private My dear mon frère // Chilledstar

[Lotus☽]

And I couldn't stand the person inside me​

---

Did it count as avoiding if they never met before? Lotus was uncertain, but yet she still found herself standing a few paces outside of their den. Jagged had spoken so much about Chilledstar and thus why they had come along, even if she came solely because her entire family was now here. Though that wasnt the point. She had never met this cat, only heard stories and it seemed like most of them were true. Part of her seeked a relationshiop, seeked love and acceptance from an older sibling they never knew personally. Was this a parasocial relationship? No, certainly not. Regardless, the black molly swallowed thickly to try to settle her breathing and rising anxiety. No this would be good, maybe they could even become friends or something.

Lotus nodded to herself to affirm her own words before approaching the den and peaked inside quietly for a moment, "Chilledstar? I hope im not bothering you-" She called into the den and then poked back out to wait patiently for some sort of answer. Though all the while she felt her heart pounding idly in her chest as she feared rejection the most in this world. She had already had a negative expiernce with the Shadowclan leader as they didnt seem happy to see her- or any of them. So was this the right move? Or was she just blowing smoke up a broke chimney?

"Speech"

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

"chilledstar? i hope i'm not bothering you-"

a voice they're not yet familiar with seems to wake them from their sleep. though to be quite honest, they're not even sure they could actually call it sleep. it was more of a rest, really, and truth be told it wasn't working for them they're exhausted but their brain keeps going like a rabbit running across the moors. they wish it would stop but it won't. not anytime soon. they sigh, sitting up in their nest and rolling their shoulders forward. and even if you were, it's not like you really care, right? they think bitterly. most cats cake in to bother chilledstar regardless of how they'd feel about it. leaders may have a den but hardly do they have privacy. no is no different.

"right. come in, then. what is it?"

just as cold as their name is, they speak as they watch and wait for lotus to enter the den. with a few blinks, a frown finds its way on their face. they're trying their hardest to be a lot more nice but they don't have it in them– not when jealousy seeps into their veins so easily.

———————---***i try to live in black and white***———————---​

but i'm so blue✧ i'd like to mean it when i say i'm over you

•  
• — black feline with a white marking across their face, a white chin, a white right front paw, and blue eyes. chilledstar is covered in scars, the most prominent ones being the one across their face, and the one across their neck.
  — 46 moons old; ages the 3rd every month
  — they / them pronouns
  — aromantic / homosexual ; currently not looking
  — child of JAGGED and RAVEN
  — shadowclan ; loyal to shadowclan ; other info if applicable
  — mildly difficult to befriend ; trusts barely anyone; trusts no one outside of shadowclan
  — "speech", thoughts, attacking
  — peaceful powerplay allowed

​

​

 

[Lotus☽]

And I couldn't stand the person inside me​

---

Was there a goal in mind that she had? No not really, just she had the urge to talk to this cat. To see who they had become since they had now grown up around one another yet so much was spoken. It was like they had been there yet not at the same time. It was a were trail of thought to go down and she shook her head slightly with a small sigh to herself in annoyance. Overthinking was threatening them and they were trying to refuse the feeling as much as possible. This would be fine, even if things ended sourly at least she made the effort right? At least she tried?

The black molly perked up her ears as Chilledstars’ voice came from the other side of the den entrance and she padded into the den with a small, dip of her head as she felt she owed some sort of respectful gesture. Lotus was more than likely over thinking this whole thing and she felt so silly coming here with no real reason other than just to see who this cat was. What they were about, maybe even try to bond with this sibling? But she had a feeling that might not happen.

Lotus swallowed and pawed at the ground slightly, “I just- suppose you could say i just wanted to see you? Talk to you?” She confessed with a small flick of her ears back against her head slightly then she looked at Chilledstar for a moment, “I’m just curious i guess? Though i do understand if you dont wish to talk to me at all- but i do appreciate you welcoming me into your clan” It couldnt have been easy, there had been at least four of them here from Jagged. Wonder what he would say if he knew they were all now here? And that things were tense?

“I dont want us to have a tense relationship, i really dont cause youre my sibling regardless-” Lotus gave a small shrug as she started to hyper ramble about things and explain herself but she was terrible at explaining her feelings. Lotus was never good at communicating, and it went without presidency as to why.

"Speech"

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

their eyes closed tightly as they took a deep breath in and out. ...you're my sibling regardless. how does that somehow hurt them? they don't know. they don't like that feeling that comes with how she says it. they're her sibling regardless? regardless of what? of how chilledstar feels about them? about how they feel about chilledstar? they don't know. their stomach hurts. they take a few breaths in and out before they open their eyes to steady their gaze upon their half sister. i'm curious, too. about what makes you so much better. why did he love you and not me? what makes you so special? they do not voice this. they simple grunt lashing their tail back and forth. for their mother. that's why they're doing this. family is still family.

"the rest of your littermates are here. I couldn't, in good conscience, send you away when they are here. and like you said. you're my sibling regardless. family is family, I guess. but what is it that you're curious about? what could possibly be so interesting about me?"

———————---***i try to live in black and white***———————---​

but i'm so blue✧ i'd like to mean it when i say i'm over you

•  
• — black feline with a white marking across their face, a white chin, a white right front paw, and blue eyes. chilledstar is covered in scars, the most prominent ones being the one across their face, and the one across their neck.
  — 47 moons old; ages the 3rd every month
  — they / them pronouns
  — aromantic / homosexual ; currently not looking
  — child of JAGGED and RAVEN
  — shadowclan ; loyal to shadowclan ; other info if applicable
  — mildly difficult to befriend ; trusts barely anyone; trusts no one outside of shadowclan
  — "speech", thoughts, attacking
  — peaceful powerplay allowed

​

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