- Jun 10, 2023
- 118
- 24
- 18
STILL DON'T KNOW MY NAME
"up. again."
drip. drip. drip. drip. plink. he's up onto wobbly paws, gritting his teeth as his claws dig into the mud beneath him. the cold leaves a shiver down his spine, and yet he doesn't turn to leave. he can't. he has to do this. he has to do this for the ones he loves, otherwise he will become a burden. he can't be that anymore. he has to use different skills, he has to be better. be better, drowsynose. he pants heavily, staring at the ground begins he looks back up at rabbittooth. he'd asked the npc to spar with him, not to go easy. spar until drowsynose physically could not get up anymore. falcongaze has been teaching him, but he no longer wishes to burden him with that either. drowsynose must do this alone. so, here he stands, ragged and out of breath, yet determined. more than he's ever been. his lungs weren't good at this. he needed to be better. he would be better, even if it killed him. the lightning that strikes the sky makes him flinch, especially with a resounding thunder afterwards.
"i said again. how do you expect to win if you can't even keep up. do you need to do laps again? do you need me to show you just how weak you truly are?"
drip. drip. drip. drip. plink. he doesn't need that. he just needs to feel like he can breath for once. for once, he just wants to feel like taking his breath matters, that he is not being casted off for bigger and better cats. not passed over on patrols, not looked at like he's stupid, or weak, when he panics, because he can't help the panic within him. even now, he feels a panic attack swimming below the surface of his skin, and it makes him feel like he has to scratch an impossible itch to get it to go away. it feels like his bones are melting within him, replaced with something so much more sinister. he coughs quietly, sniffling. how long has he been doing this, out in the rain? too long, he knows. but until he's sure he's done good today, he won't stop. he gives a strong nod to the warrior, before rushing forward, using his large body to barrel over the other. he's careful about his claws– he knows in a real fight he wouldn't even have time to care– trying his hardest to pin the other but with a bite to his leg, he's thrown off balance.
it's enough for rabbittooth to flip and pin him to the ground, making him grunt with a wince, looking up at his opponent.
"you're really gonna let me keep doing this. tossing you like a ragdoll. this is going to get you and everyone you love killed. don't even know why i try. why falcongaze tries. you're a lost cause, kid. pack up and head back to camp. you're wasting my time."
drip. drip. drip– no. no more waiting. he uses his powerful back legs to kick into the other tom's stomach, tossing him off. he doesn't give him time to really recover. as soon as he tries to get up, drowsynose is pinning him back to the ground, pressing a heavy paw against his muzzle, a look of neutrality staining his features. his oddly colored gaze narrows, and he only huffs.
"again. i want to go again."
he steps off, shaking the mud out of his fur, stepping back, and unsheathing his claws. he knows it is a spar but he's not getting anywhere like this. he knows he won't kill, but if the danger is real, maybe he'll be better.
"that's the spirit, then. stop victimizing yourself. you're more than what happened to you. you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. so fight. fight for the chance to tell your opponent that. they will always underestimate you because of your timid nature. use that against them. use it to be better."
drowsynose grunts with a nod. he clenches his jaw, looking up towards the sky as another lightening bolt splits at the clouds, followed by thunder. he lowers himself, bunching his muscles before bursting forward, tumbling over and grabbing the warrior's scruff to get him off balance. he stand up and shakes his pelt off, bared teeth as he rushes forward, headbutting into rabbittooth, who's claws aptly miss him. he stands over the other for a moment before hissing and leaping back as claws dig down his side. it's not enough to be noticeable but it's enough to hurt. his tail lashes as he swings his paw to hit the warrior in his face. he feels himself getting tired but he doesn't stop. he keeps going. scratch after scratch, bite after bite. his lungs are being swallowed by fire, his jaw has started to ache and he is down right dizzy, but until he is stopped, he will not stop. he can't.
i won't be weak anymore. I need to protect those i love. I will protect them. he tells himself. he means it. he's been training for two moons, and within the recent moons he's gotten more desperate to be better. he doesn't have the heart to admit that part of the reason is because of his jealousy. he doesn't want to be in camp to watch his brother with his mates, and their soon to be born kits. he just can't do it without feeling like he is dying inside. so, he trains. he leaves, and trains. and when he's not training, he's sulking. he does a lot of that, but not tonight.
with a final pin to rabbittooth, he heavily pants as the warrior reaches up and pats him on his cheek. his eyes widen as he stares at the older warrior who only nods.
"well done, drowsynose."
the praise feels... good. he laughs quietly, before collapsing into his back into a fit of giggles, unable to stop himself, even as he tries to cover his mouth with his paws. he just keeps laughing, and laughing, tears falling down his face, mixing in with the rain. his entire body hurts, but he won. he finally won a spar.
"m-mama is gonna b-be so pr-proud of me... i-isnt she?"
he wheezes out in between panted giggles, and the warrior only nods his head.
"i hope so, kid. you did good. now come on. don't need you to catch a cold."
the other stands up but drowsynose doesn't move. he only closes his eyes, holding his paws against his chest.
"that's o-okay. I j-just need t-to rest for a while. i-i'll be okay."
drip. drip. drip. drip. plink. he's up onto wobbly paws, gritting his teeth as his claws dig into the mud beneath him. the cold leaves a shiver down his spine, and yet he doesn't turn to leave. he can't. he has to do this. he has to do this for the ones he loves, otherwise he will become a burden. he can't be that anymore. he has to use different skills, he has to be better. be better, drowsynose. he pants heavily, staring at the ground begins he looks back up at rabbittooth. he'd asked the npc to spar with him, not to go easy. spar until drowsynose physically could not get up anymore. falcongaze has been teaching him, but he no longer wishes to burden him with that either. drowsynose must do this alone. so, here he stands, ragged and out of breath, yet determined. more than he's ever been. his lungs weren't good at this. he needed to be better. he would be better, even if it killed him. the lightning that strikes the sky makes him flinch, especially with a resounding thunder afterwards.
"i said again. how do you expect to win if you can't even keep up. do you need to do laps again? do you need me to show you just how weak you truly are?"
drip. drip. drip. drip. plink. he doesn't need that. he just needs to feel like he can breath for once. for once, he just wants to feel like taking his breath matters, that he is not being casted off for bigger and better cats. not passed over on patrols, not looked at like he's stupid, or weak, when he panics, because he can't help the panic within him. even now, he feels a panic attack swimming below the surface of his skin, and it makes him feel like he has to scratch an impossible itch to get it to go away. it feels like his bones are melting within him, replaced with something so much more sinister. he coughs quietly, sniffling. how long has he been doing this, out in the rain? too long, he knows. but until he's sure he's done good today, he won't stop. he gives a strong nod to the warrior, before rushing forward, using his large body to barrel over the other. he's careful about his claws– he knows in a real fight he wouldn't even have time to care– trying his hardest to pin the other but with a bite to his leg, he's thrown off balance.
it's enough for rabbittooth to flip and pin him to the ground, making him grunt with a wince, looking up at his opponent.
"you're really gonna let me keep doing this. tossing you like a ragdoll. this is going to get you and everyone you love killed. don't even know why i try. why falcongaze tries. you're a lost cause, kid. pack up and head back to camp. you're wasting my time."
drip. drip. drip– no. no more waiting. he uses his powerful back legs to kick into the other tom's stomach, tossing him off. he doesn't give him time to really recover. as soon as he tries to get up, drowsynose is pinning him back to the ground, pressing a heavy paw against his muzzle, a look of neutrality staining his features. his oddly colored gaze narrows, and he only huffs.
"again. i want to go again."
he steps off, shaking the mud out of his fur, stepping back, and unsheathing his claws. he knows it is a spar but he's not getting anywhere like this. he knows he won't kill, but if the danger is real, maybe he'll be better.
"that's the spirit, then. stop victimizing yourself. you're more than what happened to you. you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. so fight. fight for the chance to tell your opponent that. they will always underestimate you because of your timid nature. use that against them. use it to be better."
drowsynose grunts with a nod. he clenches his jaw, looking up towards the sky as another lightening bolt splits at the clouds, followed by thunder. he lowers himself, bunching his muscles before bursting forward, tumbling over and grabbing the warrior's scruff to get him off balance. he stand up and shakes his pelt off, bared teeth as he rushes forward, headbutting into rabbittooth, who's claws aptly miss him. he stands over the other for a moment before hissing and leaping back as claws dig down his side. it's not enough to be noticeable but it's enough to hurt. his tail lashes as he swings his paw to hit the warrior in his face. he feels himself getting tired but he doesn't stop. he keeps going. scratch after scratch, bite after bite. his lungs are being swallowed by fire, his jaw has started to ache and he is down right dizzy, but until he is stopped, he will not stop. he can't.
i won't be weak anymore. I need to protect those i love. I will protect them. he tells himself. he means it. he's been training for two moons, and within the recent moons he's gotten more desperate to be better. he doesn't have the heart to admit that part of the reason is because of his jealousy. he doesn't want to be in camp to watch his brother with his mates, and their soon to be born kits. he just can't do it without feeling like he is dying inside. so, he trains. he leaves, and trains. and when he's not training, he's sulking. he does a lot of that, but not tonight.
with a final pin to rabbittooth, he heavily pants as the warrior reaches up and pats him on his cheek. his eyes widen as he stares at the older warrior who only nods.
"well done, drowsynose."
the praise feels... good. he laughs quietly, before collapsing into his back into a fit of giggles, unable to stop himself, even as he tries to cover his mouth with his paws. he just keeps laughing, and laughing, tears falling down his face, mixing in with the rain. his entire body hurts, but he won. he finally won a spar.
"m-mama is gonna b-be so pr-proud of me... i-isnt she?"
he wheezes out in between panted giggles, and the warrior only nods his head.
"i hope so, kid. you did good. now come on. don't need you to catch a cold."
the other stands up but drowsynose doesn't move. he only closes his eyes, holding his paws against his chest.
"that's o-okay. I j-just need t-to rest for a while. i-i'll be okay."
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