private OF GODS AND MEN ✧ sootspot

[BLUEFROST]

Bluepaw has a strange relationship with Sootstar’s first litter. They are of unknown origin, their father some secretive shadow that neither her mother nor her father will speak of. As far as she’s aware, Sootspot and Cloudedsky’s own inquiries have been rudely and abruptly rebuffed. She finds that suspicious, and it leaves a shadow over the relationship she might otherwise have with her half-siblings. The cat must be shameful to name, she can only assume. Why else would her mother, leader of WindClan and queen of these moors, refuse to let her kits know who he’d been?

Still, begrudgingly, she has to admit both Sootspot and Cloudedsky are wise and cunning in a way she is not. They are still Sootstar’s blood, and they bring honor to their family and Clan. Bluepaw does not feel as close to them as she does her littermates, but their advice and counsel is never refused when offered, and the small apprentice can’t help but remember her half-brother’s words… “StarClan has been tainted by kittypets and false leaders.”

Then, Bluepaw had considered this blasphemous. Now, she thinks of the cotton bud hooked on the curl of Wolfsong’s claw, of her sister’s wide blue eyes as she accepts the honor of becoming his apprentice, and she has to wonder if Sootspot had been right all along.

The two of them have strayed from the rest of the patrol. Her paws are full of grit between the pads, and she presses the pieces deeper as she shores a wall. Conspiratorially, she murmurs, “What do you think about Cottonpaw, brother?” She lifts her paw and licks the sand away, green eyes boring into his features. “About her omen?”

✧ INFO.

• @SOOTSPOT
• 
  — bluekit . bluepaw
  — she/her, apprentice of windclan
  — bisexual ; single
  — long-haired blue she-cat with white and green eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — art by Meg

​

 

[SOOTSPOT]

There was a conflict in the tom's head whenever he was paired up with a sibling for a task. The younger ones bothered him to no end, born of a different generation to a different father with different expectations, he found himself having little in common with any of them besides their relationship to the Moorland Queen. They siphoned attention like bats drawing blood, giving into what the rest of the clan did for them felt dreadful, but love and like were two very different things: he couldn't deny the affection and loyalty he held towards them regardless of his personal opinion. He looked long and hard towards Bluepaw, pale eyes quivering as he tried to make his judgments. A time ago, he had spoken of deep thoughts that he'd promised never to reveal, but a moment of weakness and an opportunity to influence those around him had caused him to betray his own intelligence. Sootstar had not spoken to him about his beliefs, perhaps a sign of trust that the information had stayed amidst siblings, but Sootspot could not remember the last time his mother had spoken to him anyway. Anxiety prickled in his brain until he offered Bluepaw a significantly irritated smile.

"A vexing benefit to our family," he eventually admitted, accentuating his position with a lash of a white-tipped tail. "WindClan's former medics have not served the stars moreso than they have served themselves, even those who never ran away." Vulturemask not healing his mother first after a raid had been enough to put the tom off of him - Sootstar was not only WindClan, she was StarClan, when she eventually passed, he knew she would bring glory to the stars where SkyClan and ShadowClan had sullied them. He opened his mouth, contemplating speaking of Wolfsong to Bluepaw, then decided against it with a quick contradiction. "Cottonpaw is..." Irritating. He recalled his sister begging him to take her to the tunnels, how she'd try and get trampled under his ebony paws, and how he just had to grin and bear the heartache his loved ones had caused. He recalled her coming back from a patrol, allegedly having run off and gotten into danger because of her recklessness. He recalled how often she seemed to be rewarded for her behaviour with attention and praise that'd been lost to him and Cloudedsky for moons.

"A fine addition to the council, she has no ulterior motives," his voice strained as he mewed, eye twitching as if he'd just swallowed crowfood as opposed to offering someone a compliment. A breadth of time passed and the tom swiped a paw over his whiskers, buying time to gather his thoughts. He didn't know how the siblings felt about each other, not truly. Be it a passive attempt to distance himself from them or a genuine disinterest in things that didn't concern StarClan, Sootspot didn't know. There was an accentuation to Bluepaw's voice that suggested something he should take interest in, but what would be the best way to enquire? "I imagine she will take up much of Sootstar's time now, being the golden child and all," he mewed with a lackadaisical air, searching for a reaction in the other. An invitation, should the apprentice have some misgivings.


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[BLUEFROST]

Sootspot’s smile is unreadable to her. She has never been able to read her eldest brother—but the way he speaks to her now, in hushed tones, in confidence, bolsters her confidence. She nods, considering his initial analysis. “When we discussed Sootstar’s… death,” she says, shifting emerald eyes his direction so she can observe the lashing motion he makes with his tail, “You said… you said StarClan has made mistakes.” She pauses, feeling the sand in her paws. She clenches it into an improper fist, but her expression remains unchanged. “Tell me. Is this one of StarClan’s mistakes?”

She loves Cottonpaw. She loves Cottonpaw the way she loves Adderpaw, Moorpaw, and Harrierpaw… but no, that isn’t true. She’d shared a bond with Cottonpaw that had, since the day of their birth, been tainted with the bitter taste of competition. Bluepaw remembers reveling at their apprentice ceremony. She’d been installed at her mother’s side, her protégé in all things—and surely, surely this means she is the one Sootstar had seen the most potential in. Cottonpaw was given to Icebreath… a prodigy, they said, but hardly special in comparison.

And then Sootspot says, “I imagine she will take up much of Sootstar’s time now, being the golden child and all.” He strikes a nerve that pulses and hops beneath his claw. Bluepaw’s eyes narrow, and a less clever cat would not have noticed, for the only other change in her is the stiffness in her muscles and the ice in her tone. “Golden child?” The small gray she-cat’s lovely features look as though they are carved from the rock face of a great mountain. “Surely that is not correct. I am the one who spends the most time with Sootstar. I am the one who—who never gets into trouble.” She sniffs, hoping she appears unbothered and never knowing she does not.

✧ INFO.

•  
• 
  — bluekit . bluepaw
  — she/her, apprentice of windclan
  — bisexual ; single
  — long-haired blue she-cat with white and green eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — art by Meg

​

 

[SOOTSPOT]

The smile of the chimera faded into obscurity at the mention of Sootstar's death. It may not have been the first but, to everyone who had heard of Sootstar's state, it seemed to be the most significant. Weighted like matted fur, Sootspot could only imagine how disgusting it had been to see the resting place of warriors tainted by kittypets. Eyes never left Bluepaw's as she recalled past conversations, the long-furred Tunneler nodding in admittance. Granting legitimacy to SkyClan had been StarClan's first mistake, following that had been their approval of Dandelionwish as a medicine cat. StarClan was like an undisciplined kitten, free of leadership and full of nothing but chaos. Even if he did not wish to see his mother go, he could only hope her influence there one day would set the afterlife right - for WindClan's sake. "I believe this is more of an apology. Wolfsong could have chosen anyone, even someone who may not share Cottonpaw's devotion. StarClan's intervention is no coincidence." 'Why? Did you want to be a medicine cat instead?' He wanted to ask but held his tongue.

It may have been the right decision, in the end. The reaction to him calling Cottonpaw the golden child was instantaneous and Sootspot reclined, if only to see the full effect of his words. No, Bluepaw never wanted to be a medicine cat, it was jealousy that caused her to question StarClan's intentions this time: a primal feeling that clawed at the bellies of good cats and made them do things that they otherwise wouldn't have done, the reason why the chimera sought to double down instead of comforting his younger sister at the revelation. "I cannot imagine how it must feel to know you have been replaced." He blinked, tone blank. A time ago, he had never gotten into trouble, alongside Cloudedsky, he had spent the most time with his mother. Mere moons later, Sootstar hadn't even looked at him when organising patrols for the Tunnelers. Her attention had been on Bluepaw and Bluepaw alone, her love unequally distributed. His fur and his brain wrestled, one telling him to let Bluepaw know exactly what she had taken away from him with a bristle, the other telling him to remain cool in the face of a conversation that already promised to get heated.

In the end, his fur only ruffled slightly, pressing against the edges of the tunnel and Sootspot prayed it would not result in a challenging grooming session later. Long fur seemed to be another one of StarClan's curses, catered only to himself. Feeling his attention shift, the Tunneler snapped his ears toward Bluepaw's direction once more. "Also, you are not a future medicine cat. If I were mother, I would need answers for why StarClan sought to frighten me with lightning and death more than anything in the world: Can you provide answers?" Sootspot pointed out, less with an intention of impoliteness and more of an observation. He could only guess it was the influence of the undeserving amidst the Stars, outnumbering good WindClanners because they were superior at dying. But Cottonpaw? Cottonpaw would know, she could gaze upon the silvery plane and see if his hypothesis held weight. Sootspot didn't wait long for his question to sink in, both knew the answer already. Other queries nagged at him, severing his patience as he mewed, "Do you think your littermates feel the same way about you as you do about Cottonpaw?"



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[BLUEFROST]

Sootspot’s words do not soothe her. “I believe this is more of an apology.” Bluepaw’s stoic expression strains at the temples, at the corners of her glinting green eyes. What sort of an apology could it be—and to whom are they apologizing? She sighs, and though it’s under her breath, huffed in a little earth-scented puff of air, it’s no doubt audible within the confines of the tunnels. “Perhaps. So you think she’ll do a good job, then. That she’ll at last make her family proud of her.” Her voice is riddled with doubt.

And her brother further adds fuel to her fire, watching her so intently she feels like prey pinned beneath his paws. “I have not been replaced!” Her gaze snaps, pretty mask-like face curling and singed by inner flames. She looks at her brother, animosity and a battle for control contorting her features like she never allows in daylight, in the presence of lesser cats. “I am the one who is—who is being groomed for leadership! Why else would—” She chokes on her anger, suddenly feeling as though she has been caught red-pawed. She cannot be jealous of Cottonpaw. How unseemly, how unsightly, would that be?

Bluepaw deliberately turns away from Sootspot so that he cannot be privy to the cold rage simmering in her gaze. She has to prevent her long, thick gray pelt from bristling as her brother’s still threatens to. “I cannot provide answers about StarClan.” Her breathing slows to a crawl, her ribcage feeling pressurized from withholding her blinding anger. “But Cottonpaw cannot, either. Besides… Vulturemask already told Sootstar what that means.” She fights desperately for neutrality. “My littermates… what do I care what they think of me? Should they not be jealous?” She is revealing too much, and she panics, grasping for the careful veil of control she always wears. It slips through her paws like a fish, like spider’s silk. “Why, is—is that how you feel about me, brother?”

And now she turns back, beautiful profile dim with shadow and dust. She loves her brother, she loves Cottonpaw, she loves all of her siblings, but in this moment, she wants only for them all to disappear. She wants to be Sootstar’s favorite. She wants to be the one to make her proud… and the rest of them are stealing so much from her, so much that it leaves her breathless with anger she did not know she carried.

✧ INFO.

•  
• 
  — bluekit . bluepaw
  — she/her, apprentice of windclan
  — bisexual ; single
  — long-haired blue she-cat with white and green eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — art by Meg

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