No dark days | Pikesplash

[Snakeblink]

MAYBE I'D BE A SAINT IF I WEREN'T ————————————​

Each has their own way of dealing with chaos. Some cling to their loved ones; others isolate; and many other coping mechanisms besides.

Snakeblink is the kind of cat who falls back on comfortable, well-worn habits in times of crisis. Some part of his hyperactive mind is already gnawing on plans and strategies, half-thought schemes, but they are a background hum that loses itself in the droning of anxiety and hunger. Routine becomes a dim but persistent light through that brain-fog, like fireflies in the distance or the stars above their heads. It soothes him, allows him to think straight within the bounds of the immediate rather than casting himself in the far-off, unpredictable future.

It’s been a few days since their escape from their stolen home, but he still finds himself going through the motions. How do you feel? Have you eaten today? Take some food; I will ask Smokethroat; is there anything else I can do for you? Filing away information as he goes: who’s feeling under the weather, maybe about to fall sick, who’s expressing discontent and who needs to be sent on a patrol with someone friendly and kind. Careful to check on everyone, particularly the quiet ones who aren’t kicking up a stink about anything. He remembers Flutterpaw all too well. There’s no longer such a thing as ‘no news means good news’.

In that optics, goes looking for Pikesplash: the quiet warrior was wounded in the fight against the rogues, he recalls, and with Ravensong growing more feverish by the day it falls on the rest of them to check on their clanmates’ wounds before they get dramatically worse.

Besides, Skyclan puts him on edge: he could use a nice, relaxing conversation with Riverclan’s most anxious warrior.

”Hello, Pikesplash,” he rasps, slipping out of the shadows and right at the other tom’s shoulder. ”I have been looking for you; it's been a while. How are you feeling?” ​

——————————————————————————————————— so god damn lonely ​

ooc. information.

• @PIKESPLASH
  
• — Snakeblink • he / him. 45 ☾, riverclan warrior
  — a sleek, skinny tabby with long ears and a scar over his right eye.
  — gay, not actually evil, penned by @Kangoo
  
  
  

​

​

 

[PIKESPLASH]

Ah, Snakeblink. He tilts his head and offers a genuine smile, which falls when a nicked ear picks up Snakeblink's raspy voice. "Snakeblink are you okay?" Perhaps he is out of line in his concern, he doesn't know if Snakeblink considers him a confidant like he sees the lead warrior. Whiskers can't help but twitch in the honesty in Snakeblink's words. It's enough to make him blush (if cats can even blush), to think someone has been looking for him. Huh... It has been awhile. Last time we spoke it was about kits and crushes, right? Before he can even come up with a quip, Snakeblink asks how he is fairing. There is nothing wrong with that question. Although it may have seem like the wrong thing to ask given how silent he is. Pikesplash without is wounded and received some battle scars, or badges of honor his sister Petalnose would say. I don't really feel like a winner with a nicked ear and scar across my cheek though... Let's not even talk about the butt load of scratches.

Green eyes blink before looking into Snakeblink's own. "Are you asking how I feel mentally or physically?" He gives no room for Snakeblink to answer, mewing immediately afterward "I feel bad either way, but I mean... I'm not dead y'know, so I guess I am okay? I'm actually not okay. Warriors are supposed to be tough and all, but maybe I'm the weirdo. I'm very different from all the warriors in our clan. He sighs "I'm actually not doing great. Sorry, I lied. I just..." If there's someone who gets it, maybe it'll be him.

His gaze shifts to his paws. It's evident that he's nervous (when is he not). "Wonder if I'm supposed to be here. I'm not strong like Smokethroat. I'm not confident like Petalnose. I'm not a smooth talker like... Cicadastar. Not as reliable as Lichentail, and I'm not as kind as you." Pikesplash would be lying to say that these thoughts haven't plagued him for awhile. Without a doubt Smokethroat looks at him like he's a kit, and Cicadastar? Their leader reprimanded him and made him seem like scum of the clans for having kittypet blood. A weakling. He's been here for moons and it seems like things have only changed for the worst. There were good things yes, but he just can't see his worth here.

"Warriors are supposed to be strong and I'm not. I don't know what I am anymore." It's then that he chuckles and a pained smile is what Snakeblink would be met with when he adds, "Maybe I should get my name changed to Leechheart. There are times when warriors have doubts and it seems like this it. However, it runs must deeper. How long has it been running for? Who knows. One thing is certain. Pikesplash wholeheartedly believes he is Riverclan's leech.

 

[Snakeblink]

MAYBE I'D BE A SAINT IF I WEREN'T ————————————​

”I am fine,” he says distractedly. In the spirit of honesty, he tacks on: ”Tired, of course, but unhurt.”

Keen eyes stare at Pikesplash in that intense glare that the other tom has joked about in the past, narrowing in consideration. He looks… Off-kilter. His next words confirm the suspicion. ”It’s alright,” he says slowly, dismissing the apology without giving it a second of thought. In the moment’s silence of Pikesplash’s hesitation, he asks, ”Are your injuries paining you?”

But as Pikesplash elaborates, it becomes clear that the pain is more emotional than physical. Snakeblink’s frown deepens at each self-deprecating sentence, the nervousness clear on the other’s face. He’s almost — almost — distracted by the off-paw comment: I'm not as kind as you.. He knew already that Pikesplash was more patient with his idiosyncrasies than most, but the acknowledgement that he is kind is a surprise that settles something in some dark corner of his chest. The fact that it comes at another’s expense, however…

Leechheart. What a silly idea.

”That does not seem fair, but if your standard for confidence is Petalnose it is no wonder — I doubt anyone in the forest is as confident as she is.” Although he wonders how much of it is a mask, at times.

”For what it’s worth, I do think you are kind, and understanding, which is not something the others you have named necessarily excel at.” Stars know Lichentail and him struggle to communicate enough to doubt that they can understand anything, really. ”I saw you dragging a rogue off Hazepaw when our camp was attacked — fighting even though you consider yourself weak… that takes bravery, does it not?”

The compliments come easy to him: he often thinks about what he would say to his fellow warriors, were he absolutely sure he would not shove all four of his paws into his mouth and somehow turn it into insults in the process. Knowing Pikesplash will not misconstrue him, it feels safe to voice these thoughts.

”Although Smokethroat is impressive, I don’t think it’s his strength that makes him such an accomplished warrior. At least what I admire most in him isn’t it; it’s his devotion to the clan, his willingness to protect and guide us.” Something occurs to him and he gestures at himself with his tail, chuckling. ”I am physically weak, and I dislike fighting heads-on — yet I have been made lead warrior. The ‘why’ is anyone’s guess, but it must mean I’m doing something right, and it’s certainly not fighting.”

Can a personal crisis be fixed like this, a problem to be solved with a few words? And would these be the words? It’s hard to say. Snakeblink finally looks away from Pikesplash to jerk his head at clanmates some distance away, apprentices tussling in the dirt. ”You have your place here, Pikesplash. Not Smokethroat’s, and not mine: your place.” ​

——————————————————————————————————— so god damn lonely ​

ooc. information.

• 
  
• — Snakeblink • he / him. 45 ☾, riverclan warrior
  — a sleek, skinny tabby with long ears and a scar over his right eye.
  — gay, not actually evil, penned by @Kangoo
  
  
  

​

​

 

[PIKESPLASH]

Snakeblink's fine? Green eyes take in his friend. He's banged up, but he doesn't look too bad. Not sure I would consider that fine though... Admission of exhaustion eases him. He would be considered if Snakeblink outright lied to him and said he was not tired after everything. The worst offender was to say he was not hungry. "Hmmm... 'Kay, I'll still keep an eye on you." I doubt you're as stubborn as Petalnose, but you never know. If I have to I'll drag you to see Ravensong or Dawnglare.

Relieved he is that Snakeblink doesn't mind that he lied. The last thing he wants is the other warrior to chew him out for lying, but it's not like he was actively dying. At Snakeblink's question he averts his eyes and stares at the ground. "Not too much. They hurt a little, but the itchiness is worse. I don't need any medicine just rest and time. Soooo, I'm doing okay." No lie would be detected from Pikesplash. Most of the injuries he sustained were scratches, the only serious ones he had was a particular gash on his cheek and a nicked ear. Everything else was more or less fine. If his friend was concerned and wanted to drag him to a medicine cat, he wouldn't mind. If only to assuage his friend's concern.

Petalnose is understandably a horrid target of confidence he would like to reach someday, and he is aware of that. However, he strives to build confidence and the confidence he wishes to emulate is of hers. "Petalnose isn't that confident. There's plenty of cats who are more confident than her. She's my standard because of that. She also helped me build my confidence to challenge Cindershade again. Don't tell her this or else she'll kill me. But. Petlanose is a softie. She's afraid of cats taking advantage of her once they know that, so every time we talk or play in the river, I know she trusts me. Trusting another with your heart is hard." On that note he gives Snakeblink a glare and a wicked grin "I'll kill you if you ever betray Petalnose." A moment of silence would pass between them before he chuffs, "Just kidding!" Was he?

A pause. Snakeblink's words are not taken badly, although the silence may suggest otherwise. He values his friends opinion and would be foolish not to listen and take in the meaning. Bravery. Snakeblink had said it took bravery for him to hurl himself into battle and dragging a rogue off Hazepaw. The only reason why he had won that battle in the first place was because of Otterpaw. That tom rushed over to help him and they were able to succeed and run off. Bravery was not on his mind. He needed Snakeblink to know that. "I-i'm not sure. I! I don't want you to think I'm rejecting your words, but I don't... For me, at least. All I could think about at the time were the apprentices. How sad they would be if they lost a great friend. They're young y'know? But I guess if you say it's bravery then it is." Self deprecating is more like it. The admittance that he had thrown himself in order to become a sacrifice was not an easy thing to hear.

It's peculiar to hear Snakeblink's opinion of Smokethroat. There is a deep respect seated within his friend towards their deputy and he finds himself out of place. He's never considered Smokethroat as more than strength. Smokethroat is practically a stranger to him, whom looks upon him with distaste. The look Smokethroat gives him is by no means the same as Cicadastar. Cicadastar to him at least, seemed like he wished he was dead. The only reason why he was around in the first place was because he provided for the clan nothing more. Not wanting to speak ill of their deputy he slowly nods his head in understanding and acknowledgement. Pikesplash tilts his head when Snakeblink gestures to himself. Whiskers twitch in irritation when Snakeblink can't seem to see why he had been made lead warrior (not like Pikesplash himself knows the exact reason). "That's true. You and I aren't that great when it comes to fighting. My guess why you're a lead warrior is because while sometimes the things you can say are taken the wrong way... I would describe you as a queen watching over her kits. Like now, you're guiding me aren't you? I'm not saying you're my mother or anything like that, don't take this the wrong way ahaha...

A paw is brought to his neck to rub out of embarrassment. "Petalnose I love her, not as much as Aspenhaze, but anyway! Imagine Petalnose trying to comfort any cat. That. Would not be great, she'd probably tell them to stop whining. If all our lead warriors or any high position were like that, then I don't think they'd be able to connect to the rest of us. Basically Snakeblink, I think you do a more challenging job. That job is to connect everyone." That's what I think anyway.

Green eyes follow Snakeblink's gaze and he finds himself smiling softly at watching two apprentices tussling in the dirt. Ears tilt. I'm not sure what to say to that. I still don't think I'm enough, but if Snakeblink thinks I have a place here. Then... Would it be okay for me to be a little selfish? Even if I don't know it or never find it, I'll stay here. Who knows what will happen, after all. His long tail flicks to the side and he hums. They're watching the apprentices tussle for a bit until Pikesplash mews "By the way I never answered your question. For the record, I want kits of own someday too. As for who, I have no idea. We're in the same boat there too. Unless you know someone in the clan whose interested in me. We could play a little game of who isn't taken and who we would pick if you'd like?"​

 

[Snakeblink]

MAYBE I'D BE A SAINT IF I WEREN'T ————————————​

Snakeblink only moderately relaxes as Pikesplash explains his injuries aren’t serious — he’s still watching the other closely, eyes narrowing as if to tune his sense to any minute flinch that would betray a lie on Pikesplash’s part. But no, the tom seems genuine; and Snakeblink would be a hypocrite if he were to judge him for minimizing his aches and pain, besides. ”See that you go to the medicine den if they pain you,” he hums anyway, for the sake of it.

He inclines his head as Pikesplash notes Petalnose’s confidence is more than a little affected, conceding the point. But his tone is sly as he points out, ”So you do agree? That having many cats be more confident than you doesn’t mean you are lacking in confidence, or any other trait?” He quirks up a smirk, lowering his gaze and busying himself with a quick lick at unruly fur sticking up his front paw. ”And have no fear: I intend to betray neither your confidence nor Petalnose herself.” He makes a mental note of that anxiety of hers; it cannot hurt to have multiple cats watching out for her interest. She’ll certainly not ask them herself. ”And if I did, you would be well within your right to kill me for it.”

He waits as Pikesplash seems to mull over his next words, dragging a claw through the dirt in nonsensical patterns. His usual tense stillness has relaxed into a more natural fidgeting: it’s easy to forget one’s anxiety in the face of Pikesplash’s own. It does mean his neutral mask isn’t as well set on his face as it usually is, and his whiskers twitch slightly in frustration as the silver cat doubts his actions further.

A confident clanmate is a living clanmate — one who doesn’t waste precious time in battle doubting themselves. That such a coward as him is the one set to this pep talk is an irony not lost on Snakeblink.

”Frankly, I do not care whether it is bravery — being driven by your desire to protect apprentices from harm, be it physical or emotional, is one of the best qualities a warrior could have,” he says with earnest intensity.

It dissolves into a self-conscious smile as he sees his irritated twitch mirrored in the other warrior. Guess he should practice what he preaches. Then Pikesplash calls him— a queen watching over her kits and he can’t help the way his ears flick back in dismay, lips quirked up in baffled amusement. ”A queen— ” He chuckles and shakes his head. ”Ah, I suppose I do nag you quite a bit. Did you clean behind your ears this morning?” He pitches his voice higher for that last bit, affecting a tone he remembers his mother using on him as a kit.

As strange as the comment was, it is… somewhat flattering. He respected his own mother tremendously: she was the wisest and strongest person he’s ever known, and her loss left a hole in him he will never fill. The thought that he is changing and becoming more like her has some comfort to it. Though Snakeblink is notably terrible with kits, and he doesn’t hesitate to remind Pikesplash of it.

”It’s a good thing you’re grown then—you may remember what I am like with real kits.” Quite a few of them have been carried out of the camp in the most undignified manner during various evacuations: he simply cannot figure out what end to grab them by.

Using some of that motherly wisdom Pikesplash attributed to him, he abstains from making the first joke that comes to mind — that he connects everyone in their frustration towards him. From another’s mouth, the suggestion that he is the softest-hearted lead would be an insult, but he knows that from this one it’s a compliment. And he’s certainly not the sharpest-clawed, so this may be all he has left anyway.

He echoes Pikesplash’s previous hum in response to the other’s admitting to wanting kits of his own but doesn’t comment on it. The mention of gossip, though, has his head swiveling to face the other.

”Hah, curious to hear about Riverclan’s eligible bachelors, are we?” He purrs, eyes crinkling and a smirk curling up his face. ”Well, there’s Coyotecreek who could use your gentle company — and Apricotflower, who I’ve been told is very beautiful.” Though he hasn’t been looking too closely: he thinks she would rip his face off if she caught him staring. ”Unless you would prefer to turn your gaze to our latest recruits? The Ripple Colony is not wanting in beautiful warriors either, though you will have to forgive my lack of knowledge on their taste — I haven't had time to study them closely yet.” ​

——————————————————————————————————— so god damn lonely ​

ooc. information.

• 
  
• — Snakeblink • he / him. 46 ☾, riverclan warrior
  — a sleek, skinny tabby with long ears and a scar over his right eye.
  — gay, not actually evil, penned by @Kangoo
  
  
  

​

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