private my god im the serpent .. rookfang

[hazecloud]

Eyes of summer green dare to look across dull velvety fur. It didn't take her very long to find him, a few innocent questions had led her to where they stood now. It felt like a river had split between them as wide as the endless water she had seen on the mountain peak. Where the world ended in ceaseless depths of black and blue. She had lived what felt like lifetimes and now, as she stared into the others eyes, a sight that would have warmed her heart, she felt the distance between them had never changed.

"I came back." It felt dumb to say, but it still felt impossible to even do that.

Her eyes had become watery with the threat of tears while a wistful smile placed itself on her maw.

"I have seen land the Stars have never touched. Cracked my paws against stone no one may ever touch. I cried to the comfort of strangers when I thought we would die and I became friends with those that were sworn enemies. I lived in a Clan with no name, only strengthened by our shared goal to save what was ours. I was never weak." There was a pause as she willed herself to get to her point.

This was not her dramatic retelling of a frightful and action filled adventure. It sounded more like a goodbye despite her return.

"You tried to stop me. I found greatness within myself and learned lessons that could never be taught here and you? You didn't think I was strong enough to survive it." Though her voice cracked through the strain in her throat her tone was surprisingly kept level. Hazecloud thought of the nights she spent replaying their argument, the brief moments his voice felt like iron in her chest. Fighting just to get out of her own head.

"I cannot be held back, Rookfang. I will not. I thought I knew what I wanted, that you knew what I wanted but I didn't- we didn't..." She doesn't finish the thought. "Maybe we could have been better at a different time."

-- @ROOKFANG ​

 

[ROOKFANG]

THE HERMIT ───There was always something knocking at his door. Then again, what did he expect upon hearing the news of the journey cats returning home? It was a welcoming sign, hopeful and enlightening alongside their ability to finally reclaim their home after dealing with the senseless invasion of the rogues. How they had managed to build such numbers and attack all the clans, he did not know. His mother was a wandering rouge, one that thrived in isolating herself from the group and remaining unattached by any sentimental "uselessness" she liked to call relationships. You only need me, Rook. That was her explanation of his constant string of questioning of why they never saw other cats but it seemed, he failed her by eventually being scrapped from the muddy ground and dropped into the clan where he now was. Even so, it appeared there was some sense of internally believing her brutal mindset as he was now going to lose one of the few relationships he could attempt to keep. Her silky voice within his head was constantly nagging him today, was it since he had recently picked up her scent when they had returned? It was conflicting and confusing him as Rookfang did very much recall her disgust in groups yet her scent mingled in with the rogue scent that was haunting the grounds that they had once again in their possession.

His mind was in the cloud as he focused on the task at hand, organizing the heavy wads of moss into the new nests for the elders, spiked back facing everyone, his spiked tail twitching ever so slightly with silent irritation at how reckless and unmanageable the rogues had been with their camp. As he raised a paw to drop the moss into a certain pile, his dark nose twitched at a familiar scent and a wave of immediate relief slammed into him as he tensed before releasing the moss and deciding to turn his attention to the returning warrior, figure straightening and rising from his sat position to lock eyes, yet it appeared she was struggling to do so. Rookfang's permanently laced frown deepened into its area as he heard her gentle voice state the fact of her return and her eyes being glazed with salty emotions that caused his own eyes to widen slightly.

He listened intently as she explained her journey, heartbeat beginning to race alongside his thoughts as he caught the scars on her appearance yet decided to not focus on it as her story was more important to her. There was a whole world out there, one of the undiscovered wonders and hidden dangers yet she had decided to go and for that, he admired her courageousness. He admired her unlimited kindness for wanting to sacrifice her chance of living to return home with the cure that could save not only Riverclan but the rest of the clans that lived alongside each other. However, the worry had never drained from his harrowing mentality about her safety. He knew it wasn't his position to be caring. He knew that so why did he feel the urgency to take her place despite her refusals and frustration? His tongue felt dry against his jaw as he tightened and locked it, nerves twitching as she continued to speak.

Then it concluded. The hypothetical, another timeline, choice. He didn't bother to let it reach him, he was too focused on the present and relief that Hazecloud had arrived as a better version of herself, even if it included him no longer by her side. For a simple split second, his trapped emotions stormed within his eyes as he stared solemnly at her explanation. The ground felt colder, the air tasted more stale, and the cracks in his heart sunk into themselves even more, preparing to collapse into itself and disappear altogether with everything else within him. He couldn't help but inhale for some chance of composure, the cool air contradicting the shaky heat that had risen from his emotions as he took in the shivering pained inhale. Rookfang would not let it show any further. She had already been through so much and if all he could offer was someone who questioned her strength, he knew he did not deserve her. Or anyone. His mother's voice included itself in his internal dance of conflict and decided to misstep him, causing him to quickly slam the doors shut within himself that had wanted to open up with sincerity. The veil shut down the showing that had pranced within his dark blue and lemon yellow pools and now was left; separating jaws and an enigmatic expression.

"I understand and I...I am sorry. I am truly relieved you are back safely and thank you for returning with the herb we needed for our sick, you are a prime example of courage and determination, Hazecloud. If you need anything, let me know, and thank you for everything." His voice was softer than the gruff and ghostly tone he mostly expressed as Rookfang's rugged ears slightly folded down against his skull as he dipped his head in a respectful deep bow towards the gray molly before once again, rising to his straightened figure. "I should get back to the task I am on and you should get some well-deserved rest." With that, he decided it was best to conclude it with her well-awaited chance to get some rest from the long journey so she may further explain more of her experience to others if she decided to.

As he immediately turned his back once again to the others and Hazecloud, the muscular sable kept the trembling paw of his hidden from sight as he sunk it into the pile of moss and continued with his mundane chore. It was never-ending. And Rookfang accepted it.​

 

[hazecloud]

Confrontation normally did not go this quietly for her. Truly, she only needed a single paw to count all the times it had. For a moment, just one, she imagined prodding fangs to part from close lips and shout at her. The image was sealed away behind a wall of courage she had built over the past several weeks as she had been forced too. She had learned to not let her weaknesses weigh her down in the hours she needed to be formidably confident. Too many times did she face the open maw of death to treat an exchange of words like it would end in her final breaths. Too many times did she fight against her own will to hide in order to gain her Clanmates trust and respect in her capabilities.

When Hazecloud looked at Rookfang, she saw the scarred eyes of meadows in fresh rain. A breath remained caught deep in her lungs and in a blink, ash brown fur replaced where she saw blue-grey. Guilt tried pressing through to breach her confidence as memories of the ThunderClanner flooded her mind but she took it, wielding it into much needed comfort in this moment.

Batwing had given her the chance to see a power within herself that she never thought was there before. She wouldn't let herself falter in this moment, she couldn't. And watching him cower in her blinding light stirred something unexpected- irritation? He was giving up, saying nothing to fight. He wouldn't fight for her? He didn't find any thrill in chasing after what they had again?

Maybe he didn't feel it was worth it. Simply accepting this would be the end of their time together, and deep down she knew it was only right. They were worlds apart now. She had achieved something higher than he could look up to, she realized as the storms raged behind lemon dropped sights.

In came another struck of guilt as her mind drifted to who she wanted Rookfang to echo. She wanted burning ferocity behind his eyes, she wanted the molly that would tear down the clouds to get what she wanted.

"I still love you." It came out more rushed than she wanted, a desperate pull for him to not yet pull away. "It'll be hard to stop, we weren't all bad for each other." The smoky molly meant it they could've have made something together, had things been different. If they had made different choices.

"I just want you to be happier. Take care of yourself." Hazecloud stepped back from the tom as he dismissed himself, expecting him to go back into shutting down and returning neck-deep into mindless duties. She dipped her head and quietly turned away as he had, leaving him to his solitude.​