- Sep 21, 2022
- 232
- 22
- 18
He was not well. He was stressed, scared. It was almost time.... And all he felt was terror of the unknown. He pressed his face into the mossy bed that Starlingheart had told him to rest in, away from her kits, to his relief, and away from others so he did not pass this illness on.
But something new was gnawing at him tonight. He gripped moss in his claws as tears unwillingly fell from his eyes and absorbed into the moss.
I'm so alone, I want someone to hold me. I don't want to be alone, I want to hide into someone's fur. I want to feel close to someone. I want someone to tell me everything will be okay.
His inner voice wailed in sorrow, words he never thought he'd think. He WANTED company. He WANTED comfort. WANTED to be loved so IMMENSELY in this moment, he didn't know what to do.
He was well aware how it was his pregnancy doing this to him, and yet he couldn't calm himself with the voice of reason. These feelings were just so POWERFUL at this moment that it drowned out everything else.
This is my fault anyway because I always pushed cats away. I did this to myself and I deserve it. I deserve all of this. I should have known better.
Tears never flowed from his eyes as much as they did now. He forced himself to keep quiet, he didn't want to disturb anyone with these temporarily heightened emotions. Tomorrow it will be as if it never happened at all, surely.
All he had to do was weather the storm. Ride out this episode and carry on as always. It's fine. Everything is fine.
He could tell himself this as much as he liked, and yet it seemed to worsen things. He would argue with himself time and time again over how this will affect the kits and himself if he doesn't calm down and yet he couldn't reel in his emotions.
Eventually his mind would tire and clarity would come with the exhaustion, and he would fall asleep in his corner.
And when he wakes, he will feel the same hollow ache in his heart that has haunted him since Poppypaw's death.
But something new was gnawing at him tonight. He gripped moss in his claws as tears unwillingly fell from his eyes and absorbed into the moss.
I'm so alone, I want someone to hold me. I don't want to be alone, I want to hide into someone's fur. I want to feel close to someone. I want someone to tell me everything will be okay.
His inner voice wailed in sorrow, words he never thought he'd think. He WANTED company. He WANTED comfort. WANTED to be loved so IMMENSELY in this moment, he didn't know what to do.
He was well aware how it was his pregnancy doing this to him, and yet he couldn't calm himself with the voice of reason. These feelings were just so POWERFUL at this moment that it drowned out everything else.
This is my fault anyway because I always pushed cats away. I did this to myself and I deserve it. I deserve all of this. I should have known better.
Tears never flowed from his eyes as much as they did now. He forced himself to keep quiet, he didn't want to disturb anyone with these temporarily heightened emotions. Tomorrow it will be as if it never happened at all, surely.
All he had to do was weather the storm. Ride out this episode and carry on as always. It's fine. Everything is fine.
He could tell himself this as much as he liked, and yet it seemed to worsen things. He would argue with himself time and time again over how this will affect the kits and himself if he doesn't calm down and yet he couldn't reel in his emotions.
Eventually his mind would tire and clarity would come with the exhaustion, and he would fall asleep in his corner.
And when he wakes, he will feel the same hollow ache in his heart that has haunted him since Poppypaw's death.