my little dove [ reminiscing ]

[koispots]

Flowers, last blooms of the fall, they're carried in her mouth. Oranges and blacks and dark blues, they all remind her of Drizzle, of mother, of mama. No matter how hard she fights it, her mother remains on her mind, no matter how hard she tries to replace the memories with others. Her siblings are blurs in her memory, a deep-rooted ache of longing and missing in her bones, but her mother was the last time she had seen them (she misses her family, misses them so much, wishes they could be happy). She has never met her father, Bluegill, he had died before she was born, but her mother spoke of true love, of pure romance, of a good person when she'd talk about him.

Sometimes, Koi finds herself wishing that she'd have that same kind of love too. Not that she feels like she deserves it.

The river is awfully cold today, like always. Icy cold, just like in her nightmare, just like the day of the murder, she screws her eyes shut for a moment to block it out. The flowers fall around her as she sits, taking one of them gently in to her paws. Its soft to the touch, but the leaves are browning and it all reminds her of the passing of time, something she couldn't stop. Shes harshly reminded of it with every breath that fills her lungs, with every flower, every color. She hums, not a coherent tune, as she takes each flower and presses her nose to it, tossing them in to the river currents one by one; a tribute to those she has lost, to a mother that unknowingly broke her own daughter, but she loves her all the same. It's why she does this, little things to remember her by. Little things that would replace the horrid memories of her mothers final days in agony and pain.

In her mothers eyes, she will always be Koi Fish, but the name doesn't feel right on her tongue anymore. She's Koipaw now. She just wishes her mother were here to witness it, to see her friends- Koi Fish had never been a people person, after all. Koi settles down once more and closes her eyes, bending her forehead close to the shallows. She remains like this, a silent prayer.
​

"speech"​

 

[LIGHTNINGSTONE]

// acting as if this is after they're paired!

The silvery tom lounges nearby, preparing for the morning's patrols. As he grooms down his fluffy chest fur, his gaze catches his apprentice by the river. She's tossing petals in, one after the other, as if to a melody. He gets back to his grooming, straightening his pelt and tail and ensuring he is presentable for the day, but his eyes keep flickering back in curiosity about what she's doing. Finally, she settles into a crouch with her head near the water, and he gets up.

On long legs, he strides closer, the tip of his tail curling at the end as it sweeps the ground behind him. "Are you feeling alright?" He asks in his usual monotonous tone, seemingly uncaring. He's never been an expressive cat. He glances towards the center of camp, awaiting the rest of his clan so that patrols can be assigned, and continues, "If you don't feel up to patrols today, you should see Beesong. I only want you out there if you're in top shape. Do you understand?" It's cold, and even rather harsh. Perhaps in his own way, it's caring. He doesn't know what is causing Koipaw to act so despondent, and he won't pretend to know. But maybe he can at least give her a day off if it's needed.​

 

[BOARPAW]

Like a silent statue the large apprentice is ever watchful. A gargoyle keeping its cathedral safe and she almost nearly never blinks. She likes to watch others, see what they are doing and their movements. It helps pass the time when she is unable to hold a conversation with others. When she is feeling too inadequate to take up someone else's time. So she observes everything that happens around her and one such cat she has been watching. Koipaw. Her head tilts slightly as she witnesses the somber mood in which the other moves. Each flower being casted into the river and trailing down with the current. Her own storh is a bit different and she has little to no linger affection for her own birth mother. More like fear and residual trauma but she hopes she never sees her again. Even now she has slight fears that she will come to get in the darkness of night but she always forces herself to shake such thoughts from her head.

Instead she watches Lightning as he comes over to the other and she finds herself also moving. The overly large brute taking careful steps to the scene. She catches what the older tom says before a grunt leaves her throat and she looks at Koipaw. Her eyes like vivid greens seem to look over her before she nods her head. "It's okay. Mhm."​