NOBODY SAID IT WOULD BE THIS HARD [✦] lily pad

[LITTLE WOLF]

"And do you remember that time that Howl- she ate that whooole leaf - just put it in her mouth! And her face when she tasted it oh my stars!" the memory of her daughter makes her throw her head back and laugh. Her and her sister had spent the morning sharing tongues, and somehow the conversation had drifted to kits. Their kits. Their younger siblings. Reminiscing on better times, back when their family was whole. Howl. She grows quiet the more she thinks of that brown and cream colored pelt, wondering how she’s doing. What was her life like, she wonders. Did she have friends who she shared tongues like this with?

After a moment of silence that stretches between the two she looks at her sister with sorrowful eyes, a sad smile on her face "I miss them you know. More than anything." if anyone in the clan understood it’s Lily Pad, she knows what it’s like to have your heart in two different places.

// @lily pad
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[lily pad]

As Little Wolf tells stories of her daughter, Lily chuckles. "Oh Stars, yes. I couldn't stop laughing."

Lily Pad had found herself reminiscing on the lives of her kits often recently, especially that of Lakemoon. Not a day went by without thinking about how different life would be if Lakemoon had joined the rest of the family in ThunderClan, or if Lily, Tempest, and Wolfwind had joined RiverClan with Lakemoon. Maybe if they had, Tempest would have survived.

But no, staying in ThunderClan was the right choice, and she didn't regret it. Wolfwind was able to grow up with her extended family, and was even mentored by her grandmother. Lakemoon made her choice, and it was a choice Lily had to respect. Her daughter knew what decision was the best for her life.

"I know. It's so hard, not knowing all the details of their life. I mean, I didn't know Lakemoon had a mate until after Racconstripe clawed the poor thing up. None of us knew." It isn't that she's upset with Lakemoon or blames her for not telling her, it just hurts. It hurts knowing that Lily is one of the first to learn of every important event in Wolfwind's life, and one of the last to learn of Lakemoon's. "And we had to learn both Lakemoon's and Howlfire's warrior names through the gathering."

With a sigh, she says, "I just. I hope they're happy. All three of our kits in the other clans."​

[ earth girl ]​

 

[LITTLE WOLF]

The tone shifts as they move on from talking about happy memories to lamenting about their kits split lives. It was not an unwelcome change though. No one else knew what she went through, how much pain was brought upon by not knowing. Who were Howlfire and Fireflypaw's friends? Did they have any crushes, anyone they loved? Did they have enemies? Did they ever have nightmares and did they go to their father to soothe them or was there someone else to chase them away now? These questions plagued her all the time, kept her up at night and she is certain they kept her sister up too. Lakemoon had made her choice though, and had chosen a clan where none of her family resided. At least her kits had their father, Lakemoon only had her mate. She could never chose such a thing herself, but she does understand. "It is hard, not knowing" she admits sadly. She wonders if the same might ever happen to Howlfire or Fireflypaw. She imagines fighting a battle against a cat, dragging her claws through their pelt only to realize later that said cat was the love of one of her kits life. It would eat her up inside. All that besides, SkyClan had once been a second home to her. She knew a good amount of the cats who lived there. To exchange blows with any them would be a challenge in itself.

"I hope so too" she says, picking at a leaf with her claws. "Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing by letting them chose. Soemtimes I wonder if t would have been better if I had made them stay in ThunderClan with us. But..." she pauses a moment, collecting her thoughts and taking a deep shaky breath "But then it's possible they would have come to resent me for taking their choice away, and Blazestar would have been completely alone. I don't think I could've done that to them." but still, sometimes she imagines what her life would be like if she had. Or if she had chosen to leave ThunderClan herself. Would Burn and Moon have followed her if she had? They could have been one big family but she could not desert her mother, her brothers and sisters. She would like to say its because they needed their big sister but she knows its for selfish reasons. She needed them. Besides, she is doubtful her other children would have left and she would be in the exact same situation she was in now except there she would not have her sister to talk to, she would not have her brothers to support her, her mother to guide her. "I made the best choice I could have in the situation given to me" she says quietly, her eyes watering as she thinks of all the things that could be. Quickly though, she raises her forearm to her eyes and wipes the tears threatening to spill out away. "And you did too" she says, her voice a little stronger. For her sister, for her family, she could be strong.
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