- Dec 21, 2023
- 124
- 34
- 28
A nest is empty in the warriors' den tonight as a lone warrior excuses herself to the camp's guard. Her heart is heavy with sin, her mind muddied with guilt. Sleep does not come easy to Badgerstripe; it is easy to see why the molly is a dead cat walking, a husk of a bright former self that has not been seen in many moons. She has suffered greatly, and.. it does not let up.
Somewhere outside the camp walls, far enough that those sleeping might not hear, the tortoiseshell crouches down and brings a paw to her mouth. Her body shakes and heaves with heavy sobs that her paw can just barely stifle - it is only a matter of time before her sorrow spills over any attempts to remain discreet. Far too much time has passed since Badgerstripe had been a noble apprentice, ruined by the selfishness of her own actions and the death she had caused.. now her old friends, partners in her crime, were moving forward with their lives, making amends and building bonds while she was stuck in time, still hardly able to see herself as anything but a murderer, an outcast, a prime example of what a ThunderClan warrior should not be. As each cry racks her frail, unkept body, she wonders - how much despair must she endure until her forgiveness is earned?
It seems Badgerstripe is never truly, physically alone - not even in her most vulnerable moments. She is already wiping her tears and sniffling by the time another cat's tail brushes against her flank in a gentle, comforting stroke. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the blur of white perched next to her. An instinctive fury breeches through the sadness of her expression, furrowing her brows and tightening the frown on her face, but only for a moment before that sliver of energy is all but spent. "Not you," is all that she can muster with a strained voice through a tightened, sob-ridden throat.
Her, why was it always her? ThunderClan's supposed saviour as she thinks herself, not verbally spoken but expressed through her actions and behaviors. It has sickened Badgerstripe terribly to see the rogue blend to easily into their ranks, to be the perfect cat that Badgerstripe always dreamed of being.. and fell short. "I've already told you, I - I don't need your h - help.." Her denial has not even half the energy of her previous scuffles with the white-furred molly - as expected, she does not budge. Badgerstripe sniffs again, wipes her eyes once more, and then turns her head to see Thundergleam's empathy-creased face. "I don't - don't want help.." the warrior insists again. She could get better on her own.. only in a matter of time, right? Maybe - maybe she didn't need to get better at all. ThunderClan was the problem, not her.. right?
Exhausted by these tried and failed thoughts. Badgerstripe cannot fool herself anymore. Even as she fervently denies Thundergleam's advances to aid her, tears well up in her green eyes once more. Stars, damn it all, she thinks, defeatedly, while her teeth pinch the inside of her cheeks to fight back another sob. She eyes the Saviour with defiance and hatred.. but it is clear now that her act of strength is a ruse, only a mere kind word away from crumbling completely.
Somewhere outside the camp walls, far enough that those sleeping might not hear, the tortoiseshell crouches down and brings a paw to her mouth. Her body shakes and heaves with heavy sobs that her paw can just barely stifle - it is only a matter of time before her sorrow spills over any attempts to remain discreet. Far too much time has passed since Badgerstripe had been a noble apprentice, ruined by the selfishness of her own actions and the death she had caused.. now her old friends, partners in her crime, were moving forward with their lives, making amends and building bonds while she was stuck in time, still hardly able to see herself as anything but a murderer, an outcast, a prime example of what a ThunderClan warrior should not be. As each cry racks her frail, unkept body, she wonders - how much despair must she endure until her forgiveness is earned?
It seems Badgerstripe is never truly, physically alone - not even in her most vulnerable moments. She is already wiping her tears and sniffling by the time another cat's tail brushes against her flank in a gentle, comforting stroke. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the blur of white perched next to her. An instinctive fury breeches through the sadness of her expression, furrowing her brows and tightening the frown on her face, but only for a moment before that sliver of energy is all but spent. "Not you," is all that she can muster with a strained voice through a tightened, sob-ridden throat.
Her, why was it always her? ThunderClan's supposed saviour as she thinks herself, not verbally spoken but expressed through her actions and behaviors. It has sickened Badgerstripe terribly to see the rogue blend to easily into their ranks, to be the perfect cat that Badgerstripe always dreamed of being.. and fell short. "I've already told you, I - I don't need your h - help.." Her denial has not even half the energy of her previous scuffles with the white-furred molly - as expected, she does not budge. Badgerstripe sniffs again, wipes her eyes once more, and then turns her head to see Thundergleam's empathy-creased face. "I don't - don't want help.." the warrior insists again. She could get better on her own.. only in a matter of time, right? Maybe - maybe she didn't need to get better at all. ThunderClan was the problem, not her.. right?
Exhausted by these tried and failed thoughts. Badgerstripe cannot fool herself anymore. Even as she fervently denies Thundergleam's advances to aid her, tears well up in her green eyes once more. Stars, damn it all, she thinks, defeatedly, while her teeth pinch the inside of her cheeks to fight back another sob. She eyes the Saviour with defiance and hatred.. but it is clear now that her act of strength is a ruse, only a mere kind word away from crumbling completely.
┌── ooc
⋆⋅☾⋅⋆
info ──┐
-
speech is #c9b177
-
-
BADGERSTRIPE ✩ warrior of thunderclan
⭃ she/her ━ afab ━ 16 moons
⭃ a blue tortoiseshell with a black dorsal stripe and a white ear.
⭃ penned by ixora ↛ @.ixora on discord, feel free to dm for plots.