Okay, i like it, Picasso [Coalfoot]

[Coldsnap]

IM SCARED TO GET CLOSE AND I HATE BEING ALONE
I LONG FOR THE FEELING TO NOT FEEL AT ALL
THE HIGHER I GET, THE LOWER I SINK
I CAN'T DROWN MY DEMONS, THEY KNOW HOW TO SWIM

---

After the death of Wisteriapaw, Sootstar had ordered all of the sick cats out of camp and to the old badger set out in the hills. It was a smart decision, and while there were many Windclanners who thought such an order was cruel and unnecessary, Coldsnap was not among them. Sickness was a killer and their healer was inexperienced despite his raw talent, and as much as the gray tabby had faith in Dandelionwish, this would be their first time facing a winter and they had no mentor or support to fall back on.

It was one more stack of angst to pile onto their already mile-high list of drama, and Coldsnap was grateful not to be among those stuck in their nest waiting for a sound recovery. He had too much to do to be stuck idle, and that wasn't just because of his usual workload. He had promised Hyacinth that he'd look after the cats she was leaving behind, and he couldn't very well do that if he was stuck in bed all day coughing up a storm.

And had it been but a few weeks prior, Coldsnap probably wouldn't have ventured anywhere near the old badger set just to avoid getting sick. Not that he had much of a worry to begin with in regards to it- his coat was thick and his immune system was strong, his body built off cold nights spent in the shadows training. He was just as at home in the bitter cold as he was in the heat when his coat thinned, maybe even more so. Still, he wouldn't have risked it. What would have been the point? His presence wouldn't have helped any of them.

And it still wouldn't, he knew that. He wasn't a healer, wasn't good company, couldn't even call himself a 'friend' to most of the cats in there since he didn't spend enough time with any of them to warrant the merit of such a title. His presence would have been utterly pointless, but still..

He'd promised Hyacinth he'd look after them all.

And so white paws carried him through the snow from which his name was derived, white blending with white and speckling tabby grey in stray snowflakes. Most cats thought his name came from his cold persona, but no. Coldsnap had been born in the frigid cold of bareleaf, in the middle of a snowstorm that had cause a whiteout for miles around. He'd been named for the day and what his mother had remembered most of all; the cold, the snow, the air pooling in front of her muzzle with each breath.

Maybe thats why the cold had never bothered him, why the ice in his heart had settled so easily.

It was noon when he showed up at the badger set, knowing that Dandelion had been forced to return to the main camp to help with a clanmates injury. It was nothing serious, but Coldsnap had used the incident as a chance to slip away into the hills, unseen and unheard, a fat bird held in his jaws. He'd caught it while out hunting that morningand since nobody had taken it he figured he was clear to bring it along. At the very least, he could use it as an excuse once Dandelion returned and he was inevitably caught and thrown out.

The scent of sickness was strong as Coldsnap slipped inside the tunnel, grumbling slightly at the squeeze it caused on a cat as broad as he was. There was still pleanty of room considering it had been sized for a badger, but Cold wasn't small and he was used to the wide open spaces of the moors, not this cramped, underground setup happening here. Thankfully, things opened up once he got inside, and a few moments later he found himself in the main chamber, several nests of sleeping cats spread out around him. It didn't take long for golden-yellow eyes to find the familiar coat of Coalfoot, and he carefully made his way over to where they were laying, taking a quiet seat at their bedside.

"You awake, Coalfoot?" he asked after setting the bird down beside him, voice low so as not to disturb the other ill cats. If he wasn't, Coldsnap would let him rest, leaving the bird for them to discover later.

---

windclan warrior - male - 12 months - a large, dark grey tabby with yellow eyes​

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[coalfoot]

———————————————【 coalfoot | windclan | male 】——————————————

【◈】Being sent to the abandoned badger's den, while understandable, and perhaps even smart, was an embarrassment. Coalfoot had become little more than dead weight until he could recover, and he hated every second of it. He was trying his best to stay positive, he really was. He would get better soon with the help of Dandelionwish, and he would be out hunting for his Clanmates before he knew it.

Yet between the newfound fatigue and the constant coughing that clawed his throat to pieces in the chilled air, he was slowly sinking into the yawning pit of misery that had opened up beneath him. There was nothing he could do. Left with his thoughts, he had no choice but to think. Think about himself, his shortcomings, his Clanmates, Hyacinthbreath, how much he wished he wasn't sick... Oh, StarClan, why did he get sick?

Left with little else to do, he slept, gave in to the fatigue rather than fight it as he always tried to. It was a brief reprieve from the coughing, the boredom, the cold, the hunger.

A voice, familiar, stirred him from his light doze. Coalfoot blinked, drawing his head out from where it was tucked beneath his paw, illness-dulled eyes turning up to the tabby above him. Moments ticked by as his thoughts gathered themselves, and he squinted. "Coldsnap?" he rasped. "What're you doing here?"

Another pause, seemingly only now noticing the bird beside him. Silence, contemplation. A half-stifled cough. "...Did you get sick too?" A hint of worry crept into his rough tone, ears tilting back a few degrees as he met the warrior's yellow gaze again. "Are you okay?"

[penned by its_oliverr].

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[Coldsnap]

IM SCARED TO GET CLOSE AND I HATE BEING ALONE
I LONG FOR THE FEELING TO NOT FEEL AT ALL
THE HIGHER I GET, THE LOWER I SINK
I CAN'T DROWN MY DEMONS, THEY KNOW HOW TO SWIM

---

"Coldsnap?What are you doing here?"

The others words were hoarse, raw with a mixture of sleep and strain from coughing. The dullness to their usually bright gaze was off-putting, and the dark tabby couldn't help but find a special disdain for it. Sickness did't suit Coalfoot, and he much prefered the lively spark that usually followed the other tom around.

"No, I'm fine." he assured the other, their concern unexpected even though it shouldn't have been; Coalfoot was nothing short of considerate. "Just wanted to check in- make sure your getting enough to eat."

He was grateful when the words came easy, sounding natural enough despite the mild case of nerves and akwardness he felt at saying them. While Coalfoot may have cultivated a reputation for being caring and considerate, Coldnsap had certainly not. Impatient, hostile, sarcastic; these were words far better suited to him as far as reputation went.

But things had changed, they had been changing for a long time now, and Hyacinths exile was really just the last piece falling into place for him. No longer was the lense he was looking through cracked and distorted, and at last the broad gray tomcat felt he could see the path ahead clearly, the warped image from before long gone.

Hyacinth and Dandelion had both asked him what was important to him, had wanted him to decide, and now he felt he finally could. His loyalty couldn't be to any one cat, and if that meant forcing himself to open up more, to show he cared for those around him, then he'd force himself to do it even if it made him nauseus with nervousness.

"Brought you some prey." he added, nudging the food toward the spotted tomcat. "You can give the leftovers to the others if they want it, but I expect you to eat some of it, too. You'll need your strength if your going to get better."

His words were firmer this time, yellow gaze narrowing on the ill warrior in silent warning. He didn't want to hear that Coalfoot had pushed the prey off onto some other cat because 'they needed it more' or something stupid like that. Everyone would get fed, it was just Coalfoots turn this time.

---

windclan warrior - male - 12 months - a large, dark grey tabby with yellow eyes​

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[coalfoot]

———————————————【 coalfoot | windclan | male 】——————————————

【◈】The assurance that he was fine brought visible relief washing over him, only for tension to follow moments later at the implication. Checking in- making sure he had enough to eat. Somewhere in his chest he was touched, grateful at the thought, but it was washed out with his lingering fatigue and overlying concern. Coalfoot shook his head.

"No more than you or anyone else," he admitted quietly, an unusual pessimistic honesty to his words. "It's- fine. Never mind that, why are you here if you're not sick? You can't get sick too!" he almost scolded the larger tabby. WindClan needed strong warriors now more than ever.

Turning his head away to sputter out a series of coughs, one ear twitching to catch Coldsnap's next utterance. He swallowed hard, but it did little to ease the soreness. "Thank you," he finally said, and he truly meant it. Of course he would share. It wasn't his catch. He couldn't justify eating it all himself. A thought crossed his mind, and he met that narrow-eyed gaze with one of his own. "This isn't your share, is it?" He would have half a mind to cuff the tabby himself if it was.

Shifting the offered prey with a paw, he gazed down at it, a half-baked smile creeping onto his features. Did Coldsnap know birds were his favorite, or was it coincidence? The gesture was a kind one regardless. Leaving behind his prior accusation, green eyes flickered back up to him. "We should go outside. The less you're around all this sickness the better." It was nice to have a friend to talk to, even if he shouldn't be near him either. It was a selfish desire he couldn't quite shake.

[penned by its_oliverr].

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[Coldsnap]

IM SCARED TO GET CLOSE AND I HATE BEING ALONE
I LONG FOR THE FEELING TO NOT FEEL AT ALL
THE HIGHER I GET, THE LOWER I SINK
I CAN'T DROWN MY DEMONS, THEY KNOW HOW TO SWIM

---

"This isn't your share, is it?"

Yellow eyes flashed away from green, because yes it was his share, but that was hardly relevant. "I'm in a position to catch more. Your not." he said after a moment, knowing it was true. The sick cats were entirely at the mercy of the healthy right now, and with the way Sootstar had been treating them, leaving them to build their own nests and fetch their own necessities, he didn't trust her to send enough prey to keep them going. It was something he hated having to admit considering he was still loyal to the shecat in some ways, but it was a truth he couldn't afford to ignore.

At the suggested for them to go outside, Cold hesitated for a moment. He couldn't imagine more chill would be good for Coal, but he was also aware of the risks he was running just by being there. Windclan needed as many cats healthy as it could get, and if Dandelion found out he'd gotten ill by secretly sneaking in to visit the sick, he'd probbaly get his ass kicked.

"Okay, but stay in the entryway so your not standing in the wind. I don't want you to get sicker. WE've already lost one cat.." he said as he rose to his paws, a something dark flashing through his eyes at hte mention of Wisteriapaw.

He didn't want to lose any more.

Slipping back out into the cold, he turned to linger just beyond the doorway, haunches settling to rest atop the trampled snow leading up to the badger set.

His nerves still sung of uncertainty as he turned his attention back to Coalfoot, because now that he'd delivered his prey he wasn't really sure what to do. He knew how he wanted things to go, but he lacked the experience and social nature to properly follow through. So instead he cleared his throat a little akwardly before asking, "So, how have things been?"

---

windclan warrior - male - 12 months - a large, dark grey tabby with yellow eyes​

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[coalfoot]

———————————————【 coalfoot | windclan | male 】——————————————

【◈】Something bordering a vague sadness crossed his expression at the admission, second only to the mixture of horror and disappointment. Although Coalfoot didn't immediately respond, his grip on the offering tightened just a bit more. He couldn't possibly take it. How could he?

While he dwelled over his own thoughts, Coldsnap seemed to consider his suggestion, eventually relenting and standing up. The marbled tom stooped down to pick up the bird and follow, ears tilting back at the mention of Wisteriapaw. He choked back a cough until he could set it down again. "We'll be fine, Coldsnap. We won't be in here for that much longer." Although his words were hopeful, his eyes didn't match, and they flickered down to the prey. He shoved it toward the dark tabby.

"Being in a position to catch more doesn't mean anything," he insisted firmly. "Missing one meal just means you're all the more likely to miss the next catch. How can you possibly expect to catch prey if you don't have the strength to chase it?" Frustration crept into Coalfoot's voice, meeting the other's yellow stare. "Take your prey, Coldsnap."

While he was sure some of the Clanmates in the den would accept it without question, he couldn't say the same. He turned his head away to cough. Was it selfish to make the decision for them? Would it be more selfish to give it to them at Coldsnap's expense? He wished he knew. With a sigh and a clearing of his throat, he faced the larger warrior again.

"I'm just... I'm sorry I'm being nothing but a burden to everybody." Again. "I should be out there hunting too." Hunting, patrolling, and not stressing out Dandelionwish further than he already was.

[penned by its_oliverr].

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[Coldsnap]

IM SCARED TO GET CLOSE AND I HATE BEING ALONE
I LONG FOR THE FEELING TO NOT FEEL AT ALL
THE HIGHER I GET, THE LOWER I SINK
I CAN'T DROWN MY DEMONS, THEY KNOW HOW TO SWIM

---

Coldsnap could only hope that was true, that Coalfoot and the others would be rejoining them in the camp soon enough, but it was hard to put such blind faith in the notion when he knew exactly how badly they were struggling. Dandelionwish was just barely coping, food was in high demand, and whatever sickness the ill cats were battling seemed to be evolving into something worse for many of them. While Coldsnap had drawn his lines between himself and the other cats, he didn't wish a slow death on them like this. Especially not Coalfoot.

As for the prey?

"No." he replied, with just as much stubborn finality, gaze narrowing slightly on the other.

Not just because he'd promised Hyacinthbreath to look after the cats she was leaving behind, but because Coldsnap himself couldn't stand to watch another cat he cared about die. He'd already lost Rosepaw to the hawks, the one cat who was kind enough to persist, and Coldsnap had barely given them the time of day, too walled off and afraid of letting his guard drop.

And he'd never stopped regretting it.

He was determined not to let the process repeat. If he kept himself away and did nothing for Coalfoot, if he just carried on with his life only to learn that they'd succumbed to the sickness and hunger, well, it would probbaly end up eating him alive.

But he didn't want to argue with Coalfoot, it wasn't why he'd come. So after a moment his gaze softened just a bit and he let out a quiet exhale. "Just.. Just take it, okay? I'm still strong, I can skip a meal and live. You might not." And for Coldsnap that was really the bottom line. Maybe he wouldn't catch anything else if he tried again, but going to bed with claws in your stomach for one night wouldn't kill him. Coalfoot, though? Their body was already straining itself trying to fight off a sickness, and it needed every bit of fuel it could get, especially now, when food was coming in so scarcely.

"Besides, Sootstar and her rogues are harsh, but I'm still one of them. They won't leave an asset to waste away, not when they need as many paws as they can get." And, for now at least, Coldsnap was still loyal to Soot. He worked hard and trained harder, and they'd make sure he was kept on his feet to help push her agenda, so long as he kept himself in line. He was also healthy, able to patrol and fight and clear out snow. Someone would share prey if it absolutely came down to it- but these cats in the badger set?

Sootstar would feed her healthy warriors before food came out to the sick, especially when she would soon have kits to protect and provide for. It might even get to a point where she stopped sending food at all, forcing the sick to simply hunt for themselves or waste away. So no, Coldsnap was not taking the prey back. He couldn't.

"I'm just... I'm sorry I'm being nothing but a burden to everybody. I should be out there hunting too."

Coldsnap couldn't help the frown that tugged at his lips as he shook his head. "Your not a burden, Coalfoot. If it were me or Yewberry laying in that nest, would you consider us burdens, too?"

And this, this was the fundimental flaw of Windclan. Sootstar demanded such perfection and loyalty from those around her but refused to return any herself. And this was the result of it staring him in the face, a cat who couldn't even see their own worth because they were so torn up about not being able to meet the impossible standards that were set for them all. Juniperfrosts words echoed cruelly in his head, jabs of laziness and faking illnesses thrown toward Coalfoot, and he had to will his claws not to flex in irritation.

"This is what clanmates do. They shoulder the hard stuff for each other when one of them falls. But you'll get back up, and when someone else falls you'll carry theirs for them until they find their feet again. It doesn't make anyone a burden. That's the whole point of a clan, right; to look out for each other?"

And Coldsnap didn't mind. It didn't feel like he was being burdened bringing prey to Coalfoot. He wanted to be here, had felt better knowing that the other would be able to go to bed with a full stomach.

"So just... Let me look out for you." he added, paws shuffling as he looked away to hide the embarrassment he felt at saying such a thing. He wasn't good at this kind of thing, hadn't been since he was a kit. And after so long of refusing to allow any semblance of care toward another surface, it was hard to over-ride his own programming to do it now. But Coalfoot was his friend, and he did care if they lived or died. He wouldn't make the same mistake he did with Rosepaw by acting like that wasn't true, especially with this threat looming over the black and white warrior.

---

windclan warrior - male - 12 months - a large, dark grey tabby with yellow eyes​

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[coalfoot]

———————————————【 coalfoot | windclan | male 】——————————————

【◈】No. A flat denial, rejected just like that. Had he expected anything less? He wasn't sure. The narrowing of his gaze was enough to make his ears cock back slightly, his attempt at putting forth a good fight already melting away. Exasperation began to creep onto his face.

Coalfoot had opened his mouth for a rebuttal when the other swept on. Coldsnap would live. He might not. His jaws clamped shut, invisible claws sinking into his heart and squeezing his throat. Ever since Wisteriapaw's death, it was a thought that had plagued him. No, he might not live. He may not live to see Newleaf, not at the rate things were going. Cats were steadily worsening by the day. The look in Dandelionwish's eyes said what his words and voice didn't. Nobody knew.

Would he die quietly in his nest, hidden from the view of StarClan? Would he die in pain, choking on his own blood? Would anybody be there, would they notice as he took his last breath? Would he be the last, surrounded by the bodies of his Clanmates? He drew his tail a little tighter around his paws and swiped his tongue over his nose.

Had StarClan forsaken them after all?

The dark tom sucked in a breath he hadn't realized he needed. He was still being spoken to, but hadn't heard until Coldsnap said his name, gaze snapping up to meet his. Would he consider them a-? Oh. "...No," he admitted quietly, almost sheepishly.

It was all he could muster for the moment, Coalfoot suddenly feeling dwarfed by the other warrior. Yet as he spoke, he found himself able to swallow back the tightness in his throat. Coldsnap didn't have the most gentle way with words at the best of times, but he found himself able to get lost in his prattling about support and teamwork, drowning out his thoughts for the moment. He hadn't realized how strongly he seemed to feel about it before.

At last came the conclusion, the marbled tom gazing quietly while the other looked away, clearly embarrassed for going off on a tangent. The faintest of smiles tugged at the corner of his lips, and for a moment Coalfoot leaned forward, as if to gently headbutt him, but seemed to think twice and pull back, the smile gone.

Again he turned away, shoulders racked with a harsh coughing fit that left him grimacing at the soreness of his throat. With a sigh, he looked back toward the bird. He seemed about to say something, but something akin to defeat crossed over him, and he pulled it back toward himself. For the moment he was unsure of what to say, so he busied himself with plucking feathers.

Coalfoot spat one out and came to a decision. "Just... please promise me you won't do it again? Prey gets dropped off here. We're fine. Please don't go hungry on our account." It was a pathetic attempt at a request, nearly a plead. He didn't want to sleep knowing he had taken a meal from Coldsnap, not when he couldn't repay it.

Crouched before it, he at last he took the first bite from the bird - stiff from the cold, but... delicious. He seemed lost in his thoughts again, a sadness overtaking his expression and soon crinkling it. His head tilted down in a vain half-attempt to hide himself. "I don't... I don't want to die, Coldsnap." It was watery, quiet.

[penned by its_oliverr].

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[Coldsnap]

IM SCARED TO GET CLOSE AND I HATE BEING ALONE
I LONG FOR THE FEELING TO NOT FEEL AT ALL
THE HIGHER I GET, THE LOWER I SINK
I CAN'T DROWN MY DEMONS, THEY KNOW HOW TO SWIM

---

It was true that Coldsnap wasn't always great with his words when it came to his feelings, but he was tired of not trying just because he was afraid of facing more loss and betrayal. He'd made himself a fortress of jagged ice to keep everyone away only to find that he'd created a prison for himself, and he was ready for the freedom he'd been denying himself.

Maybe then, cats wouldn't hesitate to extend a casual touch toward him. Maybe then, he would stop hesitating, too.

The promise wasn't one he wanted to make, mainly because he wasn't sure if it was one he could keep. If things did get bad enough and food wasn't sent out to the sick cats, Coldsnap wouldn't hesitate to start giving up meals so they could eat. In fact, he had a feeling there were more than just him who would have passed along their food to the sick if it truly came down to it. Windclan was festering, surely, but there were still good cats who remained among the ranks who would have done the same thing as him. Of course, it felt a bit more personal with Coalfoot, not something he was doing because it was solely the right thing to do.

After all, he hadn't dropped the bird at Jasper or Ghosts paws and told them he was checking on them.

But his resolve was hard to keep when Coalfoots words came out in such a pleading tone, ripping at heartstrings he'd thought were long iced over. "Fine, I promise- but only as long as Sootstar keeps sending you prey." he said at last, the words gentle but firm. If she were to stop for some reason, Coldsnap would not stand by and let the sick cats run themselves to death trying to hunt in the cold.

When the other tom finally seemed to give in and eat, a tension seemed to slip from the tabbys shoulders, reassured that the other would have the strength they needed to keep going. Coldsnap had already lost his parents, his siblings, his friend and his mentor. He couldn't stand to lose much more, and seeing Coalfoot eating with his own eyes helped to put at least some of his worrys to rest.

But that relief was short-lived as he noticed the others expression slowly morphing into something somber, sadness running across their features in a way that had the tension returning just as quickly as it had left.

"I don't... I don't want to die, Coldsnap."

And it was everything he feared, everything he did his best to avoid, because Coldsnap didn't want him to die either. He didn't want to lose anything else, didn't want to see a cat who shone as brightly as Coalfoot be snuffed out. And he felt helpless, wishing there was anything he could say or do to make their fear go away but knowing that nothing would provide the assurance they needed.

Is this how Dandelionwish feels? he wondered, a new sense of sympathy and admiration rising in him toward the other, to be able to face this over and over, to have the strength to feel such empathy for the cats who sat within the walls of his den.

"I'm not gonna let you die, Coalfoot. Dandelionwish isn't going to let you die." he said, getting to his paws because sitting still felt wrong.

He found himself overcome with the same impulse he'd had the night of Rosepaws death, when he'd watched Leechpaw and Dandelionwish cry for their lost friend- maybe even more. Rosepaw had been special to all of them, and he'd wanted nothing more than to be a rock for them in that storm, to be something they could cling to and find comfort in. But like now, he wasn't sure how to be that.

Still, his paws brought him forward.

"We'll find the herbs you need to get better. If I have to tear across half the countryside myself to find them then I will." and if there was an edge to his voice it was only his affection bleeding through, his own brand of concern, determined and desperate to reassure and comfort the cat before him. "We'll take care of you.

And before he could talk himself out of it, he leaned down to rasp his tongue between the toms ears in a gesture of comfort he prayed to Starclan wouldn't be rejected. He knew he wasn't good at this, didn't even know where to begin when it came to anything physical, but Coalfoot looked so fucking alone and it was killing Coldsnap to do nothing.

---

windclan warrior - male - 12 months - a large, dark grey tabby with yellow-gold eyes​

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[coalfoot]

———————————————【 coalfoot | windclan | male 】——————————————

【◈】The promise was enough to ease that worry, but Coalfoot had to bite back his tears, teeth worrying his cheek and chin tipping to his chest when Coldsnap didn't immediately respond to his following outburst. He was scared. He was so, so scared of dying out here. Withering away from an illness that seemed hopeless to cure, with supplies that had already dried up.

Although his face remained dry, the next breath he drew wavered. From his peripherals the tabby stood, and he dared to lift his head, if only a little. Coldsnap wouldn't let him die. Dandelionwish wouldn't let him die. The gap between them closed, and he finally looked up to meet his eyes. No, they wouldn't.

There may be a limit to the abilities of those around him, but at that moment, Coalfoot wholeheartedly believed him. In spite of it all, they hadn't given up yet. They were trying their best, they cared with everything they had. His Clanmates were with him, Coldsnap was with him. That thought alone, in the midst of the wading pool of misery, the yawning pit of dread, was perhaps all he needed to keep going.

We'll take care of you. "...Okay," he murmured at last. "I believe you." ...And he did. With every fiber of his being, for that moment, he did.

Most unexpectedly of all, as Coldsnap came to a stop in front of him, was the tongue rasping over his fur. Coalfoot sat a little straighter at that. He seemed more shocked than anything, but there was little hesitation before he leaned forward, pressing his head into the tabby's chest with a noise that was somewhere between a breathy laugh and a sob, easily mistaken for a cough.

He wanted to be back in camp again. He wanted to be sleeping under the stars with his Clanmates, sharing tongues and laughing and well. Here, where everyone was caught up in their own fears and despair, he couldn't help but be swept up with it.

It was cold, the leaking wind biting at his nose and ears, but the comfort was warm. He didn't want to let go. Coalfoot wanted to lay down and forget the present, forget the problems after problems they had all faced, and be comfortable.

Should Coldsnap not immediately pull away, he would sit there for several heartbeats, only pulling back once he reminded himself that the tabby shouldn't be at the badger set to begin with. "You shouldn't be here any longer," he rasped. "I'll... I'll make sure to share this with everybody. Just- be careful." A pause. "...Thank you. And- sorry."

[penned by its_oliverr].

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