NEVER WOKE UP [ ☾ ] ASHENPAW

[Swansong]

( ☁︎ )　 Swanpaw is mentorless now, and yet he's expected to just... carry on. He's been tacked onto a patrol with his brother, stuck in the limbo of waiting for the meeting and tagging along with whoever is available. It's not exactly motivating, shadowing these cats who offer nothing but pitiful glances at him, so the two brothers had gone off on their own. Swanpaw knows he should be training hard like Sabletuft said, and yet...

He lets out a long sigh, half-pant and half-exasperation. They've gone so far out, and yet he hasn't caught a single piece of prey. There was a lizard that slipped away too fast, and little else. He's so tired, his head's swirling... "Do you... think they'd notice if we were longer, getting back?" he murmurs suddenly, casting a side-eyed glance to Ashenpaw. "Oh, I... I know we shouldn't, but... " Another sigh. "I'm not getting anywhere..." He's recovered, technically, but it doesn't often feel that way. Just walking the length of the territory didn't used to be so hard, didn't take all of his energy. There's a film covering his thoughts; he wants a break, badly.

His face twists as he tries to explain. "Can't... think, can't focus. Need... something else." A distraction. He turns pleading eyes upon Ashenpaw, a long perfected pout used in his younger days to solicit extra napping time from his mother. "Do you know anywhere...? Just, um, anywhere interesting... I just need to... to get away, for a moment." He feels like he's forgotten the territory, feels lost, so he implores Ashenpaw to take the lead. Everything feels so unfamiliar after spending two moons in the same nest.

I WANNA BE HAUNTED ☁︎ I WANNA BE LOVED ! 【 11.6.23 】

• // @ASHENPAW
  EDITED bc i somehow forgot that ashen's already been reassigned to smog..... the dangers of writing at 3am
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• "SPEECH"

• ☾ 　⁺　₊ 　⋆　SWANPAW.　APPRENTICE OF SHADOWCLAN.　HE / HIM / HIS.
  7 MOONS & AGES ON THE 17TH.　PENNED BY SATURNID.
  
  

  

  ☾ — A PALE, ELEGANT CREAM TABBY WITH PERIWINKLE BLUE EYES.

  
  HALFSHADE xx SMOGMAW. LITTERMATE TO APPLEPAW GARLICPAW & ASHENPAW. OLDER SIBLING TO HALFKIT TANGLEKIT & DREAMKIT.​

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[ASHENFALL]

˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 Ashenpaw was jealous of Swanpaw for the worst reason in the world. It was bad enough to prickle with envy at Garlicpaw's natural optimism and Applepaw's inexplicable regard as a thought-leader amongst the apprentices. His stomach flipped continuously to acknowledge such a thing, but Ashenpaw wished sometimes that he had been the one to be laid up and nearly killed by yellowcough in place of Swanpaw. It wasn't like he wished to catch the damned sickness anytime soon, but he couldn't help but think it would be somewhat... easier to have spent their past few moons of utter torture holed up in the dark, expected to sleep all day, every day, and not much else. This, of course, was an awful thing to want.

Worrying this knot over in his brain lulled him into silence as he slunk along beside the cream-striped sibling in question, equally unlucky in his hunt and becoming exponentially colder and soggy-pawed by the minute. The torbie is pulled out of his mental detangling by Swanpaw's simpering murmurs and pauses to look at him fully. His eyes glint with something nearing concern as his brother sways with exhaustion, "...Doubt anyone'd care. It's not like we were gonna find a bunch of prey anyway..." He murmurs with a tinge of bitterness out of his empty belly. He considers for only a moment before diverting from their path, beckoning Swanpaw to follow with a sway of his tail.

He slips through the ferns to find the reprieve Swanpaw requested in the form of an old hollowed-out log, a shell of what was once a proud pine tree. Perhaps it succumbed to sickness too, would the cats notice if some sort of silent plague of tree-yellowcough ravaged the marsh? Or were cats as blind to the plights of the trees as trees seemed to be to theirs? Whatever killed it, it was dead now. But the hollow was dry, and the smell of old-dead-tree was pleasant enough to comfortably catch a nap in it. "It's not that interesting, but they probably won't find us in here if someone gets nosy," he huffed. Ashenpaw was known for playing hooky whenever he got too pissed to focus on training, and this was one of his numerous hiding places around the territory. "Still sick? Or just uh... feeling tired?" He trained his eyes briefly upon Swanpaw's face once more. His brother had a penchant for sleepiness in the same way that Applepaw was known for her bossiness and Ashenpaw had his moodiness—all were met with vague chidings but an unspoken acceptance as a part of their respective identities.

He pauses for a moment longer before asking what seems to be a repetitive question, "Are you feeling... bad?" Ashenpaw didn't know why he felt inclined to ask after Swanpaw's feelings now while he and Applepaw had previously opted to bicker to maintain their sense of normalcy. Maybe cause Swanpaw was harder to argue with, too concerned with his naps and such.

YOU'LL ASK, 'WHAT CAN I DO?' ˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 AND THERE WILL BE NO ANSWER

• OOC: I JUST REALIZED I NEVER REPLIED TO THIS IM SORRY !!!
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• 
  — ashenkit . ashenpaw
  — ftm transmasc. he/him. 8mo apprentice of shadowclan. mentored by smogmaw
  — muted blue torbie w/ pale blue and amber eyes
  — smells of rainsoaked fern and swamp milkweed
  — currently in an era of guilt. all ic opinions!
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — icon by nya, fullbody by tropics, sticker by saturnid
  — penned by eezy
  

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