pafp quiet water &! questions and prompt

[GHOSTPAW]

He doesn't know anyone whose grown up quicker than Starlingheart.

So he finds her to ask her how. How did she slip so easily into what she was given? How did she... think like a warrior? Maybe she's a medicine cat, but she's still more a warrior than him. She knew things no one else knew, as the medicine cat and as... her, he thinks. Silently, he breathes relief in her position. A friend in the den. Had the medicine cat still been Bonejaw, he'd never know...

" Starlingheart...? " Spotting the molly in the clearing, he'd pad toward her. The twitch of his tail tip the only sign of anxiousness. He misses her. misses sharing a den with her. But that was so long ago, now... Granitepaw was lucky. " Could I ask you... " he trails off, lips dry. Traitorous eyes flicker all around camp, as if overhearing him would be something to fear. And perhaps it was. No– it was. Distantly, he sees the stony pelt of Granitepaw. He didn't like it when Ghostpaw spoke, after all.

" Does... does StarClan watch all of us, or is it only you...? " he mumbles the question, eyes wearily expectant. Did they whisper to her every night? Perhaps Ghostpaw had been missing them all his life. Perhaps, that's why... " Did they help you... grow up? " A potential root, potential cause. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe, if he stayed with her... " Will they help... All of us...? "

[ @STARLINGHEART . Hope Springs Eternal: optimism, anticipation, faith, future orientation. ] ​

 

[Starlingheart]

Starlingheart is grooming her own pelt in the small patch of sunlight that filters through the pines, pooling in their camp. It feels good to feel the warmth heat up her dark fur. She can feel herself filling out more finally. Consistent prey was making her ribs stand out less, at least, and her pelt was starting to look healthy again. The perks of new-leaf, the perks of finally having enough to eat and fill her belly. She is licking her paw and drawing it over one ear when Ghostpaw approaches her. She pauses in her grooming as he says her name, looks up at him with her round green eyes as she awaits whatever question is on his mind.

"Th- they watch o-over all of- all of us, of-of course" The words are said with so much certainty. She does not doubt that they are untrue, not even for a second. To doubt would be to admit that ShadowClan had been forgotten, and Starlingheart would not believe that. "I just- I'm like the uh the mess-messenger" they would tell her what she needed to know and she would pass it along to the others, it is what she was here for, to interpret their signs and their will. 'Did they help you grow up?' This question is harder to answer. Starlingheart doesn't know exactly when she had grown up.

She holds a paw out in front of her and looks down at it for a long moment. It's been a long time since she had thought about her age, how young she had been when first passed the mantle. And now she was about to be the same age that most cats were when they received their warrior names. She had been made to watch her peers enjoy their childhood without her. She was on a different level than them, she had been forced to grow up before she had been ready, to take on a responsibility no apprentice should have to bare and only because she was the only one who could.

She closes her eyes and let out a soft sigh. "I-I guess in a uh a way they d-did" she admits quietly, eyes opening "Wh-when my mother gave me my uh my medicine cat n-name that's when I uh- when I knew I had to- I had to be g-g-grown. F-for-for the Clan." it had been hard, to act like a grown-up in a child's body. She remembers long nights spent weeping over the life she had lost, the apprentice she had never gotten to be. The one she never would be again. But still, she finds it in herself to smile gently at Ghostpaw. She wonders what had prompted this line of questioning, what had him looking so worried.

"St-starclan cannot- cannot control us- what we uh do" they were their own cats, making their own choices and not puppets of the stars after all. "B-but they do- they do look out for us and- and I'm sure they uh they want t-to help however they-they can" they could guide their paws from the stars but they could not force them onto any paths that they did not wish to walk themselves.

// sorry this got so long ;-;

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[GHOSTPAW]

She is steady... Certain, despite her disposition. Or maybe because of it. Ghostpaw doesn't know. But the claim relaxes tense shoulders and pull eyes askance back to their friend. " ... Even now? " he asks, and he looks to the sky. There weren't quite stars... Not yet. But just barely, he can see the beginnings of snowy specks within the deepening sky. If they stuck for even the most boring of moments, surely they'd be there for his ceremony?

He was watched and cared for no matter what. No matter who he was. She was a messenger, not a one way gate. But even then, Ghostpaw can't help but harbor the tiniest twinge of envy. It sounds nice, to just know. To not have to ask someone else like he was... " That sounds nice, " he says honestly, head swaying slightly as he speaks. A friend who always listened. But StarClan would be a whole bunch of friends, wouldn't they?

It was a stupid thing to think about.

His eyes follow her paw, suddenly held ahead of her. She closes her eyes, and for a moment, Ghostpaw thinks she must be sad.

He leans in for the answer, and it is sad. Sadness brought by Bonejaw, again. No good, no good... A bias formed young, and one that's never changed.The slightest of frowns twitch upon his face. He nods, though, feeling like he understands. He has to be grown for the clan. He can't be... gullible.

They look out for us. Again, he'd like to glimpse the sky. Are you looking, now?

Slowly, he blinks. " You do... good, " Earnestly, he says. She's changed, and he didn't get to see much of it. He wishes he could change it. " I'm... gonna be like you. "​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

---

there is a certain bit of bitterness that finds itself upon their tongue at the very mention of starclan. time and time again, starclan has only proven themselves to hate shadowclan, constantly cascading hardships and angst upon their very lands, making it nearly impossible to live without some sort of heartache within them. they had not known how much starclan didn't control, but what they believed that starclan didn't care for them. they said they did, but how much of that was true. they listen idly to the conversation between ghostpaw and starlingheart, only rolling their eyes. what an idiotic thing. starclan may have watched over shadowclan, but it was to laugh as they all suffered. what had starclan ever truly done for them? they know the starred cats are up there, but there is a bit of resentment that will always linger. help us? yeah fucking right.

they think, but they say nothing. they won't ruin this for the oh so optimistic starlightheart.
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[Starlingheart]

When she is finished speaking she looks to Ghostpaw again, studies his face and is glad to find that he had taken her seriously. He wouldn't mock her for her belief like some of her other Clanmate's would. They don't trust her or the stars to guide their paws, she knows that. They don't take her seriously sometimes, not with these matters. But what can she do except hold fast in her hope? Her mother was up there, her father, her brother. Cats she had loved and that had been taken from her. She had to believe that they didn't want anything bad to happen to them, to her. "Even now" she confirms with a nod of her head. They wanted ShadowClan to succeed, she knows that. But some things are not in their starry paws.

His next words surprise her, take her aback. He says that she's good, that he wants to be like her. She had never had a cat look up to her like that, not that she knew of anyways. The idea that someone believes in her, no matter who, makes her feel like it has all been worth it. The heartbreak, the hardships, all of it. "Th-thank you for- thank you for saying that Gh-ghostpaw" she says quietly, touched. "I think- I think you're good too" and it was true. He had been nothing but nice to her since they had been kits. Had comforted her when she had needed it in the nursery, albeit through his own strange way. 'Hold your breath Starlingkit, or you'll... get sick too..' she remembers him saying, protecting her.

He had always looked out for her.

Her eyes slide to see Chilledgaze, and though they don't say anything, she can tell they had been listening. She is unsure of what Chilledstar was thinking of in that moment but she still offers them a small smile, encouraging and warm. Despite what she may think of them she cares about each and every one of her clanmates. Them included.

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