NOT HALF AS BAD AS DOUBLE-PNEUMONIA ⊹₊° crowpaw

[LUPINESONG]

❀‿ By the grace of the stars—and lungwort, actually mostly lungwort, but Spiderpaw and her clanmates deserved a bit of honor too—Lupinepaw was better. Though, unfortunately for her and for everyone else, the forest seemed to have gotten exponentially worse while she was stuck in her sickbed. Prey that seemed to fill their pines to the brim and kept their freshkill pile overflowing with options seemed to vanish away completely. Rogues, innumerable in number and inscrutable in true motive, circled the clan cats, stealing their meager prey supply and muddying their borders. And, of course, the cats saddled with the task of finding the cure in the mountains have still not returned, and she could only hope they returned in time.

These few truths hung over the head of every cat in Skyclan this moon, surely. Lupinepaw was just unlucky enough to let them nibble away at her at all hours of the day. She was quite used to the feeling of tiny fangs in her at this point, but it didn't make them any less painful. It was a passing comment someone made, a small word meant to be a light comfort to her, she knew. "Bobbie will return soon!" they told her, and she nodded politely and made some noise of agreement even as the panic jumped into her throat. They didn't know that. They knew just as much as she did, that no one knew when the journey party would return, or even if they would. She wished they didn't feel the need to lie to her, however kind they were trying to be.

Lupinepaw excused herself shortly after, as breaths came shorter and as tears welled up. She would find herself outside of camp, tucked out of the way next to one of the many pines of the forest. Her vision blurred as her mind filled with images of Bobbie, bloody as she had been on that night in the nursery—bloodier and too still and frozen with a look of terror on her face. Then, in place of Bobbie it was Cherrypaw, too small and ivory fur stained irreparably. She didn't know what was out there waiting for them, she didn't know how many sets of jaws and talons would be ready to catch them unawares. And what about Falconpaw? Who she'd left behind in the medicine den, who was wasting away from an incurable illness, and who she had stolen the last dose of lungwort from. He would die without it, this she knew. He would die and it would be her fault, partially.

The tears came and they would not stop, but what was she to do to stop them? She was stuck here in Skyclan to fret about everyone and to make mediocre progress at warrior training. Crying was just about the only thing she was good at right now. She would not notice if any pawsteps sounded from behind her.

JUST LIKE THAT ⊹₊°❀‿ THE MOON GOES FLAT

• OOC: @CROWPAW!
• 
• 
  — lupinekit . lupinepaw
  — trans she/her. 6mo apprentice of skyclan
  — ??? ; single
  — tall, long-haired black smoke with low white and green eyes
  — smells like sweet lupine flowers and young pine needles
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — icon by saturnid, fullbody and chibi by nya
  — penned by eezy

​

 

[CROWSIGHT]

Things were... Peculiar. His sickness was horrendous and even though he was doing much better than the first day, he couldn't avert his eyes from the truth. He had things to his mother he was not proud of and let's not even talk about what he said to Dawnglare. That was embarrassing to say the least, but he was plagued by strange and terrible dreams. These dreams were things he couldn't begin to describe but one thing was certain, each dream held a singular truth. The truth that he was unhappy. And no, it was not just because he was sick (that sucked yeah but not the point), it was everything in his life so far. Awake he blamed only himself for his unhappiness, but his dreams shook him and began to yowl it wasn't his fault. He didn't ask for any of this to happen to him and it was their fault not his.

Laying in his nest he was allowed to think about everything. The very first memory he has is one of warmth and darkness. Back then things were so simple. Even though he couldn't see he knew he was safe, he was where he was meant to be. Then, when he was able to open his eyes he saw his sister and brother. He can no longer remember what he had thought then but the feeling of happiness had remained. Yes, he was happy. He was happy that he was not alone and instinctively those two beside him were never going to abandon him. That is until they were introduced to camp. It all began there. Where each of them became different and things only became worse when they all received mentors. We're strangers now. It rattled in his mind and proof of such was when Lupinepaw had told him that he was his sister and mentioned that he should go see Drowsypaw. They knew. I was the only one. I am the only one. His mind entered a dark place from there. The end result was this. He had been abandoned by his own family and that he was a mistake.

Crowpaw was the first to get sick and didn't get to see Cherrypaw who was supposed to be his best friend get chummy with Lupinepaw or see how his sister made more and more friends easily. Maybe that was Starclan's way of giving him mercy. When Lupinepaw entered the medicine cat den he was furious. On one paw he was furious that she got sick as well because now their mom had two of them to worry about, and he was hoping that Drowsypaw wouldn't join them. Thankfully, it seems only he and Lupinepaw were sick. The other paw of why he was so furious was because he just wanted to be left alone. Couldn't he stew in his thoughts alone? Why did his sister have to be a constant reminder of everything that was wrong? He didn't speak much to her, but that could be blamed on him being sick which was why he didn't say much. Well... He didn't speak much in general but he spoke less.

Lupinepaw had always been the favorite. Drowsypaw and him had admitted that Lupinepaw was better, but it still stung to know that Drowsypaw was closer to Lupinepaw than him. Why does she get to have everything? I give Drowsypaw nice things and she still looks for Lupinepaw first! He's bitter without a doubt that his brothers and sisters are close to each other more than with him. Not to mention their mother is closer to them than him. It's in these moments he thinks of their father. A tom with no name but he's not stupid. They resemble him, and he's beginning to think that he's the one that looks most like their father. Is that why mom sometimes forgets me? She refuses to talk about him, heck she doesn't even mention him. What if he looks so much like their father it hurts to look at him? Maybe he has their father's eyes? He isn't sure, but he knows that he is a stranger to his own family. From the very beginning something was wrong with him. Cherrypaw was teaching me how to be better...

Hazel eyes flicker to rustling and watches as Lupinepaw scurry away. Why are you sad? A huff leaves his maw and he tries to close his eyes and ignore the fact that his sister is upset. Try as he might, he can't ignore his sister being in pain. Even if... He wasn't good he still loved them. They don't love you though. Ah, that voice again. He rises to his paws and begins to follow after her. I know they don't.

The first thing that wants to leave his throat is this: Why are you crying? However, he is aware that would only make things worse. It is challenging to comfort anyone. This is something that Lupinepaw herself excels in the most out of the three of them after all. "Lupinepaw," he meows while sitting beside her and pressing against her to offer some comfort. "It's okay to cry. Things... Are hard now. Mom is away and cats are getting sick, we're sick, but we're together." Are you really? You're lying. He presses on, "What's on your mind Lu?"​

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[LUPINESONG]

❀‿ She jumped at the sudden presence behind her, whipping her head around prepared to apologize to whichever warrior she'd bothered the hunt of, but it was only Crowpaw. Lupinepaw relaxed again, though the sniffling didn't stop. She leaned into his comfort a bit, murmuring a quiet, "Thanks, Crowpaw. You're right..."

Her brother was as astute as ever. Things were hard, they were really hard, but at least they had their togetherness. She nosed into his fluffy fur a bit to remind herself of the soothing scent of kithood, but drew back when he asked what was on her mind. Could she say 'everything'? Lupinepaw's stomach flipped at confronting the monster of dread that loomed inside of her, even with a sibling by her side.

"It's... It's just..." Just what? Just that she could have died and he could have too? Just that Falconpaw was in the medicine den now, with the same illness they had been healed from but with no cure in sight, because Lupinepaw had taken it from him? It was just that Mom might die out there, or Cherrypaw, or Orangeblossom, or they might already be dead and they would have no way of knowing? Or that she had seen Starclan and realized that they didn't know how to fix anything either? Crowpaw was just as helpless as she was, she knew this. Why should she offload her anxieties onto him when they would only bring him down with her? Lupinepaw shuffled her paws and drew herself in, steadying herself.

"It's nothing," she said finally, "I'm just being uhm... ya'know."

You know how I am, don't worry.

JUST LIKE THAT ⊹₊°❀‿ THE MOON GOES FLAT

• OOC: mobile :3
• 
• 
  — lupinekit . lupinepaw
  — trans she/her. 6mo apprentice of skyclan
  — ??? ; single
  — tall, long-haired black smoke with low white and green eyes
  — smells like sweet lupine flowers and young pine needles
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — icon by saturnid, fullbody and chibi by nya
  — penned by eezy

​