camp OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND INTO YOUR HEART — return from moonstone

[Starlingheart]

She is exhausted by the time they finally arrive back to the camp, their long journey draining her both mentally and physically. The newly named medicine cat wants nothing more than to just curl into her nest and sleep for the rest of the moon, but she also wants to cry out, to scream, wail, anything to rid this terrible tearing in her chest, this feeling of total utter loss. Her father. Her mother. Her brother. Her aunt. She counts all those who have left her in her mind. Some by choice and some not. She thinks of her siblings, barely present mentally, their blank hollow stares as they wallow in their own grief.

She will not be like that.

She is determined. She walks into Shadow Clans camp with her head held high, though she falters slightly when heads turn, eyes fall on her, still, she smiles at them. Though her red rimmed eyes betray she had been crying on the way home, the bags under them betray how tired she is. "W-were were b-baaaaack" she announces quietly to anyone and no one at all.
​

 

[GRANITEPELT]

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮​

A searing jealousy has burned its way through him since Pitchstar and Starlingpaw had set out. His mentor, the she-cat he'd once trained behind, convening with StarClan and leaving him beyond in more ways than one. He paces the floor of the apprentice's den all night, has made a mess shredding his nest. The other apprentices had complained, and he'd silenced them all with his angry glare.

Will she be different, after she's walked with StarClan? Starlingpaw has always been sweet, quiet, pliable. Granitepaw likes her the way she is. The idea that she could change, that StarClan could somehow mold her into a cat as detestable as her kin, has driven him nearly mad.

When the sun peaks over the horizon, he spots her small black and white form pulling through their bramble tunnel. His claws sheathe. Granitepaw sees her, how vulnerable and broken she is, despite it all, and he breathes a shaky sigh of relief. She's still herself. She still needs him.

"Welcome back, Starlingpaw." Though his voice is gruff, he nudges her shoulder with his muzzle. "You're tired, I bet. I can bring something to your den, if you want." A strange thrill. Her den. Bonejaw is no longer. Starlingpaw's den will be a safe space now, a space they can talk without worry.

- ,,​

​

 

[FORESTSHADE]

Forestpaw sits nearby, a forepaw lifted to her face. Unceremoniously, she chews on her toes, roughly cleaning between them with little care how she looks to others. It's a quiet morning and it doesn't sound like many cats are out and about anyway.

A rustling in the bramble tunnel, however, grabs her attention. Dark ears flick in the direction of the camp entrance and Starlingpaw's shaky voice announces her return. Gosh, the torbie admittedly feels bad for the girl. They've never been close, but Starlingpaw is younger than she is! And now she's the clan's medicine cat? All because Bonejaw wanted to pack up and leave? It's pathetic and, frankly, embarrassing. Briefly, she wonders if Pitchstar can keep this a secret...how the other clans would laugh at them when they discovered their medicine cat had been a disloyal runaway from the start!

With this pity in mind, Forestpaw finds herself padding towards the new medicine cat and she flashes a lopsided smirk in her direction. "So, didja get to talk with the fancy shmancy stars or whatever?"​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

chilledgaze watched the camp's entrance for their return. they were worried that maybe the stars wouldn't accept this because that seemed right up their alley. starclan had it out for shadowclan, for sure. all of the pain and drama caused for the sake of bonejaw– even by bonejaw in some cases– only to be abandoned by her and left with a kit of a medicine cat. she was too young. she was barely ready. but... chilledgaze wasn't ready to be deputy either. pitchstar was far from ready from being leader. maybe this was just the way it was supposed to be. taking in a breath, they stood up, and made their way to the entrance, offering a tip of their head as the front of their body slightly lowered before they stood back up, tall.

"welcome back. you do seem rather exhausted from a long journey."

and you've been crying. i'm sorry that the stars have done this to you. i'm sorry that bonejaw has done this to you. i know what it's like to be abandoned. they think, but they dare not say it allowed. no one needed to know what was going on in the deputy's head. not now, and not ever– unless it was clan related.

"as nice as that sounds, i think starling should get some rest on her own. we can bother her about the stars and what they had to say tomorrow."
​

[ NOBODY ELSE MATTERS, GIRL ]​

 

[Starlingheart]

Upon seeing Granitepaw her heart flutters with an emotion she is not yet old enough to understand, the worry on his face, the way his eyes had been glued to the camp entrance, it tells her he had been worried about her. Worried about her journey, if she would be alright on that king trek across the moors. She breathed out a sigh of relief at the sight of him, letting go of a tension in her shoulders she didn’t even know she was holding.

She returns his friendly greeting by bumping her head against his shoulder. When did Granitepaw get so tall? He calls her Starlingpaw and she smiles up at him, a sad but gently tugging at the corner of her lips. "I-Immmmm I’m St-Starlingheart n-n-now" she informs him. A new name. She had always imagined she would receive said name around the same time as her siblings, as Granitepaw but the stars seemed to have a different path in mind for her.

She is about to tell Granitepaw that food sounded great but that they would have to share, having a whole piece of prey to herself would be too much but Forestpaw is there and she is asking stuff about the stars. Starlingheart’s heart beats quickly, the older apprentice makes her nervous. She was a cat that she had not interacted with much, cool and unapproachable by cats as young as she. But she supposed she is the medicine cat now which by default makes her cool right? She opens her mouth to answer but is once again interrupted this time by Chilledgaze. She nods gratefully, smiling softly at him. "Th-t-t-thank y-yoooouuu" she says quietly then turns to Forestpaw "I-i c-caaaan I can t-tell tell you all tell you all a-a-about it l-l-laaater" maybe it would be nice to talk about her mother to her apprentice, someone who had been close with her that wasn’t family.
​

 

[smogstar]

Entrenched far down within his innermost inclinations, there is a hope for Starlingpaw to fail in returning to camp. A wish for the skittish she-cat to either beat a retreat like her spineless aunt, or be smote by StarClan itself so a better-suited replacement may emerge in her stead. As it stands, the clan's Medicine Cat designate is a naive juvenile with a mere couple moons' worth of experience; and he cannot help but view Bonejaw's claims of her being taught everything as a testament to her own ineptness, or an outright fabrication altogether.

The well-being of this clan, of his own people, rests on Starlingpaw's shoulders. People are going to starve, and a lot of people are going to get sick. It's a burden that he himself would have difficulty bearing, never mind a child.

Paws curled beneath his fleecy underside, Smogmaw watches the lengthy shadows of pine trees creep across the camp's entrance. He has been lounging just outside the warrior's den before the sun commenced its gradual ascension. Particles of snow collect on his ashen cheeks. He is cold, he is comfortless, and he is hopeless.

They return. Tapered eyes home in on the approaching frames of the new medical specialist and Dear Leader. He remains unmoved as the initial pleasantries are exchanged between his clanmates and the two, carefully regarding the conviction present in their features. There's no grounds for huge concern by the looks of it, but perhaps that will change once everybody starts hacking up foggy phlegm.

"Starlingheart is a good name," remarks Smogmaw on his eventual approach, "no doubt given to you by one of StarClan's greatest." A respectful dip of the head towards the noteworthy she-cat. "Not many of your age are able to boast a full name. But, I think you'll grow into it just fine."

He harbours a fair amount of esteem for the young girl, hence his effort to obscure the sheer depth of his leeriness. ​

 

[RIBBITLEAP]

He knows the look that Starlingpaw returns with. Knows it all too well. A look of grief - of all that's been lost - hidden under an attempt to be strong. To pretend everything was okay when it clearly wasn't. Ribbitpaw's basically an expert at that, now.

It clicks, in that moment.

It clicks how much Starlingpaw and her siblings had lost too. How much change and loss they've had to go through, all while Ribbitpaw struggled with the same. Stupid, he thinks he is, for not recognizing that his family's not the only ones struggling.

He watches quietly as Pitchstar and Starlingpaw make their return. He doesn't wait at the entrance like many others do - doesn't greet them right away upon return. The apprentice still listens to their words, listens as the young she-cat shifts from medicine apprentice to medicine cat in his mind, from Starlingpaw to Starlingheart. So young, but bares a full name. Earns it before Ribbitpaw can earn his, despite his warrior ceremony being bound to happen any day now.

The brown tabby feels bad for her. She should be earning her name with her littermates, moons from now - something Ribbitpaw will never get the opportunity to do, but something Starlingheart should've had the chance for. She shouldn't have had to skip her apprenticeship, grow up so quickly. And yet, that's what the stars begged from her. Unfortunate.

"It suits you, your new name," he says, finally acknowledging the new healer's return. Because, what else is he meant to say? This wasn't much of a celebration. Couldn't be, with the circumstances that led to her ceremony.
​

 

[Poppypaw ★]

"HOW COME STARLING GETS A FULL NAME?!" UGH, NO! She was calling bullshit! This was totally not fair, she was older than Starlingheart but like...Poppypaw paused, raised up her paws as she sat on her haunches and began to slowly count each of her toes one by ones in a rare display of silence-she was ...seven? Eight? SHE COULDN'T REMEMBER! All she knew was she was born before Briarstar had popped her litter out so she was SUPER older than all of them! Was this a medicine cat thing? Did she have to do stinky medicine stuff to get a full name this early? Yikesville, she wasn't interested! Might be fine for Starlingheart but it wasn't her thing! The plants all smelled weird and she didn't wanna help other cats, she wanted to beat them up.
She gave a huff, "It's a good name though-damn. Heart? That's so cute. I'm so jealous. I hope I get a cute name too..." The pout on her face lightened only a little, "...so we get our names early if our mentors fuck off huh? You think Frostbite likes spiders?"
​

 

[PITCHSTAR]

pitchstar is bone-dead tired, paws dragging over the snow as he and starlingheart trod into the camp. it is the kind of exhaustion that permeates every aspect of his being, and in that moment, all that the leader wants to do is sleep. to slip into unconsciousness, where the reality of bonejaw abandoning them does not tear him apart from the inside-out. but the moment they step foot into the clearing, heads are turning and they're singled out within a heartbeat. cats are asking about the moonstone, about starclan, and shit, why couldn't they see that he just wants to sleep?!

chilledgaze does see, and they begin to corral curious clanmates away from the pair of siblings. pitchstar sometimes wonders if chilledgaze knows him better than his own family. he puffs out a sigh. "you're right. i could sleep for an entire moon, at this point." the journey had taken a toll on the rosette tabby's frail body. his legs shake from the effort of keeping himself upright, the aching of a long trek persistent. pitchstar turns a glare onto the nosy ones. "so, the rest of you, fuck off."

he begins to pick his way across camp to his den, when starclan shows their lack of sympathy by sicking poppypaw on the moonstone-goers. she complains, very loudly, about how unfair it is that starlingheart gets a name before she does. in some twisted way, pitchstar agrees. starlingheart shouldn't have her full name, shouldn't have received it for moons to come. but bonejaw's betrayal has left them with no other choice, and starclan would not intervene.

whether they're in agreement or not, pitchstar doesn't have the patience nor the energy to deal with poppypaw right now. he refocuses his glare onto the red-furred molly. "keep this up, and i'll rename you to annoyingfuckpaw. how's that for a cute name?"​