private NEPTUNE ♥ Aspenhaze

[Petalnose]

It was as if the scene kept replaying in her mind, the sun was rising now to wick away the gruesome night of loss. Still, she watched the sky as she normally had. Pink hues and gold came to light, what would give most reassurance filled her with more unease. This wasn't a nightmare. The pain that surged through her face served that reminder. Heavy and tired eyes flicked around the medicine den, she looked on guard; self protectant. Uncomfortable. Trusting another clan wasn't something she was known to do. Atleast, her mate brought her a sense of comfort in the strange place. "No matter what happens and what we do it seems we're always led to being vulrenable." She meowed bitterly, exhaustion and pain apperant through her words. "I don't feel I should trust them. We'll owe them. Before we know it, another piece is taken from us. I.. I'm grateful but I just don't have a good feeling about this." The fur along her spine prickled and ears laid flat through soft grumbles, glancing towards Aspenhaze for their input.

"I just hope the stars above guide us. But it's hard to trust after everything that has happened to us.." she lifted her nose once more to the sky, wondering if her mother was there. Her brother.. Were they really guiding her and watching her? Or was the entirety against her? Were they against her for the sins she committed in her youth?

Aspenhaze at least was a soul she could trust enough to express her vulrenablity and confusion. She wasn't sure if the blue tortiseshell would have anything to say for it or against but the mere presence was something that comforted her. If she had lost them that night, she wouldn't know what state she'd be at.

@Aspenhaze

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[Aspenhaze]

Aspenhaze is just as frustrated as their mate, having to desert their home after so much tragedy has already befallen them. They might have had it easier than Petalnose, as they are not scarred from the event, but they can say that their ego was tattered all the same. They had pledged everything towards RiverClan, and yet here they are, licking their wounds while accomplishing nothing. They might have wanted to stay alive in the moment, but it still hurts knowing that they continue to lose.

They listen to Petalnose explain how she’s feeling about their situation, expression softening at her concerns. “I understand how you feel. But remember, they were the ones in debt to us, and now it’s been paid off. It does not make me feel any better, but it’s the truth. I wouldn’t worry about Blazestar using this against us.” They already lost their leader to the rogues, and Blazestar isn’t so mean as to ask for more of them. At least, they hope so. He’s already enough of a pushover that they’re certain he won’t use this as an opportunity to hurt them.

Aspenhaze look up at the stars as well, wondering how StarClan is doing. How those on the journey are. Their faith in StarClan has not wavered despite RiverClan’s hardships, but they understand why Petalnose is having doubts. Even so, it’s probably as hard to watch the clans go through this, while not being able to do much. “I’m sure they’re watching, wishing that they could help us just as much as we want the help. I do not think they can summon prey out of thin air or change the rogue’s minds, however. All we can do is hope that things will work out, and try our best to survive despite.”​

 

[Petalnose]

The reassurance and intelligence of Aspenhaze was comforting, however she couldn't help but still disagree inside. Some cats changed in a flick of a switch. Trusting had not gotten her anywhere, it only showed her belly to threats she hadn't expected to be. Trust caught cats off guard, some even lost lives to it, "We'll see, but still, any excuse can be made to take things from us." Petalnose flicked her ears with an irritated sigh, "Trusting another from a strange clan can get your paws stuck in the mud."

If only you knew what happened to me, you'd understand where I'm coming from.

Quietly she rested her head upon her paws as she listened more to her mate's words about the ghostly clan. The she-cat hummed in slight agreement but she had seemed to tense more, "Summoning things- yes, I believe they can't do that. However.. I've heard they can send omens unless I was merely lied to... It's hard to understand they couldn't assist in that power somehow. Atleast show that they're trying to help and not just staring at us! It seems all they do now is watch." The fur along her spine prickled and tail flicked, confusion and frustration settling into her expression further. Their clan was always struggling, there wasn't a break for them it seemed. There was always trouble; neverending doom put forth on their clan. It was hard to fully agree, even though she wanted nothing more to see through their perspective. But she simply couldn't.

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[Aspenhaze]

Aspenhaze could feel Petalnose’s frustration, and they understood entirely. It truly felt like RiverClan would never get a break, and StarClan saying nothing did make things a bit frustrating. But their medicine cat was still out of commission, and Cicadastar was…well, Cicadastar. Their heart lurches at the thought of their leader sacrificing himself for them, and wonders if he will actually make it back. Maybe that’s why StarClan hasn’t said anything, knowing that RiverClan would lose their leader so suddenly? But there is no certainty, and they will not know for awhile yet.

It also pains them to see how much Petalnose’s trust has been broken. Aspenhaze is not one to trust easily, that much is true, but she has been hurt in ways they will never understand. They might have been bullied when they were younger, and it took a lot of healing to come to the point they are at now, but healing does not come easily. Maybe…maybe with time, they can help her heal. But with where they are right now, they need to make it to the next day, first. “…I cannot argue that there is a chance that we will get backstabbed. And I cannot begin to imagine what you’ve gone though, either. Just know that whatever happens, I’ll continue to be by your side.” Aspenhaze gives her a reassuring smile.

“And I wish StarClan would at least say something, too. I’m worried that their silence means that things will not turn out how we want. But the good thing is…life always goes on, whether or not we’re there to see it. RiverClan will continue to exist as long as someone is here to say it is so, and even if it falls, we have made our mark. We will not be forgotten any time soon. So even if things are hard…that’s just life, isn’t it? That’s how I’ve found my peace with it all.”​

 

[Petalnose]

Slowly fur flattened, softening a once frustrated look upon Aspenhaze. Petalnose listened and processed, lifting her head at the simple sentence of affection and reassurance. It was as if honey left their tounge while hers begun to drip with venom in challenge, it was sweet enough to regret her mild reaction.

Heat grew across her pelt, she couldn't help but feel ashamed. Although, she stood to circle to her mate's side and settle with a heavy rub of her head against their body. "You always know your way with words. How do I not stir you?" She lightly teased, aiming to rasp her tongue over their cheek. A light purr fell from her lungs, resting beside them to listen more.

A frown seemed to tug at her lips again, nodding softly as if she seemed to agree. "I just don't want everyone in constant torment. I don't want to be in it. I don't want you to be in it. I feel as if I am helpless.. like I can't protect my clan. Safety and security; I want to provide it but as many failures and losses as we've had- ..It makes me feel like a failure.. It makes me feel as if they're not there in the first place." She heaved a heavy sigh, looking down upon them softly. Petalnose hadn't been lucky enough to see any miracles, only doom brought to her own paws and her clans', "I will fight everyday if it were to keep everyone else safe. If I was a Starclan cat.. I would try my best to warn others of oncoming transgressions in whatever way they're allowed to." I stayed here for a purpose; a promise.

The lead warrior would lean more into Aspenhaze, "I think.. you're the only miracle in my life." She pointed, admiring their beauty with a touch of sadness in her eyes. And what if I lose you too?

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[Aspenhaze]

Aspenhaze is happy that Petalnose takes their words well, and they bunt their own head against her side, happy that even in trying times, their love remains. When she jokingly asks how they tolerate her, their expression softens considerably. “I could never be upset with you, not really. I fell in love knowing who you were, and that has not changed. I love all of you, every part of you.” It’s a very earnest confession, but it’s all true nonetheless. They lick behind her ear like they enjoy the most, then leaning their head against hers lovingly. This moment of peace might not last long, but they’re grateful for it even so.

Petalnose just wants them to be safe and secure, and Aspenhaze purrs at the sentiment. They care greatly for the safety of their clan just as much as her, and would do most anything for them too. Sometimes it feels like an unattainable goal, and even with them being at peace with the fact that they will continue to struggle, they only wish for them to thrive. “We have suffered a lot, yes. It’s not easy to watch. And I wish I could offer more than just words… but you’re not a failure. Not at all.” They wish that she would see just how much she helps keep them afloat. It’s obvious to them, and surely to the rest of the clan as well.

“You’re one of the best in RiverClan, and Cicadastar certainly thinks so, too. You deserve your position, and I can and will tell you this any time you feel down.” As many times as she needed to hear it, they would give her the reassurance. Anything for her. “StarClan might be eerily silent, but at least I can give thanks to them for allowing me to meet you. I’m glad you think so…because you’re also the biggest blessing I have ever received. I love you, Petalnose. Deeply and truly.”​

 

[Petalnose]

Blackened lips lifted at the gesture of affection, taking it with ease and staring down at her mate as they spoke. More words sweeter than honey, it made as if she needed feverfew. It seemed her smile faded however, she knew she was difficult and she didn't want Aspenhaze to show their belly for anything she would spit wrong. "Just.. tell me when I'm too much to put up with. You have boundaries too." She couldn't promise an outburst if she was told during the wrong time in the heat of a moment. However, she trusted Aspenhaze's patience and their words. If they could change her mood so easily, the flames of an outburst could be extinguished or at least tamed. "I love every part of you the same, even if it doesn't look like it." she joked, whiskers twitching in humor.

She was glad to know one cat didn't think she was a failure, but it hadn't uplifted her as much as she hoped. Still, she felt like one. Even if it was out of her control. Petalnose still looked upon them with a thankful glaze to her doting expression, enjoying hearing words fall out their maw.

The patched molly would pull her gaze away at the next sentence, ears pinning in disbelief. "You make me sound like a hero." It was a humorous jest, but obvious she had mixed feelings about the opinion. She couldn't have ever known why Cicadastar had picked her, amongst the two lead warriors she was the booming voice... The one who threw a claw to protect instead of words. She felt like she was a sharpened sword amongst shields. She would think Aspenhaze would fit better with the two, at least better than her. Did the river king make a mistake, and see her character as something else? Or did he want those sharpened traits an addition to his crew?

The endearing words made her softly smile once more, turning her head to press her nose against theirs and rasp her tongue across their cheek. "I love you too Aspenhaze. I will do my best to protect you and show you just how much I appreciate you."

"How about.. we explore the borders sometime or beyond? Just you and I? Besides, it's getting too crowded here. I'd like to hear you speak more clearly. The background chatter is so annoying amongst a beautiful voice." Her lips curled in a sly smile, rolling onto her side dramatically. She had missed their adventures before all the chaos. It made her feel like those days were many moons ago. Even still being fairly young, the stress that was brought to their clan made her feel aged. Petalnose felt guilty in a way as well, her lead duties did come first and it didn't seem like there was a day she got to herself... to her mate.

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