persona non grata // scorchstreak

[sunlitpaw]

Scorchstreak was a cat Sunlitpaw had a range of feelings over; an ever-present figure throughout the apprentice's life. As a kitten, the calico had been an intimidating presence. Sunlitpaw wonders, now, how much of that was in-hand with how she served Sootstar so closely and how much the young Sunlitkit did not like Sootstar. As a kitten, Scorchstreak's legacy daughter had been a kitsitter of sorts once or twice, had showed her bugs on the outside of the tunnels. Only once the rebellion started to swell did Scorchstreak catch the fresh apprentice's attention, had shattered the wall of fear and hesitation when she had done what Sunlitpaw had not expected her to and had sided with their father instead of Sootstar, the cat who had given her power and a name within WindClan to begin with. What was loyalty, to Scorchstreak? Was it her own ideals, her own sense of justice? If it was a loyalty to WindClan, why was it Sunstri- Sunstar's WindClan and not Sootstar's? The older molly had spoken to her gravely before about the importance of good friends. Perhaps it was because Sunstar was her friend, whereas Sootstar was just her Leader.

Sunlitpaw itched beneath the skin for the chance to pick apart Scorchstreak, to know what drove her paws forward in the face of the loss of one of her kits. The face of change, of everything about WindClan turning upside down and being chased from her home. But they would never dare to be brave enough to so forwardly ask why Scorchstreak had chosen to turn her back on the Leader she had sworn to follow, especially knowing the cost of such a decision. Maybe one day Sunlitpaw would be able to build up to such a personal question - but even outside of the events that had placed her at their father's side, Sunlitpaw admired Scorchstreak. Perhaps it wasn't all that hidden, certainly not as much as Sunlitpaw would like - the apprentice was quick to listen to Scorchstreak, quick to look to her for her thoughts. Afraid of approaching Wolfsong now, worried about burdening him even further with her own troubles, Sunlitpaw had started to gravitate toward the next strongest figure they could. They were an apprentice, they didn't need to be... in their dir's shadow anymore. Following his every pawstep and waiting for approval. Scorchstreak was limited with her kindness, which made it all the more rewarding when it was doled out.

They were worried about trying to corner Scorchstreak, though. They didn't want to interrupt whatever important thing the warrior had going on - she had an apprentice to train, a Leader to advise, a Clan full of hungry mouths to feed. "Um - Scorchstreak," the sun-warmed feline sat near one of the many entrances to the Clan's tunnels, hoping to catch her before she entered. Sunlitpaw didn't want to risk Pinkpaw potentionally being in tow coming out, or even interrupting training - Sunlitpaw had already sat idly by while the Lead Warrior passed by with her pupil in tow a sunrise ago. Sunlitpaw knew better than to chew too deeply into Scorchstreak's time, to risk what little respect or like that she might have for Sunlitpaw. "Can I uh, can I... ask you something?"

Sunlitpaw's voice lowers, suddenly finding it hard to hold Scorchstreak's gaze. Her eyes wander around nervously, tail flicking quickly behind her. "Scorchstreak," the apprentice murmurs, forcing themselves to look the calico in the eyes unblinkingly. The fidget of her paws and tail gave her nervousness away in spades, but Sunlitpaw did not flinch under Scorchstreak's gaze.

"What does it mean to be brave?"
​

𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦, ———— 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙚.

• @SCORCHSTREAK​

• 

• 

  ₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾

  sunlitpaw

  
  

  — they / she, moor-runner apprentice of windclan. mentored by foxglare
  — a large yet timid chocolate tabby-tortoiseshell with spring green eyes
  — sunstar x wolfsong, sibling to rivepaw, bearpaw, singedpaw, & featherpaw
  — full length tags
  — penned by izanami, contact on discord @nullmoons for plots or threads :)

  ​

 

[SCORCHSTAR]

༄༄ The days since Sootstar’s death have passed by in a blur of activity. Scorchstreak rarely rests, her paws driven by a need to remain active, to pull her own weight as well as the weight of her clanmates. With WindClan still recovering from their final battle, as well as a sudden influx of kits, she knows that there is slack to be picked up. As a lead warrior once again, it falls to her to do as she has always done—her duty. She only recently came back to camp from a training session with Pinkpaw, but the calico is returning to the tunnels when she is interrupted by Sunlitpaw. "Ah, Sunlitpaw," she greets plainly, with a dip of her dappled head. Sunstar and Wolfsong’s kit seems nervous, unable to meet her eyes, and Scorchstreak is about to ask what they need before Sunlitpaw speaks up again.

The apprentice asks whether she can ask something, and the tunneler nods. Her curiosity has been piqued—she’s been concerned over the younger WindClanner’s behavior following the final battle against Sootstar’s warriors, especially after finding them patching up the gorse wall. She’d asked her sibling if they were also concerned, and it seems that Rattleheart does share her worry for the apprentice. So she finds that answering one of Sunlitpaw’s questions will be more than worth the time it will take out of her patrolling. "Of course you can. I wasn’t doing anything important." A lie, but an admissible one—in her eyes, Sunlitpaw is deserving of her time. She does not want to make them feel as though they are pulling her away from something dire.

The tabby-striped apprentice asks her question, and Scorchstreak’s scarred brow raises. It is an interesting question, she thinks, and one that she has never been asked before. She has never thought of herself as particularly brave, so she is unsure how to respond, but she can make an attempt. "To be brave? Well… I’m not certain. I think it depends on who you ask. Bravery is… not always straightforward." Her head tilts to the side, her sore neck twinging as she stretches it out. She settles onto her haunches, tail curling around her mismatched forepaws. "Sometimes bravery is standing resolute against danger. Sometimes bravery is running away, even if it feels cowardly. Your father is exceptionally brave—he pushed back against Sootstar, even when he knew what could happen to him. Then he retreated, because he didn’t want to see more WindClanners killed." Her thoughts shift to Larkfeather and Lilacstem, and golden eyes narrow once again. Sunstar could have attempted to end Sootstar right then and there, but doing so may have cost more lives than just two.​

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[sunlitpaw]

Scorchstreak slows her movements, stops to humor Sunlitpaw in conversation and suddenly the apprentice is stricken with a horrible stage fright. They shuffle their weight from paw to paw, ears flicking as they catch each word from the Lead Warrior with an almost critical clarity. Scorchstreak states she's doing nothing important, but Sunlitpaw has their doubts - not that she would ever dare to challenge such a notion aloud. Scorchstreak's leisure time seemed few and between, although Sunlitpaw didn't exactly have their eyes fixed on her at all times. Though... Sunlitpaw would likely feel worse to interrupt Scorchstreak's personal time than catch her between shifts. Her ears flick back, trying to shake off a rising discomfort that maybe this whole exchange was actually a mistake.

"I'm not certain," Scorchstreak starts, as though she isn't one of WindClan's bravest cats. They aren't brave enough to challenge that notion either, but it swiftly turns that Sunlitpaw doesn't even need to humor the idea. Not straightforward... the idea piques Sunlitpaw's curiosity intensely. Bravery, chivalry, nobility, they had always been extremely cut and dry concepts to them as a kitten listening to tales of heroes and villains in stories spun to her. No one in the stories of kithood had been brave for running away, but Sunlitpaw is nowhere near foolish enough to believe her father isn't a storytime hero himself. "Right..." they murmur, nodding their head in compliant agreeance. Sunlitpaw stretches her back, attempting to mirror Scorchstreak's posture. Her feathered tail sweeps around her paws, and they take the opportunity to churn the soil with their claws now that they were concealed.

"So, uh... what is being cowardly?" Sunlitpaw knows they will regret asking this. Their skin prickles, having to make an active effort to keep the fur along their spine from bristling at the idea of hearing Scorchstreak talk down to her - whether the tortoiseshell realized it or not. Green eyes flit around like ferns in the wind, but they're finally able to settle on Scorchstreak's face. Not quite her eyes - Sunlitpaw studies the scars crossing her eye instead. "What... what would you do... if one of your kits was a coward?" Oh, this conversation could never leave the two of them. Sunlitpaw's stomach feels ill, bile itching the base of her throat.
​

𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦, ———— 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙚.

• 

• 

  ₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾

  sunlitpaw

  
  

  — they / she, moor-runner apprentice of windclan. mentored by foxglare
  — a large yet timid chocolate tabby-tortoiseshell with spring green eyes
  — sunstar x wolfsong, sibling to rivepaw, bearpaw, singedpaw, & featherpaw
  — full length tags
  — penned by izanami, contact on discord @nullmoons for plots or threads :)

  ​

 

[SCORCHSTAR]

༄༄ Nervousness still bleeds from Sunlitpaw’s presence like an open wound as they ask their next question, earning a continued searching gaze from the tunneler. Uncertainty seems a plague to the apprentice, and it falls to Scorchstreak to attempt to remedy it. "Cowardice? It seems simple, doesn’t it? Running away, hiding while others fight or risk their lives?" Fiery eyes settle directly on Sunlitpaw, searching. Is this somehow more personal a question than the previous one? Should she choose her words carefully, or instead be as honest as the younger cat deserves? Sunlitpaw is clearly more delicate an apprentice than Pinkpaw, who her blunt words seem to roll right off the back of. "I wish that was the case. Being cowardly isn’t always running. Sometimes being cowardly is standing up for something that you know is wrong, just because you’re too afraid to face that you might have made a mistake. Of course, it’s a lot of things, but that… seems most relevant." It’s me, I am a coward, she wants to say, but now is not the time for self-deprecation.

The hypothetical question catches her off guard—she blinks once, posture going stiff. "One of my kits was a coward—or at least, I thought him a coward at he time. I killed him." The admission comes just as easy as it ever has, falling from her maw like leaves from a tree. There is no use pretending that Dappledsun never existed, no point in lying about his fate. She had once wielded it as a threat—to her clanmates, to her enemies, to her own kits. I took the life of my son, and I am not afraid to take yours if you cross me. Now, it is a houlder of guilt that weighs heavy in her stomach. "Now, I understand that he was brave after all; he stood up to Sootstar before I came to my senses. If I could bring him back…" Her voice fills with emotion for a moment before cutting off entirely. Her teeth grind together, gaze going sharp. "He didn’t deserve it, is what I’m saying. Cowardice is in the eye of the beholder—however the saying goes—and it should not be a deciding factor between life or death." Do her words make any sense at all? She can’t tell, feeling a bit backed into a corner. Her reasoning is not so simple, even to herself. She can only hope that the younger WindClanner understands what she means to say.

Shifting somewhat uncomfortably, the lead warrior flicks her tail in question. "Surely there is a reason for the questions. Care to share?" She will not press, but a careful curiosity is clear in golden eyes.​

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[sunlitpaw]

Scorchstreak has no issue meeting Sunlitpaw's gaze when it skirts across her face, and it almost saps the nerves right out from the apprentice's paws. Their posture tenses when the Lead Warrior begins to speak, because it's exactly what Sunlitpaw had worried about it being. It seems simple... of course, surely it does. There were such simple criteria for a lack of worthiness. Running, hiding, taking yourself out of danger while others put themselves in it. Sunlitpaw feels ill. That is exactly what they've done before, and exactly what they fear they might do again one day. Sunlitpaw forces their head down and back up, a stiff nod of agreement. "Yeah..." they mumble another agreeance, upset even further that they don't even have the courage to dare say their thoughts on the topic. Sunlitpaw's eyes sting furiously, but Sunlitpaw does not blink. They know that the water pooling the corner of their eyes would fall if they broke the tension holding them back. The muscles in their shoulders are so tight the strain almost hurts, but it keeps their breathing steady enough to not seem quite so obviously decaying in front of Scorchstreak.

Sunlitpaw sniffles, a blockage of their nose they cannot help and try to clear quickly, and thankfully Scorchstreak fills the painful silence with words. It was only a few heartbeats, and yet it felt so terribly, unbearably long. Scorchstreak corrects the previous statement, but Sunlitpaw doesn't take the words with grace. Shame sinks into their skin next, for reacting to something so little so harshly. For rushing ahead, jumping into conclusions. Sunlitpaw lifts a paw, trying to keep the shaking from showing, and runs their tongue over the fur. They swipe their paw across their face, wiping away the unshed tears in a way that wasn't quite so obvious. Stars above, Sunlitpaw hoped it wasn't too obvious. Scorchstreak mentions her kits, and Sunlitpaw freezes up - she expects it to be one of her current kits, surely it had to be Rumblerain since he fled with the rest of Sootstar's loyalists, and -

I killed him.

Sunlitpaw's composure cracks again, but this time they're sent reeling from shock. Their jaw does not drop, nor do they jump up or bristle at the words; Sunlitpaw expresses their surprise with wide eyes and a sequence of three blinks, quietly listening to the rest of what Scorchstreak had to say. No, this is no longer about her most recent litter - Sunlitpaw is surprised to learn Scorchstreak had other kits before them. Their mind flits briefly to Sunstar, images of being faced with the claws of their own father. What reason would ever put them there? Scorchstreak mentions that her sun had stood up against Sootstar, and the pieces slowly shift into place for the apprentice. Scorchstreak carries on her thought as though mentioning her kit's death wasn't a large piece of news, and the apprentice blinks rapidly again as they comprehend what has been said to them. Sunlitpaw is not particularly sharp with their words, and for as introspective as they are, unraveling their feelings and where they come from is a challenge larger than climbing a mountain at times. But Sunlitpaw can grasp at a deeper meaning in Scorchstreak's stories and words.

Cowardice isn't a fear of dying, it's a failure of their morals.

Of course, that still made Sunlitpaw a coward - Scorchstreak's son had stood up for his beliefs, while Sunlitpaw shivered and hid when faced with having to defend them. But... but maybe it didn't always have to be that. Scorchstreak... used herself, as an example. Scorchstreak considered herself a coward for blindly following Sootstar, and had done things she couldn't ever fully atone for. Sunlitpaw scrunches their eyebrows, toys with the soil between their paws hidden by their tail. "Is it normal, to be afraid?" They ask quietly. "How do you be not afraid?" Sunlitpaw's ears flick back as they ask, off the heels of Scorchstreak's second to last comment. There was certainly a reason, but Sunlitpaw wasn't ready to reveal their cards.

"Care to share?"

Sunlitpaw's breath hitches. This wasn't a question Sunlitpaw had been expecting, at all, when cornering the tortoiseshell for a conversation. They should've seen this coming, and swiftly at that, when Scorchstreak correctly assumed that Sunlitpaw's line of questioning didn't stem from sheer curiosity. Their paws stall when asked, canine teeth poking out between their lips to nip nervously at their bottom lip before hiding away again. Sunlitpaw was not a liar. They were a coward sometimes, but they were not a liar. So, maybe, those cancelled each other out a little bit.

"I... uh... yeah..." Sunlitpaw's heart begins to rabbit kick against their chest. What if Sunlitpaw was different? What if they'd done something wrong, something bad, something worse? "I... failed my Dad - ah, Ssssunstar, I mean... I.... I hid. And. Didn't fight, when... when Rivepaw and Featherpaw hurt themselves fighting for what was right. I hid. I hid, when Bearpaw was almost killed and saved by- by Wolfsong." The tears hid earlier they do not even bother to shy away from this time - there was not even an ounce of chance that they would be able to bite them back again, unburdening all of their failures. "I was so scared, I didn't want to die, I wasn't... I didn't..." But further words don't come forward, no excuse falls from their tongue. Sunlitpaw hides teary eyes away, ears flattening. They expect words to be worse than a firm smack would be.
​

𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦, ———— 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙚.

• 

• 
  

  

  ₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾

  sunlitpaw

  
  

  — they / she, 8 moon old moor-runner apprentice of windclan. mentored by foxglare
  — a large yet timid chocolate tabby-tortoiseshell with spring green eyes
  — sunstar x wolfsong, sibling to rivepaw, bearpaw, singedpaw, & featherpaw
  — full length biography
  — penned by izanami, contact on discord @nullmoons for plots or threads :)

  ​

 

[SCORCHSTAR]

༄༄ The apprentice does not seem comforted by her first statement; she is expecting such a reaction, however. Their small sniffle concerns her, but they seem to collect themself rather quickly by sweeping a pale paw across their face. Their reaction to her guilt-laden admission is worse, at first. Sunlitpaw seems locked in place, stunned silent for a few heartbeats. The circumstances of Dappledsun’s death always seem to shock her clanmates, and until recently Scorchstreak did not understand why. Now, she wears her mistake with bare honesty. She no longer holds it above others as a threat, but as a reminder. She was a coward—is a coward, and she works every day to fix what she had broken. Of course, Sunlitpaw is not broken, even if it appears they are hit hard by her statement.

The younger cat’s ensuing questions will go unanswered for the time being; perhaps Scorchstreak will have answers for them later on. But first, she must rectify their concerning response to her own questioning. "No, Sunlitpaw," she says, her voice gentle but serious. The tone of her words is a firm guiding paw, but with claws carefully sheathed. Sunlitpaw does not need harshness right now, does not need scolding. They need reassurance, and although the calico is not the best to offer it, she is the one who is tasked with doing so. She wishes that she were not the one to confront such a complex matter, but she cares for them, so it falls to her.

The calico’s tail lashes, and she gives the younger feline a no-nonsense look. "You did nothing wrong. You aren’t a coward. You didn’t fail anyone, least of all Sunstar." She knows that there is a hidden sort of tension between the two, a clear distance between father and child, but Scorchstreak could only guess where it had come from. Now the reasoning becomes a bit more clear, and understanding brightens golden eyes. She can see why Sunlitpaw would fear failure—they are not only the leader’s kit, but also the medicine cat’s. The weight of expectation must sit heavily upon them, the pressure of stares at their back must prickle at their hackles. Scorchstreak cannot remember feeling as though she had to live up to any legacy, but she wonders if her own kits have ever felt the same. Being the kit of two high-ranking members of the clan must not be easy.

"It is better for you to hide than for you to die fighting against an enemy you weren’t ready to fight." She hopes that the apprentice takes her words to heart. This is not Sootstar’s WindClan, and it has not been for months now. There is no need for apprentices to throw themselves into battles that they may not win. The clan needs no more losses than they have already suffered. "Your parents would be devastated if they lost you in a fight against Sootstar and her warriors." She can only imagine the grief—had seen it closely enough in their faces when Rivepaw had come so close to being killed in the first fight.​

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