private NEVER BEEN THE FAVORITE // orchidpaw

// @orchidpaw

Motherhood had changed a lot about how Forestshade sees the world. You know, figuratively. She had swore she wouldn’t let her kits grow up how she had - with hovering parents, strict rules, and rigid expectations. She’d let them live their own lives, choose what they want to do and how they’d do it, and in it all she’d realized she’d made a massive mistake.

She lays nearby as her apprentice practices stalking in a clearing. They’re alone out here in the marsh, just like how they spend most days, and sometimes Forestshade swears she can hear the girl’s nervous heart pounding within her chest. She’s always anxious and apprehensive, worried she’ll slip up, and the torbie’s ears fall back. The warrior has been suffocating her. She’s made the same mistake her parents made with her. Guilt and shame claw at her, and one look at her frowning expression gives away she feels off. “Orchidpaw, come here for a moment,” She suddenly says, pushing herself into a seated position.
 
At this point, her tremors borne from anxiety make her body move on its own. She cannot help but misplace her paw, something akin to fear, dread running through her body as she thinks of what her mentor will say. It was a pretty heavy misstep, shes sure Forest had heard it. Theres silence for a heartbeat, Orchid waits with baited breath but nothing comes from the torties mouth. Maybe she didn't hear...? She waits a couple seconds just to be sure. Nothing at all, so Orchid dips in to another crouch and-

Orchidpaw, come here for a moment.

Dread floods the pit of her stomach once again. She DID hear it, then, oh no... The small cinnamon smoke cannot meet Forests eye as she makes her way over, her head dipped in shame. "I-I'm sorry, I d-didn't mean to mess up." comes her stuttered apology after getting caught in her throat, her tail nervously lashing back and forth.
"speech"​
 
Forestshade’s ears prick, confusion evident on her face. “No, no. It’s not that,” She is quick to clarify, her guilt deepening. She pays the ground with a forepaw, inviting Orchidpaw to sit. It is time to swallow her pride. She has to admit she was wrong.

Drawing in a large sigh, she lets the breeze blow through her pelt and she relishes the relief it gives. “I haven’t been the best mentor to you,” The patched she-cat confesses, unseeing eyes facing forward, somewhere past her apprentice’s face. “I haven’t been what you needed, and I’m sorry. From now on, we’ll go at your pace. Whatever you need. How does that sound?” Her heart pounds in her chest; will Orchidpaw forgive her? She has come to care for the youngster quite a bit and now knowing how much she has suffocated her under her strict tutelage…it pains her. She can only hope it’s not too late. She truly believes she can turn Orchidpaw into one of ShadowClan’s greatest hunters, just like herself. She just wasn’t going about it in the correct way at all.