private new life's redeemed ✧ smokestar

[lichenstar]

⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ​

A trickle like a new-leaf stream come to life after months of freeze and chill, it had started small and grown louder in its heavy downpour, tumbling tumultuously and relentlessly as it sought to carve a new path- her nerves had gone from their usual tingling nature to something akin to a full body shaking. Stress was not uncommon, leadership not an unfamiliar burden and yet... this gnawed at the tender parts of her belly, made her lungs constrict worse than the tense grip of yellow cough. The coming chill was all too familiar, the losses they'd suffered still fresh in the hearts and minds of anyone old enough to know the dangers of winter; their home flooded, prey scarce, territory snapped up by greedy claws that saw their struggle as an opportunity. She loathed them for it, for the part they'd played in seeing her colony struggle and made worsened by their efforts.

She was no better than ThunderClan this leaf bare and it had yet to begin.

Lingering like a ghost just outside the barrier-like leaves of the willow den, the deputy was none too certain she wasn't about to become one. The time to sit on her heels and lick her wounds had passed and reality, in its relentless persistence, demanded addressing now before a rounded belly sold her out as a fool, as someone blinded by tearful reunion in the face of so much sorrow. Clearing her throat, it felt dry and her gravelly voice felt more hoarse than ever as she brushed past wilting leaves of the deciduous flora, "Smokestar," it felt strange on her tongue, the way his suffix clinked against the back of her teeth in a way 'throat' hadn't.

He was not someone to fear in the same ways his mottled heart-keeper had been, an observation she was reminded of in every small interaction, in every gentle-toned meeting he held with his council. Their opinions were valued and not treated with scorn, like blasphemy against the fishbone crown he wore. He trusts you, was a sentiment offered to her as reassurance but that made it all the more daunting. He had said once... that they were not the sum of their mistakes, but how they chose to grow from them.

Had he known then, where fatherhood would take him? What StarClan was willing to tear from him with his namesake raw from yelling, his paws bloodied and claws torn to fight- how cruel, those stars, they thought for the hundredth time in the last two moons.

"If you have a moment..." It wasn't something she could prepare him for.. but it was done. It couldn't be taken back (a truth she understood and feared more than anything). "I'd rather you hear this from me."

It should be good news if it weren't for the changing of the season. If it weren't for the imminent war at their doorstep.

---

CLAIM THE BURIAL I SEEK IN DREAMS

FLOWING RIVER CEMETARY​

​

​

 

[SMOKESTAR]

—————————————————————⊰★⊱————————————————————
He didn't nap often before, but there was a tiredness now that clung fast like a burr to his pelt and he find himself indulging much more often in simply sleeping when his body demanded it. It felt tedious and he found himself annoyed at the lack of productivity but in a way it was refreshing and kept his mind focused and sharp. He wondered if the weight would ever settle comfortable on his back or if he would forever carry what seemed like a body stewn over spine with long limbs dangling around his shoulders; the memory of it keeps him up often. Perhaps the naps are trying to adjust him to the nightmares that still came in rolling waves, water creeping into camp. Smokestar huffs when he hears his name, surprised briefly but a turn of the head reveals Lichentail and not another apprentice attempting to play a prank; he had already chased one from the den with threats to make them the first ever permakit.
His dark tail flicks in gesutre of a greeting, welcoming in whatever it is she came to report but he finds the words spoken to be far from the usual news of patrols or incidents. There was a direness to them.

That is not what he wants to hear from his newly appointed deputy, some admittance of a guilt for a crime he was unaware of. It made him frown, but it was the same wrinkle of the nose and quiver of whiskers he'd often give his kits when they misbehaved rather than an expression of disdain.
"...I was just heading out, but come in then. We can talk here." Away from prying ears and eyes, he remembers distinctly that the pathetic and trembling den he and his mate resided in during their time at the Beech Copse had hardly befitted a private talk at all - he recalls hearing the screaming match between the prior deputy and leader. He hopes sincerely Lichentail is not here to display disloyalty as Buckgait had, he feels he can not promise he will not respond in similar manner as the mottled phantom who walked before him.
"...go on."

——✘ when does ripple become a tidal wave ———✘ when does a candle become a flame

• OOC can go here.
• 
  
  
  Smokestar
  —⊰⋅ Leader of RiverClan
  —⊰⋅ He/Him
  "SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  —⊰⋅ Black tom w/vitiligo & one orange eye.
  

​

 

[lichenstar]

⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ​

It feels cruel to interrupt him from going about his daily life, especially when it means dumping her own problems onto him. He was going to leave... probably to spend time with his own children or... go about his usual patrols. Get some alone time like he had when he'd dug himself a napping pit near the beech copse. His frown settles so easily on his face and Lichentail can't help but already burn with humiliation- she was going to disappoint him again.

The prompt for confession reminds her of her voice, that she has come here to honor her own morals (and frankly, give a warning). "Hazecloud is pregnant." And it falls out of her mouth like it is a bitter mash of herbs she is hacking to get rid of. Smokestar wasn't one to beat around the bush and didn't likely have time to be wasted with her excuses either.

"I.... am to blame." It is awkward, sticking to her tongue like loose fur in the spring. "I'll hunt for her myself- for them... It won't impact my duties, I swear," the words come quicker now, heat in her paws making her feel she needed to hurry, she needed to explain. She can feel ice-cold eyes searing into her pelt (they are not the single, beacon of ember that she stares at- those eyes are closed forever despite the way they remain imprinted on her memory). Can recall the pairs of claws chasing a lilac pelt from RiverClan for foolishness, even if it had been the kind that betrayed RiverClan rather than a poorly timed reunion. "It.... was before the Gathering...Right after the journey cats returned... And I was afraid. I was impatient."

How many times had her unwillingness to slow down caused trouble for her leaders? Cicadastar, where he rested in StarClan, was surely seething at her still. His thoughtful silence makes her itch with the need to flee, "I can fix this..." And though it is a declaration, the lilt of her tone asks a question too, How am I supposed to...?

---

CLAIM THE BURIAL I SEEK IN DREAMS

FLOWING RIVER CEMETARY​

​

​

 

[SMOKESTAR]

—————————————————————⊰★⊱————————————————————
The admission is immediate and not what he expected, its not as blatant as anything such as some crossclan affinity or disloyal act but it is still jarring and entirely unacceptable. There is a brief moment where he understands now, he understands why Cicadastar's voice sang so loudly that the stars heard his anger; wailing like a ghost above the forest canopy. He doesn't indulge in it himself, but he understands. Smokestar is furious.

"Your ability to keep up your duties are the last thing I care for regarding this...what of these kits born into the cruelest and coldest season? Weak and frail, who may very well not survive if we are forced out of our home once again by the flooded river? What of our clanmates who will now go without in order to ensure Hazecloud stays healthy enough to feed them? What of losing a skilled hunter in our most difficult times? You are a blasted fool."
Her impatience was not simply an accident, it was deliberate. A death sentence. It could cost them a clanmate, it could cost them grief - losing kits was a pain he would never wish on his worst enemies, he remembers Willowroot's cries when one was born already paws in the grave and without even a name. He remembers Boneripple nearly dying outside the nursery when her foolishly lead her to wander. He remembers carefully planning his own kits to be born in a time where the clan was at its most stable, where they had the support to carry his duties, to keep them safe and protected while they grew.
His tail lashes like a dark serpent, writhing in its death throes.
"You accepted the title of deputy knowing this...knowing you put your clan at a disadvantage right on the cusp of leafbare." It was not even so much the act as idiotic as it was, but the disrespect, the betrayal - its all on his face, he makes no attempt to hide the tired disappointment. He wonders if he was truly so stupid as to choose a deputy without knowing what her heart would curse them with. His fear of waiting and leaving the clan with no guidance had caused the impulsive decision to do it then - maybe the fault was his.
"You can not FIX this, Lichentail. But this is a burden you are carrying now. If a single one of our clanmates succumbs this leafbare you will be serving your clan as a normal warrior. Those kits had better all survive, you had better be on top of these patrols and ensure our freshkill pile maintains."
There is an impulse to demote her on the spot, he feels another claw in his chest - betrayal and worry gnawing at him viciously.
"...but I want no martyrdom, you are nothing if you do not also look after yourself. I will not tolerate self-sacrificial mindsets on my council, I will not tolerate excuses. Consider this a test then...there will be blood on your paws otherwise...and I do not harbor murderers."
Finality falls over him like a cloak, he's tired again and its as though the brief rest he had moments before had not even happened.
"Get out of my den, I don't even want to look at you right now."

——✘ when does ripple become a tidal wave ———✘ when does a candle become a flame

• OOC can go here.
• 
  
  
  Smokestar
  —⊰⋅ Leader of RiverClan
  —⊰⋅ He/Him
  "SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  —⊰⋅ Black tom w/vitiligo & one orange eye.
  

​

 

[lichenstar]

⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧ ⋆ ​

Distantly she wonders if Hyacinthbreath felt like this... staring in the eyes of someone she respected, cared for, was devoted to and knowing not a single word uttered between quivering lips would sate the furious storm behind their eyes. Her parents had never been the type to yell, though they always complained of the burden of their children-- why they had another, younger daughter after the twins then, was a mystery to her-- so to be confronted with such direct, blatant fury still made her skin crawl. She flinches, unwillingly, against the tooth-sharp reminders of the danger they had posed, of what great inconvenience she'd shoved into the clan's unwilling arms. I know, repeats in agonizing bird-song in her head, though she fears agreeing with him may only make it seem that much worse.

Was there any way that the moment could be described as hazy? Would that be stupid... ironic? It had been like seeing a ghost, to have wrapped her claws fervently in thick curls, afraid the apparition may vanish from between her toes like trickling sand. Her smile had been so blinding... so soft... and she had asked so insistently, so sweetly. Hopeless romantic she was not... but fearful? A little selfish, following such great turmoil and hardship- it was fair to label her those things. He mentions her title and she closes her eyes in silent acceptance- Her mind races in front of whatever words Smokestar can say and she is certain she will find herself not unlike the WindClanner they had chased out months ago. Stripped of rank, pried from the clan she'd dedicated more of her life to now than not.

"I didn't accept to deceive you- I meant every word I said. I'm not a liar..." is the only insistence she's willing to offer at first, worried he thinks her dishonest, sneaky. What else could she do to prove her devotion but die? Everything else had been said or done...

She thinks to squeak out an apology, anything that might settle the storm clouds rolling behind his eye. What good would 'I'm sorry' do though? It didn't change the reality he had laid out between them. The risks would not disappear just because she felt bad about it now. But he does not lunge to see her expelled from the territory all-together. Does not move to denounce her in front of the entire clan as Cicadastar once had for a much smaller, stupider crime. Instead, he lays out his expectations, rigid ones and unforgiving but.....

Fair.

The blue molly is so perplexed by it, she opens her eyes to look at him again. He is furious... and he has every right to be. "I will," a promise to rise to the challenge of this newly identified 'test' and though she loathes to think of how many more months she most suffer bone-aching exhaustion. She would do anything for RiverClan. Anything for Hazecloud. If it meant running until her paws fell off she would... and it seemed that was to be her task, even if put in far nicer words. Even if he insisted on prioritizing her own health so she might continue to contribute. "I'll make sure no one starves."

And it is said with so much conviction, it feels physically binding. A pact made and understood- now... she'd just need to convince StarClan themselves to keep them safe. An impossible feat, probably. He barks at her to leave and though it bites, it is better than real jaws around her throat. She frowns, staring at him for a few seconds, trying to find any words in her head that might make him feel even a fraction better-

There are none. As ever, words never arise when she needs them. Bowing her head low to the ground, the lynx point decides not to piss him off by lingering any longer and turns on her heels to exit the den. StarClan help me.

---

CLAIM THE BURIAL I SEEK IN DREAMS

FLOWING RIVER CEMETARY​

​

​