private NOBODY SAID IT WAS EASY — orangeblossom

[SLATE]

They are now closer to StarClan, many say. Even closer than WindClan had ever been, and they were the clan who prided themselves on being "StarClan's favorite". Slate had never bought into such nonsense; as if how much the clans could see the stars would truly affect anything. WindClan certainly had not been spared from the wrath of Yellowcough, so did StarClan even favor any of them?

Slate can recall a time before StarClan — before any clan, actually. He can recall sitting perched atop a Twolegplace fence, bantering back and forth with a red and white colony cat who stood atop the pine needle-strewn ground below. He can recall returning frequently just to talk to her, as she was far more interesting than the strays that populated the smelly sidewalks. He can recall just the two of them lying on the outskirts of the pines, gazing up at the silver canvas of twinkling lights, exchanging stories about the two very different lives they led. At one point, Slate had criticized himself for fraternizing with a colony cat, believing that their lifestyles were incompatible. They would never work. He had lived alone for so long, making his own rules and not having anybody else to hold him back; it had been foolish to even entertain the notion.

Now, here they both were. Again.

The deputy and lead warrior of SkyClan lay belly-up, gazes dancing around the stars, light discussion of the journey and the challenges they had faced thus far filling the thin mountainous air. The air was crisp and biting up here, almost as if leafbare was upon them already, but it almost seemed as if the sky was clearer too. Slate swore that he noticed patterns that he had never seen before.

After a brief moment of silence, the Maine Coon opens his maw, "We haven't done this since...." He trails off, knowing that he didn't need to answer. Orangeblossom knew perfectly well. Did she still think about those times, or had they been lost in the past, disregarded as silly and meaningless memories of her youth? Does she feel hurt about what he did, even to this day? His tongue teeters on the edge as he searches for the words. Admitting that he was wrong was like slowly extracting a thorn from his paw; uncomfortable, cringe-worthy, but necessary. The longer he'd ignore this, shove this aside, the worse it would get.

He wants to look over at her, gauge a reaction, but he can't bring himself to do so. His stomach begins to churn, his heart rate quickening in turn — Slate silently curses at his body for betraying him, hoping to the stars above that the deputy wouldn't notice.

✰ INFO

• @orangeblossom
  
• 

  ✰ SLATE
  —— he/him; lead warrior of skyclan; former rogue
  —— bisexual; single; not looking
  —— hulking, scarred charcoal-black colored maine coon with amber eyes
  —— "speech", thoughts, attack
  —— link to full tags; @ on discord for plots.
  —— penned by beatles

​

 

[Orangestar]

𝐵𝑈𝑇 𝑇𝑂 𝐴 𝑊𝑂𝑀𝐴𝑁, 𝐵𝑌 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐸𝑁𝐷 ✧ 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐋𝐋 𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀

• 
  
  — orangeblossom | tags
  — she/her ; deputy of skyclan, mentoring eveningpaw.
  — scarred white-and-ginger she-cat with brown eyes.
  — "speech" ; thoughts
  — chibi by waluigipinball
  — penned by mercibun. @ me in any official tabbytales discord for plots.
  
  

​

The last time she'd been stargazing, Orangeblossom and Ashenclaw had agreed to put some space between them. It's the closest thing to closure they'd gotten, but in the time they've spent apart Orangeblossom has enjoyed herself more. She's come to a decision, one she just needs to figure out how to put into words, and hopes he's done the same.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, though she knows it's stupid, Orangeblossom wonders if experiencing the same activity with Slate would end with the same conversation. There's nothing between them except long-unspoken feelings that have faded in the moons since, yet she wonders if he'll leave too. It's oddly self-depreciating, and not something she'd ordinarily entertain, but the last two days have forced a lot of things into perspective.

Her paws sit folded above her ribs, eyes tracing the sky above them. It's closer here, she thinks. SkyClan's view of StarClan is obstructed by pine needles, though beautiful in its own right. Here, the sky stretches above their heads, glimmering with dozens of colours. It's not aurorean in nature, though Orangeblossom hasn't ever seen the ribbons of light to confirm, but it's bright and close and stunning.

"Since before the Clans, I think." The words are out before she even registers Slate had spoken, and as her mind plays catchup it spirals back further into the past. It takes her to the edges of Twolegplace, her own head tilted skyward, fur pressed against Slate's in a friendship that wasn't particularly scandalous but certainly more than what they had now. Things had been so different back then ... the relative freedom of the Colony meant that they could meet like this more often, but perhaps now this has more meaning.

She hears his sharp inhale, but doesn't register the quickening of his heartbeat. Instead, misinterpreting its meaning slightly, she invites him to speak what he's thinking with a questioning hum.​

 

[SLATE]

Before the clans — what a concept. Slate swears he could get whiplash just thinking of the time before Blazestar and SkyClan and these ridiculous conflicts, bloody battles, wars... Things had been simpler, when he was just a stray and Orangeblossom was just a colony cat.

With the bi-colored she-cat having taken the words right out of his mouth, more or less setting the tone for the conversation to come, Slate braces himself, "Ora, I, uh..." Those annoyingly familiar nerves begin to tingle across his paws again. His heart pumps, working itself hard. "I wanted to apologize. Y'know, for what I did." And hopefully, this time, no one would interrupt them.

Slate can't even bring himself to meet the deputy's gaze, not wanting to see if she reacts negatively in any way. He acts like a kit who has made a mistake, ashamed and anxious about being reprimanded by his parents. "Y'didn't deserve to be treated like that. I could've said somethin' to you at least, but I..." Was too scared. Scared of what, he still can't really determine an exact answer. Maybe it was a combination of many things — getting too attached, not wanting to say goodbye, catching feelings for—

Oh, what did it matter now? Seasons later, they were both here, older and bearing more scars to say the least. What mattered now was clearing up past wrongdoings with the deputy so that he could stop carrying so much guilt on his shoulders, so that they could continue being friends. The tom could have just put the past behind him and refused to acknowledge his wrongs, in a perhaps "typical Slate fashion", but he could sense the lingering tension between them whenever they sat down and talked — an unspoken desire to address Slate's abrupt disappearance all those moons ago.

Orangeblossom was one of the select SkyClanners that he felt truly understood him. He could have let this uncomfortable feeling fester for longer, but he didn't want it dampening one of the few true connections he had. One could only run from things for so long before they caught up with them, and Slate understood this now. This conversation had to happen, at least for his own sake.

Graceless and jumbled, he scrambles to find a way to wrap up his words, "... Well, I didn't. So, for that, 'm... sorry." It isn't hard to conclude that admitting those very words was difficult for Slate, like pulling teeth. A visceral reaction such as a wince nearly emerges from his gruff features at how damn awkward he sounds, but for now the Maine Coon settles on biting his tongue and waiting for the molly's response.

✰ INFO

• 
  
• 

  ✰ SLATE
  —— he/him; lead warrior of skyclan; former rogue
  —— bisexual; single; not looking
  —— hulking, scarred charcoal-black colored maine coon with amber eyes
  —— "speech", thoughts, attack
  —— link to full tags; @ on discord for plots.
  —— penned by beatles

​

 

[Orangestar]

𝐵𝑈𝑇 𝑇𝑂 𝐴 𝑊𝑂𝑀𝐴𝑁, 𝐵𝑌 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝐸𝑁𝐷 ✧ 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐋𝐋 𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀

• 
  
  — orangeblossom | tags
  — she/her ; deputy of skyclan, mentoring eveningpaw.
  — scarred white-and-ginger she-cat with brown eyes.
  — "speech" ; thoughts
  — chibi by waluigipinball
  — penned by mercibun. @ me in any official tabbytales discord for plots.
  
  

​

For everything Orangeblossom had expected to transpire tonight - a fight, a conversation, snide remarks and responses that form a staple of their back-and-forth - an apology is not part of that mental picture. She exhales a sigh at the admission, though says little else while Slate finds his words. He's right. She hadn't deserved to be treated like that, left alone and starving for an answer as to where he'd gone. There had been no goodbye, no forewarning, just ... a loss.

"I thought you died." Her voice is thick, hesitant when it finally passes her scarred maw. There's more she wants to say; about how tough she knows the life of a street cat is, about how Slate had been so adamant even back then that his loyalty was to himself and nothing would prioritise above that for safety- but she falls silent for a time in the wake of those four words.

For moons, Orangeblossom had thought she'd made her peace with that assumption. That Slate was another victim of a twoleg, or a dog, or something unbearably worse, torn away from the streets of the Twolegplace by something beyond his control. That he'd wanted to come and visit, but couldn't.

And then he'd arrived on the border. Gruff, starving, but unharmed. In all the commotion, Orangeblossom had shoved the thought of their past so far from her self in focus of her duties that she'd almost forgotten how much it had affected her at first. But beneath the murk of duty and the ordeal of his arrival, her emotions rubbed raw like a freshly cobwebbed wound.

He could have visited.

He never did.

Orangeblossom sighs again, but this time there's a small edge of agitation to her meow. It takes a moment, but she speaks.

"I was so close to asking you to stay." She breathes into the silence. "Did you know that?"

​