private NOT RIGHT &. leechpaw

[BUMBLEBREEZE.]

leechpaw. the stubborn tom cat had so much going on... he worried for him. he had tried to stay out of the medicine cat den after having to stay in there for so long ( and also just the idea of not seeing his mother's soft and gentle face everytime he went in there. it still hurts. it hurts so badly. ), but when he heard that leechpaw had been injured, his stomach hurt. his chest hurt. he needed to see his friend... even if leechpaw tried to push him away. bumblepaw just wasn't that easily persuaded. he wanted to be there for his friend, and he would be, even if leechpaw screamed at him until his ears fell off. twitching his nose, the tom slowly went into the medicine cat den, brows furrowing before he just sat next to leechpaw, gently nudging him.

"leechpaw? a-are you... w-well i don't wanna ask if you're okay... th-that's stupid to ask. i'm sorry i just... I was so scared... i know you're not okay but i'm glad you're alive..."

@LEECHPAW
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[ WISH I COULD TURN YOU BACK INTO A STRANGER ]​

 

[VULTUREMASK]

Bumblepaw had decided to pay a visit on a good day then...since Leechpaw had no energy to even be angry anymore. After he had claimed his revenge on that hawk it was like all anger had left his body. All he had left to feel was this emptiness, the sadness, his grief. He was awfully gloom and quiet as he laid put in his nest, crawled up in a corner as he just stared into the wall endlessly, hour after hour. Time had become unimportand and he was like an empty shell there he lay. Leechpaw didn't even react when the blue tom enterd the den to approach over to his nest to seat down beside him. Not even when Bumblepaw touched him there would be an respond. He was tired, numb and just....in grief.

Like expected Bumblepaw started speaking, stumbling over his own words in the process while apologizing. It made him think of Rosepaw...he too would stumble over his words when he struggled to say something in fear to say the wrong thing, and apologizing. He loved doing that... It had always driven him nuts. Leechpaw could only think about last time he had snapt when Rosepaw had tried to reach him, when he had pushed them away with such awful words...That was the last thing he had ever said to them. You're suffocating me. Never again did he wish to say such hurtful words to a cat he geuniely cared for.

'I'm glad you are alive'

What?. He flinched at this words that touched his vunerable ears. Words that had never been spoken to him before. I wish you never had been born. Leechpaw picked his head up finally, and drawn his attention over to stare at them with a cold sadness and revealed his scarred face that was the aftermath of that hawk. Talons that had digged deep into his face and down his throat and neck. " Are you really?." His voice sounded tired, defeated. " Look what i did to you, and what happend to Rosepaw. Only bad things happens to cats who stays close to me..." There was a broken echo in his voice, a shaky touch to his words. He was a leech...draining the lives away from those who tried to get close to him. He sucked the life out from them.

" You should hate me." He looked them straight in the eye before simply looking away...staring down at his defeated paws. " It would have been better if I had...died." He soft broken chuckle escaped out from him, and afterwards he would just smile in despair. He wished he had died so he didn't need to feel like this again, to go through the pain of losing someone all over again. He should have died on the thunderpath and Bumblepaw would still have his face, and Rosepaw..might still be alive.

He ruined everything he touched.



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[BUMBLEBREEZE.]

bumblepaw's nose scrunched up slightly, before he just sighed. he didn't want to interrupt but leechpaw certainly needed to just how wrong he was. twitching his torn ear, he reached out his paw, forcing leechpaw to look back up at him with his brows raised sympathically. he wasn't pitying him at all... he just understood.

"you know... i had to watch my mom die. before i joined this clan... before honeytwist became my ma. she blamed me. in her last breath she said it was my fault... if i was more careful... if i paid more attention, she said, then none of that would have happened."

bumblepaw twitched his tail beneath him. he felt uneasy talking about this- he had never uttered a word of it before.

"after that... it only made sense to fear everything. being extra careful and hiding from anything that could possibly hurt me. it... wasnt healthy. but the guilt of someone else getting hurt because of me... i didn't want that."

he furrowed his brows before breathing out a sigh.

"took me a while to realize that she was wrong. it wasn't my fault. sometimes... sometimes things just happen. to justify it we blame other cats... ourselves even. i know it's not that easy to not blame yourself but what happened to me wasn't your fault. what happened to rosepaw wasnt your fault either."

the tom moved his body to lay down, gently rubbing his muzzle with his paw.

"i did. i did hate you. but i can't anymore. because honestly... i would save you a million times over again. you're my friend, leechpaw, whether you believe it or not. i love you, and nothing will stop that."

he pressed himself closer to leechpaw, breathing out gently, before casting the other a smile.

"it wouldn't have. do you think rosepaw would have thought the same? and what about me, huh? you think i would enjoy not seeing your face? unfair. it's almost selfish, leechpaw. don't think like that."
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[ WISH I COULD TURN YOU BACK INTO A STRANGER ]​

 

[VULTUREMASK]

Leechpaw was startled with shook when his head got forced back up to face the blue tom again. Physicial touch was not his thing especially when it was forced out of him. It made him feel trapped. At worst it could result in him becoming violent in return. Lately his personal space had got violated more then usual. It had started to make him feel very anxious. Biting back, Leechpaw tried to endure it for some reason being more tolerated with it since it was Bumblepaw.

What he had to say shooked him to the core. Bumblepaw brought up his own mother, sharing the relationship he had have with her which were hitting all to closely to home. Leechpaw...understood every word he said. None of it would have happend.... The blame his own mother had put on him for the death of his littermates. The punishment of leaving him behind.

Leechpaw musclers started to relax, getting less tensed and all he could really do was listen to what the blue apprentice had to say. He did not wish to interupt him, and in all honestly he had no clue on how to even respond to any of it. There was another side of him though who felt relief for the first time...Somebody actually understood him, where he come from and why he was acting the way he did. Just like Bumblepaw he was doing it all out of fear. Pushing them away so he couldn't hurt them. So they couldn't hurt him.

He almost broke down into tears when Bumblepaw tried to ensure him none of this had been his fault. This words of comfort was overwhelming for Leechpaw to take in. It made him feel guilty that he wanted to lean into this words to embrace in seek of comfort. The gentle stroke to his cheek that just for a moment ago had made him feel uncomfortable was now almost as warm as the touch of a mother...It awoke many emotions inside of him as he contunied to listen to them and thier heartfelt words. Leechpaw didn't know how to respond to any of them.

How could Bum not hate them?. How could they be so peristent to stay beside him like this after everythng he had done?. He was not a nice cat... He had the worst temper and he hurt cats more with his words then he did good. How could they want to be his friend...to want to be anywhere near him. To claim that he...loved him. words that was too much for him to cooperate in that very moment. But it did made his heart of stone melt, and his lip started to tremble as his eyes teared up. He could no longer hold back his emotions.

Leechpaw slowly lowerd down his head as he attempted to rest his head into the others chest, sobs quietly leaving from his throat. " I'm sorry Bum, I'm sorry." All he could do in the end was apologize for saying such selfish things. He did what he never got a chance to do with Rosepaw. " I just...miss him so much..." He confessed through his hold back sobs, and it was the first time since he had cried over Rosepaw's body that he expressed his grief instead of just being angry.


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[BUMBLEBREEZE.]

bumblepaw only tensed up slightly at the sudden touch. he knew he had previously touched leechpaw, but it was small gestures. nothing like this. he wasn't even sure that leechpaw had liked it ( he promised himself that if he didn't, if it made him uncomfortable, that he wouldn't dare to do it anymore ), so this was a surprise. he relaxed, however, tail gently tapping on the ground as he nodded his headed, his voice barely above a whisper for a moment.

"je sais. tell me your favorite things about him. he deserves to have his memory kept alive."

he missed rosepaw too. rosepaw had been a friend to him but it made all the sense in the world for leechpaw to miss him more. he hoped that comforting leechpaw would help him heal over time. bumblepaw had no intentions of leaving the grumpy cat, no matter how much leechpaw tried to push him away.
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[ WISH I COULD TURN YOU BACK INTO A STRANGER ]​

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