[p] getting into it with the love of my life

[Crowmask]

[

I COULD RULE THE WORLD

Crowmask hadn't been out in a while. This was due to both his mindset and how his days have begun to play out, but for some reason he had not been on patrol in near a moon. He had been tasked with watching kits or helping the queens make their nests more comfortable, or even just gathering herbs as a gesture of goodwill for their medicine cat. All in all it was just him avoiding her. The her in question would be his former best friend, Flowercloud. She had come up to him a few times to try and remedy their ostracization of each other, but he had given her the cold shoulder. Recently, though, he had begun to see her around camp more and more, chatting with the cats he was chatting with, and he would continue to leave her in the dark.

He was avoiding her only for one or two reasons, but the main one... was that he was in love with her. Obviously he couldn't tell her, couldn't fathom doing such a thing, but he was incapable of keeping her at a distance anymore. He couldn't stay away, so as he gaze at her from across the camp, his paws would take him to the molly, to sit down next to her as she chatted with someone, and to say, "Hey, long time no talk, Flower," with a barely mustered smile on his face.​

with just the warmth of your hands​

​

 

[flowercloud.]

Flowercloud was lost in thought mid conversation with the other who she was trying to help. They were going on about small complaints. Meanwhile, she couldn't focus. How long had it been since Nana was around? A few days? She squinted her bright green eyes looking for her familiar pelt, but instead met the eyes of a Tom...

who was heading her way.

This must be a dream.

Her heart sunk. Her stomach twisted in knots and her eyebrows raised.

She should turn the other way.

But her paws couldn't move. Like a deer in headlights.

He left her in the dust, she had to remind herself. But.. she couldn't leave him in the dust. She could never.

His voice, he was talking to.. her?

Oh, Oh! He was talking to her! Her heart skipped a beat, but she fought the smile that crawled to her face, remaining neutral, for once.

Protect yourself , flower. Hell just hurt you again.

"H-hey, Crowmask. It has... Am.. I uh.. in the way?" she asked, moving to stand up already if she was.

 

[Crowmask]

I COULD RULE THE WORLD

He smiled, hunching over himself to lick his chest in ill-concealed embarrassment before responding. "R-right, no you’re not in the way. I came over to say hi cause we haven’t talked in a while. Sorry, I mean, I can leave if you’d like?" The anxiety was definitely starting to set in and he couldn’t help but look away when he said it.​

with just the warmth of your hands​

​

 

[flowercloud.]

"N-no! Stay, uh... catch up with me, I mean." She was stumbling over her words. She couldn't focus. "How has being a warrior treated you?" She asked, trying to get that small talk going.

It's been moons since they've spoken. And so bad, so bad she wished she was brave enough to have talked to him but couldn't muster it. She relaxed and laid back down, but there was a stiffness still in her. She couldn't relax.. and Crowmask seemed so much more different now... Or did he?

She was expecting the worst, and she hated that feeling, usually positive.

Her gaze couldn't flicker off of him, and she realized the other cat had wandered off, fortunately.

Just her and him, and that.. made her feel special in a sort of way she didn't understand completely.

 

[Crowmask]

I COULD RULE THE WORLD

He glanced back at her when she said he could stay, duly noting the absence of the other individual before settling down underneath the newleaf sunshine. "I haven’t left camp much in near a moon— maybe one patrol that was outside of camp and that was to help Dawnglare get some herbs they were needing," He pauses, glancing up from the ground he had been talking to, "How have you been?"​

with just the warmth of your hands​

​

 

[flowercloud.]

no patrols in a moon? that wasn't like him.. oh. she pulled her thoughts from him just venting when he asked how she was. he.. seemed genuine. he seemed... perfect.

Stop it, flower!

"A moon .. that's a long time. I.. guess I have been seeing you more," she said softly. The air felt awkward, but what else was to come from it?

"I've.. been here!" a soft chuckle, turning into a sigh. Part of her wanted to tell him how she was. But the other part... she just imagined telling him that he hurt her, how bad it felt to be abandoned even though she just wanted to be there for him. she wanted to tell him that she had no one for a while because he left her with feeling like nobody. But she kept her mouth shut on that note. She was just overthinking. She was, and is still heartbroken, and heartbreak can cause words that don't mean what you actually mean.

"But... I've been alright. Listening to others vent, being a shoulder to cry on if so needed. Just... so that our clanmates could feel like they have somebody to talk to, y'know? I.. stick around camp more too for that reason. But .. patrols and walks are nice. Can get my own break from being a therapist."

She didn't care to self diagnose why she did what she did. And apart of her was antsy to take a walk, but apart of her also was nervous to leave the area other cats were in. She knew, well hoped, if things went south, someone would swoop in and save her ... If so needed.

Why is it so hard not to trust him?

 

[Crowmask]

I COULD RULE THE WORLD

Crowmask nodded along with her own venting, tilted his head at the appropriate moments. "I-I'm here if you need any of that— like a- sh-oulder to cry on…? Or someone to taaalk to. " His words were more of a suggestion or a question and he couldn’t help but stand up at the mention of a walk. "A walk sounds fun!" Anything to get rid of the awkwardly putrid air surrounding them. ​

with just the warmth of your hands​

​

 

[flowercloud.]

Her heart dropped as he said that but she forced a small smile. She hadn't needed anyone in a long time. "No, no," she said softly. "I'm not like that anymore.."

A gentle sigh before pushing herself up. "I suppose it does, gets you out of the camp too and get you to stretch your legs," she rumbled, though her conflicting mind was strong and keeping her on her toes.

she.. just couldn't tell the tom no and her tasks were already done. There was nothing she could do about nana right now either.. she just hoped the molly would come home soon. She needed to get out of her mind anyways.

 

[Crowmask]

I COULD RULE THE WORLD

The tom wasn't blind, he saw the look on her face as it fell, and really couldn't keep the thought from entering his mind that maybe he was the reason she had grown so solemn and distant, that she had refused to talk to him (and vice versa) and he... he regretted it. He regretted his cold demeanor and distancing himself from her, from her unconditional love and her unrelenting ferocious positivity. Crowmask regretted it all.

He gets up to follow her, and as they left the camp behind in an awkward sort of exchange of pleasantries. Before he could stop himself, he cut her off mid-sentence with a confession. "Look, Flower, I'm sorry. I am so very aware that I have caused you pain, that I am the reason for the distance that has grown between us... there is no 'but' to the end of that sentence. I formally and wholeheartedly apologize for the way I have treated you, and would like a new or semi-new start to our friendship..." He pauses, looking for something to add, but falls short.​

with just the warmth of your hands​

​

 

[flowercloud.]

Flowercloud dipped her head as they walked and talked. But her caramel sweet gaze lifted, innocent and sweet filled, carrying the sadness that has been inside for a long time, breaking the surface as he spoke about it.

How did he know? Besides reading her like an open book now, she kept it so very hidden, so locked up. But, she supposed she was never good at hiding things.

She bit her lip, her pawsteps slowing, her fluffy tail dragging behind her, and for a moment after his words were done, she thought.

"I forgive you. I.. know, I was a lot to deal with as kits.. Y-you were just the only one there."

her eyes stared at the ground, as if searching for answers that were not there.

"I've.. loved you. For a very long time. I bottled it up, and shoved it down."

she gulped.

"A-and I still do. I just. I didn't want to bother you. T-to annoy you."

Her gaze drifted upwards to him. His scars running along his flank that she wished she knew how he got them. His fur, short, but it looked so comfy to just, lay her head on. She always wondered.

His green eyes she admired so much, that glowed in the dark like a firefly, and glittered as beams of light reflected into them.

"I'm willing to do it again. I, I don't want you to leave again. That's my fear, Crowmask. That.. you'll leave me. Alone."

she sighed. slowly, her own green orbs would be dismissed by worried eyelids, her invisible brow furrowing.

"if you must leave.. give me a reason. but, I want to know you. I want to know everything again. You're new favorite color, the things you like now... I want to be like we used to. and.. maybe.. one day something more. but I'm okay with just being friends for now." a soft smile as she looked up at him, once more. "I'm more than okay as long as we're friends."

The void in her heart would be full again. Even, if they only spoke a little bit, to know he was there, she would cherish those moments more than anything.

People changed. She fully believed that. And so, she knew she must learn all of his favorite things again.

​

 

[Crowmask]

I COULD RULE THE WORLD

His gaze lifted to hers, capturing it as she raised her own. "I know you love me." He says, quietly shuffling forward. "I-- well, to put it simply, I feel the same." The tom would pause, looking away with a course of shame running through his veins at having to admit something that had to do with his feelings when there was always the chance that she could change her mind and leave him alone to deal with her absence by himself.​

Of course, he had no right to feel this way. Rationally, he would not feel this insipid fear of abandonment, but ever since his mom had died he hadn't had the conscious ability to differentiate reality from delusions and dreams. He had been in a constant state of disassociation since she had been taken from him, removed from his life. So he had removed the people that could hurt him from his life, the one thing that would have pulled him from that state he had thrown from his inner circle. He realized this now. "I would be happy to call you my girlfriend-- maybe my mate in the future when the time comes, but for now that is all I'm looking for. Let me court you, Flower. Let me call you my lover and my best friend, my world and my everything... please?"​

with just the warmth of your hands​

​

 

[flowercloud.]

It was sudden. She didn't mean to spout off like that. Asking informally about the subject, but she didn't expect Crowmask to full on admit his feelings. Or even have feelings like that.

She felt her cheeks and ears heat up. He loved her? Psychologically, she supposed that could make sense. He was pushing her away because of the stress he felt at the time.

But, the feelings he expressed towards her made her broken heart feel whole, and for once her mind was sane. "I.. would take it- accept this I mean. Happily oblige. I- Thank you, I didn't know of these feelings you felt towards me.. Thought it would just be my own," she commented, a soft purr coming from her chest.

It took all of her not to throw himself in his chest at that moment.

​