- Sep 9, 2022
- 615
- 80
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❀❀ I NEED YOU HERE 'CAUSE I'M A MESS ❀❀
periwinklepaw | 10 months | demi-boy | he/they | physically easy (pacifist) | mentally easy | attack in bold #ccccff
periwinklepaw | 10 months | demi-boy | he/they | physically easy (pacifist) | mentally easy | attack in bold #ccccff
The worst part, he thinks, is there isn't even a body. There is no part of his friend left on this earth - nothing but memories to prove he was ever there at all. There was never a moment to say goodbye - there one second and gone the next. The apprentice is not sure how to handle it. This is different from losing wisteriapaw - who he could see with his own eyes, cold and dead, could touch and feel that he was no more. Just an empty shell. Dazzlepaw could still be down there somewhere, lost but not gone. And yet... it's been days, and not one patrol has fond a single sign of survival. He feels like it is moonshadow all over again - is it better to wish them dead and gone, at peace with the stars, or to hold on to the hope that they had not left him behind. Eyes stare blankly down at his nest - a flower here, a feather there, a rock or two - and tufts of silver and black fur. There is no gold to join them, because there is no dazzlepaw. Only dirt and death and grief. Tears spill down inkstained cheeks before he knows it, and he shoves his face into the moss beneath his paws, letting out choked screams and sobs.
Why?
Why him - why had starclan decided to take everyone periwinklepaw loves? Because, if he really looks at it, he does. He's not sure if its the kind of love or partners that sootstar and weasleclaw shared, or the kind his parents shared meant for friends, but he had not felt this way when dandelionwish had left half-dead, though parts of periwinklepaw mourn him too. But he had felt like this when he'd lost wisteriapaw - so... had he loved him like a brother? He's not sure that's right either, but his mind and emotions are so jumbled up that he cannot make heads nor tails of it all. He simply sinks down to the ground and lets it out - all the emotions he doesn't have a word for, all the feelings he doesn't understand. And when it's all said and done and there is nothing left, he simply stands up and wipes the tears and snot from his face as he rights himself. All that is left is the familiar and comforting nothingness that lingers like the touch of an old friend. There's nothing left to say but- "G-g-goodbye."
Why?
Why him - why had starclan decided to take everyone periwinklepaw loves? Because, if he really looks at it, he does. He's not sure if its the kind of love or partners that sootstar and weasleclaw shared, or the kind his parents shared meant for friends, but he had not felt this way when dandelionwish had left half-dead, though parts of periwinklepaw mourn him too. But he had felt like this when he'd lost wisteriapaw - so... had he loved him like a brother? He's not sure that's right either, but his mind and emotions are so jumbled up that he cannot make heads nor tails of it all. He simply sinks down to the ground and lets it out - all the emotions he doesn't have a word for, all the feelings he doesn't understand. And when it's all said and done and there is nothing left, he simply stands up and wipes the tears and snot from his face as he rights himself. All that is left is the familiar and comforting nothingness that lingers like the touch of an old friend. There's nothing left to say but- "G-g-goodbye."