and freshkill and blood that leaves her is nothing new, and yet with a sinking heart she knows she can no longer ignore it.

Knows it in the way she'd known something wasn't right when she was attacking comfreypaw, when she'd felt the urge to protect her stomach even in a fight she'd known she was never going to lose. Knows it from the way that she feels overheated and dizzy despite the cold against her pelt, the way stomach only grows fuller in spite of the scarcity of leafbare prey.

And that knowing all but breaks her.

She barely remembers the rest of her return, only just barely see's sharpeye's startled gaze before she collapses before him, choked and heaving sobs leaving her lips even as pink spreads across the white snow. The blood that elaves her coat isn't hers - but it could've been. She - she can't do this anymore.

She's never cared much for her own life, not really - but... it's no longer just hers, is it? Tail wraps protectively around herself as she cries, saying nothing for a long time, but she doesn't need to. The promise she makes in that moment is a silent one, to ears she knows cannot even hear yet. She will stop it, all of it, to protect them if nothing else.

She will not fail them as she had caterpillarpaw.

" I- i- I- what am I supposed to do? " she says at last, green eyes looking just as confused. " If I had known, I wouldn't have- I'd never- " but that's not entirely true, is it? The thought makes her pause - as much as regret tears through her delicate frame, she knows the only remorse she feels was for getting caught, because it'd hurt Lilacfur. If she hadn't, then none of this would have happened - they'd have raised them together, she thinks, even if things were rocky and they hadn't yet been mates.

" What a sick sense of humor the stars have, " she says suddenly, pulling herself to her paws on shaking limbs. But - she'd known that already, hadn't she? Has known it since she'd woken up to her mate laying cold beside her not even a day after their declaration. She pays no mind to the fact she's given no explanation, no context - her mind is to frazzled to notice her slip.

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H O P E F U L L Y , ━ I ━ W O N T ━ W A K E ━ U P ━ T H I S ━ T I M E

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// this takes place christmas morning icly! directly interacting with @Sharpeye but this is technically an open thread, no need to wait!

 

[Sharpeye]

☁ Taking in new faces was becoming part of his life and in a way he was beginning to enjoy it. It kept him busy and gave him purpose, even if one of the recent additions to his alleyway bugged him with how much it felt like he was being taken for a ride. However, it still made him happy in some twisted way. He continued to hunt and continued to feed them to the best of his ability as long as the food lasted.

Twolegplace was abuzz with something else, a strange energy that spewed from the twolegs themselves. The air was thick with aromas that left Sharpeye's maw watering even despite the cold chill that lingered. With luck the bins would be laden with a bounty in the coming days and for a time the street cats could enjoy being fat and lazy despite the hardships of leafbare. Not even the snow would deter him from the scavenging to come.

The tom wished he could linger on the thoughts of lavish pickings to come, but worry nagged at him and made him eye the crates where they all usually slept. A certain she-cat had been missing that eve, and even though he knew that the business of others was not really for him to know he simply couldn't cast aside his concerns. His concerns were only set to skyrocket that morning as Siltcloud appeared. His eyes widen and even his cloudy eye betrayed the feeling of shock and surprise as he took in the sight before him.

"Siltcloud! Why are you covered in blood? Is it yours?" His initial fear was that she had been attacked. There were plenty of rogues in the area, and not to mention unsavoury kittypets who held no tolerance for wandering loners. But he couldn't really see any wounds that would have caused such staining against the now soiled snow. "Where have you been?" For too long he had turned a blind eye to her comings and goings, perhaps now it was time that he truly took notice.

The words that came rolling from the she-cat kept him silent as he tried to piece together what was being said, though it left him at a loss. But he recognised that she was in distress and that something had happened. Something life changing. His expression softened as he drew closer to her side and he attempted to offer a supportive shoulder to her. "Siltcloud, please tell me what happened. I'm worried about you."
​

 

[✧ Siltcloud.]

COVER UP MY EYES
I DREAM OF YOU ALMOST EVERY NIGHT ​

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siltcloud & 19 moons & female & she/her & shadowclan exile ​

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Sharpeyes concern is startling - a reminder that she is not, in fact, alone. Of course - would such things change if she were honest? She doesn't risk it, scrambling to pull together what remnants of sanity she can and cling to them. Jaws part insilence a few times as she struggles to put her thoughts in order, fragile mind bleary, before she speaks at last, voice still dripping with emotion.

" I- no, it's not mine, " she starts off, triling off for a moment. Dull green gaze is unblinking, unseeing for a moment - picturing comfreypaws prone form beneath her. " I- I just... wanted them to understand. That- That i did nothing wrong. It was all my brothers fault - he betrayed me too... I wouldn't have if I'd known-, " the babbling that slips past her lips still makes no sense, and it takes even more shuddering breathes before she finally begins to sound sane. " Shadowclan won't take me back. Not now - how am I supposed to raise kits by myself? Without their other mother, without their clan? " she says as at last truth slips past her snow splattered jaws. It's hard not to notice once it's been acknowledged, frail frame has put on more weight than ever despite her skeletal limbs. She doesn't understand how she hadn't noticed before - but, maybe, she'd just wanted to remain blind that little bit longer. To live in ignorant bliss.

She knows how cruel leafbare can be, growing up in shadowclan. Just last season she'd watched kits and queens and apprentice and warriors alike starve to death, while others withered away from sickness. And now - she is without even that small modicum of protection she'd once taken for granted. Tail curls around her stomach protectively, and yet all she can think of is that she is doomed.

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

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H O P E F U L L Y , ━ I ━ W O N T ━ W A K E ━ U P ━ T H I S ━ T I M E

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[Sharpeye]

☁ His mind was awhirl as Siltcloud unloaded so much upon him. Sharpeye could feel his brain racing to process what was being said, and various judgements came and went. A part of him was disgusted by the notion that Siltcloud had potentially harmed others, but yet he knew that he was missing so much of the wider story. She was a victim too, judging from what she was saying. The tom kept his expression neutral as he refused to sway in the direction of any extreme, getting angry or overly upset would do neither of them any good.

Then it came, a confession that stirred a stronger response as the shock hit him. She was pregnant! His jaw hung open as he stared in awe at her rounder belly. He felt foolish for not realising sooner, but he supposed it had been difficult to tell given her habit for coming and going. Now it was clear to him what he would have to do. It mattered not where she stood in terms of the scales of guilty or innocent, the only thing that mattered now was protecting the lives within her. He wasn't the father, he didn't love her, but he wasn't about to abandon her.

Sharpeye drew in a deep inhale as he steadied his nerves and levelled his mind before speaking. "It will be hard to raise kits without the support of a mate or a clan, that much I will not deny. But for what it's worth I will try to help you and your young however I can. I won't send you away, I promise you that. For as long as you remain here I will do what I can for you." He knew that there would be much demand upon his shoulders, it would be a troublesome burden and he knew that it would be truly difficult for the both of them. The former SkyClanner reached a paw forward and he attempted to rest it upon Siltcloud's shoulder in a gesture of support and comfort. "You won't be alone."
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