NOTHING EVER LAST // Sunfreckle

[SHALLOW]

Everyone had quickly returned back to their daily duties almost like nothing even had happened at all. Shallowpaw was no different from them. He too had his own duties that he was expected to attend despite everything that had happened. Just like back then he didn't really show any emotions on his face over how he might be feeling, his expression indifferent as per usual. For many that might be odd but Shallowpaw had never been known to show emotion most of the time. Today was no different.

Shallowpaw sat close to the camp entrance while looking blankly out at nothing in wait for his mentor to arrive so they could head out. Right now he felt a strong desire to leave camp like he not want to be here. That always was the case with him. Shallowpaw never wanted to waste sunlight to be stuck in camp. He wanted to be out there to train and make progress in his training. That was how he usual felt. But today was different. He felt different but he couldn't understand what this feeling was. He had never been good at it. But he knew one thing for certain and that was he couldn't stop thinking about them and every time he did felt like their face became less bright and clear. That once warm smile turned cold and distant. He wonderd if he even should have trusted anything of it had been real to begin with. Maybe all of it had just been a lie.


@Sunfreckle


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[Sunfreckle]

The cutting sense of betrayal was not Shallowpaw's burden alone to bear, the clan all felt it though some were much more hostile regarding it. He wanted to be angry, he did, it would have been fully justified to feel the rage so many of his clanmates did but all Sunfreckle could feel was exhaustion. He was tired, it had all come to a close in the worst way imagineable and he felt so deeply for the apprentices hurt by the golden tom's actions; especially his own. Sunnyday had brought Shallowpaw to the clan, another of his antics that often drew him ire but in this case it had been a necessity. A cat so young could not be left alone to suffer and in doing so he had ended up with his own apprentice. His first and one he was terribly fond of. It hurt, not being able to protect him from what had happened but he could offer what he could after the fact.
Sunfreckle padded forward behind the other, pausing to brush alongside him with a careful smile, "Sorry I'm late, last patrol got caught up hunting. Are you ready to head out?" He dipped his head in a nod, gestured forward and waited for the blue tom to stand and follow along.
They had not gotten far from the camp when he finally sighed, tired smile still in place, "...did you want to talk about it? I won't force you to if you're still working through things on your own, but I'm here if you like to."
Sometimes cats needed time and space to sort their own feelings before they could pick them apart and he knew Shallowpaw enough to know he was complicated in his emotions in ways Sunfreckle couldn't understand but tried to be patient of regardless.
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[SHALLOW]

He would turn his head around when his mentor made their presence known beside them. Shallowpaw would look at them for a brief second before his attention went elsewhere again. Standing up he would give a nod of his head to confirm he was ready to go like always saving his words carefully. It was not like he had waited long anyway and even if he had Shallow wouldn't have minded all that much. He understood that his mentor were busy with other things too whatever sort of duties that would entail them for being a lead warrior. Once Sunfreckle started to lead them forward he would follow behind.

It didn't take long before Sunfreckle brought up the recent incident to show his caring side his mentor had shown previous times before. He didn't respond at first solely contunie to follow them in silence. For some reason the lead warrior always wanted to check up on him. Over time he had come to understand it was some sort of sign to show somebody they cared for them. Sunnyday had been the same way....Suddenly he stopt walking, his gaze staring down distantly at the ground before him. " What's a warrior to you?."He asked and after a moment he glanced up to look directly at the red tabby, waiting to hear their answer.


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[Sunfreckle]

The question gave him pause and so, like Shallowpaw, he stopped walking and turned around to face his apprentice more proper; expression calm and thoughtful. He could tell Shallowpaw what a warrior was supposed to be like, what was expected, what the clan needed and wanted, but he doubted that was what was being asked of him. Sunfreckle knew the other was more curious about a definition he could grasp, he was a smart kid, he already knew what was needed of him but what he said here would help the other decide for himself. So he took a moment, a low hum rising from his throat as he considered.
"A warrior acts with the best interest of their clan, they care for their clanmates, they work together in order to take care of every cat in ThunderClan." The red tabby smiled gently, "I would have let you fight at Sunningrocks if you hadn't been mouthy at the border." The tom added on with a chuckle, "True as it was, we have to remain diplomatic." He was not particularly fond the the leader of WindClan at all, a bit of an intimidating woman with a little too much ego for such a small frame. Still, they couldn't just say it...had to be polite. Sadly.
The red tabby let his expression grow morose, ears pinned back, "...I don't think Sunnyday is a bad cat, but I think he lost sight of what he should be fighting for. I would love a world where we can take in every cat, where we can solve every dispute with other clans using only our words...but sometimes its not possible. The unfortunate truth is that keeping our peace here will sometimes come at a cost and a true warrior will be prepared to pay it without hesitation."
Sunfreckle had not wanted to wage war on RiverClan, just like how he had not liked the idea of turning away a cat in need; but if their herb stores were not enough, if the preypile too small...he remembers how he feared for his kits during leafbare. He remembers the way it felt to slowly starve to death.
It was not cruel to want to live, choices had to be made and Howlingstar was willing to make them where Emberstar had not been. The difference between them was only that, both were kind cats in their own ways, both loved ThunderClan above all else. One was just more naive than the other.
"...I'm...afraid sometimes. I think about conflicts in the future...I worry over if our freshkill pile will remain full...I think about the cats I care about, my mate, my kits, my dear apprentice, my friends being in danger. It's all very scary..." His green gaze wandered for a moment, past the treeline to a spot in the distance, "...I ask myself why Howlingstar put me on her council when I am not very skilled in much. My hunting is average, my combat could use work...I'm not a skilled tactician, I'm often forgetful, I think I might be too soft sometimes...but....I would die for ThunderClan in a heartbeat and I would rather die than raise a claw to a clanmate."



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[SHALLOW]

This was nothing new to him. Shallowpaw had heard all of these before. He understood his responsibilities as a warrior that had been what had sparked his interest to become a warrior to begin with. To have something to protect. But he had also come to realise how arrogant some were in this clan thinking themselves to stand on a higher ground than the rest. He didn't like that. Not everyone was working to become a warrior with the clan's best interest in their mind but only their own interest. If what Sunfreckle said was the ideal of what a warrior were suppose to be didn't many of them lack in that field?.

Shallowpaw left his thoughts unsaid because lately he had noticed his bluntness was not always appreciated. Sunfreckle brought that specific incident up over what had happend at the border which had helpt him realize this. " I know." He didn't really blame Sunfreckle for not allowing him to go even if he at the time had been upset about it. Shallowpaw could admit when he had done something wrong or in that case said something that would have been better to keep to himself. Next time he could do better to be more diplomotic.

And then Sunnyday got brought up which had been half expected. Shallowpaw broke his attention away from his mentor with his eyes to look over at a different direction. He didn't stop to listen though. In truth he didn't think Sunnyday was bad either despite everything but at the same time he was not the warrior he had thought of them to be. Overall he was battling with emotions he couldn't really understand or comprehand. Shallowpaw was trying to figure that out. How he actually was feeling right now about everything.

There was a harsh truth to what Sunfreckle was saying though. To keep the peace in this clan, to put their clanmates first. In that case what Sunnyday should have done back then. " If Sunnyday had been a proper warrior... he should have left me out there." That was what he had gathered up from their conversation here and from how he had watched the warriors treat Sunnyday. He had got brought in here during leafbare when food have been difficult to find where it had been hard to feed their own bellies. If Sunnyday had done his responsibilities as a warrior to put his clan and clanmates first in a difficult time he should have left them to starve out there. That was the right decision of a warrior to do. He should have been the cost of keeping this clan going. Once again he had ended up becoming somebody elses burden.

He had not been prepared for what was coming next. That his mentor could be afried. Shallowpaw was staring at them over this confession. Feeling scared was not something he felt familliar with. He couldn't exactly say for sure. All of this self-doubt Sunfreckle had in himself though. Shallowpaw had never expected that from them. He hadn't known. " I think you're a great warrior." he said while the wind came blowing past them. He stared intensively at his mentor. Sunfreckle might not be the best in combat or any fight really which might not have been the ideal mentor for someone like him who strived to become the best in that field. Some might say a different mentor might be better for them but Shallow didn't care. He didn't want a different mentor. He couldn't have gotten a better mentor then them.



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[Sunfreckle]

Well, he was glad the blue tom had not held his lack of participation against him; not that he thought Shallowpaw would, he was an amicable enough young cat and most of the time their discussions went well even if they ended up a bit awkward on occasion. He smiles, it is not a kind one but more a force of habit and his expression is strained from it, "...if Emberstar had been half as dutiful and dilligent in caring for her clan as our current leader she would have turned me away when I first came here." He knew how Shallowpaw felt, he'd always acknowledged the fact that if Howlingstar had been leader when he came here then he'd have been turned away; perhaps he would have been upset or held a grudge then but now, knowing what he did he could not judge her for doing what she felt she had to in order to defend her clan.
"It doesn't do well to dwell on those things though. We're both here now and we're doing our best. It's all anyone can ask."

You're a great warrior.
Sunfreckle's expression shifted briefly to surprise and then a smile punctuated by a genuinely heartfelt laugh, "...thank you. I'm glad I'm doing something right at least...by you." Ex-rogue, brought in by Sunnyday, a lot could be said for his apprentice negatively but he had already proven himself time and time again as a good ThunderClanner and the red tom would not lie and say he could keep a straight face when he was finally named as a warrior. It would be a very gross and embarrassing moment for him, his first apprentice doing so well and rising in the ranks. He'd be just as teary eyed when his own kits were finally named as well. Sunfreckle was, if anything, a cat who wore his heart on his sleeve very openly.
"I couldn't have asked for a better first apprentice..."
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