camp Open Your Heart // Gender

[Glimmersun]

For as long as she can remember in her minuscule time alive, Glimmerpaw has never been comfortable with her body. It isn't that odd to find discomfort when you're growing into a new shape, and at first, that's all she thought it was. She's always been insecure at how large she is, and that hasn't changed at all. Maybe she'll get over it with time, maybe not. But there's...something else too. It wasn't really something she could put a paw on for a good while, and even now she's a bit confused. Was this something anyone else struggled with? She hasn't exactly been the most open with her feelings, and even thinking about talking to someone about this makes her want to gag. What good would it do to keep this all to herself, though?

Even referring to herself with feminine terms makes her uncomfortable. Gender wasn't something Glimmerpaw put too much thought into, as it's something so...abstract. But she's pretty sure she didn't like being a girl. Is gender even something you can change? Would she have to continue to be upset with her entire being for the rest of her life? Is she overthinking this too much? Letting her mind go in circles like this was just frustrating her more, so she puts a stop to it. What good would it do to make herself even more upset? It wasn't going to help anyone. Either way, she huffs out a resounding "I wish I wasn't a girl," not caring who hears her. It's vague enough, right? ​

 

[CINDERPAW.]

Cinderpaw's head turned towards Glimmerpaw when those words reached her ears. A part of her wondered if maybe she shouldn't say anything, seeing as it was likely a more private thought, but... she didn't like seeing others sad and, with all the stressful things going on at the moment, she figured that maybe, just maybe, she should do her part to make others' lives brighter.

Cautiously, she approached, careful not to sneak up on Glimmerpaw. "You don't HAVE to be a girl. You can be whatever feels right. One of my moms wasn't born a girl - she chose that for herself because it felt right. I'm not an expert but... but I'm sure there's more cats in SkyClan that felt similar to you at one point in their lives than just my mom! All we gotta do is maybe... find them, and ask for advice! If you want to, I mean..."

Cinderpaw was a girl, and she had always been a girl. Feelings like these had never crossed her mind, but her mothers had told her the story so, if she ever felt like she wasn't a girl, she knew she wasn't alone. So, even if Cinderpaw couldn't relate, Glimmerpaw wasn't alone, and she wanted to make that known.

"Speech"​

---

SPREADING JOY WITH MY LOVE​

​

 

[Cherryblossom]

Her sister's quiet outburst had reached another set of apprentice ears. Cherrypaw is almost immediately at her side, head softly cocked with something eerily similar to an expression of concern. "Aww, why wouldn't you want to be a girl, Glim?" Being a girl was nothing special. She hadn't questioned it, but she hadn't been given a reason to question it either. If someone had asked her to choose, point-blank, she'd unquestionably choose her girlhood. Still, even Glimmerpaw's musings don't trigger any sort of self-reflection in her, and if her sister doesn't want to be her sister anymore, that's just that.

Cinderpaw hovers at Glimmerpaw's other side, babbling something about one of her mamas and other SkyClanners, and it gives Cherrypaw an idea. "Oh yeah, Drowsypaw stopped being a girl and Lupinepaw became a girl. I think you just have, like, to find a boy who wants to be a girl and give it to him, and he'll give you his, like, boy-ness in return." If Glimmerpaw even wanted to be a boy, for that matter. Maybe she could be like Sparrowsong and not be a boy or a girl, but she doesn't have any clue of how they managed to do that. Privately, she thinks Lu had the right idea with being a girl, but at the end of the day it was just another thing that you were and didn't question until you wanted to change it, like your smell or your clan.​

 

[Glimmersun]

Frustration immediately flies away as her sister and Cinderpaw both join her side, giving her support. Her mood turns to curiosity instead, as she does recall that there are other cats in SkyClan who have become a different gender later in life. So she can change it...! The confirmation brings a grin to her face, even though there's still some confusion laced in.

"Maybe I could talk to your one mom about it, Cinderpaw? Well, maybe eventually. I don't think I wanna talk about this with just anyone, at least not yet." It was more just a spur of the moment thing, knowing that she would most likely only attract the attention of her fellow apprentices. Cherrypaw being one of the ones to notice was just a happy circumstance.

Glimmerpaw gives a lighthearted chuckle at her words. "It's not like being a girl is bad! It just doesn't...fit me, I don't think. I'm not sure what does just yet, but yeah." Being a boy or not having a gender at all like Sparrowsong are both different of course, but she thinks she'll need more time to discover which she thinks fits her more. For now, she'll stick with what she knows.

"Who would even want my girlishness though? Maybe I could just give it to both of you!" she exclaims, laughing. She is happy that they both seem content even if she isn't just yet. "Or maybe there's another apprentice who is going through the same thing, and we could swap? I wonder!" She's fairly certain that is not how it works, but what does she know? Maybe that's exactly how it goes.​

 

[LUPINESONG]

❀‿ Lupinepaw sat up in the middle of her midday groom, feeling oddly winded. Had detangling her flank really been that tiring? It was weird, the fatigue that seemed to hang onto her fur lately—it felt like a raincloud from that terrifying day she and Cherrypaw were stuck out in the storm hung over her still. She sighed, bothered by the way her feelings lingered so long inside her gut, knowing that her already-nerve-ridden body was probably exhausting itself with the added stress of Crowpaw falling victim to yellowcough and days filled to the brim with chores and training.

Glum, drooping ears pricked up suddenly at the sound of her chatting peers coming from across camp. She trotted toward the circle of apprentices, leaving her melancholy in the shady corner of camp behind her. She tilted her head before brightening at their present discussion. Lupinepaw would not call herself an expert in the subject of gender—there surely existed one out there somewhere, but she didn't know them—but she did, of course, have her own little piece of expertise to offer.

"I mean, I think Drowsy and I would've still had our genders even if we didn't have each other to trade them with," She chirped at Cherrypaw as she approached, giggling slightly at her reasonable but inexact logic. Lupinepaw was destined for girlhood, this was something she knew, even if she wasn't sure how much longer she would've taken to come to terms with it if she hadn't had her brother alongside her. She hummed, swaying her tail to brush along Pearlpaw's and Cherrypaw;s own as she tried to think of the words to describe the way it felt, "Mmm, it's liiike... if you found out you really don't like the taste of like, mice, but you liked fish instead? You would just get better at fishing, right? Like you can eat the prey you want to eat. It's like that... Kind of. I think."

Lupinepaw remembered that she was still only halfway through grooming herself, and brought a paw up to swipe over her ears and face as she purred, "If you want, I could toootally take some of your girlishness for you, but like I've run out of boyishness to swap though, so you'll have to find some elsewhere."

JUST LIKE THAT ⊹₊°❀‿ THE MOON GOES FLAT

• OOC:
• 
• 
  lupinekit . lupinepaw
  — trans she/her. 4mo apprentice of skyclan
  — ??? ; single
  — tall, long-haired black smoke with low white and green eyes
  — smells like sweet lupine flowers and young pine needles
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — icon by saturnid, fullbody and chibi by nya
  — penned by eezy

​

 

[Cherryblossom]

Cherrypaw tilts her head. "Okay, I kind of get it," she meows slowly. It's not that she doesn't get it, but she's never experienced what Glimmerpaw and Drowsypaw and Lupinepaw have felt for herself. She doesn't even wonder what it feels like. She gets it in only the way a bystander can, catching the end product of their inner rearranging and moving on with it.

Glimmerpaw ponders potential buyers of her girlhood, and Cherrypaw jumps at the call. "You can definitely give it to me," she purrs. An idle paw draws through one side of her face, down her cheek tufts, and twirls a lock of fur around with a claw. "I love being girly." She giggles a quintessential apprentice giggle.

If Lupinepaw was showing any signs of weakness, Cherrypaw doesn't notice. The jade-eyed devil just spoken of joins them with a giggle of her own and a swishing tail. Her brief, floral-scented touch knocks her core off-kilter for a moment, like a glimpse of dark clouds on the horizon, but dissipates unnoticeably soon. Her arch smile remains unsullied by the memory of that afternoon. "Well, I like mice just fine," Cherrypaw remarks with a flourish of her paw. "That's not a good way to describe it, Lu," she adds, even though she has even less of a clue on how to describe it. "If I really wanted fish I would just go join RiverClan." She wrinkles her nose. Not that she'd ever even think of doing that, but Lupinepaw started it.​

 

[FIGFEATHER]

FIGFEATHER ♀​ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥​

It’s been a long time since Figfeather had the complex feelings Glimmerpaw felt. In fact, she had been even younger than her when Figkit decided she was a girl. From that day on boyhood was history to her. She feels content and happy in her body but she knows the journey to get there takes longer for some. The idea of trading “boyness” for “girlness” sounded silly to her, but the crowd was young. She would not crush down their ways of making sense of their feelings. Coming to stand a fox-length or so from Cherrypaw she looks to Glimmerpaw. ”I mean- if you really need someone to trade with, I never gave anyone my ‘boyness’.” Figfeather grimaces a bit, she wasn’t sure there ever had been an ounce of boyness in her… but if it’ll help Glimmerpaw find who they are. ”Regardless, I wish you luck Glimmerpaw. It can be confusing but your clan is here to support you.” She was here to talk if Glimmerpaw ever needed it, so was Lupinepaw and countless others she was sure.

♡ INFO BATTLE

• 
  » Figfeather
  » SkyClan Warrior
  » She/her . AMAB
  » A red tabby she-cat with a mangled leg.
  » ”Speech”․ thoughts ․ attack
  
• 
  » A foe in battle whose ability to strategize can shift tides.
  » Excels in strategizing and pre-planning her battles.
  » Fights defensively and aid her clan to victory.
  » May powerplay minor harm. Can powerplay healing

​

 

[Glimmersun]

There’s more relief to be found when Lupinepaw joins in on the conversation. She had figured out much earlier what fits her, so there’s hope for Glimmerpaw yet. Her insight is very much appreciated, also glad she understands that it’s not something that pops up from seemingly nowhere. No, she’s never been quite comfortable with how she presents.

She’s glad that both Cherrypaw and Lupinepaw herself is fully willing to take her girliness, as it’s not like she’s using it for anything useful. Though she’d probably give it to Lupinepaw if anyone…not like it’s how that works, she’s still mostly confident in. “Metaphors are hard anyways. Maybe it’s more like…you could ONLY eat mice as it’s the only prey you’ve known, you never knew there was another option until you discover fish exist and decide you like to eat it more? I know it’s nonsensical but I think that it works better.”

Figfeather brings in her own experience to the situation, and Glimmerpaw is also very appreciative to hear from the point of view of someone older than the apprentices here. “No need, but thank you for the offer, Figfeather. And thank you for your well wishes. I’m glad to have any support.” Sometimes she tells herself she’s not worthy to get any help from her clanmates, but that’s not true in the slightest. Their perspectives are vital to become a better warrior, maybe even more in the future. Even if it’s more personal topics such as gender.​