private PERHAPS I'LL FIND YOU IN ANOTHER LIFE — stormywing

[iciclefang]

There is no gaiety in Iciclefang’s stride as she nears the water’s edge tonight. The stars are remote and cold-looking, twinkling with passive judgment she feels in her bone marrow. Every step she takes is heavy and filled with dread. When at last she sees the boulders rising from ThunderClan’s stretch of territory, she sits in a patch of reeds, watchful blue eyes scanning the opposite shoreline. Her tongue feels glued to the roof of her mouth, as though she’s taken several mouthfuls of honey and let it thicken between her teeth.

What am I to say? The tortoiseshell frowns, biting at her bottom lip. She is left to her own silence for what feels like hours before the undergrowth rustles. A pair of molten golden eyes pierce the shadows like wildfire. Iciclefang pushes herself to her paws—she gets a headrush immediately. Dizzily, she murmurs, “Stormywing.” Whatever affections the other she-cat lavishes upon her today aren’t returned—she feels stiff, even as a tongue finds the softness of her cheek, even as a sturdy tabby body winds around her own.

After a few heartbeats, Iciclefang lifts one white paw and places it on the scarred fur of Stormywing’s broad chest. “I’m sorry, but I have some news,” she murmurs quietly. Her tail wraps around her paws in a solemn gesture. She looks, indeed, like someone has died. “I was sick the other morning. I didn’t think anything of it… but Ravensong took me aside and told me…” She lets her mew trail off, then follows it with a swallowed, “I’m with kits.”

It feels like a death sentence.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: @STORMYWING
• 
• Iciclekit . Iciclepaw . Iciclefang, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — 20 moons old, ages realistically on the 17th.
  — mentored by Smokestar ; mentoring Cicadapaw ; previously mentored n/a
  — riverclan lead warrior. mudpelt x icesparkle, gen 2.
  — currently mated to Stormywing.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh tortoiseshell and white she-cat with ice-blue eyes. confident, capable, proud, dry, conceited, condescending, distrustful.
  
  

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[STORMYWING]

☁︎

"Iciclefang!" The same cheery greeting is called out to her mate as she canters towards her along the sandy shore. She slides to a stop, purr already thick in her throat as she brushes against the other. She casts a quick lick along her face and presses close to her, and expects the same affection to be returned as it normally is. Well, typically Iciclefang is quieter in her affections, but they're always obvious. Tonight, she is stiff and unmoving, and Stormywing realizes she has a hard time catching the other she-cat's gaze. "What's wrong?" She trills immediately, brow furrowing and tail flicking worriedly.

Ferngill! Did he tell? What else would have her acting so weird? Her jaws part, preparing to say as much, before the news spills from her love's tongue. The tabby freezes, and it feels like the world does too. Kits. Her kits? Duh, of course my kits! Her mind races, and suddenly it feels as if the world is coming crashing down on top of her. Her ears droop, her eyes falling to the ground as she draws in a gasping breath. "What....I don't..." She shakes her head softly and looks back at the tortoiseshell, distress clearly written across her face. "What are we gonna do?" She whispers, dread creeping up her spine. She loves Iciclefang. She loves her so much. But now, she feels the weight of the consequences on her shoulders, on her heart. Never has she felt more torn between loyalty to the one she loves and loyalty to the clan she is sworn to defend.

I WANNA TASTE LOVE AND PAIN ☁︎​

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[iciclefang]

Iciclefang shifts away from Stormywing; even the gesture of pulling away is fraught with tension. Sparks peel away from her fur. She avoids meeting her mate’s glistening golden gaze, afraid of what she might find there. “We?” She chokes on the word. What do we do, Stormywing asks her. We. “There’s… there’s no we anymore.” Water floods her vision, bubbling at the corners of her blue eyes. She can’t hold them in—they slip, they fall, they feel like they’re freezing on her cheeks and in her eyelashes. Still, her face remains stoic, and her voice remains steady as she continues to break her lover’s heart.

“This is the end, Stormywing.” Iciclefang unwinds her tail so that it snakes behind her like a wary adder. She pushes herself unsteadily to her paws. For just a heartbeat, she dares to look up—to gaze into amber pools of judgment, of surprise, of pain.

It was a death sentence—the death of Iciclefang and Stormywing. The death of something that had blossomed so earnestly and purely in the darkness of the caves, their faces tilted toward a silver sky as snow kissed their faces. “We should never have let it get so far, but we did,” she murmurs brokenly. “I have too much to lose, and I’m not willing to risk losing it for… for you.” It’s a lie, blatant and bitter, biting and jagged, it feels as though she’s speaking with her teeth instead of through them.

But this is the only chance she has now to push Stormywing away from her.

“—And you… you shouldn’t be willing to risk it, either,” she mews, flicking her gaze away and toward the forest that stretches behind Stormywing, toward her Clanmates, her kin, her apprentice, her home.

She wants to cry. She wants to bury her face into Stromywing’s chest fur, but she doesn’t. Iciclefang raises her forepaw and smears what remains of her tears into her stained cheek fur. “I have to raise these kits to be loyal RiverClan warriors, and I can never do that if I’m involved with you.” She pauses, waiting to hear the protests, the disbelief, the anger.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Iciclekit . Iciclepaw . Iciclefang, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — 20 moons old, ages realistically on the 17th.
  — mentored by Smokestar ; mentoring Cicadapaw ; previously mentored n/a
  — riverclan lead warrior. mudpelt x icesparkle, gen 2.
  — currently mated to Stormywing.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh tortoiseshell and white she-cat with ice-blue eyes. confident, capable, proud, dry, conceited, condescending, distrustful.
  
  

​

 

[STORMYWING]

☁︎

We? There's no we anymore.

She didn't think it possible to feel hollowed in just a heartbeat. Her heart plummets like a stone tossed from a cliff, and it lands heavy in her gut as she stares wide-eyed at the tortoiseshell scooting away and wrapping her tail around herself, as if there had never been any closeness between them at all. This is the end, Stormywing. "Wh....what?" She warbles, her voice hushed. Panic sets in suddenly, her heart pounding as she tries to find some way to salvage this. Only a moon ago Iciclefang had given her a mating stone, which now lays tucked in her mossy nest. They're mates, they're in love! This can't be the end!

Each word that her love speaks is like a rock chipping away at her heart, piece by piece. Tears flood her eyes and pour onto her cheeks as she shakes her head. "No, no, no," She tries to tell her, getting to her paws and taking desperate steps towards her. She reaches out a paw and attempts to place it on the tortoiseshell's, because maybe she can remind her of how much they mean to each other. She can remind her.

"Iciclefang, we can make it work!" She pleads through tears. "I don't- I don't know what we'll do but we can do something! I can't lose you, I love you!" The kits...she doesn't know what they'd do to make it work. But truthfully, her mind is not on the kits. It's on her mate. All she can think about is preserving this. For the briefest of moments, she even considers it. She could leave ThunderClan. She could be with her love in RiverClan, with their kits. They could be a family. But as soon as the thought enters her head, it is forced out. She knows she'd never leave her clan; she is loyal to ThunderClan until the end, and Iciclefang is the same towards her own clan. It's one of the things she loves and admires most about her. "Please, Iciclefang," Stormywing begs again, hiccuping with soft sobs she tries to hold back.

I WANNA TASTE LOVE AND PAIN ☁︎

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[iciclefang]

Stormywing’s broken expression, the way her voice wavers and threatens to crack, causes Iciclefang to close her eyes so she no longer has to see it. She wishes she could close her ears, too—wishes she could walk away without having to live through something so damnably cruel. Her mate—her former mate—protests. “No, no, no.” She insists they can make it work, but offers nothing concrete, nothing sound. Iciclefang knows why. There is nothing they can do now but part ways.

She murmurs, “I’m sorry, Stormywing. I’m so sorry. But I can’t be with you. I have to think about my place in RiverClan… our kits’ place in RiverClan.” Her words sound hollow in the face of Stormywing’s cries. “Every moment I spend with you, I risk losing everything. You risk losing everything. I won’t do that to you… and I won’t do that to myself.” She pauses, then repeats what she’d said before: “We can’t do this anymore. It’s over.”

She opens her eyes, but she cannot meet Stormywing’s eyes. She only begins to back away, gaze on the pebbles that crunch and sift beneath her paws. “Goodbye,” she says, and the word is torn from her, a piece of flesh still raw and bleeding into the riverwater. She doesn’t want to say goodbye. She doesn’t want to give up the mountains—she wants to go back, back, she wishes she’d stayed where pine needles blossomed around them, where the moon was full and rich and painted her lover’s eyes with silver fire.

But she can’t. There’s no going back—the kits in her belly have sealed their fates.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Iciclekit . Iciclepaw . Iciclefang, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — 20 moons old, ages realistically on the 17th.
  — mentored by Smokestar ; mentoring Cicadapaw ; previously mentored n/a
  — riverclan lead warrior. mudpelt x icesparkle, gen 2.
  — currently mated to Stormywing.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh tortoiseshell and white she-cat with ice-blue eyes. confident, capable, proud, dry, conceited, condescending, distrustful.
  
  

​

 

[STORMYWING]

☁︎

Iciclefang closes her eyes, and the tabby wants to scream, Look at me! Because is they meet eyes again, maybe Icy will forget about all of this and they can go back to how things were. Maybe she can win her back. Because it doesn't feel final. None of this feels final. Her outstretched paw meets nothing as her love moves away, and her limb is drawn back to her chest in recoil. Her face is twisted in anguish as that one word beats like rain down on her ears.

Goodbye.

She has to get it together. Stormywing is suddenly hyper-aware of how she must look, desperate and messy and stupid. She takes an uneasy step back, watery yellow eyes dropping as if to search the sand beneath her paws. She needs to calm down, but it's hard to when she knows the last chance she might ever get to touch her has slipped away. Her legs tremble as she considers bounding after her, to embrace her one more time, breathe in her scent so she can commit it to memory better. But she does none of that, because the pain on Iciclefang's face keeps her planted to her spot on the shore, heart shattering with every fox-length put between them.

Goodbye, Is what she should say now. But instead, the only words that leave her jaws are, "Iciclefang, wait." But the tortoiseshell does not wait. Stormywing is left standing alone on that shore where they'd shared nights together, curled up on the Sunningrocks. Except this time, there is no future meeting to look forward to.

I WANNA TASTE LOVE AND PAIN ☁︎​

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