private my heads in the sky .. starlingheart

[lilacfur]

Her paws feel numb as she looked down at them. Caked in mud and raw from scratching her pads against stone and rough bark. Her Clanmates had returned well before she had after Smogmaw had directed them to chase out their betrayers. The rosette only came back to camp hours later, eyes watery still and fur damp from the time she spent alone. After all of it had concluded, Lilacfur felt no better than she had before. The kin of her kin had stirred something rotten in her family, she wasn't sure what what was going on in their heads after it all. She still hadn't spared a word for Ghostpaw and the guilt of avoiding her family, her Clan had drawn her return.

Hush murmurs had sent a lull over camp. Plenty still discussing with one another what had happened, how they felt, how the future may look.

Amber eyes drifted to the dark maw of the medicine den. Does she go inside? She can't imagine the pain her sister must feel right now. She had Siltcloud had loved each other but her and Granitepelt's loves had run far deeper. A seedling from when they were still in the nursery that grew into what was supposed to be a bountiful garden.

Her paws are leading her on their own and she ducked her head in to stand quietly. What should she say? What... What was left to say, after that? She noticed Magpiepaw's absence and she wondered if Starlingheart had directed him to let her remain alone and for a moment she considered turning back, worried her face is one of the last she wants to see.

But then she hears it. A softest, gentle sob and she's moving again to comfort her sister. It had been too many moons since she had been this close to Starlingheart, she realized.

"Your fur..." Her voice sounded raspy from her own struggle to contain her cries, but she managed to pull a smile though sad. "It reminds me of the moon in the night's sky... That's what father used to call mother. The moon to his night sky..." Enough badgering from her older brothers had earned her that little piece from their parents and she offered to share it in some form of comfort. "I wish they were here right now but, I'm glad to still have you here. And Skunktail and Nightswarm."

@STARLINGHEART ​

[ sad hello's and mad high low's ]​

 

[Starlingheart]

Often, Starlingheart had to wonder 'Is my family cursed?' Was it something that ran in their blood, in their veins, that predetermined tragedy for them? The death of their father, their mother, their brothers. The abandonment of her aunt and the insistence that ShadowClan did not care for her even after Pitchstar had gone to the border and demanded blood for blood on her behalf. And now this. Would there ever be a time where her family was not steeped in mourning cloaks? She wonders as she sobs into the quiet darkness of her den.

She can hear breathing at the entrance of her den, but she does not look up from where she lays curled on the ground. On the ground because she cannot bear to lay in her nest, to crawl into the moss and not feel a body curled comfortingly around her own. She misses him, despite all the terrible things he had done she still misses him. And didn't that make her terrible?

She is expecting whoever it is to go away, but paw steps move further into the sanctuary of her rocky cave and a familiar scent washes over her. It is only when her sister begins to speak that she stirs. She looks up at her with a face soaked in her own tears, and she listens to her speak about their mother, their father and for a second she actually smiles. "I wish... I wish we could have met him" she says quietly. Perhaps if he was still here, or even her mother, things would have turned out differently. "I wish they were here too" she admits with a soft broken sigh. Her gaze turns to her paws then. "Do you remember when-when we were little and and everything was-was so different. What happened Lilacfur? Why did we- why did we drift so far apart after-after our mothers death?" Part of it was her fault, she knows. She had retreated so far into herself, into her grief. She vowed it would not be that way again. "I've-I've missed you"

​

 

[lilacfur]

Starlingheart does not push her away. Starlingheart does not push her away. Will it last long beyond this moment now? Lilacfur finds that she doesn't care, she took the grace she's been given and clung to it. Grasped claws around the fact her sister was willing to speak with her, wasn't urging to be left alone or muted from the grief.

A weak smile matched the other molly's. She's sent to recall memories of them toddling about, before they could have bared witness to real tragedy and she painfully finds them hard to envision. The days of their kithood were so long ago now but if she tried hard, she could imagine the smile on Briarstar's muzzle when they laughed. She could see the biggest smile lighting up her sisters face when they discovered something new.

"I remember..." Lilacfur's voice went quiet in her effort to keep the memories fresh in her mind. What happened to them? Too much, too much happened for their developing heads to handle. Starlingheart had coiled into herself even worse after the abandonment from Bonejaw and Lilacfur got tired of chasing her down for a simple 'hello'. Granitepelt of course had been a help in hiding her away but he had already wrapped himself so tightly around her. She had already told Roosterstrut, she couldn't have simply stopped her sister from loving someone. They had settled with their trauma different ways and by the time they realized things should be different it was too late...

"I've missed you too. I'm sorry I stopped visiting, I'm sorry I gave up. I'm going to be better for us, for our family." They couldn't afford not to be, not after this. "I want to be a better sister for you, and... and I know this all feels so much bigger than you can handle but I don't want you to go through it alone again."​

[ i need the clouds to cover me ]​