my mistakes are like a screaming parrot - batwing

[tigerwing]

tiger paw could not stop thinking about it. every day something would remind her. she learned a lot on the journey with her mother, remembering the frogs they seen, remembering the river that she had to carry the tortie over since tiger could not swim. she remembered too much, yet she wasn't here.

she seen her. she seen her mother she swore she did. she wasn't sick anymore. she was by her side in sickness. tigerpaw wanted her mother right now more than anything. she wanted her by her side when she became a warrior. she wanted to at least see her one more time. was that too much to ask?

tigerpaw let out a soft sigh, before looking for her mentor. she didn't want to ask, she didn't want to know. but at the same time-

"batwing?" her voice soft as she approached the male. she was hesitant to ask the next question, uncomfortably pawing at the ground with a sad expression. "i seen her when I was sick... but she's not here. did... did my mom forget about me?"

@batwing

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[batwing]

.i'll be your calm, —————————

————————— before the storm!.

▵ ———————— ◮ ———————— ▵

Batwing had dreaded this since the day he made that promise, since the day he and Flamewhisker has brought Tigerpaw home. He knew it was coming, knew it would be a sting of betrayal. He had been staring at the freshkill pile when his apprentice approached, and his forehead lined with worry, head turning.

"Go ahead." He prompted in her hesitation softly. A part of him knew what was coming, and he knew it was going to be rough. A breath inhaled sharply as Tigerpaw's words came, and he fell silent. "Follow me, please." Batwing stated. He didn't say that out of coldness- no, he wanted Tigerpaw to be out of earshot of others. Batwing didn't want her to feel embarrassed at anything that might come. He lead her from camp, into the cold of snow and frost, settling under the boughs of a wide tree before he began speaking.

"Tigerpaw, the day we found you, you remember how your mother was 'playing' hide and seek?" Batwing asked, vision lifted to hers. He would not lower his eyes, not like he had to Leopardtongue, not like he had to Howlingstar. This matter, he was being solid in. "She wasn't playing hide and seek. She intended to leave you here with us all along, because she was.. very sick." His whiskers twitched, somewhat guilty. He almost felt sick to his stomach.

"I spoke with her, briefly. She told me she wouldn't be... able to see you anymore, because she wouldn't be alive much longer." Batwing's ears lowered, staring at Tigerpaw. "I promised to take care of you. Part of that was... hiding this until you were older. For that, I must apologize, and beg your forgiveness." Now his head lowered, eyes closing softly.

"speech"​

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[tigerwing]

her anxiety became even more of a pit as he asked her to follow. for what she didn't know, her head slumped as she moved forward, tail dragging a bit as she pushed against Batwing in comfort. she was a lot bigger, no longer able to hide under him or flamewhisker or tansy when she was scared.

but did she wish she could. for now, pushing against their pelts was the best she could do. as he moved to settle down, she would pull away to sit beside him. she never got anxiety, but she didn't know what to expect of this answer. and she felt he did, this coming here.

"yeah! that's where i met you and flamewhisker! and the thundercats." she said with a small grin, but it dropped faster than it came. her ears flattened. the gaze from green eyes to golden dropped to the frosted ground. be strong. shed repeat the words in her head, over and over as he continued.

it's not your fault. but the words couldn't come from her burning throat. her form would get up, pacing, gritting her teeth and spitting incoherent words that would make out in between,"b-but berryheart..- seen her... -but no, it- i.." denial.

but it was true. she knew it. she finally rested on her trembling paws, head sunken into the orange and chocolate stripes.for a long moment she was silent, staring ahead past batwing. "a part of me knew. i... saw the blood shed cough up. she wouldn't eat. i... didn't I d-dont understand." her lips trembled, her eyes fighting back then tears that threatened to spill. everything in her wanted to run. or to wail. stay strong.

it was her mother's favorite words. she was supposed to be strong. but she knew her mom would understand. she just- her emotions were confusing. "it's not your fault." she finally said, her voice heavy with emotions. "you didn't kill her or make her choose her actions. you found answers."


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[batwing]

.i'll be your calm, —————————

————————— before the storm!.

▵ ———————— ◮ ———————— ▵

Her anxiety and grief was overwhelming. Briefly at that, something that clogged up his breath and caused him to stutter. He cleared his throat, picking his head up and staring at Tigerpaw. His ears were lowered, sorrow genuine in his vision as he looked on at his apprentice. His words soft, but truthful, as he finally spoke aloud to her. "It is my fault for keeping it from you." He murmured softly. He did not move, or approach her- he let her have that choice.

Batwing cleared his throat, as if it would help clear the clog of emotions in it. ".. Cry, if you need to, Tigerpaw. It isn't a weakness." Batwing finally said softly, his shoulders sagging. He'd like to be strong, to not show how he felt right here but.. that would be hypocritical. Instead, he spoke truthfully, finding solace in the realism. "It relieves stress, and makes you stronger. Like working a muscle- it must break before it becomes stronger." Batwing stated softly.

His head lifted. "If you have.. questions, ask them. I won't hold anything back from you any longer."

"speech"​

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[tigerwing]

she didn't genuinely know what to do, to say otherwise. batwing looked apologetic as if his own claws murdered her, even though he was just trying to protect her from the truth. he was doing a good thing, and she knew she didn't want to know the answers and now here she was- knowing the answers. she never knew the slogan curiosity killed the cat, but if she had known, she would have bit her tongue.

the chocolate and red torbie shuffled uneasily against the ground, lips trembling as she fought the grief. "you were protecting me," she argued back, but with a matter-of-fact tone.

it wasn't as if she was hiding her emotions- it was quite obvious. but he must have known that she was not going to easily let the grief she felt weighing herself down and wanting to crush her into a pulp make her cry. she did cry, she did when batwing and flamewhisker left her to go on the journey. she was scared that they wouldn't return. and for some reason, that feeling of abandonment was stronger.

and for a few moments, all she could do was numbly stare, her body on pause as she took the time to process. and then in a matter of moments, translucent liquid was dripping onto the ground, lining tight eyelids and teeth clenched tightly in a quiet sob.

everything hurt. her throat down to her lungs burned in her small body, her shoulders taught, and her ears were flattened against her head. "why d-why didnt she just- berryheart- he could have helped her." it wasn't a question directed towards him, but an outward cry of just why.

she found herself pulling forward, shoving her face into the grey warriors shoulder, curling into his chest as any form of comfort. this wasn't batwings fault. she would never be mad at him. and she had many questions, but she could barely talk at the moment. she just- she just wanted for her world to stop crashing.


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